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View Full Version : I love her but she loves her ex


simrat
Jan 6, 2010, 11:56 AM
I'm in relationship with my girlfriend from 8 months, we were in same class for 2 years, I never talked with her in this whole time, but in the last year of our high school I asked for her Yahoo id, she gave me, then we started chatting, and we become good friends, I fall in love with her, but she was already in relationship with another guy, she always asked me for help to solve her and her boyfriend problems, they always fought, everyday every time, I never refused to help her, I always try to solve her problem with her boyfriend ( even I love her )... in December her boyfriend said her to stop talking to simrat, she said she will not but her boyfriend forced her boyfriend, she then said to me that she will not talk to me bcoz her boyfriend forcing her, so I said OK ( but actually I was crying )... after 2 days she made a new id and then started talking with me, her boyfriend doesn't know that, then in jan 2009 I proposed her, she said she is in relationship but if her relationship broked she will be with me... till then I'm her best friend, when her boyfriend came to know that, he forced her again to stop talking to me, and she leave me alone in April 2009, I missed her so much and I drinked a lot, but after 12 days she started again talking to me and said she can live without me, she missed me so much, and then she leaved her boyfriend bcoz her boyfriend was so possesive, in that time I came to know that she lost her virginity with her boyfriend in April, and she said she can't stop thinking about her boyfriend, in July I asked her for frndship, she said yes, but from then to today, she alwways thinking about him, the reason is she said she loved him and loosed her virginity with him, she can't forgot him, she also want to talk to him and sometime she talk to him on her mobile, she want to make him his friend, but I know its not good for our relationship, bcoz I know her ex will try to convince her to came back to him, she stopped saying " i luv u" to me, we also had very good and close time, but we never had an intercourse... just kissing, tell me what I can do, bcoz of this problem, I messed with depression, tension problems... im dying everyday, bcoz she seems very unhappy with me... tell me guys what to do..

Justwantfair
Jan 6, 2010, 12:02 PM
She has a boyfriend, point blank, end of story. It's not up to you to make sure it's a happy union.

You should have stayed out of this from the beginning. You do not propose to women that are your friends that you have never dated and is currently dating someone else.

I understand that you are hurting now because of where you are, but you have contributed every step of the way. When a male/female friendship becomes less than platonic for either party, there needs to be a separation.

Now your best bet is going to be to read all of the stickies at the beginning of the relationship forum, and to be strong, not just this girl's back up plan for when she may leave her boyfriend, as even then you will just be her rebound.

Hard times and a rough road, but you have to let go.

simrat
Jan 6, 2010, 12:11 PM
She previously said she loves me before I purposed her, when she told me she likes to be with me, she loves me then I purposed her... now I can't live without her, I love her a lot... it seems hard to leave her, bcoz everyday I met her she always said she needs me, she can't leave without me, bcoz there are some problems in her family ( financial ) so she said I'm the only one with her, that thing is stopping me to leave her, I love her more than anything, whenever I saw her face I melted and try to talk to her... im very very confused...

Justwantfair
Jan 6, 2010, 12:16 PM
There is nothing to be confused about, it is painful. It hurts, you feel like you are dying. It's also a process that you can learn from.

You say she has chosen you, but she hasn't, she has a boyfriend. You are nothing more than back up, that doesn't mean she doesn't care, but it does mean that you are not in a relationship with her and you have to handle your feelings for her.

simrat
Jan 6, 2010, 12:17 PM
p.s. I forgot to tell that she said she don't want to go back to her ex, I advised her that if she still love her then she can go back to him, bcoz if she is happy in that, I'm also happy, but she said she don't want to go, her boyfriend is very rude guy and he always lied about me to her, to split our frndship, he also used abusive language to her... thats why she said she don't want to go back to him...

Justwantfair
Jan 6, 2010, 12:19 PM
That is her choice to make, if she chooses to leave him, than it's a good thing, doesn't make your situation better.

She still has feelings to handle and her self-esteem to rebuild. In other words, even if she leaves him, you are still nothing more than a rebound.

simrat
Jan 6, 2010, 12:24 PM
So what should I do, leave her, or just become a good friend? V r in same college and in same class now...

Justwantfair
Jan 6, 2010, 12:28 PM
Leave her alone, worry about YOUR recovery.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship forum.