I come from a small town in Ontario. It's not the best of places in my opinion.

I have very few friends I still talk to from this town, let's call it "The Hole", in fact that is it's nickname.

In this town I was:
-raped
-abused
-bullied
-gossiped about


I don't really have good memories about this town, B from my previous thread is from this town, we still remain very close friends.

I haven't been to "The Hole" in maybe years.

Christmas is coming up and a couple of my old friends want to see me. I don't want to go there. Just thinking of going there makes me sick.

Sometimes I talk to people who used to bully me around [they suddenly think I'm cool] and friends that backstabbed me in high school. Most of them are either gangster want to be or skeezy girls that have a D in their mouth every weekend. WHY I'm still talking to these people I don't know.

Today I had it. I don't want to talk to people from "The Hole" anymore.

Would moving on and leaving it in the past be better or should I "learn to deal with it".

I don't know, I just hate that place and most of it's retarded people.

Doesn't sound like you really want to go back. Can't same I blame you after the way you described it. I think some things are best left in the past. What is there to "deal" with? Maybe if you still had to live there. But to me, dealing with things means you have to do something. Like an obligation. Like, I have to deal with rude customers at work every now and then. I don't want to do it. But if I want to keep my job and any shot at later being promoted, I had better do it. Do I have to deal with rude people outside of work? Usually not. Because when I'm outside of work I'm allowed to say things like "you're rude. go away." and then there's nothing to deal with :)

What are your other options for the holidays?

doesn't sound like you really want to go back. can't same i blame you after the way you described it. i think some things are best left in the past. what is there to "deal" with? maybe if you still had to live there. but to me, dealing with things means you have to do something. like an obligation. like, i have to deal with rude customers at work every now and then. i don't want to do it. but if i want to keep my job and any shot at later being promoted, i had better do it. do i have to deal with rude people outside of work? usually not. because when i'm outside of work i'm allowed to say things like "you're rude. go away." and then there's nothing to deal with :)

what are your other options for the holidays?

I can see your point, thanks JC :)


I don't have to go to "The Hole". My friends usually come to me or we meet in the town in between of us.

I just uck don't want to go back there- ever.

I don't find anything wrong with leaving things behind and starting fresh. Upsides: You get away from people you dislike, and the town that gave you hell. Downsides: are there any?
Why deal with something that you don't need or want to deal with!

I think a part of me likes hearing that some of the girls turned into strippers or are on their 2nd child and on welfare.

I just feel like if I leave that behind completely I'll just be the girl who ran away.

I think you're being too humble, not giving yourself enough credit. I've always gotten the impression that you've been doing pretty well for yourself. Seems more like you've overcome being there, not ran away.

Would you enjoy meeting your friends half way? Rather than in the hole? If so, I'd say go for it. The holidays are supposed to be happy. I'd do whatever is going to make you happiest.

You don't have to go back to The Hole... But doesn't meen you have to stay away from them... I am not asking you to call them every week and be best buddies... but I am asking you not to cut contact totally!

The best way to deal with this problem, is to forget your sad past and work towards acheieving your dreams... Forgive your friends, and when they see you achieving heights, they will start respecting you! Yes! one day, you want your friends to respect you!... so work towards that.... Dont start hating them (holding a grudge makes no sense), but just ignore them! When they call, talk casually and lovingly,and you will see them change eventually... :) :)

Nah, those friends the ones that suddenly like me, I'd rather not have. They usually bring stuff from the past and I don't really like that.

I don't have much respect for them and I guess a part of me wanted to finally be accepted by them.

I made it out of "The Hole" when most stayed in their parent's basements and smoked pot all day.

I think moving on will be hard because it's still my hometown, but it does me no good to still be a part of that world.

I love this site, it doesn't matter if I get 3 reponses or 100, I just love the fact that I can jot down how I feel, it's like this online journal where the journal speaks back to you [okay that may sound a little weird, but that's how I feel].

Thanks for reading and responding.

We're always here to listen :)

In my opinion, it does not matter whether it is friends, family and just the place itself. You have moved far away. You have started a new life for you and your baby. I think personally The past is the past. Time to let it go. If by letting it go, meaning not wanting to be part of anybodies life or connections to that place. Then I would say so be it.

I have made a few moves myself. From the far east. To central and now to the west. I would say that It is better to let go. It is so much better when you do.

Joe

I just feel like if I leave that behind completely I'll just be the girl who ran away.

You can't please everyone. It's not about running away. It's about doing what's best for you. If others can't understand that you need to do what's best for you, then they sound very selfish to me.

