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cassie78
Nov 16, 2009, 03:12 AM
I met my Ex again after so long and we formed a relationship... he was married but separated from his wife.. whom they were not leaving together...
Wife lives in the sates and he lives in Kenya and I live in the Uk.

As we were not leaving in the same country it was hard for the relationship to blossom but we tried our best to see each other every now and then as we were both madly in love with each other (so I thought)

3yrs ago I went to visit him by the time I got back I found out I was pregnant..
He had to tell his wife who then finalise the divorce.
Since the divorce I thought he will be fully committed to me but that's when everything changed.
Our daughter is now 2yrs old and he's never seen her since she was born he hardly call now days, the last we spoke was my daughter's birthday 2months ago.. and I made the call..

As I'm due to go the Kenya in 2weeks time I was thinking I will talk to him but I came to find out now he's seeing another woman and they very serious with the relationship.
My family told me this as he's not hiding it.. my family and friends see them all the time out and about.
I'm really hurt by all this cause I still love him and I want him back
Should I let him know how I feel or just let it be..

Starry nights
Nov 16, 2009, 04:20 AM
Cassie,my heart goes out to you.Its painful for anybody to be ignored by someone they love and more so when it involves children.In cases like yours(which are aplently on this site,if you read the posts of other people here),where you don't even know what's happening in the mind of the other person and why he's behaving the way he is.

The painful part in a relationship is that you are dealing with another person,on whom you really don't have control.Of course love changes people and people who want to make relationships work would do anything for their partners.

This guy is obviously not one of them.He's totally avoiding you and his actions show he's least interested in you or your child.I don't want to be the harbinger of bad news to you,but Cassie,this man isn't father or husband material.Only he can tell why he's doing what he's doing.But if you try and run after him,trying to figure him and his cowardly activities,it will just be like banging your head on a wall.Can you afford losing your sleep and going crazy with a small kid to take care of?Are you in a position where you can or really,should,go all out,lose your dignity,your mental sanity in getting him back?Would you want somebody like this man to really come back to you and raise your kid(as if he will)after all the bad behaviour he's dishing out to you?

Cassie,there's nothing more important right now than your well-being and that of your child.You need to find peace and confidence within yourself,in order to be able to be strong enough for your future.You can't do all this if you are wasting all your energy on this sad specimen of a guy who won't even own up to his responsibilities.

cassie78
Nov 16, 2009, 04:39 AM
Starry nights thanks you so much for the good advice! I needed to hear that and everything you said is so true
Your advice has made me stronger and I will continue reminding myself that I am a mother to a wonderful daghter!

I wish
Nov 16, 2009, 12:02 PM
If he wanted to be involved in your life and your child's life, he would make the effort. His lack of effort shows that he doesn't really care. Focus on raising the child yourself and building around her.

I also suggest that you not put your life on hold for this irresponsible man anymore. Find happiness elsewhere.

Starry nights
Nov 23, 2009, 02:06 AM
starry nights thanks you so much for the good advice! i needed to hear that and everything you said is so true
ur advice has made me stronger and i will continue reminding myself that i am a mother to a wonderful daghter!

You are most welcome.Always know,you are a unique and special person who has been put here on this beautiful planet to serve a unique purpose.You have a wonderful reason to live for, in the form of your daughter and you have a great life ahead of you.There'll be so many moments of happiness for you,why don't you remove all the negative influences from your life and prepare yourself for all that?

In your times of sadness or when you feel the going's tough and lonely,listen to Mariah Carey's "Hero".Its a beautiful and very inspiring song.

All the best.God bless.