I don't want to start by defining myself sexually as I don't like words like straight, gay, bi or what so ever. I always feel attracted to men, mostly masculine and who looks "protective" for me. But the two relationships with women in my life have been also fulfilling and satisfying for both of us. The first one was extremely intense, and I was close to suicide when she left me. The current one is less intense although it's a peaceful and happy relationship. I'm not so intensively in love but I do care for her very much.

The hick is I fell in love with a man, who has been my best friend all along. I came out to him very early and he accepted it, and didn't run away from me. We shared a few trips, I've been staying with him in his family (parents) and he's been staying in my house (parents house). It's wonderful when I'm with him as with someone you're deeply in love with, but it's so hard sometimes when you don't know and try to guess what he really feels for you.

I live in SE Asia, and he's a spanish teacher who came to work for two years then left. I was looking for a spanish teacher and that's how we met. He was interested in me as he wanted to know a lot about Asia. After a few months the feeling I have for him grew stronger and I realised I fell in love with him (and I know what falling in love means, with all the ups and downs it brings). I came out to him shortly after I was aware of my feeling. He accepted it, didn't run away and continued happily being my friend. We went out drinking together all the time, just the two of us. But it became harder and harder for me as I wanted more and more of him, waiting by the phone etc... when he doesn't call or send message. One time I got so hard I decided to end the friendship and he almost begged me we stayed friend. Another time, I got so drunk and got very angry and got him embarrassed in public, he stopped talking to me for two weeks and it was like hell. I managed to pull him back that time and we went on.

The he left Asia to go back to Spain for good. That was so hard for me but he was so nice to keep in touch, and chat with me everyday on skype. We went on. He suggested I find a girlfriend for myself which I did, who is my current girlfriend (we don't live together by then). The last month he came back to Asia on vacation, staying at my place. We had wonderful time, going out drinking again as the good old time, sometimes with my girlfriend along. Sometimes with lots of drink, we sit on our balcony at midnight and touching, hugging each other intimately. He let me kiss his cheek, his head, his hands and caress him. I didn't want to go further, afraid to ruin the moment and the friendship.

But when he got back to Spain, he suddenly went cold and distant (on skype). When I asked, he said he felt something different from my attitude and he felt like things are not like before. He went around refusing to tell me exactly what I said or did for him to conclude that way.

Now I'm suffering again from this relationship, or should I say "weird" friendship. My questions are:
1. Can normal male friends (not gay/straight) treat each other this way?
2. I don't want things to end this way, it's so absurd. But should I make a hard decision to end it with him?
3. Does anyone think he could have a bit of gay blood in his veins and is jealous with my girlfriend? :-) Stupid hope of me.

I know I need to tell my girlfriend about my sexual orientation one day soon, but for now I think we can separate the sexual-orientation issue with the fall-in-love-with-straight-friend issue. I need your opinion on the second. And thank you. Please ask more questions to understand more as I might not have been clear on the background.

Your right, the issue is not about sex but about you wanting, and expecting, more from your friend than he can deliver. I suggest to you to back off a bit, and enjoy what you do share, and stop thinking it will get better. He has a life besides you, and that something you have to factor into this. You had a great time with a great person, and now he is back in his own reality, and you miss him. That's fair. Tone down on your unreasonable expectations.

One thing though that's disturbing, is your less than honest relationship with your girlfriend. That's the uncaring part, as you have taken her choice away by omitting important facts, and you are straight up deceiving her. Now that's not fair at all, and not something to be passed over, nor taken lightly, if you really cared. You have to have some honesty about yourself.

Thank you for all your advice, very valid, concerning my obsessive attachment to this person. I'm actually in the process of backing off, while keeping him in the picture with low key.
I do agree with you also on the theme of honesty regarding my girlfriend. Some counter points on this are:
1. I'm trying to focus more on her and on our life together, there's no doubt she's very happy with me as a woman. Why sacrifice this happiness to the name of honesty? We seem to be led towards the debate between the two values in life: "honesty" and "happiness". Which one should we sacrifice to the benefit of the other? In what case?
2. May I make a distant analogy with the case of a husband having a short affair out of his marriage. He's facing the same dilemma: sacrifice honesty for the sake of keeping happiness in his family, or doing the opposite?
3. My girlfriend's perception towards non-heterosexuality is still very prejudicious. She would associate homosexuals with travestites, effeminate, out of the norm people etc... and concepts like sexual orientation, preference will be very new to her. It'll take me a lot of time to guide her to understand the full spectrum of human sexual orientation. It would be unfair for me to have to deal with an unreasonable reaction from her part just because the lack of knowledge on the mater (she was raised in a very traditional asian education).
4. Don't we all have our little secret in our life? Does "not telling it to our partners" always spell dishonesty? Or could we allow to call it part of the privacy each of us deserve?

I love all of your quotes. Please keep discussing as I need more light.
Many thanks.

PS. My English is weird sometimes, please ask if you need me to clarify on some points.

In response to your counter-points:

1. Without honesty, there is no true happiness. Lies, dishonesty or deceit is never good in a relationship. Your self-doubts will rise in the water in due time, and your girlfriend will be hurt that you've kept the truth from her for so long.
2. Affairs are never a good thing. If you're really so drawn to him, perhaps you should go on a break with your girlfriend and explore a relationship with your best friend, or maybe even just tell him. But affairs equal deceit and that only ends with broken hearts.

Dishonesty is bad, but it's all right if you want to keep secrets to yourself. A personal life and personal feelings can be kept within us, that is true. But if you're feeling emotions for someone other than your girlfriend and even considering a relationship with someone else, you should be honest about it, in order to avoid hurting everyone, including yourself.

You can rationalize your action any way you want, but your motives are not honest. They are selfish, and self serving. At least be honest with yourself if you can't with any one else.

Only a foolish person lies to themselves.

I have come out to my girlfriend a few days ago. All I said to her was that I wanted her to understand that I feel attracted to both sexes, that I didn't passionately love her but I do care a lot for her, more and more as we go, and would like to build a life with her and make her happy. I also said I loved Alex my guy friend very much, she knows him. I told her I was having a bad time at the moment because Alex wasn't in touch with me and she comforted me. The only thing I omitted to tell her was that I was really badly in love with him.

Personally I guess we all have a to choice of any kind at every stage of our life, my choice is to repress my other desire for men and build a life with someone who loves me. That is my way of looking for happiness.

My girlfriend said she kind of guessed it in the beginning. She was happy to continue the relationship with me, she said she loved me more (and I feel I love her more too) for telling her all that. The next morning we woke up normally, talked some more about it, and there we go so far.

Although I still don't agree on the honesty-happiness thing (if you had to lie to someone for his/her own happiness you would, would you always decide to tell your wife about your one night stand, or some affair... knowing that your wife is the one you truly love and want to be with, and knowing that she'd be miserable with the truth she learns, thanks to your honesty?), thank you for pushing me to go further in our honesty towards each other, that might push her to reveal something about her that I don't know yet :-)

I wouldn't have a one night stand to explain to her, just because it would hurt and break her trust. But your lifestyle is your own to live, with its own blessings, and consequences.

I'll agree with you talaniman.
In the end it is ultimately your decision and you seem to be more aware of what you want and want to do than you think.

How else can we help you?

Thank you "Talaniman" and "I wish" for all your opinions and advice and wisdom. You've already helped me a lot with your listening to my case. It is good to put our own thinking, ideas and concept of life style in reference to others', which you have provided for me. Wish you a happy new year with lots of excitement, health and inspiration.