I know a lot of you are going to read this and think I'm stupid but people do stupid things when they are in love and the heart will not truly let go until it is ready... ive been dating this guy for some time.. we hit it off well and he says he loves me.. wants to marry me.. have kids the whole 9... called his mother up and had her talk to me and told her this is the girl I'm going to marry... so I find out yesterday that he has another fiancé... who he has been seeing off and on for 5 years... I was devastated.. now for reasons I'm not sure about.. his mother knows nothing of this girl.. he says he loves me.. and he loves her.. and he doesn't know what to do... so what can I do to keep him?or is it a lost cause

Do you really want to stay with a man who is leading a double life?

While he was sleeping with you he was sleeping with her.

The I love yous he whispered to you were second hand,he was telling her too.

The future children with you were also with her..

Leave.

Don't look back.. he does not love you,nor the other women.
If there is two of you,maybe there is more,you can't trust what he says any more..

He has betrayed you.

Leave.
Leave now.
Before you get further in.

Run as fast as you can! Don't look back.

Why would you want to 'keep' someone that has been lying to you (and to someone else?)?

There is no joy or happiness here, only sorrow and pain.

He's a liar and a cheat. Lying cheat's don't make good husbands or daddies.

I understand... easier said than done... she does not live here so her circumstances are diff.. I think they have known each other since high school and thus have a history.. so I know he's not sleeping with her.. shes thousands of miles away... and I am pregnant... sorry I didn't throw that twist in there.. part of me wants to cut him totally off so he can feel the pain I feel... so he will know what its like to have something taken from him... I know I need to leave... my heart is not letting me

Pregnant or not, my advice stays the same.

This man will bring nothing but heartache and trouble to your door.

Your heart won't let you? How much more does he need to do, there's no honesty here,there's no trust,there's no relationship...

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be mean to you,but this is not a relationship your in,it's a mess.

Its OK... I know your just being honest

So I know what I should do... and everyone keeps telling me how he will realize how stupid he is and try to come back... esp my ex's who I'm still friends with who know what kind of woman I am... if that happens what should I do? How should I handle it.. and where the hell is tali? I remember him from my other sn and he always gives good advice


And ill add this too.. if I had good friends to help get me through this I think it wouldn't be so bad.. but I'm newly in the military on my first duty station and I have no friends or fam here to help me this time

Tal.. he really is the man!

I don't know what tal would say..
But I do know that the people who love you would want the best for you,this guy is not the best...

He put you second.. for me it would not matter if he could take the stars out of the sky,and offer me the world,because he was not true when you were,you gave him your heart,and his was already taken.

There's someone else out there who believes every word his says...
Don't be a fool for this guy, your pregnant,you have bigger fish to fry now,and someone else you going to need you more then a two faced cheating louse.

Liars, and cheaters, make lousy husbands, and partners,

But he is no longer the issue, the child you carry is. You don't have to be couple to work together to raise this child with love and care. Nor should you even think he will change, and be a good partner.

Forget tying your hopes on him doing the right thing, but do whatever it takes to make sure he is accountable for his responsibilities, and that may mean child support.

As a partner, NO WAY!! He has already lied and deceived you (and his family it seems), its your fault if you give him a chance to do it again. He may say he will change, but I seriously doubt it.

Ohhhh finally the person I was waiting on to post... im surprised you didn't say more... he is so in love with the fact that I'm pregnant... he can't stop telling me he loves me and the baby and he keeps kissing my stomach despite my protest... it rather disgusts me... because I want to hate him... like the mariah carey song... I can't wait to hate u

I can imagine that any attention you get from him during your pregnancy you will think its great, but his actions as a man are already down the toilet and giving your heart to a guy who is a proven liar and cheater, makes no sense. You got into this situation by believing him, and you will stay in a bad situation if you continue to take his words, and not pay attention to his actions.

The worse part will be when you have to count on him, and he doesn't produce. If I were you, I wouldn't fall for the words but think of your child and put the child's needs above you both. The child is the only one who doesn't have a choice. That's something to tell the father while he kisses your belly, that you expect him to take care of his child, and you will no longer take his word for a damn thing.

Only you can protect this baby, and should.

I will do that.. hes said he will be there.. so we shall c.. if not he's in the military and won't b hard to track down for child support.. should I cut him off? Not talk to him

That may be best, and may explain why he has another female so far away. You never know how many females he really has, or children. That's something to find out for a fact.

