How did you break up with your lover?

Are you the 'lets be friends' type?

Did you go out for milk and never come back?

Or the ever faithful 'its not you its me'?

As a teenager I got my friends to do the dirty work,in my 20's I used the 'its not you its me' and in my 30's I used 'its not ME its YOU'

And now that I have reached the holy grail of coupledom, I've had my last first kiss,and my last first time,and the days of insecurity and fretting are over,I look back at the guys who did not make the grade, and think,ah bless, what an idiot!

So come on you heartbreakers, dish the dirt, did you leave without a good bye or stay for one last time..


(I tried to put this in the lounge,but the new skin would not let me)

Wow. Insecurity, fretting, heartbreak, and breaking hearts? Not for me. And I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I'm very keen on dating, relationship, how the healthy ones work, and how to avoid the unhealthy ones. I've been to relationship counseling, and have befriended many more guys than gals in my life, so I understand the opposite sex, and relate to guys quite well, (growing up an adventurous, daring little girl with 3 brothers and 1 twin sister may have had something to do with that.)

It might surprise people to know that I have never dated once in my entire life, and have never broken up. I have a one and only-first kiss, first hug, first boyfriend, I'm only 19 but I met him when I was 15, by the time I was 16 I knew he was the one for me. Even as a 15 year old, I was observing my guyfriends because I knew that one day I would befriend the man I was going to marry... we're now engaged to be married, and I know that I'm part of the minority, but I'd like to direct others toward the same mindset- why date around, or sleeparound, or break up 20 times in your life, when a good way to prevent a break-up, and jumping from guy-to-guy trying to find the right one, is simply knowing him as a friend before you start the romance.
That's just my take on breaking up, etc. I've never done it. =D

Hey jaime,that's a very mature outlook,and you are one of the lucky ones,many people in there 30's and 40's are still trying to grasp the concept of getting to know a guy first...

For me, I jumped right in,and have the scars to show for it,but I learned many lessons about breakups and makeups ,I guess I took the long way around to reach where I am today...

I have also broken up with men,the nice way and the not so nice way...

I just stopped talking to the last girl I was seeing--that's my usual MO if I'm the one calling it off, which is rare--that was in early to mid-August I believe. Then this past Saturday, I see her at a show, I was not expecting her to be there.

I said: "You don't call me anymore, I never see you at parties at Sloth's, you never want to see me, what's the deal?!"

You should've seen the look on her face. She laughed, at least I think she did, I was pretty drunk.

Hey redhed, don't get me wrong, having dating experience and getting to know several guys in a relationship are not bad things. Getting involved too fast can make things messy though- you can trace a lot of break-ups right back to the beginning, where one person was not who the other one thought they were, or emotional involvement happened way too soon... This can only end in broken hearts, and ex's can cause awkwardness, and problems in any future relationships or marriages. (my mom has accused my dad of contacting his ex's and vice versa... I've only seen it do bad, not good.)

I guess I am kind of with Jaime. One serious guy I dated I dumped. He was a jealous possesive loser. After that I just kind of hung around and kept the guys who asked me out as friends. If I got to like them I just didn't go for it. For some reason I never took it past friendship level.

There was one I did try taking past the friends thing but he was crazy. Crazy fun to have as a friend, not as a boyfriend. I told him after a few weeks I was over it. Guess he didn't like it. He parked in front of my house super drunk and upset. I was annoyed, called the cops and they handled it. He pretended to be sleeping after he realized they were there. They did that smelling stick thing under his nose to wake him, even though he was awake. Made it even funnier. I had his class ring. The cops gave it back to him for me. We ended up best friends again after that. He bacame great friends with my now husband and then he went on to marry my cousin.

I have always been the one who does the break up. I just put it all out there. I would always explain why we are not compatible and why it makes sense. Strangely enough it works pretty well (well most of the time). I have only been dumped once then 6 months after that she realized she made a mistake. We have been together ever since and will be celebrating out first anniversary in January.

