All threads merged for the entire story

Okay guys, I really need help here..

There's this guy I had been casually dating for about 3 months. We had one of those automatic, overwhelming chemistries right off the bat. It almost seemed like love at first sight. We've even talked about it amongst each other, so I know he felt it to. Anyway, we got along so well and I've never met such an honest and genuine guy. I trust him 100%. And this is like the first of many guys I can truly say that about. Well, after the first month or two he let me know that he is afraid of his feelings towards me and how fast everything is moving, so he needed time to get his head on straight. This hurt me, cause it sucked just being without him... But only a week later we ended up in eachother's arms again and he apologized for the pain he had caused me. Everything was back to normal again and going so great.. until another few weeks later. Now he just sent me a text stating that he got another new job and just doesn't have time for a relationship. I was like ooh god not again, and I was once again crushed. I took it a lot harder this time.. we didn't talk for almost a week.. but then I ran into him and we casually said hi.. and went on with what we were doing. Then he sent me a text saying that I look beautiful and asking "just wondering if im still your boo" Im so confused...
It seems like he doesn't want me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me either..
I've been telling him I wanted to talk to clear things up for me. We talked on the phone last night, and filled my ego with how perfect I am and that he's just scared and wants to give me his all and he feels like he can't right now.. Then he said he was going to call me back after he got out of the shower, and he never did. :confused:

Sorry but this guy wants to have a friends with benefits situation whenever it suits him. It doesn't matter what he SAYS, his actions speak for themselves
Don't sit there and wait for his calls whenever it suits him, stop taking his calls instead.

I think you should let this one go.

He keeps dropping you like an old shoe.

Either tell him straight "What's up with you? Either you want to be with me or not! I don't like mind games!"

Chemistry may be good now, but after awhile it WILL settle down and your going to be stuck with a fickle man.

Do you want that? Me thinks no ;)

Move on darlin', there's plenty of men out there...

I think you should let this one go! Life's tough enough when your guy is playing on your team, but when he's "on again - off again", there's no security or no way you'll be a winning team! Get rid of him before you truly do get attached.

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Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

Obviously that great chemistry you feel, he does not. His actions are very clear, he wants it his way, not yours and is using your own feelings against you.

Prove him wrong by disappearing from his life. How dare he play a game with your feelings.

So you guys think he's lying about the reason that "he's scared about how fast things have been moving"?
He said it all first, its not like he's going along with something I said..

Chances are he is telling another girl the same thing he is telling you. Cut him loose and do not answer his calls anymore.

I'm going to agree and say let this one go. If he says "I'm scared of our chemistry" or the like, you should hear "I'm not mature enough to take responsibility for my feelings in a relationship and if you stick around I'm going to jerk you around like a yo-yo until you don't know which end is up." He's already started. If you're up for that, then by all means, go ahead, but I'd suggest you spare yourself the pain.

This guy is half of your relationship and he is afraid of his feelings?? A relationship like this won't work. You can't decide to love someone every few weeks, and dump them the rest of the time. LOVE IS COMMITMENT. THIS GUY DOESN'T LOVE YOU. And, as said before, chemistry is great, but after a while (studies have shown 2 years into the relationship) reality sinks in and love is no longer a "feeling" as much as it is a choice. You need to break it off before you end up with more emotional hurt.

