I'm 20 years old and lately I've been having a lot of problems with my mom. My mom has a lot of financial problems and she has a hard time paying all of her bills. She got me into acting when I was 12, hoping that I could work. I soon became very passionate about acting and decided that's what I wanted to do. I recently booked a part on a show, and have been making a good amount of money but it's a recurring role that will be gone after a few episodes, so I'm going to make a good amount of money for only a certain amount of time. I told my mom I would give her 10% of everything I make for getting me to where I am. ( I give 15% to my manager, and 10% to my agent). Yesterday, I was on set and noticed that I was going to make a lot more that day than I did on the other days. I called her, very excited, and she said that she would be able to buy a car too with that, (I don't have a car, and was planning on buying a car with the money I made). I was a bit irritated and said "Well I'm giving you your percentage" and she blew up and told me how selfish I was and how she put me in the entertainment industry in the first place so that I could make money and help support her, and that the money I'm making wasn't supposed to be for only me, but for her and my 7 year old brother to share, etc, etc ,etc...
I told her that I agreed, she has been struggling financially all of her life and I want to help her, but I want to take it step by step. After each day of work I had she would be planning for a trip to big bear, or if I was getting a lip balm or something she'd ask me to get her one too and if I asked her for some money she'd say "Well you have money".

I know she's extremely stressed with bills and she's desperately looking for ways to pay the rent and everything and I want to help. But I still think that the money I am making is my money and her percentage is her money and only I can plan for what's happening to my part of it. It stresses me out when she starts planning for all of these things that I'm going to do with "our" money and I'm afraid that once I receive my paychecks she's going to spend it all! And if I don't let her use it all on bills and other stuff, she's going to say I'm selfish! I'd like to handle the money responsibly and even put some in my savings account, but she scolds me saying that she can't even put a penny in her savings account, I should be focusing on helping her.

I don't know what to make of this. I cannot reason with her, because she is just not a good communicator and we always leave an argument with her belittling me and me stooping to the lowest level to make her happy. Every time I tell her how I feel she bashes it and refuses to understand. I know she needs help financially, and I want to help her, but I don't want to be as irresponsible about my money as she is with hers! I don't want to end up with nothing in my bank account just because she's spending it all. But then again if she needs help with her bills I can't help but help. But how much can I allow myself to help her? I felt that having a set percentage was the safest thing to do but she isn't happy with it. I could try and tell her I'll raise it to 15%? But I still feel like she'll thing it's selfish... Which scares me cause it sounds like she wants to have the ability to spend all the money she wants without having a fixed percentage. So I'd give her 10% plus all the extra help she needs! Am I wrong to question this?

Please, any input on this would be great. I'd really appreciate it.

Are you under contract? I'm a little confused that one day you would earn more than you would earn on another day.

You are already paying an agent and a manager. If you and your mother cannot communicate well and she's trying to put a guilt trip on you I doubt she'll be satisified with anything you offer. It sounds like she might be jealous of your success on some level.

I would make no agreement but would give her money if/when you can.

I assume you live on your own and not with her?

I was under contract, but they gave me a new contract for that day. We were outside at the beach and it was a night shoot. Maybe that's why, I'm not sure.
I still live with my mom and depend on her for transportation (I'll borrow her car when I need it) , since I don't have a car, which is very frustrating. But I will get one by the end of this month. I also want to move out so much but she would rather I stay home (She's french-haitian, and her culture isn't so much that the kids leave once they turn 18 but rather leave when they get married! I don't know how much of a stickler she is about that... I hope not too much) I also am not making enough regular incoming money to pay my own rent even with a roommate just yet, but I think by next year I may so I will have to bring that up to her at some point... I also feel that I get easily irritated by her at times because I craze some kind of freedom and independence and living with her is not providing me for that.

As long as you are living under her roof and she is providing room and board I think it's fair for her to "charge" you something to offset her expenses. Hopefully you can talk to her and explain that you need some money for yourself and that you can't give her your entire check.

Until you are emancipated I'm afraid you'll have to live with her rules/by her rules/under her roof - with everything that goes along with that.

Have you considered helping her in other ways.

For example, you have made it clear that the percentage is to help her pay her bills. Why not contact the cable/light/power/landlord people, and arrange to make payments. Get gift cards from the local market, hardware store, hairdresser, etc.

That way you are directly helping, and also directing your own money where it's needed most. If she's not making rent and planning on buying a car as you said, she's not spending the money you give her according to what it was intended for.

I agree with Judy that you should be paying something to her when you are working, and living under her roof. But, I also think that part of the problem is that what you pay isn't making a dent in the bills.

If you can manage to more directly contribute, with some control over where the money goes, you will be helping her, and she will benefit from that.

Hi
I have been in a similar situation, my mother is greedy with money too and called me names when I stood up for myself.
Your 20 yrs old you're a young adult don't let your mom rule the rest of your life step up take control of who you really are your mom should be supporting her own financial issues not relying on her children to suport her.. the role of motherhood should not be reversed. If it means moving out and leaving her for awhile till she realises that you're her daughter not her mother then so be it do it, you work for your own money she should do the same

If you are living under your other's roof then you need to be contributing to bills and rent - that goes absolutely without saying. This should be separate to the 10% extra you provide her for her for supporting you in what you want to do. So, split the bills/rent and give her an extra 10% - what she does with the extra is her business, not yours.

You also need to be saving some money and planning to move out - let her know now that this is what you're planning, so it won't be a surprise when it happens.