My girlfriend recently moved to my county to be closer to me, but moved in with a male friend of hers that has a reputation of being a bit "sleazy." I recently accidentally saw an e-mail that I quickly glanced at alluding to the fact she might have given him *oral sex* a while back as a freshman in college. I'm not threatened by their living situation anymore because I know she loves me and would never dream of cheating, but deep down it doesn't sit well with me and I don't like the idea of my girlfriend living with someone that she has a history with, even for one time. Is this something I am being immature about and how can I move on without thinking about it?

Open and honest communication.

From what you have written you could be jumping to conclusions about their past relationship (if there was one).

While I believe that her past is her past, if you have any concerns about the relationship you should be able to talk with her about them.

My girlfriend recently moved to my county to be closer to me, but moved in with a male friend of hers that has a reputation of being a bit "sleazy." I recently accidentally saw an e-mail exchange of hers and a friend of hers, that I quickly glanced through, with a point alluding to the fact she might have given him *oral sex* in the shower as a freshman in college, even though she NEVER gave any indication about any type of history with him before we were together, and repeatedly mentioned she really didn't like him when she met him for being sleazy. I'm not threatened by their living situation anymore because I know she loves me and would never dream of cheating, but deep down it doesn't sit well with me and I don't like the idea of my girlfriend living with someone that she has a history with, even for one time. I have asked her several times about it and she repeatedly denied it, but I am not sure if she is just trying to prevent me from being hurt. I desperately want to believe her, and want to never think about it again, but I do not think this will not happen until I am 100% convinced. Is this something I am being immature about and how can I move on without thinking about it?

Man she should at least understand where you're coming from
Why does she have to live with him if I might ask?
I would be rightfully as concerned as you are

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread so that we can follow your story.

You either believe her or you don't. Seems pretty clear that you don't believe her, which is a huge breakdown in trust. No trust = no relationship

If you can't find it in yourself to believe her and she can't do anything for you to trust her, then this relationship is going to end whether you want it to or not.

Spend more time trying to talk it out. Try to keep things calm and civil though.

I recently accidentally saw an e-mail that I quickly glanced at alluding to the fact she might have given him *oral sex* a while back as a freshman in college.

From this, you didn't read the email (or you are covering up snooping which is a concern in itself) and anything you might have read was taken out of context. People joke around and flirt. Another person who is not privy to the 'inside joke' might think that the people were being serious. Sarcasm is another thing that doesn't translate well to the written word.

Either you admit to having snooped and read her email and ask her about that specific incident or you accept that maybe you didn't read what you thought you read and move on.

Ummmm that is a little questionable??
Why is she staying with him? And they have history together. That wouldn't sit well with me either dude. But you say you have brought it up and she has denied it every time. You can either take this with a grain of salt or you can just say " eff it and move on with your life "

Either way, she said she hasn't done it so I would leave it at that and continue life...

TIME IS THE REVEALER OF ALL TRUTH!!

A few months ago, my girlfriend told me she had a threesome with her very attractive, but provocative roommate, three years before we met (when she was 19) with a guy they met the day before at a conference in Washington D.C. She said "nothing really happened" but said they both gave him oral sex, which I was annoyed about, but didn't think much of.

About six weeks ago, we were going through Facebook pictures, and at one point, she pointed to a picture of her with some guy and said "oh that's the guy we had the threesome with" to my utter shock and disgust. I couldn't believe she would show me a picture of him. I am resentful that someone shared this experience with my girlfriend after only knowing her for a day. It has been six weeks or so since the incident, and I am still shocked and disturbed by the entire scenario. She can't understand why I'm still so upset over a picture, but I feel like it has changed my perspective on her- like any wholesome aspect of her has been completely erased- which is part of the reason I am still upset. When I see old pictures of her, I just kind of shake unable to accept the fact that this person accomplished this feat with her. I am not sure if it is jealousy, or there was a genuine lost of respect, but I was wondering if anybody had any perspective on this situation. She has even said would consider having one with me, but somehow it feels like it wouldn't be as spontaneous, considering how well I know her.

Am I just being immature or do I have a right to be upset?

I think you have the right to feel the way you want about this - to an extent.

You can't go blaiming her for what she's done sexually (or in any other way, really) in her past.
You hadn't even met her at the time!

However, if this is something you can't deal with, talking with her about it will be the way to go.

