Hey guys

I was in a club with 3 other girls one night and a guy came up to me to tell me that he has been observing me for a while and he thinks I have a nice smile.

Next he offered drinks, I kindly declined

He walked away...

Next he came back again to chat up. And he asked if I wanted to dance, I said its OK I am pretty comfortable here so probably not.

He said for my number, I gave him a wrong one because I wasn't too keen to see any random guy I meet at the club. After I gave my no. I left the club and was walking toward the car park.

To my surprise, he immediately texts the wrong no. I gave him and the person replied him saying he got the wrong person.

He left the club and came after me. I got a shock and he kind of confronted me, I was alone and so I figured OK fine, I will give him my number.

Since then we exchange text messages via our mobile every day for about 1.5 weeks. Through our conversations he seems interesting but still I didn't think I should go out with him as he's like a complete stranger .

However I changed my mind after reading a text message he sent me at 2 AM.
" hey i know we met in the least ideal situation, and you should think poorly of me, but i just want to tell you that meeting you has been a huge moment for me, and i was really glad i mustered up the courage to speak to you that day. Still i respect that you want to keep distant, but i don't want you to think that you are losing out on anything. If you ever feel this way again just tell me and i ll back off. Just thought you should know i cherish our friendship. night"

I was kind of touched by his text and so I have agreed to meet up with him this weekend. But I told him I ll be bring a girlfriend along and he should bring another friend too.

However two days ago he completely stopped texting me... why is that so? I am little curious about it. Because sometimes I don't reply him but he still texts me .

I am kind of excited about this weekend's meet up... but I don't know if he will inform me about the plans. I don't want to take the initiative to text him.

Do guys text you very intensively and then completed stop to test your reaction?

Have you been playing the "hard to get" game with him? In my experience, men really don't like that and if a woman is vague in texts or he texts you a few times and you don't text back, he will back off. I can tell you are interested in this guy and obviously he is interested in you, but if you back off, then it will seem to him like he is being a nuisance or creepy and no guy wants to be that person.

Honestly, women do this too much, they want us to chase them, and to tell you the truth, here is a big revelation... WE HAVE NO CLUE WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! So, if you guys were texting regularly and he was doing all of the work, he probably thought to himself "She really is not that interested, I am going to focus my energy elsewhere". Men like mystery, but we don't want to chase something that we don't think we are going to catch either.

The thing that stood out from your post was the fact that he lost interest after you said you would meet him with your friend... why did he cool off?

This reaction from him would give me the goolies.. trust your gut here,if you do decide to still meet up,don't go on your own.

And this 'friendship' that he is cherishing.. he hardly knows you,and you him...

Be cautious,and aware.

I would also be cautious, as he is a stranger and on the hunt, and is backing off for whatever reason, and you need to be aware that no one knows about his intentions but him.

I also think from the get go you should never have given him a wrong number, but been honest about it, and the fact that he followed you supposedly to get your real number is a red flag that he may not have the best intentions in the first place. No way do you be alone with him, or fall for any tricks to get you by yourself with no backup plan, or support.

You'd be the fool for trusting a stranger that has already stalked you. He has proved when he doesn't get his way he will persist until he does.

To many red flags here.

Just to add,he also said he had been observing you for a while before he spoke to you... OBSERVING YOU!

I agree with red and Tal, and you don't have any idea who he is-don't have anything more to do with him.

Wow, what a creeper! This guy was across the room observing you, he then ran after you outside even though you made it very clear that you were not interested... (unless they're seriously trying to get something, most people won't chase after someone after they give them a fake phone number.)

Of course his text message was touching... He is trying to charm you and enchant you to think he is a caring, kind, innocent man- who am I to say he isn't, but there are several red flags in your post that tells me, he's not: 1.He was "observing" you? Awkward.
2.He chased after you in the parking lot, after you gave him a fake phone number.
3.He decided not to meet up with you after you mentioned your friend, clearly he (a total stranger) wants to meet up with you ALONE... this could get dangerous.

Because you are trying to be cautious and bring a friend, he has stopped texting you... Why? Because he doesn't WANT you to bring your friend.

What creeps me out is that he called her and she wasn't even at her car, then he confronts her. The 'real' number should not have been given, but, being put in a very uncomfortable spot, what else was she to do.

There is something really off with this guy. His behaviour, his texts, his attitude, the set up for the weekend, then lack of communication, etc.

Just too much trouble, with too many red flags.

You have done a very good job of listening to your instincts, and making sure you are safe (with bringing a friend). That was really a test, and he failed.

Skip him, and be careful.

Hey guys

Thanks for your kind advice. He replied after he went missing for 2 days explaining he was out field and couldn't use his hp.

And he texted me saying that he misses me a lot and stuff and ask me what I would like to have for dinner on Saturday.

I told him to suggest. And he suggested this fine dining japanese restaurant at a 5 * restaurant. I don't really want to do such an expensive dinner. I was thinking of somewhere more casual in fact.

Oh no... I feel like backing out. But my best friend said its OK since we are meeting in public and she's with me. My best friend is quite fierce and strong in character while I am pretty weak myself.

