mudley313
Dec 4, 2009, 09:06 AM
I wish I had come across this site earlier because in trying to win my fiancée back, I did everything you would come across on a list of "how not to get your girlfriend back" and feel I have pushed her away forever and trying to move on. I believe "what is meant to be is meant to be and what is not is not" but I wonder if my initial actions had pushed my ex totally away, even if there was any glimmer of a chance before.
I was in a long distance relationship wit a german for 2 yrs and though people think distance is quite a problem we seemed to manage it quite well. I visit germany once a year while she spends about 90 days here in america at least a couple of times a year and our times apart didn't seem to bother us much since I'm a grad student still in college and she works back home. We were working on plans for the future on how to be together, or so I thot, and had even stated attempting to have babies together.
Anyway, although we had what I thot were very minor frictions, everything about the relationship seemed fabulous and it was like a fairy tale romance to me. It was what I was so sure would have a "happily ever after" ending. It was intense love resonating from both sides.
A couple of weeks ago we were suppose to chat online at a certain time but I got stuck out wit the boys and texted her to tell her I won't be able to make it home at that time and we should chat the next day. I went back home to meet a "we got to talk" email and the next day she informed me that after a about of intense thinking she decided it would be best for her to move on without me so she could concentrate and her personal life as the emotional stress of the relationship seemed to interfer wit it. She said she had given me chances in the past but felt I didn't live up to it while she gave 110% in return.
I went into a about of profuse begging, telling her to forgive me and if given a chance would be a completely changed man for although I loved her intensely I was sorry it didn't seem to translate into action due to my complacency. I begged and begged 4 forgiveness and promised and promised to change. I used all forms of tactics (when I look back now makes me feel pathetic) from the "i can't live without you" to the "you mean you wanna throw away all we been struggling to build n all our plans for the future?".
One thing that kept me going was that I could see that she still seem to love and have feelings for me as she cried all the way through.
Anyway, I pleaded 4 six straight hrs the first day all to no avail. By the way, she suggested we remained best friends because she didn't want to throw away all we had shared just like that. I pleaded to the point that she stopped taking my calls or anwering my text messages until the next day when she came to chat wit me online. There I continued my begging and she remained adamant that it was "over". She said she was emotionally exhausted and needed "a break" and even signalled that we probably could get back together "when our wounds heal" but I couldn't get the hint and just kept pushing on thinking I was rightfully fighting for what I cherished the most.
I gave my push a one day break (thinking its what she meant) n started where I stopped the next day, she started hinting that my continual begging is making our friendship uncomfortable but she promised to keep staying in touch (but not every day tho- according to her).
After 3 instances of begging I decided to give it a rest and didn't speak wit her for 4 days and the 5th day I asked if I could come spend the christmas wit her and her family in germany. She then informed me that her mum is mad at me because of all the emotional trauma I had put her into and advised me to email her mum about it, which I did but no reply. I then called to find out wats up the next day and she informed me her mum still thinks the same of me then we drifted into a little argument when I called the love she always had professed to me a "fake" love. She told me that "spoilt her day" and even though we made an appointment to talk the next day, when I called she didn't pick up the phone, this was when I drifted further down to text message terrorism.
I told her we couldn't be friends no more if I had to be the only one initiating contact, and I wish her the best and hope she finds what she wants in life and all. I wrote lenghty emails over-detailing why I been acting that way and why I believe I could change, and how I felt set backs is a part of any relationship and only make it stronger; blah, blah, blah... but this time. No reply. I then felt even the friendship was gone, bade her a final goodbye through text message, deleted her off my myspace, Facebook, messenger, phone- which I explained to her in an email that it wasn't out of malice but for my own good to heal better, to avoid the emotional rollercoaster of having to keep up wit what she's doing; n that was the close of the chapter.
Not really, I spoke wit a german friend I did business wit (infact, her best friends boyfriend) n when I told him about the break up he asked if he could be of any help that he could talk to her about it. I foolishly obliged and he came back wit what I already know, that the situation's not good at all.
Anyway, I'm on a forced No Contact now (a little too late, I guess) n I'm doing it for myself because I figured all through I was making an argument for "us" while she was making hers for "her" and I thot I needed to start thinking of "me". Its 2 weeks now and I am passed the depression/heartbreak stage(I think mostly becos I had fully come to terms wit the break up) but can hardly stop thinking about "us" even though I try hard not to, it seem like something haunting.
I have decided its finally over and have to move on and doing this No Contact thingy permanently because I don't even have any of her contact info no more (I discarded of all her emails on my email box, deleted her nos and threw out all pieces of paper with it- I did this so I don't get tempted to initiate contact ever again) but my question is...
