mcelroydr
Dec 31, 2009, 02:21 AM
My question is probably far simpler than the backstory; is there a custody solution in Oregon that will give my children adequate protection from their mother's issues, while allowing them contact with her? Or should I even be concerned with that at this point.
In 2001 our firstborn daughter was born here in Oregon. In late 2002 we had broken up and I enlisted in the Marines; the mother was pregnant with our second daughter. In early 2004 I was notified that my children, living with their mother, had been removed from her care by the state for neglect and abandonment. I immediately took over physical custody, but (rather stupidly) did NOT go through the court system for this. At the time I was 19 and serving in active duty on a military base out of state, and wanted to avoid the hassle.
In the time leading up to Sept 2009, their mother was an infrequent figure in their lives and (this is just a guess) paid probably $3-500, all to help pay a phone bill or utility. I left active duty after serving until Nov of '07 and promptly went to work. I'm at the point now where I am unemployed and going back to college on the GI Bill so that I can provide for the children(there are two of them, both in elementary school now).
In Sept '09 their mother was living with her aunt, a woman I know and trust greatly; they both offered to relocate us to their home and I accepted.
For the last three months now we (the mother, children, and I) have gone to family counseling. The mother has gone to separate therapy meetings and was attending a recovery group at our church, but has decided to leave the home. The state, to be more precise. She's also held two jobs with a month of unemployment between them; she quit the first one and has a terrible job history to match.
Now the woman housing us (I consider her my aunt) is being shorted two weeks' rent from the mother, and survives on a fixed income. I give my aunt a large amount of my unemployment compensation (layed off) to help keep things afloat, but now we're left in the lurch.
The mother left here on Monday. Before she left, there was a discussion with the children about her leaving in which she actually said, and I quote, 'just like your mother; a cold, heartless (curse word).' to our 6-year old daughter. Absolutely I was and am furious at this statement, regardless of however she intended it no parent should ever pin such a young child to such a harsh name. This is merely an example of her attitude towards them.
I've begun listening to friends who've watched me dealing with this woman for years now, and I realize I've grossly neglected a parental duty to protect them. Their mother leaves for another state in 9 days, and there is no standing custody or child support order for them. Tomorrow morning I am scheduled to meet her at the local county office to begin a foodstamps/healthcare case for the children in my name, and transfer the children from her casefile.
I don't believe the situation is so dire as to remove the mother's rights, but she has definitely been a negative figure in their life. Where child support is concerned, I am decided that she should be helping support them. Where custody is concerned, I would be very, very uncomfortable about them spending more than a weekend in her care at a time.
I apologize for the length of this post. I've summarized the story, while trying to provide the most amount of information to ensure I can find the right answer to my question. I am determined to no longer shortchange my daughters, though I don't know how far I can go, or how far I -should- go."
In 2001 our firstborn daughter was born here in Oregon. In late 2002 we had broken up and I enlisted in the Marines; the mother was pregnant with our second daughter. In early 2004 I was notified that my children, living with their mother, had been removed from her care by the state for neglect and abandonment. I immediately took over physical custody, but (rather stupidly) did NOT go through the court system for this. At the time I was 19 and serving in active duty on a military base out of state, and wanted to avoid the hassle.
In the time leading up to Sept 2009, their mother was an infrequent figure in their lives and (this is just a guess) paid probably $3-500, all to help pay a phone bill or utility. I left active duty after serving until Nov of '07 and promptly went to work. I'm at the point now where I am unemployed and going back to college on the GI Bill so that I can provide for the children(there are two of them, both in elementary school now).
In Sept '09 their mother was living with her aunt, a woman I know and trust greatly; they both offered to relocate us to their home and I accepted.
For the last three months now we (the mother, children, and I) have gone to family counseling. The mother has gone to separate therapy meetings and was attending a recovery group at our church, but has decided to leave the home. The state, to be more precise. She's also held two jobs with a month of unemployment between them; she quit the first one and has a terrible job history to match.
Now the woman housing us (I consider her my aunt) is being shorted two weeks' rent from the mother, and survives on a fixed income. I give my aunt a large amount of my unemployment compensation (layed off) to help keep things afloat, but now we're left in the lurch.
The mother left here on Monday. Before she left, there was a discussion with the children about her leaving in which she actually said, and I quote, 'just like your mother; a cold, heartless (curse word).' to our 6-year old daughter. Absolutely I was and am furious at this statement, regardless of however she intended it no parent should ever pin such a young child to such a harsh name. This is merely an example of her attitude towards them.
I've begun listening to friends who've watched me dealing with this woman for years now, and I realize I've grossly neglected a parental duty to protect them. Their mother leaves for another state in 9 days, and there is no standing custody or child support order for them. Tomorrow morning I am scheduled to meet her at the local county office to begin a foodstamps/healthcare case for the children in my name, and transfer the children from her casefile.
I don't believe the situation is so dire as to remove the mother's rights, but she has definitely been a negative figure in their life. Where child support is concerned, I am decided that she should be helping support them. Where custody is concerned, I would be very, very uncomfortable about them spending more than a weekend in her care at a time.
I apologize for the length of this post. I've summarized the story, while trying to provide the most amount of information to ensure I can find the right answer to my question. I am determined to no longer shortchange my daughters, though I don't know how far I can go, or how far I -should- go."