I was seeing a guy for a little over a month. I'm 38 he is 24. When I first met him I told him I was older than him and asked him if that mattered to him. He said it didn't. But we decided that it would be a casual relationship.

He came over one day to just hang out,when after he left I didn't talk to him that night, not unusual. The day after we spoke through a few text messages. The third day after I saw him he told me that when he saw me last time that something didn't feel right, That its just not working. He had said he didn't know what it was, he wasn't sure. He said maybe that he needs someone a little more his age, more him. I'm not sure if this was it or did he just losE interest or was no longer attracted to me. I wish I knew the reason. I can't really tell.

Speculating on why he left is a moot point and an exercise in futility.
I suspect that he is still of an age where partying and hanging out are his main priorities.
Possibly,you were too settled for his taste.
Perhaps he felt you were out of his league.
Maybe he just wasn't that into you and it took a few dates to figure that out.
Maybe he was seeing someone else that he liked better.
Speculating on why won't serve any purpose.
Get back on that horse if a guy is what you are looking for.

Maybe he was looking for a sugar mama. You didn't shower him with luxury, so he probably felt he didn't need you. Or maybe he just wanted a sexual experience with an older woman and you were his experiment. Don't think too much about it and start dating a guy your own age again. There's so much fish in the ocean. If he contact you again, tell him to contact you again when he wants a serious relationship.

I met a very attractive young man,25.I am anolder woman. It was instant attraction for both of us. I asked him what he was looking for , a relationship or fun.He said he was'nt sure. So him being so young I knew that a relationship would go nowhere. So we both decided that the relationship would be sex only. After the first night of great sex I asked him if he was sleeping with any one besides me. He said honestly no one but you and asked me the same question. I told him no one else that I just don't do that. He was happy to hear that and said good,then we have just each other. We would text each other about every other night. We would talk about what each of us wanted sexually.He wanted to know my fantasys and describe to me what we would do the next time we got together. Quite explicit stuff. This went on for about twelve days that was the time that went by before we had sex again. The sex again was great, at least I thought it was. Two days after he left I did not hear from him and usually only a day goes by before I would hear from him again,usually through text messages. So I text him first. He didn't reply,again not like him,he would always text back within minutes. After a few texts to him I received one back saying can't talk that he was busy. I waited two days and still no reply. I texted him after two days and he text me back saying he was sorry he had been really busy and been thinking. I knew what he had been thinking about. He said the last time we had sex something didn't feel right. That it just was not working. He said he wanted something else. I guess he meant besides sex. He also mentioned maybe he need someone his own age. What I'm confused about is maybe to him the sex was bad and didn't want to continue this or did he just want a couple of rolls in the sack with me. I just can't imagine a guy of this age giving up no strings attached sex. Maybe I can get a better insite on this one.

The op has added more information in the Adult Sexuality forum:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/just-booty-call-415476.html

Merged

You will never really know the truth, and can wonder forever is you want to.

The issue is that while age does not matter at time, the age difference is there and there will be maturity issues and interest issues.
Or there may be sexual desire differences,

The result is, he wants to end it, so you move on.

Is there any point in speculating? I would not take it personally - who knows what a 24 year old guy really means?

You could take it at face value - perhaps something really was 'not quite right' for him. See it as a pleasant experience that didn't have the outcome you'd hoped.

Can I also add that if you don't want to be a booty call then pretending you only want sex is not the way to go.

Clearly you would have liked more.

I just can't imagine a guy of this age giving up no strings attached sex. Maybe i can get a better insite on this one.

I don't think this is about you or the sex, but about how he views himself. It seems he wasn't okay with being a 'booty call' after all.

It sounds like he is a young man who learned quickly that sex without strings isn't what he wants at this stage in his life.

What are you really wanting at the stage you are at?

Have you considered that idea... that this is fairly normal when starting to date. Sometimes it takes a few dates for one or the other to realize that it just isn't working... or in other words doesn't feel right.

Its possible that you are emotionally and intellectually more mature than he is at this time... or it just might be totally unrelated to that. That he came to realize you weren't "Clicking" at least for him on some other level.

Don't beat yourself up over it.

I'm a guy that almost always dated older women when I was younger. And I have no predjudice there. Doesn't matter the age... its best to get out of a relationship that isn't exactly working early, rathan later when peoiple get hurt worse.

Contrary to myth that young guys only wanting sex, after reading many dating and relationship questions, I find that young guys want more than sex in a relationship. I suggest you read the dating and relationship questions and you'll see what I mean.