Although I have to say I miss the excitement of walking into a new girls bedroom for the first time. Wondering if she has a boyfriend or husband that has happened to me and I had to literally jump out a window my knee still isn't right because of that one. But I wouldn't trade what my wife and I have for anything.

Great thread-with me its mostly been-this isn't working anylonger we can't communicate anymore-and then I've gone NC on them,even before I called it NC.

In my 30's I realised I just could not take anymore cr*p dates... I remember on date the guy was looking around and leering at every female in the place,I got up and left.. never answered his calls again...

That's the only quick escape I had I make...

Well When I was a big jock I went through girls week after week. When I wanted to date another girl I would use the line, "I think we should just be friends" Sometimes I would just say, "Hey, it is over" Some went like, "I think I just want to be single for awhile and then maybe we can get back together"

Now I am just a fat guy and I am more appreciative of what I have. I am scared to break up with a girl. Haha. I usually let things build in me for months and months until I say, "I can't take it anymore, it's over"

I think that is about it.

I used to let men walk all over me and I never broke up with them:( Years of dating the same guy.
The last guy I dated for 2 1/2 years. He was living with me (on and off) because he also lived with his Mother:rolleyes: I went on vacation in Oct. 91 for 3 days with a girlfriend and met her brother. When I came back I told the boyfriend to get out (in a nice way) He packed his few belongings and I moved to California in November 1991, married Glen in Dec 91.
18 years today:D and he is sleeping:rolleyes:
So I guess my point is that I really didn't care until I either grew up or found the right one:)

I used to let men walk all over me and I never broke up with them:( Years of dating the same guy.
The last guy I dated for 2 1/2 years. He was living with me (on and off) because he also lived with his Mother:rolleyes: I went on vacation in Oct. 91 for 3 days with a girlfriend and met her brother. When I came back I told the boyfriend to get out (in a nice way) He packed his few belongings and I moved to California in November 1991, married Glen in Dec 91.
18 years today:D and he is sleeping:rolleyes:
So I guess my point is that I really didn't care until I either grew up or found the right one:)

Happy Anniversary JD. :)

Stringer

Last breakup was in 07, so not that long ago. Anyway, I handed him a UHaul receipt. I said 'Gee, If I knew It was that cheap to rent one of those, I would have left last month.' He looked shocked, but shouldn't have been. Backround info: He was a dry drunk. Unbareable to live with... felt good to do it the way I did. I was out within the week.

I just leave.

in my 30's i realised i just could not take anymore cr*p dates...i remember on date the guy was looking around and leering at every female in the place,i got up and left..never answered his calls again...

thats the only quick escape i had i make...

Red I love it, love it, love it!
Good for you.

I just leave.


Simple and effective.

It's the guys that start crying that get me,too late for the tears baby,they were not crying when they were sleeping with the hussey down the road... far from it in fact!

Happy Anniversary JD. :)

Stringer

Thanks!:)

Thanks!:)

You are very welcome! What did you do... dinner, candlelight, poems?

We had grilled steak and salmon with some french bread, watched 'Christmas vacation' and decorated the tree.:)
It was a relaxing evening.

My breakups usually ended in a restraining order. ;)

For some reason I brought out the worst in most of the guys I dated, maybe it was me. :(

There are a few that are still good friends, mainly because we were never really that serious about each other to begin with, it was just gits and shiggles, so friendship wasn't difficult to retain.

There were a few guys that started stalking me. Then there was the guy that wouldn't give up, said he wanted to be friends but every time we'd get together as friends he'd try to rekindle the relationship. The last blow was when he got me an engagement ring and asked me to marry him. Um, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS!!

I've never done the "It's not you it's me". I also never just left. Thankfully I haven't had to break up with anyone for over 19 years.

Whew. :)

Wow Alty you sound like a friend of mine. I know of 3 guys who have her name tattooed on them. They all got them within a month a meeting her. And one of them proposed to her after she got a restraining order against him. Crazy!