If this is something that disgusts you, I can understand how you reacted to the whole deal with showing you a picture of the guy.
I wouldn't want my girlfriend to show me pictures of her old sex partners either.

But you have to accept the fact that she has had sex with people before, if you're not able to accept that, this is a lost case in my opinion.

Is it the threesome that bothers you, or that she had had sex before she met you. Would you feel the same if she'd only had sex with men?

How long have you two been together, and has she ever given you reason to question her fidelity?

Were threesome's a regular part of her life, or was it a one time deal.

I am unsure without more information, just where you're coming from.

This is in her past. She didn't even have to tell you about it, it really is none of your business.

Now that she has you're not happy. Not fair.

Were you a virgin when you met her? If not, you have no right to judge.

Just fyi, I had a threesome with two guy friends when I was 18. I met my husband when I was 19. He knows all about it and the kicker, I'm still friends with the two guys.

It was a stupid teen thing to do. It's in the past and that's where it stays. My husband is mature enough and confident enough to know that I love him and only him, that the past is something that happened before I met him.

In other words, yes, I think you're being immature about this.

Well, ignorance is bliss... I'm sorry you had to know about the whole thing; even more sorry that she actually showed you pictures of the dude. But from here on, this is YOUR deal; if you want to get hung up on it all, it's your fault. You can either grow up a lil', get over it and be happy w/ your girl and enjoy the distinct relationship that you two share. Or, you can stay stuck on it and be miserable. Or you can just move on to the next relationship if you just can't get over it, if she's so tainted now.

For what it's worth, whatever she had with anyone in the past will never be the same as what she shares with you; you have her in a way that no one else will ever have her. What every couple shares is unique; so cherish what you have and try not to let envy rule you, and ruin everything you've made together.

And to be clear, this is essentially a confidence thing. You could always just find a way to convince yourself that you could have pulled off what that guy did... Then, his feat becomes irrelevant... but I suggest you just find your own confidence and let the whole thing go.

Um, I think you're being immature and placing far too much importance on a single sexual act. So she showed you a picture of the guy whose cock she sucked. Hell, you should be happy she's honest! Clearly she thinks it's a bit of a laugh and she has the courage to be adventurous.

Why act indignant and offended by something that happened once three years ago? Why worry about the fact that she showed you his photo? It doesn't really tell you anything about her (except that she's open), your response really tells you much more about yourself.

Let it go. There are much more important things to be disgusted about - the potential for global warming or the atrocities being committed in the Congo are much more worthy of your shock and distress.

Your being Immature completely. It might be hard to think about it, but your first word OR words is this is something that happened in her PAST. That is right, it is called the past for a reason. Unless she has giving you reasons to not think it is in the past. Everybody has different experiences but you can not hold this over her, or make her guilty of something she experienced before you.

You need to get past this or your relationship will go down the drain and you and your jealousy will be the only reason why.

Everyone says you are being immature. I happen to think the fact that she showed you a picture of the guy was immature. Was she proud of it or wanted a reaction from you? I'm sorry but I think she is immature. I mean she even suggested one with you. Hmmm!! Not so serious about you?

Everyone says you are being immature. I happen to think the fact that she showed you a picture of the guy was immature. Was she proud of it or wanted a reaction from you? I'm sorry but I think she is immature. I mean she even suggested one with you. Hmmm!!! Not so serious about you?

I disagree.

The picture was probably not a planned thing. Facebook you can keep in touch or have pictures with so many different people. So what if she showed him a picture. At least she is not hiding anything and being honest about it. It happened 3 years ago. Maybe she is not interested it threesomes anymore, does not make her less interested or serious about him.

Maybe she wanted to know if he was open to that experience or not. Who are we to judge?

Joe

If your already tripping on her past, I doubt seriously if you have a future. What she has done, and maybe will do, will freak you out, and overwhelm you.

I am unsure without more information, just where you're coming from.
Absolutely agree. With this response, I'm assuming he's been dating this girl for a while now, at least a year.



Am I just being immature or do I have a right to be upset?
If she volunteered this information, then you, you have a right to be upset.

It is immature to think information like that will have no effect just because it's over and done with. I've had this backfire on me enough times to know to keep my mouth shut about certain events that I was involved in, but I was also a teenager. A three-way that happened three years ago is non-essential, so the only reason why she'd tell him is because she truly believed it was harmless (and at 22, I'm not buying it), or she wanted a reaction. But, if you badgered her into telling you this, then ignore everything I said and realize you were asking for it.