I'm back again about this question."it doesn't feel right" I'm so confused on this. I had a no strings attached relationship with a 24 year old young man. I'm 38. I met him in October 2009. The first time we had sex everything was great. He couldn't wait to see me again. Later that month he did see me again. A few days later he called me to say "it just didn't feel right. I didn't understand. So the relationship was so called ended. In the next month i ran into him while i was out with friends. We exchanged a few text messages a few days later and he said it was nice to see me again.I told him the same. That weekend he was leaving for England and he said he planned on seeing me when he got back.Almost eight weeks passed and i received a text from him saying he was back. He started to talk about seeing me and how he couldn't wait to see me and how good it would be.Well about a week and a half later we did see each other again.This is what i can't really understand, he said the same thing to me again.He said "I have to be honest. "It didn't feel right" I'm beginning to think it's me, or is it him. Please help if you can. It's driving me crazy.

I think the SEXUAL side of things doesn't feel right to him, but that he'd like to have you as a friend.

Stop waiting for this guy, move on, and meet someone that DOES "feel right".

Also keep in mind he is 24 and might have no idea what he's talking about lol.

Maybe you remind him of a relative so its confusing to him? (Since you are older).

Definitely move on and find someone else!

I think the SEXUAL side of things doesn't feel right to him, but that he'd like to have you as a friend.

Stop waiting for this guy, move on, and meet someone that DOES "feel right".

Thank you for helping me with that. Do you think he was not sexually attraced,because the first time he never said "it didn't feel right" He wanted to see me again right away. He would also text me about what we would do for each other the next time we got togeher.I guess that's really why I was so confused.

He's 24 and he's probably inexperienced. You're older than him and I assume more mature. He's probably used to going out with women his own age, but something about you fascinates him. However when you get together he can't adjust to the differences in age, maturity, whatever.

It's probably all very simple and there is little point in you revisiting this situation. He's right that it's not right, but continuing to analyze it won't make the reasons any clearer.

In the end it doesn't matter if it's you or him - let it go. Let him go. You've had two tries at it and it just ain't working.

I have been in a friends with benefits relationship for two years. The other day he told me he has a girlfriend now. Which is only of like two weeks they have been bf/gf. He told me he wanted to see me one last time. So we did and before he left I told him I won't see you again and he said wel you never know what happens,so lets see what happens. I don't understand why he would even see me once when he's in a new relationship and everything is so new. Please help. Confused. Does this mean he wants to continue this and plan on contacting me again?

He didn't want to close his checking account.

So do you think he will contact me again. Seriously? And is it that he hopes he can have both.

Thanks! So I'm thinking he wants to contact me again! He can't respect his girlfriend too much.

He can't respect his girlfriend to much.

Or you either.

Wow. This guy has no respect for women. Of course he wants to keep seeing you. A girl friend and a side piece is a dream situation for a lot of guys. Stick to your guns and don't be the other woman.

He will be back if things don't work, or he gets horny, or has some free time or whatever. I can't believe you are still stuck on a mutual, No Strings Attached, Friends with Benefits, Booty call.

You can't live your life deluded by a use, and be used, sex thing. Can you? Well I guess you can!

This will probably seem harsh to you, but please read and think about what I am saying.

I could blast him for contacting you and put all the responsibility on his cheating tail (yes, he is now cheating even if he hasn't before), however, getting angry at his behavior isn't going to explain why you allow yourself to be turned into a partner in cheating.

Why did you meet with him knowing he now has a girlfriend?

You keeping asking about his actions and feelings and stating how 'confused' you are. Why have you kept yourself living in a state of confusion for two years? Why haven't you moved to a more stable place?

Through the past two years, have you been playing at having a relationship with him or have you been dating other people? What have you done to find a healthy relationship that is based on more than 'benefits'? (I'll be honest, I don't see the 'friends' part of this relationship. Seems more based on the 'benefits' which puts a different label on it.)

Let him go once and for all. If he calls again, so what? Don't be there. Be out finding yourself and what you really want in a relationship. Find someone who wants the entire you instead of a part. Find someone who you want to be with and build a real relationship together.

You might start by building that relationship with yourself. If you are secure in who you are and what you want in a relationship, you won't care about him and what he does or who he respects and doesn't because you will respect yourself.