We had grilled steak and salmon with some french bread, watched 'Christmas vacation' and decorated the tree.:)
It was a relaxing evening.

Sounds very nice JD.

Happy anniversary JD :)

simple and effective.

its the guys that start crying that get me,too late for the tears baby,they were not crying when they were sleeping with the hussey down the road...far from it in fact!

Personally, I like the crying + begging on the knees.

Makes me feel like some sort of powerful woman.

I should look into the dominatrix business...

Wow Alty you sound like a friend of mine. I know of 3 guys who have her name tattooed on them. They all got them within a month a meeting her. And one of them proposed to her after she got a restraining order against him. crazy!

The guy that proposed, even though we were no longer together, actually called me the day before my wedding and said "When you finally come to your senses I'll be waiting".

Yup, time to renew the restraining order.

He'd also send flowers every day. He'd leave notes on my car. He was definitely not going to take no for an answer.

I wonder how he's doing now? No, I won't try and find out. :eek:

Alty,you were a regular femme fatale!

The guy that proposed, even though we were no longer together, actually called me the day before my wedding and said "When you finally come to your senses I'll be waiting".

Yup, time to renew the restraining order.

He'd also send flowers every day. He'd leave notes on my car. He was definitely not going to take no for an answer.

I wonder how he's doing now? No, I won't try and find out. :eek:

Now that you finally ask, I am fine. I waited and waited.

It's too late now , I gave that ring to someone else.

You could be having grits for breakfast.

alty,you were a regular femme fatale!

Moi? Na! ;)

I just had a very bad habit of picking unstable guys to date.

I ended up with a good one though. I think! :eek:

Now that you finally ask, I am fine. I waited and waited.

It's too late now , I gave that ring to someone else.

You could be having grits for breakfast.

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Do... do you know each other in reality! :eek:

Do... do you know each other in reality!? :eek:

That's what I want to know! :eek:

LOL! I know it's not my former stalker because JM said he gave the ring to someone else and he never got the ring back. He wouldn't take it back. I tried every which way but he wouldn't.

I finally sold it to dollars4Gold a while back. I don't want a constant reminder of him in my house.

Do... do you know each other in reality!? :eek:

No, I'm in a different age bracket. Baby boomer, tail end.

Besides, I'm not her type.

We both like rabbits.

For different reasons.

I'm not a stalker... any more.

I think calling the day before your wedding was the work of a tool.

No, I'm in a different age bracket. Baby boomer, tail end.

Besides, I'm not her type.

We both like rabbits.

For different reasons.

I'm not a stalker.........................any more.

I think calling the day before your wedding was the work of a tool.

You eat rabbits! :eek:

We need to talk. ;)

He was a tool. I should have known it from the beginning but I was young, stupid, didn't think things through. Learning from your mistakes is a good thing. ;)

He was also abusive. I really should have known better.

You eat rabbits! :eek:

We need to talk. ;)

He was a tool. I should have known it from the beginning but I was young, stupid, didn't think things through. Learning from your mistakes is a good thing. ;)

He was also abusive. I really should have known better.

Yes, we all learn from those mistakes we made when we were young. That's what makes it so hard to help someone that is getting beaten by a guy and won't leave.

They think they are loved. Meanwhile they are bruised and broken.

Yes, we all learn from those mistakes we made when we were young. That's what makes it so hard to help someone that is getting beaten by a guy and won't leave.

They think they are loved. Meanwhile they are bruised and broken.

I hate to admit that I gave him another chance even after he hit me. Not as a boyfriend, but as a friend. Sadly he never did accept that we could only be friends and nothing more.

The first hit should be the last. Sadly most people go back for more. :(

I hate to admit that I gave him another chance even after he hit me. Not as a boyfriend, but as a friend. Sadly he never did accept that we could only be friends and nothing more.

The first hit should be the last. Sadly most people go back for more. :(

--can I say it... I will.

Sadly most people go back for more... until they get some sense knocked into them.