At least she is not hiding anything and being honest about it
Ya, and what good came out of her telling the truth? Absolutely nothing. Now he's angry and she probably feels awful for what she did.


Maybe she wanted to know if he was open to that experience or not. Who are we to judge?
If she wanted to know that she'd probably just ask "hey, do you wanna have a three-way?" and have left the story out.

The fact that you are not begging off on a three way now indicates that this is a jealousy issue and not one of morality.

Your reluctance ,if at all , is that the spontaneity would be lost if it happened now with you and her.
Your reluctance is not due to a moral issue.

This was a blow to your ego and you need to get over it if you are ever going to move forward in the relationship.

As an aside,I do not think you have the open minded head for a threesome.It takes a special type of person to put it in the proper perspective.

I believe threesomes should be done with friends or someone you just met, if at all. Threesomes in a relationships is a huge no-no for me. I think it destroys many things without even realizing. It can be fun but I'd prefer to stay off that road. I joke many times with gfs saying I want a threesome but I doubt I would ever really do that. I want my girlfriend all for me... lol

If this happened 3 years ago then I think your mind is getting the best of you. Don't worry too much. I still think it was immature of her and I don't see how anybody can disagree. Perhaps she didn't mean anything by it but it is still immature. If I'm talking to a girl I like and I see a picture of a girl I had sex with, would I out of nowhere just point and say hey I had sex with this girl? Gross. No need to know... thanx.
But whether it was immature or not is irrelevant. Because this is about how will you handle this.

I can relate. I had a girlfriend who had threesomes in her past. She was even lesbian for a while. She was gorgeous! We had a great 6 months but I couldn't really trust her. She constantly hung out with guys that liked her and didn't take me to hang out with her friends because she said her guy friends wouldn't like me... im still confused. Point is she had a best friend that she had sex with... a girl... I was cool with it because they only spoke over the phone... if it were in person I'd be less okay with it... Point is all that made it hard for me to trust her even though she hadn't done anything to me. So its confusing. I wish I did trust and at least tried harder. Its just harder being in a situation. If its bothering you just try to ignore it for now and see what else happens.. If there are multiple things wrong then move on but I personally think it is us with the issue of not being so confident and being able to leave those things behind. I'm learning more now.

I think you have the right to feel the way you want about this - to an extent.

You can't go blaiming her for what she's done sexually (or in any other way, really) in her past.
You hadn't even met her at the time!

However, if this is something you can't deal with, talking with her about it will be the way to go.

If this is something that disgusts you, I can understand how you reacted to the whole deal with showing you a picture of the guy.
I wouldn't want my girlfriend to show me pictures of her old sex partners either.

But you have to accept the fact that she has had sex with people before, if you're not able to accept that, this is a lost case in my opinion.don't wory she won't leave you:D

don't wory she wont leave you:D

What does this have to do with the OP's question, or the poster you quoted?

You have every right to be upset and disturbed. However, if you are judging her in that way then there will probably be no future. You either must let it go and explain to her why you were upset or leave the relationship before you do anymore harm to yourself. Talking with your partner about these kinds of things are the best things to do, but don't be hostile about it. Best of luck to you. =]

If it's a wholesome girl your looking for, I don't think she is the one for you. I can see a lot of regrets happening if you decide to stay with her. She will end up hurting you. It doesn't sound like she has much class.

If it's a wholesome girl your looking for, I don't think she is the one for you. I can see alot of regrets happening if you decide to stay with her. She will end up hurting you. It doesn't sound like she has much class.

What?

Because she had a threesome she doesn't have class?

I had a threesome, trust me, I have class, otherwise I'd stop biting my tongue and tell you what I really think of your post.

As for regrets, you're right. If he doesn't get over his male ego getting in the way of his girlfriends past then he will have regrets.

If he's looking for a virgin I wish him lots of luck.

He might be freakin' out but last I checked he was still with her, so who is the one with class?

To hell with that double standard stuff, that's a convenient excuse to think your better than someone else.

The truth is nobody is any better than anybody else, don't care what they have done.

Now lets not get extreme about it, what matters is can you deal with a partner or not?

