Hi,

Quite short bite first, was with my ex fiancé for just under 5 yrs, lived together, had plans together, were engaged. Yup problems happen in every relationship I understand this, its part of life and being in one.

I just started uni, was getting on with my life, passing my exmas, handling in essay, needless to say, contiuing at uni and just submitted another essay yesterday. Though for I went through NC, I then receive a email from her brother in law asking to swap xbox games, he lives far away and can esily afford the game himself or even exchange some games for the game he wants. Also mentioned in email how was I doing, thought this was quite a weird email considering NC and purely for asking to swap games so I replied yeah sure, no probs, you want me to post them down. No reply, ex checking up??

Well week later, Halloween I was going for a city break with a mate, catch a game of footie and have a night out, I did this though before I left I got a text from ex asking how I'm doing, how is uni going, I never replied until the next day where I text bak, got your text, away for the weekend, happy halloween, catch up soon, kept it simple, on way back from city break, I got a text from ex telling me what she was doing, what she dressed up as, where she was, I replied sounds like you had a good night as did I, I'm on bus back and got reading to do for uni, catch up soon night. Then last week, I fone for quick chat, misses the call then on fri of last week she tells me where she is and to meet for a drink, I was out and had a couple of drinks myself, well she seen me walk towards the bar she was in, she ran towards the door and pretended she wa son the fone, I walked right past and went to the bar0 dutch courage then went to look for her, spotted her, we chatted, positive body language, work mate then interupts then bouncer asks me to leave, I left then next day we share some texts, then a phone call where she says she has nothing, she has no net, no cable etc and boiler packed in, I put money in her acc on mon, simply cause I don't want to see her go without and I care about her, she replies don't want your money, not got net and cable yet not because she can't afford it just not got round to it, blatant lie as she said that on the fri after a drink she couldn't afford then again on the sat when she was sitting in

We then meet yesterday for a coffee and we chat for 20mins like the 1st meeting should've been we both agreed on that and that alcohol had a big part on what happened on the fri. She leaves mixed messageswanting to move on then checks my essay and emails what she thinks of it, I could tell in her eye she was holding back tears yesterday, she did a good job doing so though I could see the water fill up. We cuddle then say good bye, chat soon, it's been half a year apart.

Do you think move on can mean move on from the split, as that wa sthen,m I get that though she wants me in her life as I do her! Its driving us both crazy, we've done nc and then came back to each other naturally after 6mnths, I think its obvious we still care for each other though trying to get past the hurt she feels is the task every person faces when they want their ex back. Don't think you csn live life with regrets esp with what's in your heart!

Don't understand what her intentions are as she even invited me out again with her workfriends and told me where she is going this weekend, madness!

Cheers

She broke up with you correct?

I wouldn't read too much into this as you are. Proceed with caution here. Let her initiate and try to be aloof until you understand her actual intentions. Her actions and communication seem all over the place. If she wants to get back together she'll let it be known. If not… keep moving on.

Hi blue,
I would like to know what your issue's that caused the break in the first place are.
Have you changed any of the original proublems between you?
It may be hard to see each other now but think about how hard it was to break off and N/C someone you care so much for .
This is why I am not one to just tell someone you have to N/C I think it is used way too much and frankly is immature,it is needed in some cases like fighting,extreme jealousy etc. but if you'r talking and it is civil why the N/C

No I broke up with her, I was stubborn and couldn't swallow my pride, lol thougfh she believes it was her in front of her work friends though when with me she takes the approach we both decided it, I can tell she's feeling rejected and I understand that aso yesterday I when we met for coffee straight away, I apoligize to you for rejecting you, it was never my intention and then we botha greed that the fri was not the best time for meeting because it involved other people and alcohol. It was an actually decent conversation, good one as well. She also said on fri night that's she's not going around sleeping with lots of other guys, I never even knew why that camer out as I never even touched that subject.

I reply what the issues were for the break-up after test for uni I've got in 45mins. Apoligies zippit and iamabadman. I appreciate your quick responses.

I echo what I said before... Proceed with caution here. Let her initiate and try to be aloof until you understand her actual intentions. Take it nice and sloooowwww...

The door is open, peek in. Just watch that your head doesn't get slammed in it.

She keeps saying about this move on and flapping her wings and that, I think she's playing har dto get and to make sure I want her. I send a text saying what I value about her and love as a person and respect her decision to flap her wings as she said. I was just me expressing myself as I lost my Mum when I young and I instilled in myself to survive keep things in and deal with it myself, I know that is wrong, it was right for me then but not now, I said this to her. She understood, though she replied to the txt you need to stop telling me you love me, then a compliment about my essay that she already replied to via email. I replied I'm just being honest about you as a person, no other motive behind it.

I agree with her... you're putting too much out there too fast. Dude... chill, relax.

Drop the love and relationship discussions. Exercise a little emotional control.

I think the advice is the best thing to do. Controlling emotions are a kicker.

We broke up because some external things like studying she did gave little time for us and financially it was myself working, it wasn't easy though we got through it. We argued about things like money as it wa sonly me working during her studies, when she graduated, I had to help her find make applications, someone who supports you for a few years shouldn't neeed to help someone apply for jobs, just thought it was one-sided at times, I made mistakes yeah going out twith the lads more than I shoudl've, guess it's down to being appreciated both ways really.