I already asked this question,but I think I need to go into a little more detail. I have been seeing fwb for 2 years on and off. Every time he would just meet or talk to another girl that he liked and thought he could have a chance with her, he would tell me that he was busy and tell me about the other girl and we would have no contact because he wanted to see what happens with her,so he would not see me or would we talk. Just vanished. So after weeks or months he would contact me again and see each other. This same thing happened several times. Well, I couldn't help my feelings and fell in love with him. He knew how I felt about him. So this past time he was away for 2 weeks and I had talked to him a couple days before he left and were hoping to see each other, but when he came back I contacted him to see if he was back and he was. He talked about seeing me soon. Next morning he contacted me to say he got a girlfriend, but wanted to see me one last time. What I'm so confused over is that it's not his usual pattern. Why would he see me when he has a girlfriend but not when there was just the thought of someone else. I'm thinking maybe he lied to to end it for some reason. Please give me some insight. Had I not fallen for him this would not bother me at all. Thanks. By the way when I talked to him after vacation he was only back for a handful of days.

I have asked that this thread be merged with your existing one. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/something-didnt-feel-right-415072.html

You don't have to start a new thread to add more information. Actually, starting a new thread adds more confusion than it clears up.

Let's get everything in one place and then we can figure out what advice you need. :)

Thank you.

{Threads Merged}

I already asked this question,but i think i need to go into a little more detail.

I've merged the thread, noting this has been going on for almost TWO years. We appreciate you coming back to us for more help, but it appears this was not the first time you started a new thread over this issue. So I'm not going to instruct you not to do it again. If you scroll down you will see a Quick Answer box and other Answer options. Please use those to add more to this thread. If you need to find your post, use the My Questions link.

I have been seeing FWB for 2 years on and off. Every time he would just meet or talk to another girl that he liked and thought he could have a chance with her, he would tell me that he was busy and tell me about the other girl and we would have no contact because he wanted to see what happens with her,so he would not see me or would we talk. Just vanished.
Maybe he has friends with benefits you don't know about, or he has FWB he likes more. The whole FWB thing you have is unbalanced, and unequal, and for you... unhealthy. Yet you accept it because you have a false hope that it will grow into more. That's right, you yearning for more has always given you false hope, and you have severely compromised your own objectivity, and emotional health, by continuing to accept this FWB, as a healthy relationship. ITS NOT!!

But it has stopped you from healing, and regrouping, and having a happy healthy life of your own without him.


So after weeks or months he would contact me again and see each other. This same thing happened several times.
That's the pattern of this unhealthy relationship. He always circles back when its your turn.


Well, I couldn't help my feelings and fell in love with him.
We all are human and can't help the feelings we have. But we darn sure can help what we do about them, and the decisions we make to cope with those feelings. What you thought that FWB was going to be just a hobby, a distraction from the boredom of life, free sex, and companionship with no strings attached?? Well it started that way, but you screwed FWB up, when you started to have those LOVE feelings. Now you have to deal with them, and the actions you take because of them.


He knew how I felt about him.
So what? What was he supposed to do about YOUR feelings? The agreement was FWB, and despite your growing love feelings, what was he supposed to do. Why didn't you seek to change the agreement, and if it didn't just leave the whole FWB, the friendship, and the benefits?


So this past time he was away for 2 weeks and I had talked to him a couple days before he left and were hoping to see each other, but when he came back I contacted him to see if he was back and he was. He talked about seeing me soon. Next morning he contacted me to say he got a girlfriend, but wanted to see me one last time.
This was good bye, no more FWB, at least not while he is busy with his g/f.


What I'm so confused over is that it's not his usual pattern.
Because THIS girl changes his pattern, and thinking and he intends for things to be different. He is leaving the FWB, permanently, its over, no more. Having a hard time accepting its over finally is shocking, and confusing.


Why would he see me when he has a girlfriend but not when there was just the thought of someone else. I'm thinking maybe he lied to to end it for some reason. Please give me some insight.
His priorities changed, the feelings have changed, his intentions have changed, his actions have changed. You are right, whether he lied or not the results are the same. HE ENDED IT!!


Had I not fallen for him this would not bother me at all. Thanks. By the way when I talked to him after vacation he was only back for a handful of days.

Once the emotional dust has settled for you, and the shock has worn off. You mourn your loss, and let the healing process work its magic, as you finally build a happy life with him not being a part of it. You like all the rest of us humans, have to deal with those feelings of loss, and change so we can move on to the next phase of our lives. And you will but it takes time, and plenty of it.