That I do know from talking to his mother.. this will be their first grandchild and they are all so happy they don't know what to do about it... now about the other woman thing yea its possible...

Mzlady, sorry for what your going through. Stay strong and focus on your unborn child. Honestly, do yourself a favor and kick him to the ground. He is a cheat and a liar. Many single moms raise their children by themselves. He actually did you a favor, you found out before you married this creep. Sorry, that's what he is. You sound like you have your head together and no what the right thing to do is. So just concentrate on you and that baby, and forget him. Sure it hurts! But in the long run, you will look back, and happy you found out before its too late.

Yea I know... I just wish I didn't want to still be with him

Your emotions are paying a big roll in this. You need to stay focus and concentrate what's in the best interest for you and the baby. It isn't love, he is having the best of both worlds. This man has lied to you from day one. You think he is the only guy in the world. I am sure you come in contact with them everyday. Someone else will come along that you can trust and be honest to you. As far as his Mom right now, I would keep my distance. The more you talk to her it keeps the wound open. Make the break now, before you regret not doing it sooner. Just remember there are a lot of other fish in the sea.. good luck.

All right so I posted a little while ago about my initial situation... so I took the advice and moved on... well my ex got married to the other girl... he found out I was dating someone else... lost it.. I mean really lost it.. hes so mad its ridiculous... told me that no one will ever make me feel like he does no one can replace him... said no one will be better than him... I told him he was wrong.. he got mad and told me not to talk to him anymore... I said OK... didnt chase... he came back... pulled me next to him... and asked me if I loved him... I told him yes... he asked if I was trying to hurt him... I said no... he said if I decide to leave my wife one day will you leave who you are with to be with me? I said probably not... I found out this weekend she's paying for half of his brand new truck... why won't he let me go? What am I supposed to do? I'm literally driving him crazy because he wants me and I'm blowin him off... if he wants me so bad why the hell did he marry her?!

Tell him to leave you alone for good. He sounds a little warped in the head to me. If he doesn't leave you alone, file a restraining order against him. He's nothing but trouble and will just cause you more problems. You don't need that in your life. Trust me on that. End this thing now.

I'm having his baby and I love him

Geez MzLady he was supposed to have the other girl, and you too! You have ruined his masterplan for female domination. I would go nutsy bozo too!!

Now that his true nature is showing, you better protect yourself.

Yeah I know right... but I'm like? Well why marry her then? To keep her? Because she buys you things... lol... yea great marriage

But that's his business now, not yours. Yours is to keep him at a safe distance so he cannot hurt you.

I found out today that I'm having twins... and I was also told that my ex.. (babys father) told his wife.. no big deal right... well he tells me she's having a hard time dealing with it... because he's her husband and she wanted to have a baby with him and now that I'm pregnant and not only pregnant but having twins she will have to wait... as he put it... shes more concerned on WHEN they can have a baby now..! Correct me if I'm wrong but you stupid girl... your dayum husband is trying to have an affair with the mother of his children which you are oblivious to... it would appear to me and everyone else that he is doing what they call faking a rship... which is what I've been told military guys do to get crap... AND you are too stupid to realize it so you married him thinking he would stay and you want to have his baby to try to keep him... when its obvious he doesn't want to leave me alone... I could be wrong but she is selfish... this is ridiculous... and I'm pissed really I'm just venting... she knew damn well I was pregnant before she married him... and now you want to be all upset... whatever I'm so irritated

Excuse me? Are you for real?He married her not you so yes she has a right to be upset-and he wants to have an affair with you,his ex?
I had a hard time understanding your post as it all ran into one long sentence-but she is his wife ,of course she's upset.

If this woman knew that you were pregnant before she got married to her ex, it is her own fault. She knew what was going on, yet decided to put herself in the situation. Of course he is not going to want to have a baby with her right away when he has twins on the way.

On another note, I don't think you should have a romantic relationship with him even if he is pushing it. Even if he says he is not happy etc.; it doesn't change the fact that he is married. If he wants to work things out with you then he needs to file divorce papers.

Also, she is obviously jealous.. and who wouldn't be? If I had a new husband that was expecting twins with another woman I wouldn't like it either.

I know you didn't really ask any questions, I just wanted to shed some of my light on the situation. :) Good luck with the pregnancy! I Hope all goes well!

Also... are you sure she knew you were pregnant? Maybe he wasn't completely honest with her when he married her.