I don't even know you as a person and I would say that you should do what's in your best interest. If you think that moving away is the case, then go ahead. Learn from the past. Take the experiences that you've gained in the old place to help you settle in at the new place. I don't think that you should put your life on hold. Life's too short. Move forward with your life. I don't think that you should cave to peer pressure and stay out of guilt.

So I took everyone's advice and I'm moving on.

I told this girl whom I thought was my friend that I don't want to go back to The Hole and she started saying things like "it's because your a lying slut that no one really likes that's why your scared of coming back here". This was all on a social networking site [not FB] and she just kept tearing me down, it was unexpected and I of course defended myself and it turned into this thing and then people started getting involved... it was horrible. She started bringing Rachel into the conversation saying I have 5 guys lined up as her father which is so untrue, and making fun of the fact that I can't hold down a man and how my marriage was a failure because of me. It just was so completely unexpected.

I don't know why people hate me so much from that town? I'm really confused! I do admit that I acted a little stuck up back then but the friends I do have from there tell me that they've always hated me because of jealousy since they always were stuck on welfare and the drug life and I'm the one who left town.

On top of that they stick up for the guy who had unconsented sex with me [he's pretty "cool" in my town] and it just makes me feel awful.

Like this post is more of a vent. I got really hurt today and I know I should move on and finally leave this town behind.

It's okay if someone has questions about this or has something they think will sound mean I really want you to say it . For example "They probably don't like you because you __________"

Sigh

Tonight was a rough and tearful night.

Actually Sarah, this has little to do with you at all. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with these people that can not take control of their own lives. That want to continue to do drugs and sleep around and whatever else they do. It is about Jealousy because you are moving on to make a better life and the only thing that makes these people happy is to try to bring you down to their level, to get you upset and hurt. Satysfies their own agendas. That they do not have enough balls to make any changes for their own lives and you did. Believe me I know and understand exactly what your going through. Except most of my experience is with so called family members.

So you know what. NO CONTACT. Get rid of sites and contacts and emails and phones numbers and addresses and say good riddens for good.

You have done nothing wrong. Who gives a flying f-ck what these f-cking idiots have to say about you. It only reflects the negativity they are living in and want to continue in. You got out of it,

Now leave them to their own hell whole lives and let them be miserable son of bit-ches.

Do not let them effect you like this anymore.

It might sound bad but I do not care, why should you? Is there any reason why? I did not think so.

F-ck them all.

Thanks Joe.

I know that a part of me will always want to be accepted.

I followed your advice and ended up deleting my account and old emails, numbers and blocked people that just do me no good.

Thanks again :)

Moving on to bigger and better things!

Muddy, you have so much to offer. So I think that you should be around people who appreicate you and not people who want to bring you down.

Vent away anytime you want. You know we're here to listen.

I had to spread the rep, but I totally agree with Jesushelper.

Eeeeew. Who are these people that call you a 'lying slut'? Get away from them as fast as you can, who cares why they hate you and what they think? These small minded, toxic people are happy to stay in their poisoned hole or to keep going back to it.

Muddy, you have an absolute right to be happy and healthy. Emotionally, physically and spiritually. People like what you describe do not add anything positive to our lives, they hinder our growth and they hinder us moving on.

There comes a time in out lives when we have to ask ourselves if our friends and acquaintances add value to our lives. I think the answer is clear in your case is that they don't! It's time to cull the negative people that make you feel bad.

Discard them. Cry a bucket-load if you have to, but they add NOTHING of value to your life. They have outlived their usefulness (if they ever had any) and it's time to wipe the slate clean.

I am with the others in this thread who said to leave the people behind.
Based on everything I can gather here:

You seem like a good person who was just born in the wrong town. Everyone in that town is backwards. You are heading forwards. You must surround yourself with people who are on a similar wavelength (that is, people who are vibrant and positive; like you), rather than people stuck in a vicious cycle of drugs, vicious jealousy, promiscuity and irresponsibility.

As for the town itself -- well, it IS your hometown, whether you like it or not. To attempt to forget it 100% would be silly; and impossible... but do not spend too much time thinking about it. Only visit to see family and relatives... and the good friends. When you visit, make sure you have an itinerary, and do not stay too long.

I am with the others in this thread who said to leave the people behind.
Based on everything I can gather here:

You seem like a good person who was just born in the wrong town. Everyone in that town is backwards. You are heading forwards. You must surround yourself with people who are on a similar wavelength (that is, people who are vibrant and positive; like you), rather than people stuck in a vicious cycle of drugs, vicious jealousy, promiscuity and irresponsibility.

