I have two daughters 20 and 17 I am divorced now remarried with a wife 11 years younger than me with a stepson eight and a new baby 11 months.
My 17 daughter lives with us and now has a car to drive to school. We have tried to set rules. She doesn’t follow them. She comes and goes and has a lot of friends. If she doesn’t get her way she threatens to leave,
My current wife has threatened to leave me if I do not “grow some…” and put my foot down. My daughter and current wife are not talking. My wife is a control freak and wants me to lay down the law. I work 60 + hours a week and I am having a hard time trying to come up with a solution. Any Ideas?

It's a very typical case. A teenage rebellious daughter who simply will not accept rules, coupled with the presence of a step-mom who is a control freak, and a helpless dad.

As a dad, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to get those two on talking friendly terms, unless they change themselves from within. At the same time, you should not just let them two handle their problems by themselves.

As a teenager, your daughter will definitely tend to go against you. This is a part of their growth cycle, where young adults fight for their identity. So, unless your wife accepts the fact and try to act more mature, things are not going to change.

Please talk it out with your current wife. Ask her to be calm, and be more friendly towards your 17 yr old. She must try and gain the trust and confidence of your daughter. Your wife has to be more patient, try to let go, and stop being the mom around. Surely your daughter is never gonna accept her as her mom anymore, but she can accept her as a nice elderly friend to be with.

Try and talk it out with your wife, and make her understand that the situation will never change unless she herself changes her attitude. Please stay calm as you put this across to her. U can expect tantrums, but stay calm. Anger and harsh words never achieve anything but wrath.

Will be praying! :):)

Thank you for your words. I pray every day for gods help and guidance.
My wife has been very loving towards her and has done allot for her.
She was with us all summer as our nanny and she loved it and we had the best time as a family. As soon as we got the car she became a different person. Never home and defiant regardless of what we have done for her. She threatens to leave at the drop of a hat. But I really think she prefers life with us. She left her Moms house after she didn't get her way.
To be honest her Mom did not listen to her she tried to hard line it and treated her like a child. We have always treated her with respect and as an adult. But after the car came it did not matter. She is a good person. She has a job and pays for her car. She is a good student and a good friend. But I worry if I push the hard line my wife wants she will leave and I will not be able to protect her from the horrors of this world. She's a big girl I know that but having a line of communication is important. If I hard line it she will leave and that line of communication will be broken.

Time to take the car away. If she cannot respect you and your rules then she has no right to have the car. I assume you are paying for the car, insurance and gas, correct? If so, when she can respect you and your rules she will get the car back. If she threatens to leave, help her pack her bags. It may sound rough... but she is playing tough with you.

She does have a job and pays for the car as well as part of the insurance.
She needs the car to drive to school two towns over. We pay for gas.
That's the tough part. Don't know how to fix it….