Hi,

I'm fed up with being on the round about, waiting in limbo, being stuck in a rut about the ex.

Broke up 6months ago, since then we've been in contact, took over flat and responsibilities without holding her to any of it. I've started uni and moved on with aspect of my life towards a positive result that will happen - a degree for a bright future to provide and stimulate my nature professionally. Though personally I still love her and personal growth was all that I wanted and from uni I will lget thisself discipline and professionally for helping me unravel buried emotions re the loss of my Mum at a young age.

I've went tthought the txtin, saying how much I love her and the rest. End o result in that was zilch though contact was still open. I've been pro-active in wanting to change and am actively committed to seeing this through from where the problems arose, letting things build up and keeping things to myself.

I went through a period of NC for a month before halloween, during that month I get email from brother in law asking to swap games, the distance is far between us and he earns enough to buy it himself.- random! Contact came, asking how I'm doing and uni is going, I reply I'm away, she replies telling me what she dressed up as and where she went, attempt to make me jealous?? I replied sounds like good night, I'm on way home, spk soon, goodnite.

We meet up and the body language is positive from both sides, she tells me she has nothing, no friends, no boiler no cable no net, I ask her ? Look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me, can't answer that? We meet during week, chat is good and she kindly checks some uni work for me.

This weekend brother in law tells me she doesn't want me the day later tells me she isn't over you and is confused. I phone her and we speak and she asks what I get up to at weekend, I kept it short and sweet. Then she says maybe we can't be friends if you keep thinking you want back with me though after that we slide back into normal chat, I sent her email saying I know what I want and I got frustrated because I missed out on something, (she brought this up in other words that I sent it via text though it was by email - like she doesn't want to admit she reads them, she slipped there though I neve rmentioned it) you don't want to miss out on something its like she's trying to find stuff out and understand it only thing I misse dout on was uni and what it brings for me, more self discipline and a degree for better job to provide.


Plan of action any advice as I want her back and do love her, afte r6months, then surely her brother in law and even her would just cut contact but they don't. Perserverance, committed to change actions more than words.

Thanks

Looks like the thread merged but the advice is the same just move on keep your emotions in check pour yourself into your studies,job etc and go N/C

Ah... we gave you advice. You took your own path as you felt it would work. Sorry bud for the crash n' burn. If you can continue with the frustration and heartache hang in there.

Hi,

I've posted a couple of posts re my ex and I. Its been 7 months, I did nc and well I was chasing, obviously wrong move to make. I did NC and then contact from her comes, I play it cool. We eventually meet up the week later and it turns into a mess, we'd both been drinking as were out in town. Anyway mixed messages were a plenty, she seen me come down stairs and ran towards the entrance pretending to be on phone. I seen this so I walked straigh by her and never noticed her, we say hi and talk, it all blurts out from her have no friends, have no boiler, not going around sleeping with other guys, etc I tested her as in the summer she said she never wante dto meet to say she doesn't love me, I ask her this and she replies can't answer that? We meet for coffee, she holds back the tears etc. Though she kept acting like she's in control of the situation and what happens, her taking confidence by knowing how I feel etc, her replying we're not getting back together. Well I had a bad dream on mon past and woke up at 3 and stupidly texte dher, do you want to throw the last 5 yrs away? R you seeing anyone? Does my resoluteness and being steadfast not mean anything to you? When I wake up I decided to email what I though were the answers, No, No and Yes, she replied just with the email subject no history attached in the subject box were my answers. Later that day I txted her to say I've done the worst I can to do for you to see how I feel, she then replied stop texting, I feel I don't want to be friends with you, we're not getting back together then another text until you accept that that I don't want to be friendly, I replied if your sure about that as I see mixed signals and confusion and you can't have your cake and eat it, the ? Do you really want to throw the last 5 yrs away? She replies there eis no mixed signals and we're not getting back together. I then replied with what I kept quiet that I do c things what I mentioned above and then said struck a chord, she then replied leave me alone, I then replie dyeah fine, can I have my Mum's engagement ring back - no reply. Why can't she answer the ?'s, some honesty and I was fed up being the fallback guy and her having gthe control of things so I decided to call her bluff and with hat I mentione din the text just for her to realise she doesn't have all the control anymore, all this chasing was beginning to affect my uni and I wasn't for allowing that to happen, I think she is really confused, not being honest with herself, yeah I was pushing when I shouldnt've.

What do you's make of it, I think I got a response, OK the wrong type of response though I had to get self respect back and for her to know I'm not her fallback man.

Dude, what are you doing? Why can't you simply disappear from her life, and leave her completely alone?

Surely you have a real life that you enjoy, without her, somewhere, don't you?

You do have friends, and family that you love don't you?

The best way for 2 people to get over each other is no contact. What you're going through (this break-up and no contact) is like an intervention and you've relapsed. You need to get back on track and not speak to her. She doesn't love you, and you do not love her. Love is a commitment and the two of you broke up- you both left each other, end of story- find someone you love, and someone that loves you.