My wife wants to have a threesome with a guy I work with... I am open to the idea, and she has said she would want to watch me with another woman. How do I ask the other guy to join us in our sexcapade?

My wife wants to have a threesome with a guy I work with.... I am open to the idea, and she has said she would want to watch me with another woman. How do I ask the other guy to join us in our sexcapade? or should I?

You don't.

It would make it very awkward at work should something more come of this. You don't want to risk your job in these trying times.

Yes, every time you see him at work, you would remember him with your wife??

HARSH POST WARNING


You show him a picture of your wife naked and tell him she wants to screw him. And then you get fired for sexual harassment and possibly have your marriage ended after the jealousy finally sets in.. . Fool.

The point of being married is being exclusive and cherishing each other, not passing your spouse around, if you're going to do that, you might as well not be married.

This is so immoral.

I have so much more to say about this, but I'll hold back.

He does not actually work with me... he works at the same place I do... I actually hardly see him.

He does not actually work with me.... he works at the same place I do... I actually hardly see him.

Then go for it, maybe he has an STD, something else all 3 of you can share. :D

Doesn't matter.

HARSH POST WARNING
The point of being married is being exclusive and cherishing each other, not passing your spouse around, if you're going to do that, you might as well not be married.

This is so immoral.
.

Some people are perfectly fine with having threesomes, sorry ohso but just because that's your opinion doesn't mean it's everyone's.

I myself had had the experience in the past and there weren't any jealousy issues because we completely discussed the rules before it happened and it doesn't mean our relationship is in trouble.

HOWEVER in this case I do agree that it would not be a good idea at all. Not the threesome part but the fact that he works with this other person, if something does happen to go wrong he has to deal with it at work every single day and could possibly end up getting fired.

Some people are perfectly fine with having threesomes, sorry ohso but just because that's your opinion doesn't mean it's everyones.

I myself had had the experience in the past and there weren't any jealousy issues because we completely discussed the rules before it happened and it doesn't mean our relationship is in trouble.

HOWEVER in this case I do agree that it would not be a good idea at all. Not the threesome part but the fact that he works with this other person, if something does happen to go wrong he has to deal with it at work every single day and could possibly end up getting fired.

Just a opinion.

Shaz, with all due respect, you are the lucky one. I too had an experience such as this and am divorced and two children suffered because of it. Yes, the rules were discussed beforehand, but one other member of the twosome (not me, one of the other two) became obsessed.

So, it is a double edged sword. You're damned if you do... it can have a negative impact, or your damned if you don't... it will keep coming up in the relationship.

You just can't control how another person will feel after the escapade.

Hello Kdogg,

Ahhh you are playing with fire... You two really need to sit down and think about it, long and hard. Things that you need to think about are,

:What happens if she decides that she really likes the other man?

:What happens if you like the other woman?

:If you do go through with it with someone you know, how will that effect you afterwards?


:Are you not enough for her?

These are things you guys should discuss. Don't get me wrong, I too have thought about my partner with another while watching... I am only human. However, there's that fine line there that I don't want to cross. If you guys do end up doing this, please make sure that your relationship is strong enough. It seems fine at first, but afterwards there can be that doubt of, is he better than me? Does she want him more than me? So on and so forth.

I wish you luck.

That's more than fair J9, I have known quite a few people who have had threesomes with no problem at all.. however it was always with people they knew quite well so there wasn't an issue of them becoming obsessed.
I myself was involved in a threesome with a very good friend, it wasn't a decision we took lightly but for us it ended up fine and strangely enough we are much closer friends now because of it and there is no awkwardness, but like you said, it doesn't always end that well.

Sorry, it's just a peeve of mine when people say that something I have done is immoral and wrong and I tend to fire up (no offence at all ohso just sayin') I'll take it to the other thread.

:What happens if you like the other woman?


My case in point. My ex got addicted to the "other woman."

That's more than fair J9, I have known quite a few people who have had threesomes with no problem at all.. however it was always with people they knew quite well so there wasn't an issue of them becoming obsessed.
I myself was involved in a threesome with a very good friend, it wasn't a decision we took lightly but for us it ended up fine and strangely enough we are much closer friends now because of it and there is no awkwardness, but like you said, it doesn't always end that well.

Sorry, it's just a peeve of mine when people say that something I have done is immoral and wrong and I tend to fire up (no offence at all ohso just sayin') I'll take it to the other thread.

For clarification, it's more between married couples where it bothers me, because, as I said, it's supposed to be monogomus (or however you spell it)
People who are dating, I have a slightly different view, I don't agree with it, but if it helps test the waters in the relationship for trust, then do what you must.

