So the other night I was thinking, yeah thinking again , and I thought to myself, "Relationship really suck, what's the point? You get to know someone, then after the lovey dovey part is gone it'll end soon, maybe a week or 35 years from that point where that lovey dovey stage passes"

Here are my 5 Stages:

Stage I: In love.
"Oh I can't wait to see him/her"
"She/he is so amazing, I think he/she is the one"
"I can't breath without you baby"

Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

Stage III: feeling uneasy about relationships, doubts, arguements start.
"Why he/she always late and full of excuses"
"He/she is a little controlling, do I want this?"

Stage IV: arguements continue. dissatifaction in relationship
"You could really pick up the phone and call me when your late"
"Why are you always asking me questions when I come home? Don't you trust me"

Stage V: either giving it another shot or the break up.

Usually if they give it another shot it's just one huge circle and it goes on and on and on.


What is funnier to me, if one relationship doesn't work out we move on to the next and it's just another huge circle.

What the heck is the point.

Maybe I'm being a Bitter Britney or Negative Nancy... but does anyone else see it this way?

What are your opinions?

Sarah

Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

My wife drives me nuts with some of her decisions and personalities traits, however, if it wasn't for this balance of love and craziness I don't think I would love her if I thought she was perfect, I need someone to drive me a little nuts to keep me sane

I think most people grow up in an environment where they need to have the confidence of their convictions, this sometimes gets confused with my way is the best way - they are totally poles apart

I have a great bunch of friends who over the last few decades have taken great delight in pointing out my personality traits that I never knew, and veky verky - so now I know that I am normal, I can except flaws in others as nothing more than being human

Scito te ipsum

Hi!
I think most of us feel that way at times,but I can only say that I shall not give up hope yet. The eternal opptimist I know.

Hi!
I think most of us feel that way at times,but I can only say that I shall not give up hope yet. The eternal opptimist I know.

Hope for what? To find your "soulmate". There is no such thing. Relationships are hard work to keep up. It's not easy. Falling love is easy, staying however is not.


Sarah

Hi, mudweiser!

Did something just happen in your life that's causing you to think these ways? Or, is it a pattern and/or cycle with yourself that you're just now realizing, please?

Thanks!

Having that special bond with someone, knowing they are in thoughts and you are in theirs is a great feeling , I live for that
Relationship are work, but they are rewarding, whether they are long distance, in the same city they both take a lot of trust, work... but its an investment that can pay high dividends

Love, when you are lucky enough to find it, is the most wonderful thing in the world.

When you are lucky enough as to find it, you will KNOW IT.

I wish you luck on your quest.

I mean, what is the alternative? Alone, talking to a one-eyed cat, standing in the kitchen in your flannel PJs, cutting coupons for bunion pads?

Don't give up hope. There is someone out there for you. Maybe you are looking in all the wrong places. Good hearted men do good hearted things. Like volunteering at the school, church, etc.

You'll be just fine. You're pretty, sassy, strong, and smart. Love will be in your life.

That'll be 25 dollars for the reading.

No not a soulmate-I don't believe in the ONE either just somebody who is compatible enough and mature enough to be likely to last the distance.

Hi, mudweiser!

Did something just happen in your life that's causing you to think these ways? Or, is it a pattern and/or cycle with yourself that you're just now realizing, please?

Thanks!

Oh no Cloughy.

I've always thought this way.

You can fall in love so easily and then bam it hits you, love isn't easy. It's not like Disney or Hollywood makes it to be like.

How many people on her go for relationship advice:
-Oh my boyfriend is cheating [maybe]
-Oh I cheated on my wife
-Oh I slept with my husband's friend
-Oh I want to cheat on my spouse
-Oh I want a divorce!

Really, the list goes on. I'm sure if I did "fall in love" I wouldn't be saying this-- I would be like this love is eternal, oh forever... but a year or so down the road I'll be thinking what the heck was I thinking... I was right.

