My boyfriend of 3 years makes me so happy, but can also make me feel horrible. He is very insecure about our relationship and has been for quite some time. He frequently asks if I find certain guys more attractive than him or if I'm checking them out. My answer of course is always "no". I reassure him of why I am with him and why I love him so much. He even gets jealous of my male college friends (most of whom have girlfriends), and asks if I like them more and if I would rather be with them. My solution to that problem was to include him in as many activities with my friends as I could. But now if I'm with him alone, he says things like: "I should just let you go hang out with your friends, I know you'd rather do that".

In the beginning I thought I could help him overcome his insecurities. I give him no reason to worry, and would never dream of cheating. I make sure to tell him how much he means to me and what exactly I love about him. He sometimes admits his faults, apologizes, then says he will do anything to change just to keep me in his life. Obviously none of this has worked because his jealousy and rage are leading us to fight more than we ever have. He says that he wouldn't know what to do without me and wants to be with me forever. I used to feel the same way, but his negative attitude and insecure mind are taking a huge toll on me. Every time we fight, I say it's the last time, but here I am. I don't know what action to take now because maybe you can't just "change" people.

Have you asked him to go to counseling?

I think it may be a help if you've tried and I'm sure he has too, sometimes you have to admit small defeats to win the war.

Get help before there's no relationship to help when he becomes secure.

You tell him his attitude sucks, and you won't put up with it, and then don't.

Exactly. Pointless going around in circles and you obviously can't live your life in a relationship with someone who is constantly like this. Imagine in 20 years - you will probably be banned from leaving your house!

Speak to him properly about it, make him realise that you cannot accept it anymore - he will make a more conscious effort but at the same time he will need your nudges, reminders and help but don't always be there, he needs to learn on his own otherwise he could fall back into being that crazy jealous type anytime.

Jealous is fine in a relationship, but there is a line and it seems he is stepping over it.

He needs to seek out counseling, if he won't go then tell him if he doesn't change then you are going to leave. No one should feel like a prisoner in their relationship.

I feel like I'm in high school again! I saw this guy a couple of months ago and was immediately head over heels. I had never felt that way about someone I didn't know. I had never even spoken to him but saw him occasionally around campus. We always made eye contact and exchanged a few smiles. At this point all I knew about him was that he was a great student, very active in the community, and gorgeous! After a month of no talking and continuous starring, we typically became friends on Facebook. He seemed to be very chatty with everyone else, but couldn't even say anything to me on freaking Facebook.

The other day, he told one of my friends he was having a party and was welcome to bring friends. I went thinking maybe he wanted to see me. Once there, we starred (of course) and finally started to talk! He actually knew my name. I asked him a few questions, but it didn't really spark a conversation. Though I am really shy I kept trying to keep up the chatting. It got a little awkward, so he got up to "regulate" the party. He looked at me a few more times that night, but that was it.

I tried becoming friends with him, and have given him many chances as I am very open, but nothing has come of it. He's not shy but can't talk to me. I don't get it. I feel like I should just let this one go because maybe I'm reading him wrong and he is just not into me.

Maybe he is shy too , you know. You might not see that but guys get imtimated as well to ttalk to women. He could be think the same thing your thinking. But you never know until you actually try to find out from him.

I have to agree, maybe its time to back off, and let this one go.

The facts: We are both college freshman living on the same floor of our dorm. We are pretty much polar opposites. He's a class clown type, being utterly ridiculous to get attention, but still very intelligent. I'm pretty well reserved and am what would be called the "nice girl". But since day one we've been like two peas in a pod. He annoys the out of me sometimes, and he thinks I'm a raging . Still, we are with each other everyday, having a great time.

The problem: I love him. I think I have for a while and just couldn't come to that self realization. Our friends have made comments about us and have told me a million times that he is in love with me, but I just couldn't see it. It wasn't until just recently I realized that, yeah, maybe he does have feelings for me; he looks at me in a way you don't look at a regular friend. He's so good to me even though I may take it for granted sometimes. And he is by far the greatest friend I have ever had.

