I am engaged to a man, and we are both in our twenties. He went to the doctor to find out he had low testerone. He was prescribed Androderm 5mg patches, and has been taking them for almost a month now.

We haven't had sex in almost 2 years, and I am at my wits end. I DO struggle with depression, and low self esteem, and without being on medication (no insurance), it's gotten much worse because with him refusing to kiss, touch, etc. anything to me, I feel incredibly useless and ugly.

He tries to make up for it with cuddling, being nice to me, gifts, etc. but I tell him over and over again that none of those things will help me, and what I really need is for him to try to initiate contact with me. Recently, I've told him that just kissing would satisfy me. However, he considers kissing sexual, and says he has no desire for that as well. Neither of us want him on viagra, since he's so young, but I really don't know what else to do.

For men with similar problems, how long did it take for testerone levels to come back up and give you back a sex drive?

And if you have low enough testerone to not have ANY drive whatsoever, how is it possible for you to maintain an erection in your sleep? He gets hard frequently in his sleep, so I try to touch him then, but he wakes up and tells me to stop.

Please, any advice/comments would be appreciated. Thanks!

OK, testerone patches are OK, but viagra is not,? Where is the strange logic in that. Viagra ( if the doctor things it will help) is merely a medication for men with erection issues. It has nothing at all to do with age, men 20 or men 80 take it if there are issues. Now yes more older men use it, since they have more issues.

It sounds more a mental or emotional issue if he does not want to touch you, I think some marriage counseling since I am guessing there are other issue.

ok, testerone patches are ok, but viagra is not, ???

It's not just the age... he also has high blood pressure and we read somewhere that you can't mix those two together.

It sounds more a mental or emotional issue if he does not want to touch you, I think some marriage couseling since I am guessing there are other issue.

Could you maybe take a guess at why he wouldn't touch me? Say it was you in his shoes... what would stop you from touching?

It appears as though his problem is beyond his physical problem of low testosterone. If he is having nocturnal erections then there's nothing wrong with the hydraulics to need Viagra.
He apparently must have some deep emotional or psychological issues. Or there's a possibility he was sexually abused or molested. His behavior toward you is not just low sex drive. People can have low drive and still need and/or enjoy physical touch such as hugging or kissing.
Lastly, maybe he's not attracted to women.

Viagra and Nitroglycerine don't go together. They can cause an abnormal drop in blood pressure.

Controlled high blood pressure probably isn't going to be an issue.

The plumbing works. Good!

So, we have something psychological going on. Some examples performance Anxiety - Viagra can help with this. Facial flushing and stuffy noses are common side effects for Viagra.

Another might be depression and MOST anti-depressants make things worse. You know the symptoms, so you can relate.

Another may actually be "fear of pregnancy".

I totally agree with


He apparently must have some deep emotional or psychological issues. Or there's a possibility he was sexually abused or molested. His behavior toward you is not just low sex drive. People can have low drive and still need and/or enjoy physical touch such as hugging or kissing.
Lastly, maybe he's not attracted to women.

He's attracted to women... lol that I'm sure of... and he's never been abused, so I have no idea what could be the issue. I can't get pregnant, so he wouldn't be afraid of that either.. and his plumbing works, but I've been told that if he has really low testerone, that he won't want to have sex... is that just a myth?

These seems like good resources:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/tutorials/lowtestosterone/ur189102.pdf

Testosterone therapy - AskMen.com (http://www.askmen.com/sports/health_60/91_mens_health.html)