The keyphrase here is I feel like backing out. Trust that instinct. Don't let anyone talk you into changing your mind.

Alternate choice

I'm going to take a different approach from the rest of the advice.

Obviously, he's a total stranger and there are some red flags, but again, the fact that he's a stranger doesn't automatically mean that he's a creeper. It's very difficult for a guy to get a strange girl's attention without taking a little bit more initiative. So he put in a bit more effort, but it's somewhat working, otherwise you wouldn't even bother replying to him.

I think that you're partially curious about what it would be like to hang out with this guy, or else you wouldn't be posting here. You're already being cautious by bringing a friend along. If you want to take more precaution, then bring a second friend along. Like your friend said, it's a neutral setting anyway. Stick to neutral settings the entire time.

You should definitely proceed with caution, but you can still go for it to see how it turns out.

Finally, if you really want to get to know him better, you can always stick to the phone and IM, to get more comfortable with one another first. Even after that, you can still bring a friend along when you hang out.

I totally agree with I Wish! The fact that he's a stranger doesn't automatically mean that he's a creeper. Just make sure you bring your "strong" friend, and meet in a public place.

my friend told me that I am too excited about it because I keep talking about it =( I am not sure why am I so excited about it too.

actually maybe because I haven't really done anything like this before? I don't know how is things going to be for that night...

I Wish is right in the fact that him being a stranger doesn't make him a creeper- but the things he did within minutes or hours of "observing" her, calling her right after she gives him a fake number, him chasing after her in the parking lot and waiting until she gives him her REAL number, asking to meet up and going quiet when she mentions bringing along a friend..?
I would just be very cautious. To me, these things seem kind of creepy, or at least seems like he doesn't have the purest intentions.

hey guys,

so I met up with him(Z) & his other guy friend yesterday together with my girl friend. Turned out he is quite cocky and too ahead of himself.

I am quite depressed after this date because it made me realise that actually I really like this other guy(X) but I don't know how I should tell him or let him know.

Things are rather complicated that is because his best friend(Y) is interested in me for almost a year already. Within his group of guy friends he made it very open to everyone about his interest in me.

The very first time I met X through Y , I had pretty good feelings for X. I like his composed and quiet confident vibe. Unlike Z, he's a little to straight talking and over selling himself to me. The meeting with Z yest, just made me miss X a lot more and is making me more depressed.

Y is currently overseas and I only get to meet X when Y is back and we hang out as a group. Whenever we are out X and I will be talking a lot together, I think there's some kind of chemistry between us, I don't know about him but for me I felt it...

What should I do guys... I feel terrible... I don't really want to go on anymore dates...

bloody hell... its like a maths lesson... too many letters!

way too complicated... my advice is A... A = you + some time = peace of mind and no confusion!

Well at least you know who you don't want to date. Why not simply ask Mr X if he'd like to meet up as friends, take in a movie or something similar,at least that way you might be able to find out how interested he is.

I can't bring myself to do that... because I am a girl? I think its quite a turn off for girls to make the first move... =(

Besides, how can he betray his best friend?.

I can't bring myself to do that ...... coz i am a girl? i think its quite a turn off for girls to make the first move... =(

Besides, how can he betray his best friend?....


You know my first post here was about if I should make the first move or not... the advice was,ask him out,what have you to lose, if he says no,well then you know,you have not lost anything,if he says yes,your away on a banter... I asked,he said yes,10 months later I'm in the best relationship I have ever had... (thankyou amhd-ers)...

Go for it... or take some time for yourself,clear your head.

Tell "Z" to KYA, go find an "A".

But you probably won't be happy until you find a "10".

Its quite embarrassing right to ask a guy out? And besides I think he thinks there is something going on between me and his best friend...

How should I ask him out? I have never asked any guy out before...

its quite embarrassing right to ask a guy out? and besides i think he thinks there is something going on between me and his best friend....

How should i ask him out? i have never asked any guy out before....

No, it's OK to ask out a guy. Ask him.

its quite embarrassing right to ask a guy out? and besides i think he thinks there is something going on between me and his best friend....

How should i ask him out? i have never asked any guy out before....


Send a text,and say,hey there's a film on I want to see,would you like to come with me... a text gives him time to think,and ask about the other guy, if he does, tell him there is nothing in it... if he says no to the film,you say,no problem just thought id ask... if he says yes,make the date... but and this is a big but... dont let him play you around with lots of questions or I don't knows or any crap... its a simple yes or no answer,if he has to think about it... MOVE ON!

What if I say I want to play it cool.. there's no chase if he knows I like him.

what if i say i want to play it cool....? theres no chase if he knows i like him.

There's no nothing right now... if you want to be chased,buy a dog! If you want a date,ask him!

You should date more, not less. It's a simple concept, you date to get to know someone, and have fun doing it. Looking to hook up only complicates things way to early, and much to fast.

Ask the other guy out, why not? It's a date not a commitment. Have fun, and see if he does too.

But the caution is not get too attached, too fast, or get carried, away by "the chemistry". These are things that can cloud judgment, and making you pay attention, more attention to feelings, and ignore facts.