As for the town itself -- well, it IS your hometown, whether you like it or not. To attempt to forget it 100% would be silly; and impossible...but do not spend too much time thinking about it. Only visit to see family and relatives...and the good friends. When you visit, make sure you have an itinerary, and do not stay too long.

Oh I don't blame the town. It's lovely-- it's the people that make it so darn ugly! I do want to move on and I agree forgetting it 100% would be impossible. I will be visiting there when I am ready to. Right now, not so ready.

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it!

I am with the others in this thread who said to leave the people behind.
Based on everything I can gather here:

You seem like a good person who was just born in the wrong town. Everyone in that town is backwards. You are heading forwards. You must surround yourself with people who are on a similar wavelength (that is, people who are vibrant and positive; like you), rather than people stuck in a vicious cycle of drugs, vicious jealousy, promiscuity and irresponsibility.

As for the town itself -- well, it IS your hometown, whether you like it or not. To attempt to forget it 100% would be silly; and impossible...but do not spend too much time thinking about it. Only visit to see family and relatives...and the good friends. When you visit, make sure you have an itinerary, and do not stay too long.

Forgetting a hometown is very easy. Your home is where your heart is. Sarah's heart is with her daughter. No matter where they go that is where their heart will be.
As far as forgetting a hometown, it is not silly. Who said anything about forgetting it 100 percent. It part of the past, where it belongs and moving forward is the best thing.

Forgetting a hometown is very easy. Your home is where your heart is. Sarah's heart is with her daughter. No matter where they go that is where their heart will be.
As far as forgetting a hometown, it is not silly. Who said anything about forgetting it 100 percent. It part of the past, where it belongs and moving forward is the best thing.

This is an interesting debate.

I would say that if we suffered harships in our hometown, then we would have learned a lot. So in that sense, we try to forget our hometown, but we carry the experience and knowledge that we learned from there with us to wherever we go.

We can pick what we want to retain in our memory. But some things our stuck in our memory no matter how hard we try to forget. So instead of pushing ourselves to forget things, we learn from it and do better next time.

The most important part is to learn from the past, so that we know that we've grown as a person. Because it wouldn't be fun to be trapped in the past and continue to suffer the same fate in the same place.

In short, leave the past behind, take the knowledge and experience that we've learned with us and move forward to bigger and better things.

My point is, that it is not the hometown that makes it a hometown. It is who is in your heart and in your life that is important.
Forgetting 100 percent never said that, but leaving it behind. Yes, it is possible. Learning and growing from that experience is good. Yes, leaving the people behind is best. Sarah is in a new place, with better prospectives and the most important part is with her. Her daughter. That is all that truly matters.

Mud, I'm from a small town in Ontario as well, and I know exactly what you're talking about. It's almost like there are two groups of people, those that stay, and those that go. There isn't much for those who choose to stay, but, getting out is like getting out of jail. It is hard to imagine going back.

When you do go back, people haven't changed. At least that's what I found. Still the same old same old, only people have gotten older.

You have many poor memories, understandably so, and I have to ask you why you subject yourself to doing something you don't want to do, knowing what it will be like, and how uncomfortable you will be. You have to ask yourself, why would you go back, and, what would you rather do with your holiday.

I went back a few years ago to visit the parents of a very good friend of mine that had died, to pay my respects. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everything looked OK on the outside, but I knew it was like movie props, and just behind them, was a life of welfare, abuse, and people going nowhere.

You are not wrong to break that cycle. People grow apart, and you have little in common with them. I am in touch with a few people, but they too left the town years ago and never went back.

Do what feels right, even if you go one last time, with the intent of never returning. Maybe time to turn the page.

It seems to me that one of the main reasons you want to go back is to prove these people wrong. You have nothing to prove to them. They don't deserve it. They have this power over you because they hurt you. You need to give yourself time to get over that hurt and seek help to do so if need be. Don't value their opinions value your own. They are small-minded and toxic and no matter what you do you won't change their rigid viewpoints, not because of a lack in you but because of a lack in them.

I agree with QLP. Mudweiser already proved she's wiser by moving away from them. She already has proven she's better (because she's moved out -- while they are confined to petty behaviours like the ones mentioned). Forgetting her hometown in the sense that she doesn't let the experience get her down? Certainly possible!
But trying to forget those experiences, and that place? Silly! You can definitely move on from them; which mudweiser already has done.

Thanks QLP for that awesome advice!

Thanks everyone for helping me with this!

Love
Sarah!