From the story above, do you guys think there's any way in hell the NC thingy can have her have a look back in the near future and try be back wit this after-break-up jerk. Because I may accept her back then only if she genuienly feels we ought to be together but never will I ever initiate contact because I actually can't now
Every input of yours will be much appreciated. Sorry for the long write up. I considered it as part of my healing process
I was in a long distance relationship wit a german for 2 yrs and though people think distance is quite a problem we seemed to manage it quite well. I visit germany once a year while she spends about 90 days here in america at least a couple of times a year and our times apart didn't seem to bother us much since I'm a grad student still in college and she works back home. We were working on plans for the future on how to be together, or so I thot, and had even stated attempting to have babies together.
Anyway, although we had what I thot were very minor frictions, everything about the relationship seemed fabulous and it was like a fairy tale romance to me. It was what I was so sure would have a "happily ever after" ending. It was intense love resonating from both sides.
A couple of weeks ago we were suppose to chat online at a certain time but I got stuck out wit the boys and texted her to tell her I won't be able to make it home at that time and we should chat the next day. I went back home to meet a "we got to talk" email and the next day she informed me that after a about of intense thinking she decided it would be best for her to move on without me so she could concentrate and her personal life as the emotional stress of the relationship seemed to interfer wit it. She said she had given me chances in the past but felt I didn't live up to it while she gave 110% in return.
I went into a about of profuse begging, telling her to forgive me and if given a chance would be a completely changed man for although I loved her intensely I was sorry it didn't seem to translate into action due to my complacency. I begged and begged 4 forgiveness and promised and promised to change. I used all forms of tactics (when I look back now makes me feel pathetic) from the "i can't live without you" to the "you mean you wanna throw away all we been struggling to build n all our plans for the future?".
One thing that kept me going was that I could see that she still seem to love and have feelings for me as she cried all the way through.
Anyway, I pleaded 4 six straight hrs the first day all to no avail. By the way, she suggested we remained best friends because she didn't want to throw away all we had shared just like that. I pleaded to the point that she stopped taking my calls or anwering my text messages until the next day when she came to chat wit me online. There I continued my begging and she remained adamant that it was "over". She said she was emotionally exhausted and needed "a break" and even signalled that we probably could get back together "when our wounds heal" but I couldn't get the hint and just kept pushing on thinking I was rightfully fighting for what I cherished the most.
I gave my push a one day break (thinking its what she meant) n started where I stopped the next day, she started hinting that my continual begging is making our friendship uncomfortable but she promised to keep staying in touch (but not every day tho- according to her).
After 3 instances of begging I decided to give it a rest and didn't speak wit her for 4 days and the 5th day I asked if I could come spend the christmas wit her and her family in germany. She then informed me that her mum is mad at me because of all the emotional trauma I had put her into and advised me to email her mum about it, which I did but no reply. I then called to find out wats up the next day and she informed me her mum still thinks the same of me then we drifted into a little argument when I called the love she always had professed to me a "fake" love. She told me that "spoilt her day" and even though we made an appointment to talk the next day, when I called she didn't pick up the phone, this was when I drifted further down to text message terrorism.
I told her we couldn't be friends no more if I had to be the only one initiating contact, and I wish her the best and hope she finds what she wants in life and all. I wrote lenghty emails over-detailing why I been acting that way and why I believe I could change, and how I felt set backs is a part of any relationship and only make it stronger; blah, blah, blah... but this time. No reply. I then felt even the friendship was gone, bade her a final goodbye through text message, deleted her off my myspace, Facebook, messenger, phone- which I explained to her in an email that it wasn't out of malice but for my own good to heal better, to avoid the emotional rollercoaster of having to keep up wit what she's doing; n that was the close of the chapter.
Not really, I spoke wit a german friend I did business wit (infact, her best friends boyfriend) n when I told him about the break up he asked if he could be of any help that he could talk to her about it. I foolishly obliged and he came back wit what I already know, that the situation's not good at all.
Anyway, I'm on a forced No Contact now (a little too late, I guess) n I'm doing it for myself because I figured all through I was making an argument for "us" while she was making hers for "her" and I thot I needed to start thinking of "me". Its 2 weeks now and I am passed the depression/heartbreak stage(I think mostly becos I had fully come to terms wit the break up) but can hardly stop thinking about "us" even though I try hard not to, it seem like something haunting.
I have decided its finally over and have to move on and doing this No Contact thingy permanently because I don't even have any of her contact info no more (I discarded of all her emails on my email box, deleted her nos and threw out all pieces of paper with it- I did this so I don't get tempted to initiate contact ever again) but my question is...
From the story above, do you guys think there's any way in hell the NC thingy can have her have a look back in the near future and try be back wit this after-break-up jerk. Because I may accept her back then only if she genuienly feels we ought to be together but never will I ever initiate contact because I actually can't now
Every input of yours will be much appreciated. Sorry for the long write up. I considered it as part of my healing process