Threads merged

So I so strangely got a text today at 8 a.m from my ex boyfriend. This guy was my longest relationship, plus we dated twice. He hooked up with one of my closests friends one night when we were hanging out in hopes to win me back. I didn't talk to him after, I had no reason to even yell. Months passed by and being ignored had driven him nuts! Haha. So he came back apologizing and pulling the typical "i was drunk, we werent even together anyways" bull. And once AGAIN wanted to win me back. I said fine Ill hang out with you, but we'll never be anything more again.. cause I reallyy do like his company, he's so funny and fun to be around. After a few times of hanging out as frieendss.. he of course wanted more and didn't take my refusal very well.. and began calling me a prudent and other horrible things. So that was the last straw. I was like wow you can't even handle a friendship with me.. so I wrote a mean rap about him on a myspace blog. It was hilarious. Covered alllll the points about him that I've always had hidden within my thoughts. he read it an I'm surprised how lightly he took it.. whatever. I realized how immature it was so I deleted it after like a month and we continued not to talk for months and months now. I really thought that would end his constantly coming back to me. HA
But I guess not. See, he had moved to Arizona shortly after that last episode for college. And now he's back in town and wants to see me.. I handled it all well, I was nice to him, we talked on the phone a little.. and I know you will all tell me not to see this again or he'll think he's going to win me over again. But that's just it, the thrill of the hole hard to get thing is just so fun for me. I know he has noo more chances left with me.. but it seems this little jerk will always have a place in my heart.
Thanks for listening xoxo

Believe me that I am not trying to be mean but I once dated someone who later I found out "enjoyed the thrill". Once I would seem to get over him enough to actually get out again he would be right on my heels. He would soon tire of me and then guess what... as soon as he would hear of me crawling out of myself pity and pain here he would come again. I repeated this cycle a few times and when I finally wised up and turned the game on him. He found out that in the end the player actually got played. I don't think he had ever been played back before. The look on his face. I can say that for awhile when I would run into him or he me when I would be out that he would get this intimidated look about himself and I loved it. What I am trying to say is... be careful. Players usually don't like to be played because they don't like to lose. Things have a way of coming back to you.

Believe me that I am not trying to be mean but I once dated someone who later I found out "enjoyed the thrill". Once I would seem to get over him enough to actually get out again he would be right on my heels. He would soon tire of me and then guess what...as soon as he would hear of me crawling out of my self pity and pain here he would come again. I repeated this cycle a few times and when I finally wised up and turned the game on him. He found out that in the end the player actually got played. I don't think he had ever been played back before. The look on his face. I can say that for awhile when I would run into him or he me when I would be out that he would get this intimidated look about himself and I loved it. What I am trying to say is...be careful. Players usually don't like to be played because they don't like to lose. Things have a way of coming back to you.


Well you see, he's the one that had always been doing the playing.. I kept giving in to him.. one time he even said it to me himself that I'm pathetic and always go back to him. He was a reealll . Or he is. Its kind of funny you say that actually.. cause I used to be the one doing the playing. Then I met him, and I committed and fell head over heels for him.. over and over again. But I'm not going to let it happen again. I think you may have switched up mine and his roles here..

Harshness alert, VERY Harsh as a matter of fact!

I think you have life, and BS all mixed up. Why string the a'hole along for your own amusement. You must think it funny to entertain your own sick need for thrills, at the price of others.

Your so full of BS, that someday you will drown in your own shat.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/hes-scared-our-chemistry-419051.html

Is this the same guy??

I got to admit, that I kind of agree with Tal.. .

All I read from this post was "My ex screwed me over, so I'm going to lead him on and screw him over because it's fun and I know I can get away with it."

From the impression I got from you I thought you were between 15 and 17.

Tell me, how old are you? Because if it's any older, then you certainly don't act like it.

Your games are ridiculous.
And I think you're both acting like children.

Harshness alert, VERY Harsh as a matter of fact!

I think you have life, and BS all mixed up. why string the a'hole along for your own amusement. You must think it funny to entertain your own sick need for thrills, at the price of others.

Your so full of BS, that someday you will drown in your own shat.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/hes-scared-our-chemistry-419051.html

Is this the same guy???



NOOO its not.. I wouldn't want to play those games with the other one because I genuinly care for him.. this guy, I can't begin to tell you how much pain he put me thorugh. I've never met a more disrespectful guy in my life. But it kills me that he always is there in my heart and it never goes away. But aside from my feelings, the facts make it impossible to ever manage to be with him again.. so I take out that anger on him in the sense that he can't have me back. But I kind of want him to. Its hard to explain. Probably sounds worse than it is... at least I'm honest?

