Hi everyone. My name is hayley, I'm a 26yr old female, from n.ireland but currently situated in wales (only until next week) I have signed on here cause I'm hoping that someone will be able to tell me what I should do :(
I am at my witts end with family dilemas. My eldest brother (34) is a heroin addict. He is supposed to be off it now and on methadone, but on my last visit home (last week) I seen how drowsey he was on a couple of occasions (exactly the same as before his rehab)

A few years back, my brother beat my dad so bad I could barely recognise him. Then he started robbing my dads tvs, dvd playes, cd players, etc... he would steal my dads car in the middle of the night, and once - he writ it off! Leaving my dad with no transport to get to work... and making him worry sick about my brother!

So, after a lot of mental an physical torture towards my dad, my dad decided to move away from the town he lived in. (2 an a half yrs ago) He didn't want my brother to know his whereabouts, even though he would ring him almost every day and even drive to the town my brother lived in (40miles away) just to take him tobacco and deodorants, etc... *he's still my son* my dad used to say to me!

So 2years ago, I decided that enough was enough and I didn't want to leave my dad there on his own anymore, so I packed up and moved back to be with my dad. That was 2007. Then late last year, my brother got into this really good rehab programme - one which he was talking about for ages. So he went in, and everything seemed to be looking abit better. Then in July, he gave up his flat and temporarily moved back into my dads. Apparently it was just for a week or two. And at this point, I was practically living with my partner in belfast. So my bro moved into MY room!
When I went back to visit last week, he slept in the living room.

Anyway, the apparent reason he had to give up his last flat was because apparently someone had started a rumour that he was a pedophile. HE IS A lot OF THINGS, BUT Definitely NOT THAT!

I have since managed to get him to interact with the whole family abit more - I got him to set up a Facebook, and its been the worse thing I have ever done!

I put a family album (pics) on my profile, (over a week ago) and tagged all my family. Then today, out of nowhere... my dad rang me giving off... nicky ang him just minutes before accusing my dad of taking pictures of him and my wee niece (my other brothers 15month old) and posting them on the internet.
Now, my dad is a 61yr old man, who works extremely hard, every day of his life, and although he isn't thick, he hasn't the 1st clue about computers.
Anyway, it was me who took the pics... 1 of my bro & niece, 1 of my dad &niece, 1 of my partner & niece, and obviously 1 of me and my niece (altho my partner took that 1)

(soooo sorry for draggin this on) there's soooo much I want to say but just don't know how :(

But, my bro is blaming my dad for doing this and saying my dad is setting him up. He has threatened to put a hammer through my dads new 42"tv (2months old) saying he will wreck the whole place!
He blames my dad for ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! My dad does nothing but keep him and try to help him.. and he throws it back in his face for no reason. I wanted to ring the police today, but my dad told me not to. He said I am only making things worse. But how could I possibly be? I want to protect my dad and as much as I feel for my brother (and god forgive me for saying this about my own blood) I just wish my bro would disappear and leave my dad alone.

Today, I thought in detail about ending it all for myself... and it upsets me to think that I could even think that way. But I really just don't know what else to do.
Im so scared that my brother is putting my dad in an early grave! I don't want that!
I want my dad to be happy in life, and not to have to worry about his 34yr old son who acts 15!

Can someone please suggest anything that I can do?
To me, the only thing that will help things, is if my brother overdoses!

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel :( :(

Hi,I am Ken from the states,

Trying to stop him from doing anything is fruitless,in this case(my opinion)I would suggest finding a support group for the family's of addicts,here we have al-anon,it is for family members to understand their responsibilities as to how to deal with an addicted personality and continue their own paths without being bogged down with confusion and guilt.

Being on methadone doesn't mean he is not going to have addictive behavior,it is only different than the behaviors from the past,once an addict,always an addict,the actions are the same,the attitudes are the same,the person is the same,just without their normal 'fix',substituting heroin with methadone is the normal step for this type of addiction,eventually they need to come to terms with the addiction and stop the methadone all together,this can only happen with learned coping skills,behavioral adjustments,low stress,etc

You are not responsible for his actions,only yours.If you are at the point of suicide,remove yourself from this situation,I think you mentioned that in the beginning.It isn't abandonment of family,it's self preservation.Once you have become more confident with your life,maybe you will think clearly enough to seek help and learn what you can do for them,right now isn't the time,you can't rescue anyone if your dead.

Addiction affects the entire family,you can see that clearly,don't fall prey to someone else's chaos,get free from it and seek help for your own well being.

I'm really sorry you have to go through all this. This sounds way too much to handle by yourself. I do hope your partner is giving you the emotional support you need right now. There is not a magic recipe that can be follow. However you could try to divide the problem in "pieces" and tackle one by one, rather than looking at the whole picture and feeling helpless. The first thing is to realize that doesn't matter how much you love your dad and your brother you are not responsible for the decisions they take. Not only you are not responsible, but it is just not fair. Seems to me that you really need to have a serious talk with your Dad. Going away from your brother might sound drastic and difficult but it looks like your brother won't be changing this paranoic idea any time soon. He problably should really disconnect in a way that lets your brother know that the decision is just taken because his own behavior. At the end by your father stopping contact with him, will protect your brother from doing something that he most likely will regret once he heals. As to your brother you don't explain if you can actually get into talk to him? Probably it would be good to talk with him and get me into having activities that engage him with the community, like volunteering, working, and discovering his own strenghts. I would recommend that your father tries to take some therapy and you too. I do feel that the consequences and damages of adiction go beyond what we can see happening on the bodies of those who are under them. Family and friends are afectede probably in a deeper way. Look within yourself. You are a powerful, brave and incredible being. And try to put some of your concerns in the hands of God, the Universe, or whatever the stronger force you believe on... Remember that peace always comes after the storm... All my best wishes to you and your family