Get real!

I know that you will have to deal with him for many years to come since you are having the babies, but that doesn't mean that you should be having an affair with him. Step back and leave them alone. They are married and all you are ever going to be is the babies' momma. Grow up and get your own fella!

Who's being unreasonable?

If you are pregnant, you should be concentrating on your babies. And how you are going to raise them without him, another woman's husband, in the picture.

Why do you still have your nose in his business? Your both crazy for letting one guy play you both. Now you have two children to raise, and better get child support, because the hogwash he feeds you isn't worth squat.

My nose isn't in his business he called to talk to me and for all those who said stop having an affair with him I'm not... im better than that... but he is trying to play both sides of the fence... he absolutely can't stand for me to talk to someone else... he is still on leave... but ill give you an example he called a few days ago and my friend was visiting... he asked if I had someone over I said yes... he hung up and then told me he wasn't going to talk to me anymore... I just said OK.. I don't entertain his nonsense anymore... so then he called back... and was like oh well have fun with him etc etc etc... she knew I was pregnant because when I found out about her I told her I was... and I agree with one of the other posts... yes she's jealous... she married him to stay with him and she wants to have a baby with him to try to keep him... shes competing with me... shes not secure in her marriage because I already told her he was not going to be faithful to her... and what she doesn't realize is having a baby is not going to change him... it really doesn't... I can be naïve but I'm not stupid by a long shot... I totally blow him off and he can't stand it because he doesn't want to lose me and he knows that's what's going to happen... I told him before we broke up... you are going to regret this... and he TOLD me... sadly I know you're right... lol men can be so stupid... everyone if you're going to leave advice don't say that I'm chasing him or stop having an affair... because I'm not... he is chasing me hard... and I play it off like I don't give a damn because that's what I have to do...

And she does NOT have the right to be uspet because the only thing she is trying to do right now is compete... if she didn't feel threatened by me she wouldn't even be worried about it... shed just be like OK well we have to wait a little while...

The only conversations you should be having with this guy is about the babies.. nothing else.

He won't go away or stop contacting you unless YOU do something.

This situation is a complete mess...

He's married to her,your having his babies,she's jealous and in his ear,he's on the phone to you... its like a bloody soap opera!

Its time for someone in this triangle to grow up and think about the babies and their welfare,and I'm afrais the buck is going to stop with you.

Once you get serious,and stick with it,he will get the idea.

You don't sound like a stupid women,so be the smart one here,and pull this crap together.

That's just it... ive gotten serious... I don't answer his phone calls most of the time... dont respond to texts... the only reason I was talking to him yest was because I found out I was having twins and I sent him the ultrasound pic... but he doesn't get the picture... hes not willing to let me go... because he's always pissed at me for ignoring him... pissed at me because I'm talking to someone else... pissed because I choose the person I'm talking to over talking to him... its like a neverending vicious cycle... I try to stay away... I can get by a couple of days without talking to him before he's blowin my phone up asking why I haven't talked to him... its easy right now because he is on LEAVE... but he comes back this week... and he will be able to pop up on my doorstep... not that I have to answer the door... but he can't do much from where he's at right now... lol... this is damn ridiculous... and she is the stupidest of them all

Bottom line, child support, and he knows that. If its not about the future of the kids, keep him out of your business. See him in court, the cheater. And he is married, whether she is a stupid, jealous wife, or not, That's not your business.

Yea tali you not telling me nothing I don't already know... he will be on child support... and I know its not my business if I was trying make it my business id tell her what was going on... I stay out of it... because she will realize I was right.. and he will try to come crawling back... and then I will have the last laugh because I'm not going to take his sorry tail back

Now that's great news.

Lol... you know sometimes all you need is to hear yourself talk badly about the person and its like instant relief... real talk... lol

You're in a tough situation and I'm sure you're feeling hurt and confused. You'll be just fine without him.

Focus on the babies and let yourself heal.

I know... im hurt.. but ill get over it... I heard the words to this song last night and its so fitting for this situation.. ~you see me drowning but you won't save my life... I know love isn't fair I know it isn't perfect... but I can't be here because YOUR LOVE Isn't WORTH IT... and this is how it sounds when my heart cries... and you won't even come to my rescue~ beautiful song... lol here's another one I just heard ~the duence cap is off... you don't know what you've lost... and you won't realize until I'm gone... that I was the one... now which one of us is really dumb~