Hello my name is... well for this story I will be "John".

My name is John and I'm having a really hard time lately, me and my girlfriend of 2 years seem to be growing apart..

Her name is " Jane ".. she is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can't let go of her. Me and her started as friends and have been threw so much, we have even crossed the country twice for each other and moved again to try and make our lives better.

About 16 months ago I was working a dead end job where I was miserable, my coworkers constantly degraded me and insulted me.. it finally came to a head when one of them screamed in my ear at the top of their lungs and caused me to have an on the job accident because I didn't expect it and it threw me off guard.

I tried to be diplomatic and tried to bring it to the attention of a company that had 1 million of their own problems, with cutbacks and potential closing in its future they didn't even care.
I quit and tried to find another job but no matter where I apply or submit an application I cannot find work, and it is having a devastating effect on us as a couple.

She was able to find a new job here where we moved quickly because she had some family support and her job required knowledge that she already had just from being raised bi-lingual, but now things have changed... I still am able to contribute 800 dollars a month toward our collective bills but the situation is no longer even close to in control


we moved in with her parents and now we are stuck I guess you would say they kind of take advantage of her and she is too good of a person to not let them or to change the situation so it comes down to her having to work but having no money but its not the case

she knows that she can afford to live on her own and would be able to pay the bills for herself she is struggling though to take care of her family so that is really hard on her too but

the problem I have is that she's overwhelmed with all of this and the real problems and issues that are on her she has lost prospective on, the person who was once so close to them they couldn't even spend a night apart now seems to be the reason for it all


maybe I am to blame but believe me when I say I have been trying hard to find a job, I even do all the cleaning/arranging for me and her its not that she asked me to its just what I wanted to do to try and help out more you know have dinner ready or the room spotless to try and help her but it never even gets noticed, she is so upset with this situation that she has become lost and now she tells me she doesn't know anymore... she doesn't know if we should stay together and I don't blame her..

I do have a serious problem that I know I should change but for some reason I cant...
when we have fights me and her... even the small things that normally she would brush off or the normal fights couples have seem so much worse to her, and after we fight I constantly try to find out why we fought what the problem was how she feels and how we can change it but she doesn't see it as that

she sees it as me not dropping a subject or fight but I'm sorry I love her with all my heart she is the most important part of my life and what effects her does effect me and I can't sit here while she's sad and say or do nothing I'm too good of a guy for that.

2 weeks ago she said she had to go out of town for a few days to stay with people and stuff something to do with her job and as soon as she was gone she started not taking my calls and acting weird.. talking low or like she is trying to have this conversation in front of someone and doesn't want to say things out loud.

she came back and nothing changed she still didn't know if she wanted to be with me or not and she still couldn't tell me if she wanted me to stay or go so again I was heart broken..


3 days ago she tells me that she has to go out of town again this time to the same place that before had to do with her job now she's going just to hang out?

she won't take my calls for hours and hours she ignores my texts and stuff and when she finally does pickup or respond she calls me insane for being doubtful or wanting to know what was really going on.

I told her today and the other day when we were fighting that I would rather know its over now then to have my heart broke 2 or 3 months from now when I find out that its over or she has been seeing someone else and all she could say was... I don't know what to tell you

I'm dying inside sitting her not knowing where she is or what she is doing

I love her with all my heart and a year ago I asked her to spend her life with me and she said she would... now when she comes home from work she turns into a ghost or a zombie not even wanting to leave her bedroom to do anything with me or go anywhere but on the same token will say that even though she is gone 10-14 hours a day that were spending too much time together and its true we are stuck in the same house unable to go very many places because of not having any money or having any friends that we know around here..

she keeps telling me that I need to let it go that I need to stop worrying about it but I cant... I can't stop myself from asking or wondering what I did to deserve this or what exactly her problems are and I know I shouldn't put but

its killing me to sit in limbo wondering what the hell happened to the girl of my dreams who once thought I was the man of hers..