He left three days ago. School is ending and it's time for summer vacation. We don't live together anymore and aren't going to see each other everyday. Our home towns aren't close to each other. These were the things I was thinking when he gave me a tight hug goodbye. After that he left very quickly, I think maybe to not make it so hard. I surprised myself by getting very emotional. Two minutes later he came back into my room and gave me another hug, then left for good. That was all it took to make me start crying. That was when I finally admitted to myself that I loved him.

I'm not sure how to tell him I love him, or if I even should. I always thought he would do it first. We never really communicated through technology, and now that's all that happens, it's very weird. Should I tell him? How in the heck do I even do that?!

Hmm this reminds me of how my girlfriend asked me out what would do is write a note or text him (not very romantic though) or tell him in first person (very romantic) but harder 2 do. My girlfriend wrote me a note. I also heard manliy girls ask first good luck

If he is your best friend communication should be your best asset.That is what best friends are.
Tell him,that's all,I am sure he won't drop you as a friend.

You don't need to rush saying those words. You don't need to plan it either. Just say it when it feels right. It should come out naturally.

As for saying it first or second, I don't think it matters. We're all about equality nowadays right? So either should be able to initiate without feeling awkward.

As for long distance over the summer, you're in the reverse situation. Summer is only 3 months or so, but school is 9 months. Furthermore, you're having fun with your hometown friends and family, instead of being stressed out with school, so it will go by quickly and you will feel less of a need to be with each other.

Try writing hand-written notes and mail it to each other. It just has a better effect than an email or phone call.

Maybe you guys can meet somewhere in the middle sometime during the summer for vacation?

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Let your emotions settle down, and enjoy your summer break, as its not unusual to love someone that close to you, so rushing in is not a good idea, at this time.

I'll try and make this short:
I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years. We started dating in high school, he is two years older than I am. He was always very popular and athletic in school so if he ever treated me poorly I never really noticed because I was young, shallow, and "in love". He had his flaws but I accepted them because I realized we can't all be perfect--and of course because of the "love" thing.

It wasn't until my freshman year of college that I realized how much fun I had without him. I remember feeling bad for thinking that I didn't want him to come visit on the weekends. I lied to him more than I ever had during my freshman year, which is uncharacteristic of me. Most of the lies involved where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. I lied to avoid a fight, even though what I was doing wasn't wrong.

It's been over a year since my freshman year and I'm still with my boyfriend. I know everyone (including my family) wants me to break up with him, even I do. It took a long time for me to realize how emotionally abusive he really is and how much worse it gets as we move on. I could describe his abuse but I think it would take up way too much of your time, so to put it simply: he's a controller and controls me in every possible way you can think of (most of it is indirect). I have unsuccessfully tried to break up with him 5 times in the path 4 months. I haven't told my family or friends of my attempts because I feel like such a coward for letting this person manipulate me into staying with him. They aren't even aware of the abuse, it's almost embarrassing. It's taken almost 4 years for me to admit to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. I do not love him and certainly don't deserve what he's doing to me.

So how on earth do I get my life back? I can't imagine that he will take any more of my break-up attempts seriously. I want to be strong, but to be honest, he scares me. He's always been a pretty angry person and can get violent (he's never really physically abused me, but I'm not willing to stick around to see how long that takes). I need to get out, I'm almost at my breaking point. All I know is that when I break up with him it has to be in person, but other than that I'm clueless. Please let me know if you have any ideas or advice. Thanks!

You don't have to do it in person. Just call him up and tell him it's over. And let it go. Don't take any of his calls after that.
The manipulation part is interesting though. You say he manipulates you into staying together, but you stay with him even though you don't want to, that's manipulating him into thinking you want to be with him when you really don't.

