Hi everyone!

I hope someone out there can relate to this feeling I have and can give me a very good advice. I swear this situation is driving me crazy and I feel I'm half living...

I'm 25 now. When I was 21 I went to Australia as an exchange student. It was really an incredible experience that changed my life. During my first month there I met an Australian, he was 27 and a very nice man. We start going out and I fell head over hills for him. So much, that I slept with him. That was my firs time. Unfortunately I didn't realize he was playing with me and the moment we had sex everything went from bad to worse until I broke up with him because the pain of knowing he really was not that into me was unbearable.

After two months of feeling heartbroken and sad, I met a wonderful incredible man. I could tell that he was ALL that I wanted. Sensitive, caring, responsible, loving, handsome. We started going out and even though I realized I was not over my past relationship I knew he was too good to just let him go. To make a long story short. We got married.

My problem is that I know my relationship with my now husband would be much better if I didn't think of my first love (Australian guy). We had a very short relationship but yet it was the first and strongest love I ever felt. I know I was the one who broke up. I know he obviously didn't deserve me. And yet I only thing on the few good moments we shared.

This is an obsession. I KNOW. I just wish there was a therapy a good recipe, ANYTHING that could help me with this feeling. I onced talked with him on msn and told me that he regrets the way he treated me. Yet he would never tell me to go back with him, nor would I ever trust him. I have analized myself and I know is a pattern I have. My father really never pay too much attention to me (or pays) so I know that I have this feeling for unhealthy relationships... I REALLY REALLY want to get over him...

I know my husband doesn't deserve a woman that a lot of the time is fantasizing about what could have been done in order to make her past relationship work. I do love my husband. I just have never felt the same level of love and passion I felt for the Australian. I just want my ex to disappear from my mind. The scariest part is that sometimes I wonder if all this internal dialogue is just evidence that my husband is not the person for me. But whenever I picture my life without him it just doesn't work :S

If there was a medicine that I could take that would errase my feelings and thoughts about my ex I would certainly take it.

Thanks for reading, and I'll appreaciate all your answers :)

Hi,
Well yeah its difficult always to forget the first love for any lady but yeah its not impossible although,
You are unable to forget him and you usually tries to remember and enjoy the things you do with him so its little strange but try to find those things in your husband or told your hubby to do that things for you. Its actually in first step you are mirroring that person in your current husband to some extend and after that you tries to enjoy those things with your husband which you were previously enjoy with him.
Second the emotional matters, girls just get emotional when watching some movies or listen songs and remember the old things or their previous life so try to put your husband in all those your imaginations and fantasies. More you are just not feeling complete with your husband because people don't talk about old cars if they are satisfied with the new car no matter how long they were using the old car for years. So find those holes in your relation and fill those with some beautiful moments.

I don't think that one ever forgets the first love never mind how it ended.
But you need to actually want to let go of what you call this obsession,the constant dwelling in the past.
Only you can do this.
Have you considered seeing a therapist?I
It often helps to talk through issues with a professional.

It's a fantasy - perhaps infatuation. Are you communicating with the Aussie still?

Time will help, certainly. Every time you find yourself focusing on the other man, turn your mind around to focus on your husband and the qualities you love about him.

I doubt very strongly that your internal dialog is a "sign" that you shouldn't be with your husband. Its hard to get over a first love, simple as that. ;)

It will take time, meanwhile maybe you should find a hobby or something that would get your mind off your first love.

Agreed that time will blunt the intensity of the memory. However, you need to start making a concerted effort not to think about the Aussie. Thinking about him obsessively does not mean that you current relationship is not good enough. It just means you're thinking obsessively. Thinking obsessively is bad for you, no matter what it is that you're obsessing about.

So put in place strategies to stop it. Don't contact the Aussie, get rid of all his contact details. Each time you think about him, say to yourself 'stop!'. If you wake during the night thinking about him, get up, have something to eat, go to the loo. Each time your mind wanders to him, distract yourself. Go for a walk, pick up a book, ring a friend.

You have a husband that you love - focus on making him your obsession. He's the one that should be in your thoughts not the Aussie.

Finally, stop judging and comparing the relationships. Short, intense relationships frequently bring pain and angst. The passion is probably all the more highlighted because of the pain that went with it.

You can shift your thinking - start by putting the focus back on the person you married and ensuring that your current relationship brings you happiness and joy.

...We start going out and I fell head over hills for him. So much, that I slept with him. That was my firs time. Unfortunately I didn't realize he was playing with me and the moment we had sex everything went from bad to worse until I broke up with him because the pain of knowing he really was not that into me was unbearable.



I think the Aussie is a PLAYER.
Everything he did to Attract you was fake and his only goal was to Game you.

That includes Storytelling, Turning his body a certain way, Talking with your Friends, Leader of the Tribe, Thinking He owns the Party, Making himself seem not interested in you, Smart Remarks, etc... These tactics are to gain your emotional confidence in him and WOULD NOT and CAN NOT withstand the test of TIME.
What was the venue did you meet the Aussie?

After he got you in bed, than it is off the next girl.
He knows how to play with your emotions to game you.

The Bible says:
Your Heart will betrays you. Trust your mind. (paraphrasing).
That means your emotions will betray you.
Use your head... Your husband is the real thing. He can withstand the Test of Time. He took an Oath for a lifetime to take care of you. HE is the Man that will stand by your side and hold your hands at your most terrible moments. That is a part of the LOVE he has for you.

Go watch the "Notebook".
Get over yourself... You only had sex with someone else before you knew your husband.
Forgive yourself of your sin...


Good luck and God Bless.

Hello. I think your husband should know the truth and you should divorce him so he can find a woman that will give herself to him emotionally and physically. You are married to your ex mentally, but you want your husband there for physical security for your own selfish reasons. A marriage works when two people are involved, but in your case it seems like there are three people in the marriage and it is not fair to the man you vowed in front of God to love, honor, and cherish. You are having an emotional affair with someone else and you will never love your husband the way he needs to be loved because you will always wonder if you and your ex will ever work out. You have to decide whether it is really your husband or your ex to whom you are truly devoted.

Thor