Several weeks ago, right before a big law exam, my girlfriend called me rather upset, fearing she was pregnant. Before I could calm her down, she broke down and explained the reason she was scared was because she had an abortion when she was 18, during her freshman year of college, and was unaware of the pregnancy for three months, despite taking the morning after pill and several negative tests. Needless to say, I was shocked and almost disturbed about this rather dark secret that emerged at a very inopportune time.

In the weeks that followed (it was three weeks ago), I am still shocked and a bit upset (even though it happened a few years before we met) that this happened to her, and it has frequently crossed my mind when we have sex (unfortunately). I know it is in the past and before we met, but there is something about it that feels like a huge turnoff, and a depressing realization that this might not exactly be the girl I thought she was. I, too, have had unprotected sex in my past, but for some reason feel so turned off by the fact that even though she had unprotected sex once, she was "punished" by the abortion. As it is a rather sensitive issue, I do not want to ask my friends if they have had any similar experiences, but I suppose I am curious if anyone had similar experiences or feelings after learning about a girlfriend's prior abortion. Did it at all effect your sexual life? Ls it wrong to hold it against her and feel very turned off for a mistake that easily could have happened to me? What kind of feelings are reasonable?

I've never had an abortion, only two healthy wanted pregnancies and one miscarriage.

Ask yourself this. Would you be dating her if she had a child?

Would she be who she is now if she had had the child?

Do you think it was her choice or do you believe that abortion is wrong?

This all comes down to your beliefs. Those beliefs are yours, not hers. She made the best decision she could for herself at the time. I'm sure she agonized over the decision, I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision to make.

So, she opened up to you, told you a very painful part of her past and what did you do? You judged her.

Yes, I think it is wrong to hold it against her. You had sex in the past. Sex cause pregnancy. The only difference between her and you is that she got caught. She paid for her actions, twice.

Judge not lest you be judged, and no, I'm not religious, it's just a good quote.

So, she opened up to you, told you a very painful part of her past and what did you do? You judged her.

I agree with alte..

And I understand how you feel now.. but love should be able to accept who she is..

My ex told me her past not like yours.. one year later... and I knew there was something in her past but she couldn't tell me.. and the past I already asked her and she lied when I asked.. and when she said true... I understood her but also it ruined my trust.. so I told her but she didn't want to talk and work together..

She did the most hardiest thing for her.. and when your feeling of her get stronger.. it wouldn't bother you anymore..

In a thread I once started back then I stated that I had an abortion and yes it is the worst thing that ever happened in my life.
You are a guy and even if my ex held my hand all the time I found that he couldn't understand.Never.
It's easy to judge her but she was only 18.
Excuse me but we're not supposed to jugde the ones we love.

I'm going to say this at the risk of a ton of reddies, but honestly, I see his point of view. If he happens to be against abortion and he sees this as something he cannot get passed, then that is his decision and I wouldn't blame him for it. I will say that I am highly against abortion, unless extreme circumstances happen. I don't preach, and you can tell by the countless abortion threads I have posted on here. It's my opinion, everyone is entitled to their own. With that being said, if I found that my fiancé had an abortion, even before we met, I would have a very hard time accepting that and don't know if I would be able to handle it and continue the relationship.

To the OP, it's your decision whether to accept this or not. I'm not going to fault you if you chose not too, it's a tough thing to have to hear.

As for having unprotected sex, don't let that get to you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/pregnancy-new-motherhood/abortion-443239.html

No judgments, just facts that became apparent after merging your posts, and reading the one sited above.

The more you hear about your g/f's past the more freaked out you become.

If you can't handle her past, you can never appreciate what she has been through, nor who she is now, or ever have a future.

Right or wrong, you cannot handle a relationship with her. You cannot understand, and support her, through what has to be a hard time in her life, nor can you empathize and share strength that you both need to proceed.

Talaniman Rule - If you can't handle what your partner has been thru, the decent thing to do is leave, and cause no more hurt than you already have.

Talaniman Rule - If you really love someone, you deal with there good, and bad.

Talaniman Rule - Keep an open mind, especially when its not just your own feelings involved.

Talaniman Rule - Make sure you know yourself well before sharing your heart.

Talaniman Rule - Make sure you know exactly who your trusting your heart to.

Talaniman Rule - Never commit to a person you don't know that well.

Talaniman Rule - If your afraid to take a risk, DON'T. Find out why your afraid first, then deal with the fear.

After getting the whole story, I think you can't handle this relationship at all. You have too many problems with her past that your relationship will never work