You don't have to do it in person. Just call him up and tell him it's over. And let it go. Don't take any of his calls after that.
The manipulation part is interesting though. You say he manipulates you into staying together, but you stay with him even though you don't want to, that's manipulating him into thinking you want to be with him when you really don't.

On the contrary, I tell him I don't want to be with him when anymore. And manipulation usually means influencing someone for your own advantage... trust me I'm definitely not trying to influence him into thinking I still want to be with him.

On the contrary, I tell him I don't want to be with him when anymore. And manipulation usually means influencing someone for your own advantage...trust me I'm definitely not trying to influence him into thinking I still want to be with him.

Then why haven't you ended it already?

Then why haven't you ended it already?

If I knew how to end it I wouldn't have posted a question about ending an abusive relationship.

What you need to do is gather up your courage, send him an email. You will be more vunerable on the phone, and it would be even more difficult in person.

You have the advantage her that you are not married to him, you do not have children or a mortgage together.

You have your own place, and only you are in charge of who walks through that door.

Keep it simple, and straight forward. Don't get mushy, and don't leave any open ended statements to give any hope whatsoever that you will change your mind.

It is a good idea that you keep a copy of the email. It is worrysome that you feel he could become violent.

To not keep it short, simple, and to the point, you risk him turning your words around and using them to his advantage to convince you that its not over.

Let your friends and parents know that you have decided to do this, and that will help your resolve. And it is also important that they are there to encourge and support you.

If you are convinced that you absolutely must to this in person, make it in a public place, a park, coffee shop, etc. and have someone with you. That way you can minimize and control to some degree how he will respond. It isn't likely he will go over the top publicly, or with someone there obviously to support you.

Make this one stick, get it done, and then you can start to get your life back.

Good luck.

I just told you how, call him and tell him it's over.

All I know is that when I break up with him it has to be in person
Huh? No it doesn't. If you insist on that, you are setting yourself up for failure. Like someone else said, email him or text him or send a letter by USPS telling him (short and sweet), "It is over. Goodbye." Then do not under any circumstances talk with or email or text or talk on the phone/in person with him again.

You don't have to do it in person, but you do have to be absolutely sure that it's what you want to do and stick by your decision.

Decide on the day, do it whatever way is most comfortable, change your locks, pack his things up and send them to him in a box.

You should aim to have no more contact with him, and you should advise all your family and friends what you have done. Don't go out on your own, especially at night.

Be very aware that if he is controlling, he may become someone that tries to intimidate you by stalking, or other menacing behavior.

It's really important that you confide in your friends and family - they need to be aware of the extent of the abuse. There is no shame in this, and it's very easy for people to say that you should just leave. Manipulative partners often make us think that we can't leave - mainly out of fear.

If you want to break up with a guy for good, you need to do it with no contact. No "staying friends," no emails, no visits, no contact whatsoever. If he calls you, pick up his phone call tell him you don't want to talk, and hangup. If he calls again, hangup. If he comes to visit, tell him behind the closed door, that you don't want to see him. If he doesn't leave, or returns- call the cops. Let the guy know that you mean business, It is over, for real. Don't call him up and yell at him- by doing this, you are giving him control over your emotions (even if they are negative,) and you are in a way, connecting, which will bring you closer instead of getting him out of your life.
A lot of women stay with men that are controlling and manipulative because even though they are the "dictators of the relationship" they are very good at being nice when you do things their way. So long as you're obeying them, they don't mind being that 'nice guy.' Women stick around for the 'nice guy.' Stand up for yourself, and don't give him any control over ANY of your feelings. Tell him you're done, and stop all contact.
If he is trying to control how, when, and where you guys 'break up' you need to stop that too. You will break up on your own terms, and the feeling does not have to be mutual.

Text him its over, and stop all contact whatsoever. I also noticed after merging all your threads together you have been trying to cheat on him anyway, so end this, and get on with what you want to do.