That's when things get really complicated, when you get carried away by your own emotions, and rush through the very important process of getting to know someone, and yourself.

Just a word on chemistry, that's something you probably as a female have for most of the male population. Some maybe more than others, that's why its important for you manage those intense feelings, and discover what that chemistry is all about.

Also, it may be wise to broaden your circle a bit, and experience new people, activities, and places outside your own very small circle, that you are comfortable in.

The thing is I have not resolved the thing with his best friend yet.His best friend confessed his feelings to me 3 months back before returning to another country for work. So I said OK lets get to know each other better first. But then gradually I realised LDR is not working out and he is probably not the one for me. But I have not told him that yet.


I want to settle that first before I make a move on to ask him out.

Then I suggest you tell him rather than keeping him waiting around hoping for something that's not going to happen.

I hope that you have learned something by this guy "Z". By him following you to your car, and calling you out on giving him the wrong number.

You NEVER give in to pressure like that.

Nice guys don't play games like that. That is border line stalking.

You should cut all ties with him.

And as far as the LDR guy, if it takes a phone call, in this instance, I guess that it would be OK. But he deserves to know what's up.

I hope your need for attention doesn't over rule your common sense and prevent you from being honest with yourself, so you can be honest with others.

We humans tend to complicate things when our feelings get in the way of the facts.


His best friend confessed his feelings to me 3 months back before returning to another country for work.

Why is this a big red flag to me, and not to you??

I was chatting with the guy that I like but just before I logged off I told him this

me: hey lets hang out sometime when you are back. Logging off take care!
( He is currently out of town for work but he returns every weekend . I didn't wait of his reply and I logged out of gchat when I got home and I checked my email I saw his reply)
X: yes do...
X: when?


its been over a day... I don't know how to reply him! He heh but I am sooooooo happy =D

Suggest something for when he's next in town.
Have you told the overseas guy yet that it's not on?

No I haven't told Y that we aren't on. I don't really know how to say it. I mean I don't call him the most is we talk online and stuff

Somehow you should let him know-its not fair keeping him waiting around.

When are people going to learn to be honest with other people? Handle your old business first, and then be free to do whatever you want, without guilt, or baggage.

Unless your one of those people who don't mind putting some one on the back burner while you see if this new guy works out? That's devious, and deceptive, in my opinion.

Hi guys I am back because I once again I don't know what is this guy(guy I met at the club) up to.

about 2 weeks ago we went on a double date. I brought my friend and he brought another of his friend along too.

So my birthday was on the 23rd Dec. About 1 week before the 23rd he texted me this


18th DEC

Z: hey so you are celebrating your birthday with me right?
Me: says who?
Z: says me. Ha ha you ve got plans already?
Me: Yes I have got plans already but it is a Wednesday and you will be in camp =) ( this guy is with the military so he has to stay in the camp during the weekdays)
Z:I ll take the day off for you.
Me: Hey but I really can't I already have plans.
Z: so when is the next best date?
Me: I think 26th is good for me. So what is the plans?
(He didn't text me back to confirm the date. I told him 26th is because I barely know him and I don't want to spend my birthday with a friend I barely know. 24th and 25th are too important dates to spend with him too ha ha ha so I chose 26th )

22 DEC (day before my birthday)

Z: 12 hours more =)
Me: are u doing a count down ? How have you been? ( OK honestly I think his text message is quite freaky and stalkerish)
Z:I have been busy. Yes counting down for you. I already decided what your gift should be... ME! Ha ha ha
Me: Oh do you think I ll like it?
Z: ha ha too bad. You don't have much choice here.
Me: Oh I can't accept such a big gift
Z: Are you saying I am fat? I am very sensitive about weight you know.
Me: Since when your so self conscious
Z: Since forever. So are you really not available tomorrow?
Me:Yes I cant. Meeting some friends for dinner and drinks

23rd DEC
Z at 12.30am: Happy birthday! I am so happy for you!
Me: Hey Z! Thanks

24th DEC
Z: hey how was the birthday celebrating!
Me: Hey! It was good. Thanks

25th DEC

Z: Hey Merry Xmas. Are we still meeting tomorrow?
Me: Hey merry xmas. Yes! But I have something on in the afternoon, I can only see you in the evening.
Z: Ya sure, but I am down with the flu I think, so may not be able to meet. I'm hoping I can get better, if not we meet another time you?
Me: Hey no worries, I think you should get more rest =) sucks to be sick on xmas! Will catch you again!
Z: hmmmm so sad can't meet you. OK I'll get well then ask you out again. Take care babe


I didn't bother to reply him... to be honest I am quite disappointed that he cancelled on me. Is he playing mind games with me? I ll call it quits and not bother meeting up with him again if he is trying to play me. I just have no time for games.

Its like he kept asking me out on the second date... then when the date is nearing he cancels on me. What is he up to?


what do you guys think?

I think he's very strange and you're better off going nc on him. You don't need a stalker in your life.

I think he is unreliable, and inconsistent. A bad choice for a partner.

His actions don't match his words, and that's always a red flag.

Another red flag, he has excuses when he can't do what he says, or simply disappears, rather than do anything.