How about you just move on and stop playing games? Heal from the breakup and get happy again.

How about you just move on and stop playing games? Heal from the breakup and get happy again.


I AM completely over him, its been a whiiile.. he's not over me though, apparently.
I'm actually in the healing process for somebody else right now (my other post)
I like being around him though, I'm not reallyy tryingg to play games..

Just ignore him then,life's too short to worry about jerks from the past.

Just ignore him then,life's too short to worry about jerks from the past.

I know, your so right.
But I DO like hanging out with him..
Should I let that go?

well you see, he's the one that had always been doing the playing.. I kept giving in to him.. one time he even said it to me himself that im pathetic and always go back to him. he was a reealll . or he is. its kind of funny you say that actually.. cause i used to be the one doing the playing. then i met him, and i committed and fell head over heels for him.. over and over again. but im not gonna let it happen again. I think you may have switched up mine and his roles here..

I am just saying it may be better to stop a not so good cycle you have going on here. No good comes of it. I did this only once so my ex could know what the pain and humiliation felt like. It's not something I would do over and over. No good comes out of it. You already know what it's all about so don't you think it be better for you not to get back into something so unhealthy. Read what you said above about you use to do the playing. Read my earlier statement that says, "players get played". Let this one go.

I AM completely over him, its been a whiiile.. hes not over me though, apparently.
im actually in the healing process for somebody else right now (my other post)
i like being around him though, im not reallyy tryingg to play games..

No, you are not over him. Why else would you be sharing this here?

You should take some time to yourself, and grow up.

How old are you anyway? Because these are the types of games that one plays when they are 13.

And the "other" guy told you how 'perfect" you are. Well no one is perfect. Especially someone who plays games like these.

You do the healthy thing and stay away from people and situations that only bring confusion and emotional upset into your life.

No, you are not over him. Why else would you be sharing this here?

You should take some time to yourself, and grow up.

How old are you anyway? Because these are the types of games that one plays when they are 13.

And the "other" guy told you how 'perfect" you are. Well no one is perfect. Especially someone who plays games like these.


I was exaggerating when I said perfect. I'm not thatt cocky.
Really, because when I was 13 I didn't even care about boys.
Didn't even have my first boyfriend yet! Ha

Threads merged

Well guys.. I didn't do what you said...
I went back to him. (the guy afraid of our chemistry, not the ex)
I DID do what you said about the ex though, didn't see him the whole time he was in town..
Cause I realized you were right. I was being dumb and immature.
I do care about him, so don't want to hurt him. So that's why.
I wish though, if I had to pick one to listen to you guys on, that I reversed that.
Going back to justin (thats his name) was indeed a mistake.
I don't necessarily regret it, I never regret.
But so here's what happened..
He called me up and told me he realized that with all the he has going on, he'd rather just go through it with me on his side, and that he was stupid and sorry and blah blah blah..
It was pretty passionate and genuine,. and I'm the girl that just follows her instinct, so I went along with it.. and we hung out..
I went over his house.. we laid down, watched TV.. kissed.. the usual stuff we did before all that happened.
It went well, but he had to go to work so we both left.. and he said he was going to hang out with me after work too, but he didn't know what time that was going to be... but probably around 11 or 12.
So I was just hangin out at home.. and my friends hit me up and told me there's a kickback and whatever, I wasn't wild about going anyway.. but I said well I got plans at 11 or 12 so if you guys get me back by then ill go.. and they said no, they want to stay later.. so I was like okay.
1:00 comes around and I still haven't heard from him...
Meanwhile, I'm getting texts from someone we both know saying that he heard him saying stuff about me and that he's a shady character and a lot of stuff like that.. I didn't believe it because this guy doenst like justin at all and is like in love with me.. literally. So I nicely said good looking out.. but wanted to discuss it with justin, not because I believed it.itexted him saying "i really need to talk to you.. i hope your still at work" he wrote back at almost 2a.m when I KNOW he can't be still at work saying "oh im out with my friends right now ill call you in a bit.. i got upset but didnt reallyy act mad towards him, but he said im acting weird. so hours passed by and still no call. so at this point i was very upset.. its like 4a.m and i send him a text a lot like this:
"all right, obviously what we have here isn't mutual and is not going to work out. We discussed today that we both know ill be here for you no matter what it is, what I'm doing, or who I'm with.. nice to know it's the same for you. Here I am sitting at home and my friends offered me to go out.. I told them I had plans to see you at 11 or 12 and if I'm not back by then than I'm can't go.. they said no, they want to stay later. So I didn't go. Come to find out that your out with your friends and didn't even take a sec to call or text me. But I guess in the end I musst be just acting weird or I'm flat out crazy"

