I have a friend and she is a kind and gentle person, sometimes I feel as if she is too kind for the likes of me. I like her a lot because she cools me down and makes me more patient especially with people I don't like. Instead of telling someone off or kicking their Ive learned to turn a blind eye. I really like her for all the positive influence she's had on me... yet I can't really stand her.

Since the beginning of our friendship she's has always talked about herself. Our conversations are only about her and her life. Honestly sometimes her problems are difficult and yeah I am a good friend and offer advice. But usually her problems are trivial, dramatic bull. Every time I see her she always has some new problem to tell me about. Then after an hour of that story she'll backtrack to every single problem in the past and everyone who has done her wrong. I can't help but to think maybe that's why people are mean to her.

This goes on for many hours and I hardly get in anything about me. No matter how much I try to steer the converasation to something silly or maybe... I don't know.. me! This never works because she will always relate it to that one thing that happened to her and blah blah blah she told me about it at leats six times within this hour enough!

She also always talks about how hot she is and tells me stories of how hot everyone thinks she is. She is a pretty girl and I am not jealous, I just can't even share a little stories of guys hitting on me without her having to interrupt me and start with her other stories which I've already heard... maybe ten times yesterday. I'm not kidding.

I am an honest person, I will always try to be honest with everyone, but not in a brutal way. I have manners. Every time I try to offer real advice about her problems she gets really offended and it just gets awkward and I have to apologies to her. I just don't feel like a friend or a real person in fact I feel like an ear and a shoulder. I don't mind helping her out with anything, but she won't even listen to my advice to begin with! Maybe she just wants someone to listen to her? I'm not really sure!

I've never said anything to anyone about this. But when she starts to talk about herself I do notice the face people make around her. I usually notice her friends start to ignore her right away and go on with their original conversation. But then she'll turn to me.

I don't know what to do and even if I do confront her I know for a fact she'll get really angry at me and won't talk to me again.

She is very kind person. She's the type that will bake you a cake on your birthday and buy you things randomly when you don't expect anything. On my birthday she baked me a cake but we spent the entire evening talking about her and her only. Even my friends noticed.

I've noticed she does this in order to win friends or guys over. She doesn't say it exactly but she will say something along the lines of... "I baked a aweosme cake for his birthday. He should want to be my boyfriend. How many girls go through the touble of baking hm a cake and dressing up really nice so he can act like nothing! I dont deserve this! Blah blah blah." And she'll go on and on for days about that incident. I will never hear the end of it! And on top of that she dresses slutty and wonders why ugly guys hit on her and cute guys only want her for sex. I agree it shouldn't have to be that way but to me it just seems like she wants attention.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

From the sounds of it and what your saying it may be best to go with the reality check and be honest with her. If you lose her as a friend then are you really worse off if your miserable now ? Really only you can decide that. A friend will tell you something is OK. A good friend will tell you like it is and it may not be OK. Its your turn to decide what kind of friend you want to be. She may be popular but also she is empty if all she talks about is herself. Maybe write a letter to her and don't send it or give it to her but read it after and see if this is what you really want. Its time to examine your friendship and where it is going.

Friendships are all about give and take. Balance. Needs being met. When a friendship turns into one person being a conduit for anothers' insatiable needs, it is unbalanced.

It's really no different than a person who 'borrows' money for exampe. First it's $20 till payday, and the payday never comes. Then it's a ride here, a few cigarettes there, helping out with Christmas groceries, etc. the 'needing' never ends. Eventually you realize that the parts of the friendship you like, say, the conversation and jokes, don't equal what you are giving, and it is time to end the friendship.

With your friend, she offers obvious friend type things in a thoughtful, meaningful way, like birthday cakes and companionship, and in return, those crumbs are used to dump her otherwise obsessive need to talk about herself. You feel obligated, and tolerate the behaviour because, after all, she's a really sweet person.

While friendships come and go for a variety of reasons, friendships that you feel stuck in are usually the result of imbalance in my opinion. If you feel smothered, or frustrated, or angry at yourself for yet again loaning another $20, or allowing a person to talk your ear off endlessly about only herself because that is what she needs from you, it is probably time to end the friendship.

To her, she may think she is the best friend in the world to you, but is she someone that you feel a balanced friendship with?

When you really figure it out and keep the question, 'who's needs are being met' in mind, and decide to end the friendship, it is really liberating. I have done it myself with the person in the example I used. I didn't see the imbalance in things and that I was being used until it suddenly hit me that she wouldn't give me the time of day if I wasn't her personal shopping cart.

Be a little selfish in who you allow the gift of your friendship with.

Friendships are about reciprocity. Occasionally they may be one sided, but with good friendships they always tip the other way.

The sort of friendship you're describing is draining and not about reciprocity. I know because I've been there too - you come away feeling exhausted and burdened rather than feeling lighter.

Someone like your 'friend' doesn't change easily and can be very resistant to advice about herself (as you've noticed). She's developed the sorts of relationships she has because she gets what SHE needs out if them - trouble is, her friends don't get much at all!

Friendships should add value and joy to your life, not add stress. If you're continually not looking forward to seeing this person, then you know that the stress of seeing them is greater than the pleasure they add to your life.

Sometimes we simply have to cut the dead wood out of our lives. You can do it slowly over a period - see them less, be available for less time, focus on your other friendships and interests. There is nothing mean or bad about this, it's just a fact of life.

You can be reassured that she will, no doubt, very quickly find a willing ear to replace yours and a willing mouth to eat the cakes she bakes!

GAH I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I have a friend, she's very nice, she's funny, we have similar tastes.

But she always talks. Always. She talks about not liking to complain, then goes on complaining, how her life sucks and her parents are dumb and other dramatic bull. Or she calls me on the phone or skype or something, and keeps talking. On and on. Then all of the sudden she says, oh, got to go, nice talking to you. Like, it's not a conversations if 90% of the sound is coming out of your mouth, it's a lecture. I like to listen, but not that much.

She likes attention, and she hasn't got very good observation skills (mostly because she's focusing on herself). And it just frustrates me, and I don't know what to do.

Talk to her? Yup, done that. Multiple times. Emails. Phone calls (ends up turning the conversation into herself or she just stops talking and I talk and she one-lines me).

The best way, though, to approach that problem, I found (like, when she sends me email rants about something awful that happens) that cynisism was key, yet slowly starting with everyone has problems, and we don't always want to hear about it. Then, how you like things upfront, blunt, honest (well, at least I'm that way... ), and that's how you are. Then, add some bull phrases into there to soften up her fall.

At the end of the day, if you have good moments with her, but you are really pissed off with her most of the time, maybe you just want space. Maybe that space is permanent to a degree, so she isn't your best friend. High schools usually help with those problems.

You could also approach her with others?

My friend, she's just like that. And maybe your friend is just like that too. So, I don't know if there's anything I can do about my friend's unpleasantries, but if you can try some of the stuff I tried, go on. Let me know how they turned out too ;)