So my boyfriend claims my mom's a Super control freak and the major source of my stress yet I don't know if I'm being controlled or it's normal? Before I go on, I'm 21, not in my early teens and anti parents I moved back home because my mom needs help with things and refuses to get help elsewhere. Anyway, for years my mom's been the type to take something that I most care about away from me if I say something wrong, & so on example being I recently had my car totalled and agreed to buy her a work car so she didn't ware her current car down on the basis that I got this car until spring & would be paid by spring for the other one. Now if I say something that she takes the wrong way, she takes this car away from me and claims she'll call the police and say I stole it although I pay the insurance on the car but it's under her name. If I don't do something like the dishes the Second she says to all hell breaks loose and I lose the car again. She won't talk to me for days even if I ask a question she'll completely ignore me. I'm to go to work, school, do my modelling, have a semi social life and maintain things here and if I don't I'm considered a failure (I've been informed). I've been kicked out multiple times, she's even called the cops on me to take me out of the house yet she calls me 4 days later crying for me to come home. Every time she gets angry for days at a time I have to end up crying and apologizing for what I've supposidly done before she'll be nice / aknowledge my existence. The only thing she'll ever say to me is do the dishes, take the garbage out, have you walked your dog or something of the sort. Orders. Take note, I'm not exaggerating when I say this, she lays on the couch all day and always claims she doesn't feel good yet she goes out and socializes with the world. I'm to keep the whole house in order as well or else I lose the car and if it's not that I'm kicked out again. She says she does this because not doing the dishes is not respecting your parents, not taking the garbage out, etc is the same. Even when I'm studying for a final if I don't do whatever she wants done that second it's disrespect. She calls me a , a slut, an alcoholic because I go to bars on the weekend with my college friends, everything. Is this control or do we just have a messed up relationship?

In my opinion you need to get away from that situation as quick as possible. Your Mother sounds like she has many problems.
Since you came back home voluntarily, leave. If you can't right away because of the car, stay away from her as much as possible.
Your health is at stake.

Your mother's behavior is not normal - she, in my humble opinion, has some sort of personality disorder and has serious problems. (I suggest you look up narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder on the internet.)

My advice is short and to the point - get out of there and stop being her whipping post. It's time to make your own life (leave her the car if you have to!) - and free yourself from her unreasonable demands, abuse and manipulation.

Be warned, she will punish you for leaving and will find other ways to make your life miserable. But the only way to loosen her hold on you is to put physical distance between you.

Your mother needs to find someone else 'to help her with things' - (i.e. - doing all the housework, paying for the car, being at her beck and call) her refusal to get someone else to help her is manipulation of you, nothing more.

This is not a messed up relationship, and it's nothing to do with you, your BF is absolutely right - it's to do with her.

Get out of there before she sucks you completely dry. I know she's your mother and you love her - but this person is not good for your emotional and spiritual health. She's abusive.

I suggest you continue your relationship with her from a distance and that you take the time to inform yourself on how to deal with people like this.

Why in the world did you buy her a car when she already had one? You were the one that needed it.

Yes, your mother is toxic. You need to stop empowering her. The only way to do this would be to move back out of the house.


I moved back home because my mom needs help with things and refuses to get help elsewhere

That's her problem. Not yours. She needs help and she finds it on her own. If she doesn't find it, she doesn't get the help, or she learns to do it on her own.

You really need to stop enabling her abusive treatment of you. You need to do this for you and your mental health before she ruins you.

You are both old enough to take care of your own business.

I am not qualified to diagnose mental illness, but, it would be a good idea to suggest that your mother go and at least see her family Doctor.

You could assist in getting her there, and provide, ahead of time, some of your concerns about her health, to give the Doctor some background.

You can not force her, and you cannot live your life for her, or around her. If you are stuck at home until you graduate and land a job, maybe seek counselling through your college services to give you some practical suggestions in how to deal with her.