:eek::eek:

--can I say it...I will.

Sadly most people go back for more.... until they get some sense knocked into them.


:eek::eek:

It takes some people longer then others, then there are those that never leave.

It's a learning curve. Learning that you can't change someone and sometimes you just have to leave.

It takes some people longer then others, then there are those that never leave.

It's a learning curve. Learning that you can't change someone and sometimes you just have to leave.

Oh I agree, my sister didn't leave her other husband after 10 years:eek: [they were together since.. you guessed it high school]

Now she's happily married to #2... :)

Men like should be dropped at an island and go through some brutal therapy until they are better men... or they can just die in a hole..

Well women abuse too. An old friend wour hit her [scrawny] boyfriend and he's STILL with her-- kind of weird... but still just as serious..

Abuse is abuse, it doesn't matter who is wielding it, male or female, it's still abuse and no one should put up with that.

I just don't understand how someone can stay with someone that hits them or mentally abuses them. That's not love. People that love you don't hurt you.

Abuse is abuse, it doesn't matter who is wielding it, male or female, it's still abuse and no one should put up with that.

I just don't understand how someone can stay with someone that hits them or mentally abuses them. That's not love. People that love you don't hurt you.

Like you said it takes time [you said that right?]

Sigh

First hit should be the time where you walk away [forever].

The first hit should be the last, sadly it often isn't. I had to learn that the hard way, but I can tell you, the last guy that hit me was the last guy that hit me and walked away from it unscathed.

I will never again allow anyone to place their hands on me unless I want them to. The next guy that hits me (won't be hubby, he would never do that) will be crawling away crying.

I'm not the scared little rabbit I used to be.

I think people stay in abusive relationships because 1. there too scared to go.
2. they have no one else to turn too.
3. the person giving the abuse has all the power..
4. they want to believe things will change and get better.

That's just from my own meananders.

Way #164 for leaving your other half:

Take a dump in his car with a note saying "You were a sh!tty boyfriend"

Way #164 for leaving your other half:

Take a dump in his car with a note saying "You were a sh!tty boyfriend"


Hmm,very creative,and funny!

I am said to say my way of ending a relationship one time was

... I'm going to go take a shower, you can let yourself out. And I don't think we should see each other anymore"

I am said to say my way of ending a relationship one time was

...I'm going to go take a shower, you can let yourself out. And I don't think we should see each other anymore"


I remember it well.

I was gutted.

I'm sorry Red, I didn't think you would take it that hard (That's what she said) and I'll make it up to you

Lol, you two! :p

I'm sorry Red, I didn't think you would take it that hard (That's what she said) and I'll make it up to you


OK.I thought it over,but I'm not doing that thing with the gerbils again...

I mean it this time rome!

I had already left emotionally far in advance of ever uttering the words.. "its just not working out".

I hated hurting anyone who I once loved but some relationships simply run their course and there is no point in beating a dead horse.

Then of course there was the restraining order and nothing says good bye like a good old order of protection :)

ok.i thought it over,but im not doing that thing with the gerbils again....

i mean it this time rome!

He made you do that too! :eek:

Rome, you said I was your one and only.

Men! :rolleyes:

The old protection order works a charm.

Its amazing though at how much hurt and misery we put up with before we say enough.. that goes for both sexes.

I remember in the dying months of my marriage looking at my husband across the dinner table, and I just wanted to slap him,the way he ate,the way he checked his food,the way he left the bathroom door open when he was on the loo, he way he would breathe... the man was like sandpaper on my soul...

I'm positive he has nothing but charming stories about me too!

He made you do that too!? :eek:

Rome, you said I was your one and only.

Men! :rolleyes:

I thought those gerbils looked a little knackered... poor little sods,rome is a hard task master.

sandpaper on my soul.
That is a perfect expression,I hope you don't mind if I use it from time to time as it just says it all!

.
That is a perfect expression,I hope you don't mind if I use it from time to time as it just says it all !!


Work away artlady...