The other guy works on a different shift than I do... He does not have an STD... He is a mutual friend, whom we trust. I do not want to ask a RANDOM guy at the bar! We agreed that we need some spice in the bedroom and have decided to do this... We have had an experience with another couple 5 years ago... although we never swapped partners it did bring spice into the bedroom... and other places :-)

The other guy works on a different shift than I do... He does not have an STD.

You sure? Did you check his penis? Read his file?

Comments on this post
Shazamataz agrees: haha now all I can picture is a guy in an office showing off his std-free penis lol


I wave mine around in the office, no biggie. :)

Actually... we work in EMS... We have tests done MONTHLY due to the high concern of swine flu and all... we get the full work up... thanks anyway for your concern...

actually.... we work in EMS... We have tests done MONTHLY due to the high concern of swine flu and all... we get the full work up... thanks anyways for your concern...

You know, aside from the threesome question, You're being very calm about this criticism.

I like you!

Hello again Kdogg,

Do you guys ever try role playing? Maybe you should pretend to be another man, and vice versa. There are other ways to spice up your bedroom life, then to go into the arms of another..

Maybe you need to take the role playing to another level, a deeper level... That is if you role play to begin with?

Hello again Kdogg,

Do you guys ever try role playing?? Maybe you should pretend to be another man, and vice versa. There are other ways to spice up your bedroom life, then to go into the arms of another..

Maybe you need to take the role playing to another level, a deeper level...That is if you role play to begin with??

That's a much more reasonable alternative.

HA HA OK... Thank you... I think... I am just asking about the guy... He has been a good friend and has not been rude or inappropriate to either of us... EVER! We have been to a local party place on the river before and have seen each other semi- nude several times... My wife finds him appealing and she trusts him as much as I do... Do you think it will work out or not?

We tried role playing... Neither of us could stop laughing enough to take it seriously... Thanks anyway! :-D

Hello again Kdogg,

I don't know! I don't know any of the three of you.

All I do know, is that YOUR wife finds this guy "appealing" and that right there doesn't sit right with me...

I find other men sexy, BUT, if I am in a relationship, I don't push for threesomes.

To each is own though. Good luck.

Well, whatkind of role playing did you do? I mean, you guys didn't dress up as clowns, did you? Why the laughing?

actually.... we work in EMS... We have tests done MONTHLY due to the high concern of swine flu and all... we get the full work up... thanks anyways for your concern...

That doesn't fly for me. I'm an RN and I get tested monthly also due to H1N1 (Swine Flu). That test has NOTHING to do with STDs. We, as medical professionals, do NOT get tested monthly for STDs.

If all your trying to do is spice up your sex life I can think far better options than crossing swords with a FRIEND that your wife finds appealing.
But hey that's just me.

If all your trying to do is spice up your sex life I can think far better options than crossing swords with a FRIEND that your wife finds appealing.
But hey that's just me.

You never let them touch!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWupeemOOR4&feature=PlayList&p=2F40DDDF5E811D53&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=7

/sigh

Such a controversial subject.

Rather than judging the OP, though, I'll tell him how to do it--which is what he asked.

First--sit down with your wife and have SEVERAL very open and honest conversations about sex with other people. Discuss what IS and is NOT okay in your marriage. Define the rules for any kind of intimacy outside of your marriage. Please keep in mind things like "what if things go wrong, or one of us feels weird?" and "what happens if you get YOUR threesome, but then freak out at MY threesome?" If you can't talk about EVERY aspect of this, it WILL fail, and your marriage will be torn apart.

Next, invite the guy to join you both in a private setting--have him over for dinner and a movie or something. This is NOT something you discuss in a public place.

There's no really good way to approach the subject if he has no clue it's coming. I suggest that the THREE of you become good friends outside of work, and work on having a good FRIENDSHIP with this person before you even THINK about approaching him for sex. Of course, I'd say this about ANYONE asking another person for sex, not just a married couple asking a single guy.

Then... sit down with him and discuss EVERY aspect of what you are proposing. Let him know the rules that you've defined in your marriage, and let him define for you what HIS rules are. Hash out rules that work for all three of you.

Look--I've done both kinds of threesomes, with my husband. It's created some very wonderful memories--but also some very hurtful ones, and some situations where our marriage has nearly crumbled--rules or no rules, you can't change or predict how people will FEEL.

If you and your wife have perfect trust and perfect communication, this could work. I do suggest someone NOT at work, though--that could backfire in way too many ways.

Hello k:

Doing a threesome with a guy from work is asking for trouble... Oh, it COULD work out, and it COULD be very cool.. But, if it DOESN'T, you work with the guy for crying out loud... In addition to your boring sex life, you don't need to be unemployed too...

