taylorpie
Dec 31, 2009, 01:03 PM
My mother has a serious mental illness, and she doesn't realize it. Her older sister has been diagnosed schizophrenic, and her older brother has to compulsively stir up drama. Her mother is a nutcase as well, and over the last six years (as I've grown into my twenties), I've noticed that my mother is seriously histrionic. Not the "beautiful thin oversexed" histrionic woman, but the other type - the overweight, martyr, "woe is me" histrionic.
She is constantly martyring and reminding me about how much she's done for me. She qualifies every accomplishment I've ever made with how she's helped ("My daughter has her degree! I totally let her stay with me and paid for her schooling so she could finish school, and now she's a great sociologist!" - she paid for two semesters of school, and drove me crazy in the process). As I've finally moved out and away from her, her histrionic behavior has grown worse and worse as she's realized that her stranglehold (i.e. brainwashing) has been released on me. Now, two years later, I recognize the full degree of her psychosis.
She can't have a five minute conversation without bringing up something that she's "the best" at ("I'm the best poker player you've ever seen!") or saying that any ailment she has is "the worst" ("the doctor said it was the worst bee sting he'd ever seen!" "The doctor said it was the worst case of carpel tunnel syndrome he'd ever seen." "The doctor said it was the worst toe break he'd ever seen!" - this is the same toe that she was walking on, and that I accidentally sat on. She didn't even notice I sat on it.) She's so hypochondriacal about every ailment that I don't even believe her when she tells me she's sit or hurt. Every time I talk to her, all she can talk about is how much she hates her job and she works so much. She typically works 8-10 hour days, but somehow during the conversation, it becomes a 12 hour day, and then 14 hours, and then 16 hours. She only works 3-4 days a week, but she can barely pay the bills. She complains about not being able to buy a house, but she's ruined her credit (and mine, but that's another story), so she can't buy a house or car without having to pay exorbitant amounts for it. Every thing with her is a sob story, and I've heard it so much and for so long that I can't even pretend to care anymore, because I realize that 95% of it is absolute crap. What's difficult is, 5% of it is truth, and I can never figure out which part is true and which part is histrionic "woe is me" crap.
Recently, she's friended me (and all of my friends) on Facebook... and then takes every opportunity to turn any comment I make into something about her. If I make a comment on her page that's anything other than "OMG YOU ARE THE BEST MOTHER EVER!" (which I would never say, because she's not great anymore), she gets personally affronted and pitches a histrionic fit. She wants to be constantly showered with praise and love and affection, and I just can't pretend to feel that way about her. I can't indulge her histrionic behavior anymore. I can't listen to her tell me or someone I know that she did something I know she didn't do. Her condition is only getting worse, and she is completely blind to the fact that she is crazy.
I've tried to gently tackle these issues with her individually, but she just goes nuts and calls me selfish and mean and vicious. I don't know what to do about this anymore. I've read on other forums that you have to just cut off contact with people with this type of personality disorder, but I'd like to try to talk to her about it before I cut off all contact. What can I do to talk to her about my issues with her? Can I just come out and say, "You're histrionic and you need help"? It's gotten so bad that I am happier not even speaking with her. Talking to her at all makes me stressed out and crazy. But I'm newly married and I eventually want to have children, and I think she would not handle being separated from her grandchildren. She would be a good grandmother (until they got old enough for her to brainwash them as well).
Help!
She is constantly martyring and reminding me about how much she's done for me. She qualifies every accomplishment I've ever made with how she's helped ("My daughter has her degree! I totally let her stay with me and paid for her schooling so she could finish school, and now she's a great sociologist!" - she paid for two semesters of school, and drove me crazy in the process). As I've finally moved out and away from her, her histrionic behavior has grown worse and worse as she's realized that her stranglehold (i.e. brainwashing) has been released on me. Now, two years later, I recognize the full degree of her psychosis.
She can't have a five minute conversation without bringing up something that she's "the best" at ("I'm the best poker player you've ever seen!") or saying that any ailment she has is "the worst" ("the doctor said it was the worst bee sting he'd ever seen!" "The doctor said it was the worst case of carpel tunnel syndrome he'd ever seen." "The doctor said it was the worst toe break he'd ever seen!" - this is the same toe that she was walking on, and that I accidentally sat on. She didn't even notice I sat on it.) She's so hypochondriacal about every ailment that I don't even believe her when she tells me she's sit or hurt. Every time I talk to her, all she can talk about is how much she hates her job and she works so much. She typically works 8-10 hour days, but somehow during the conversation, it becomes a 12 hour day, and then 14 hours, and then 16 hours. She only works 3-4 days a week, but she can barely pay the bills. She complains about not being able to buy a house, but she's ruined her credit (and mine, but that's another story), so she can't buy a house or car without having to pay exorbitant amounts for it. Every thing with her is a sob story, and I've heard it so much and for so long that I can't even pretend to care anymore, because I realize that 95% of it is absolute crap. What's difficult is, 5% of it is truth, and I can never figure out which part is true and which part is histrionic "woe is me" crap.
Recently, she's friended me (and all of my friends) on Facebook... and then takes every opportunity to turn any comment I make into something about her. If I make a comment on her page that's anything other than "OMG YOU ARE THE BEST MOTHER EVER!" (which I would never say, because she's not great anymore), she gets personally affronted and pitches a histrionic fit. She wants to be constantly showered with praise and love and affection, and I just can't pretend to feel that way about her. I can't indulge her histrionic behavior anymore. I can't listen to her tell me or someone I know that she did something I know she didn't do. Her condition is only getting worse, and she is completely blind to the fact that she is crazy.
I've tried to gently tackle these issues with her individually, but she just goes nuts and calls me selfish and mean and vicious. I don't know what to do about this anymore. I've read on other forums that you have to just cut off contact with people with this type of personality disorder, but I'd like to try to talk to her about it before I cut off all contact. What can I do to talk to her about my issues with her? Can I just come out and say, "You're histrionic and you need help"? It's gotten so bad that I am happier not even speaking with her. Talking to her at all makes me stressed out and crazy. But I'm newly married and I eventually want to have children, and I think she would not handle being separated from her grandchildren. She would be a good grandmother (until they got old enough for her to brainwash them as well).
Help!