I don't know how to get threw to her anymore and every time I try and talk about things it pushes her farther away and I'm lost

there is a reason I do have my doubts though, when we were living in New York together it was almost 6 months after we were together I find out that the first 3 months we were dating she was still living with her x and she told me from her own lips that she didn't know how to end things with him so she told him to move to new York too

I was shell shocked because when we got together one of the things we both talked about was how much others have hurt us in the past and that I didn't want my heart broken again I told her I don't fall in love easily nor do I fall out and she said she was the same way so she really did seem like a gift from god the exact woman I always needed in my life


after that event I did lose some trust for her and it wasn't until around that time I found out more news.. this guy that she used to be best friends on a game was obsessed with her and her and him were very close.. well one day out of the blue I get a message from him telling me how much he and her have together and that I better treat her right he even went as far to say that they both told each other that if they were single they would be together but when I confronted her with this... all she could do was say how did I find out and after I told her and she confronted the other guy he changed his story said I was insane and must of read it from her chat logs or something but little does he know that I didn't even know her back when this was going on and starting and I didn't have a clue in the world that the person she was spending so much time with on this game was even a guy... he had a female name and dressed his character in women's clothing how messed up is that?

well anyway we got into it and I had to go on trial I swear to god.. I had to sign into a game and sit in a room filled with people I didn't know and never met and I had to re dredge up everything that happened then I found myself fighting to prove I wasn't some insanely jealous head and after that mess was cleared up and the facts were straight she stopped speaking to him when I was around... I let it go but again... I lost some trust in her



a short time later... I find that my best friend in the world is in love with jane... obsessed with her to the point where he made it known to her and made passes and attempts to be with her and I lost my mind..

I was the one holding this man together when his wife left him and cheated on him and I kept him from killing himself or her or him and for all that..
I get stabbed threw the heart and when I bring it up to her she gets mad again telling me I'm reading too much into it and yada yada that I need to stop being jealous or she will leave me

not even a week later he tells me from his own lips after a few drinks how much he loves her and wants to be with her even though he has a new girlfriend already o.0

he starts spewing this line of how he enjoyed making love to her because he didn't feel like there was an obligation or anything like he would have with his girlfriend and the drama he has to put up with her and his x-wife and it broke my heart... the only thing I could do was walk away from him and act like nothing was wrong

again I let it go I even swallowed the lump in my throat because she told me I had to keep it to myself because if it got out he would be in trouble with his girlfriend and definitely his x-wife because the reason he was my best friend was because he married my sister and even my sister told me of stuff she seen between them that made her mad and made her wonder what was going on

I came home one day and there was a teddy bear angel made of glass sitting on my DVD shelf and she tells me its been there all along.. I confront my old best friend and he tells me yeah he bought her that and a card as a gift... well I confront Jane again and wouldn't you know it she turned the entire situation around told me I was insane and that her sister bought it for her as a gift? o.0 well not even a day later I seen the exact item inside of the truck stop gift shop when me and her go there for a meal... again I let all of this go because I believed that she loved me and that I was reading too far into it

the last few weeks that we are there before we move here she has to leave me every single day she says she has to go to Kellie's and wants to hang out alone... well wouldn't you know it my best friend was there every day watching the kids for my sister...

the last day we are there I walk in and find them kissing tongue locked in a hug and he tells her don't forget to write me and call me send me pictures all the time and she goes I will


again... I let it go... even I feel stupid at this point,, fast forward to today and I literally am about to lose my mind.. I know I should leave her but she keeps telling me to stay.. we fight she says she hates me she wants me to leave but then I ask her again and she says she doesn't know I know I'm dumb and that the signs are all here but I guess deep down I'm afraid that its is exactly what it looks and feels like and that I will be homeless on the street in a world with no friends or family and no place to go... if ever there was a time for something to go right now is it because I don't know how long I can hold on.. I don't want to give up or kill myself and I feel myself rotting from the inside out and I can't change anything I can't make it better and I cannot undo the past when I say I'm dedicated I really mean it almost to a fault...