no reponse.
the next day, i know he worked at 11.. so if i was gonna get a response it would have been by then,. so at 10:30 i asked him if he got the texts.
he said something like:
"yeah, you are crazy. My friends are very sporatic I didn't know they were in town.. you spoke your mind and told me how you feel"
he said watch what you say or ill vanish from your life.

i said
well if its that easy for you to do, than go ahead.."


Cause keep in mind that this guy supposidly loved me.

His response:
"bye"



I was devastaded. I realized that what that guy was telling me was probably after all true.
So I told him "k. tell aaron i said thanks for letting me know"
Then he called me a hoe and said other hurtful things..
I said
You don't just drop someone you love over something this dumb. I'm not trying to tell you how you feel.. but I'm telling you that your feelings must be wrong"

He said he just hates drama and fighting and whiney people..

I don't understand how telling him why I'm upset makes me a dramatic, whiney hoe.
??

I'm not asking what to do.
I know what to do..
Move on and get over him.

I just need some kind of emotional support,
Help getting over it.

And I'm not just crazy. Right?
I had a right to be upset.
I'm not dramatic.
I'm not immature.

Yes you are assuming love that takes months and months to build and confusing lust and perhaps friendship.

You take time with a relationship and build up the friendship

yes you are assuming love that takes months and months to build and confusing lust and perhaps friendship.

You take time with a relationship and build up the friendship

Yeah you're totally right. And that's FOR SURE what he's doing..

Sometimes it takes going through events like you had to see the true nature of a person, and see how wrong you were to 1) take him back, 2) believe him as being sincere.

Lets face it, a simple call or text, would have eased your mind, and been considerate. He chose to forget you, and do his thing, and then have the nerve to call names, and not, at least, apologize.

He is a piece of work you can do without.

No Contact with him forever, and do your healing, and enjoy being single.

By the way, this is more of a payback, and not a screwing!!!!

Sometimes it takes going thru events like you had to see the true nature of a person, and see how wrong you were to 1) take him back, 2) believe him as being sincere.

Lets face it, a simple call or text, would have eased your mind, and been considerate. He chose to forget you, and do his thing, and then have the nerve to call names, and not, at least, apologize.

He is a piece of work you can do without.

No Contact with him forever, and do your healing, and enjoy being single.

By the way, this is more of a payback, and not a screwing!!!!

Thanks :)

So get this guys..

Not sure if I mentioned this part before..
But that guy justin and I work together..
And a few days after that breakup..
We got a call at work stating that he's in jail!
Something about a warrant..
And the best part is... the call was from his GIRLFRIEND, nicolette (the 'crazy ex girlfriend')
I then talked to a mutual friend/coworker of ours..
And he said that this guy was always talking about this girl while we were dating..
He had a girlfriend the whole time.
And he's in jail.
Wow.

I really lucked out!
Thanks for trying to warn me guys..

:)




And as far as that ex boyfriend goes..
Me and him are friends.. we talk a lot..
He knows my standpoint..
And I haven't been misleading him..
But he said he's falling in love with me again. :o

Helo C,

Glad to see things worked out for you. Take it as a blessing in disguise. I can clearly see that you are a cute girl, for you don't need that kind of drama in your life. You can do better.

Good luck.