So, if you want a threesome, go to a club or a party where hooking up ANONYMOUSLY happens. I'm sure she could find somebody attractive there...

STD's? Well, if you venture out no matter with WHOM, you take that risk. Would I do it? Yup.

excon

One thing that I have learnt form my past through some very harsh/hard experiences is to KEEP MY SOCIAL LIFE Separate FROM WORK. Repercussions from gping ahead with this could be far beyond anything that you comprehend right now... (so many outcomes are possible you can't even consider them all but many are bad). Even the outcome of merely enquiring about it could be detrimental for you.

Don't SCREW THE CREW!

Also, I know that many straight men are happy to have a threesome with 2 women, but would be closed to the idea of involving a man. Although many people have threesomes and are open to the idea, you really never know what people think in their private minds... he might be really really conservative who knows?

Regarding some other posts mentioning morality (everyones morality is their own. It is hard to argue that any consensual exchange between parties is morally wrong). So I wouldn't be worried about people saying that this is immoral, if it is within your realms of acceptability and you treat others with respect. The only context that would make this potentially pleasurable experience immoral is a religious one (blaaaah!) or if someone is forced against their will to partake in this!

You need to think about what it could do to your marrage/relationship and you have to ask yourself why your fantasizing about someone else or your other half is then maybe the relationship is going a bit stale?


Just remember there is a differents between real life and fantasy and sometimes when they cross each other they can cause complications and sometimes ends in disaster.

Sometimes things are left as fantasy.

But on a personal note I'd be outraged if my partner wanted a threesome in fact I'd leave because I know I'm not fulling them.

I always find it amusing that people think that threesomes mean that their partner isn't enough.

Those same people better never be using TOYS--because their partner isn't enough if they are.

That's not the POINT of a threesome--that your partner isn't enough, I mean. The problem is that most people can't turn off their possessiveness and jealousy--and if that works in THEIR relationship, GREAT! Don't have a threesome then!

If, however, you have an open and honest relationship, with absolute trust--and I say absolute because you HAVE to trust that they will tell you the truth about their feelings before, during, and after the experience--then it CAN work. It's not NECESSARY to have a threesome to have a good sex life or relationship--but it CAN be fun.

This is one aspect of sexuality that it truly bothers me that people judge. Yeah, it might not work for you---but anal sex might not work for you, and you wouldn't condemn people or call them immoral for trying it. Warning people about the possible problems involved with a threesome is GREAT--I do it myself most of the time, because MOST people asking about it aren't in the right frame of mind about it to even risk it. This is, however, one of those few times where the OP seems to have the right kind of relationship with his partner to begin with. It works for the right couples, and only THEY can decide what's right for THEIR relationship.

Right and wrong have no place in this conversation, nor do morals. If you want to discuss the morals of threesomes, go do it on the religious boards.

The ONLY thing wrong in their thinking, to me, is that they're considering someone from work, and that's just a bad idea because it could ruin careers.

IF you have a threesome... NEVER EVER do it with a coworker. YOu never have relationships with coworkers unless you want trouble... because trouble WILL come eventually. That's 30 years of seeing that happen speaking.

Now as has been said you might be opening a can of worms actually having it even with someone you don't see everyday. Not a lot of couples are really strong enough for that. But I have to leave that up to you to determine. Just be aware of it before you make that step past fantasy.

I've done it a few times... but that was with girlfriends and that was before I got married. (no the wife wasn't one of THOSE girlfriends), totally different dynamic at play when you are married.

I don't think I have seen this question asked, yet. Is he in a relationship?

Single does not necessarily mean that he isn't dating or seeing someone exclusively. It means he isn't married.

IF he is in a relationship, then HER/HIS feelings have to taken into consideration also.

I understand exactly where Synn is coming from and agree that we all have different tastes , whatever floats your boat etc.

However the 2 BIG Red Flags in all this to me is like many have said he is a co-worker and that can be avoided and should be , the other real BIG Red Flag to me and I've mentioned this before is the fact that she finds him appealing , I mean seriously why would you risk it??

Your wife is suggesting you bring home another man--which is weird all by itself--that you work with indicates to me she doesn't care about your job status, and that's pretty important.

Whether that guy is cool with it, if someone overhears you or if things don't go as planned and he refuses and tells another co-worker, don't be surprised if you're taking vacation time earlier than expected.

And really, this could fall under sexual harassment in the work-place. Ya this guy might trust you and not press charges, but other co-workers may not and if they feel uncomfortable working around you, guess who's leaving. They're pretty strict these days, don't risk it.