I do everything in my life for her I even get her water and food and anything else she needs on a daily basis she comes in and I wait on her.. clean up after her and every time she asks me to do something I do it but its never returned. I could be 10 feet from her water while she's 2 feet and she will still ask me for it and if I don't do something she treats me like a dog and tells me to get away from her and that she's sick of me and this and that and how I'm so inconciderate... the other night I was so sick I was coughing blood and she wanted me to make her food.. I didn't say I would or wouldn't she just kept saying I'm hungry I'm hungry till finally she got up and said ill get my own f***ing food.. she left the room and prepared a meal for herself and nothing for me.. not a single thing..

I know its not her job to feed... I feed myself everyday and clean up after a family of 6 by myself and when I don't do something her family wants.. again I'm a head and again I'm treated like I'm worthless and its getting to be too much..

I'm a genuinely good guy, I do not lie or hold grudges, I have nothing but respect for girls and would never lay an non-loving hand on someone. I am just a simple guy who has had nothing but tragedy and heart break pain and suffering my whole life and still I am me.. I don't give in and become evil or cold to the world or anyone else , I try and help anyone and everyone I can with everything I can I would work my hands to the bone just to help someone in need but I feel lost in this world alone like no one else is the same as me and I can't handle this anymore... I'm not even sure how this will help but at least if someone reads this and is in the same boat as me just know you are not alone.. I feel your pain and I am sorry it I wish I could take it away.

sitting here now after the hour or so it took for me to get this out of my heart and head and I feel desperate, like a person choking on there own air and its sinking in for me that something has to happen.. something has to change one way or the other I would rather know where I stand instead of sitting here wondering where I will fall

You might as well be with a hooker. Sorry, but she is no good for you. You feel like you can't let go because you have no friends nor family nor job. Start working harder and being out of the house more often to find all of this. Don't depend on her anymore. Soon things will change for you... As soon as you get a job, leave her and find your own place. You have to build your confidence again. Hang in there. Good job being a great person. Someone is going to be very lucky to have you and actually appreciate it and you will feel the same way.

You need to leave this mess of a non-relationship now. Concentrate all your energies on finding work and somewhere to live.
I'm sorry but this girl's poison-please find your selfrespect and get your own life back on track-you can do this-you have to do this,for you.

No relationship is a good relationship if it gives so much sorrow,pain and suffering to anybody.I doubt, if you would have read your own story through our eyes,you would have continued one more day with this horrifying specimen of a partner.

God knows the mess you are in with no job,no place to stay,no friends and on top of that if she and your so-called best friend or any one of those characters you mention who have some way cheated you,keep taking you for a ride and you keep swallowing all the crap as if you didn't notice,then,my friend,there's just one thing you need to do right away : DETOXIFY your life and sweep out all the dirty,filthy,unhealthy people from it.Get some pure,clean air in.I mean,new friends,new people whom you trust,can rely on.What about your own family?How's your relation with them?

You need to rebuild your life WITHOUT this girl.Your confidence,as I can sense,has gone out of the window.Work on finding it.Work on finding a job,anything,any piece of work you can lay your hands and eyes on.Anything that'll pay you money.And then dedicate your heart and soul into mastering it.Keep looking out for a place-it can just be a room for now.And start dreaming of a better,more beautiful future for yourself.It can be with a partner,can be without.Anybody who will love you for who you are is welcome to share your life with you.Otherwise,enjoy God's good earth on your own.

At least you will go to bed everyday with peace in your mind and your sense of self-respect and satisfaction.Isnt that good enough?

Lousy situation to be in, but there is a way out. Have you tried vocational training? Learning skills that can help you be a more attractive employee is what I recommend. There are many programs that offer financial assistance and a job finding service for its graduates. That can get you away from the situation that's dragging you down and away from all the people who are doing you no good with their own grief.

Also the county your in may have assistance for housing or shelter than can be a temporary aid until you can get on your feet. It's a long road, but being independent and happy is well worth the effort.

I wish you luck, and hope you don't give up on yourself.