I bet some people reading this right now think yeah, I really wish I was out of this marriage meanwhile they are typing about how they love their spouses despite their flaws or marital troubles they had.

Really, I'm not saying let's all be alone or have sex with randoms. I just think.. darn, really, I just think relationships are pretty dumb. However, humans need that companionship so I guess it does make some sense.

I really can't pinpoint on what my true feelings are. I'm still growing and learning--- but as of right now this is what I know/think.


Sarah

So like the next guy that tells you that your beautiful, asks to get to know you, gives you that special look, brushes that piece of hair from your face, opens a door for you, takes your hand while walking, (Oh, Im out of breath) comes along... You say "sorry, I just dont see the point."
I think its human nature to want a companion in life. It's the gamble most people think is worth the risk.

I don't think that relationships aren't pointless because they give us our greatest lessons about ourselves - if we're prepared to see them. It's just that sometimes it takes a while to learn the lesson, whatever it may be!

Relationships are mirrors - that person that takes your breath away, who cheats on you or whom you later despise is an aspect of yourself. Let's face it, none of us are perfect, and we see out imperfect selves reflected back to us in the people we choose to partner with.

Some of us partner easily and for life, others of us have various partners and find the whole thing precarious and difficult. We stumble around looking for that perfect mate when he or she doesn't exist.

I think that's the point. And I'm just thinking this through quickly as I type, that none of us are perfect. If we can accept that then we're more able to accept others and love them for what they are, perfectly imperfect.

That's a great post Gemini, and mirrors is very true-life s a wonderful learning experience.

I haven't had a one-on-one intimate relationship with someone for a very long time, Sarah. It's something that's not all that important to me. Perhaps it not all that important for you either? Those kinds of relationships do take a tremendous amount of effort, work and maintenance! If I were to be in that kind of relationship, then it would take away from other things that I also feel are very important for me to do in order to realize my full potential as well as helping people in various ways. Those are a couple of reasons that the Roman Catholic Church doesn't allow priests to marry. If a priest had an immediate family because of marrying someone, part of the rationale for not doing that would be because having that sort of immediate family could potentially take away from the duties that the priest would need to have toward the parish that he would be serving.

Relationships to me though, are very important. My close, female friends are like my sisters and my close male friends are like my brothers. It's just that the everyday maintenance of a "family" situation isn't something that has been on my agenda for a very long time. I do know that I'm not alone in the way that I feel about relationships.

For some of us, like myself, who are very much in the "public" eye because of the work that we do, privacy can be relished and a precious commodity. At least that's my opinion and the way that things are in my life. When I'm out there doing the jobs that I do, I'm always "on call" and have to perform in whatever way in the "eye" of the public.

I do feel very much for those who come on this site and think that they simply have to be in some sort of close, intimate relationship with someone and look for the ways to solve the problems that there might be in those relationships. For them, it's what you might say is a "calling" in their life.

Close, intimate relationships, aren't the norm for everyone though. And, you know what? That's okay!

That's very true Clough.
It's very much OK.

Thanks, amicon! :)

I couldn't spread the "love" so soon again!

Better to of lost in love than to have never loved at all.

Me neither Clough! :-)

So like the next guy that tells you that your beautiful, asks to get to know you, gives you that special look, brushes that piece of hair from your face, opens a door for you, takes your hand while walking, (Oh, Im out of breath) comes along... You say "sorry, I just dont see the point."
I think its human nature to want a companion in life. Its the gamble most people think is worth the risk.

Here here! I like this one
I haven't been on here for a while, life must be good, it seems that for me I only come onto places like this when times are hard, but I have been viewing life very differently and like most of us I have had expieriences mostly bad ones and felt that the only place to be was alone, then that way I couldn't get hurt any more.
But life has a way of drawing you out and before you know it you have slowly let down those barriers and then some people intrigue you and you want to kow more about them, then bang before you even realise it you are drawn to specific people weather it's a relationship or a friendship or whatever it may be- I have learnt that I have many flaws mostly from my relationships and that in fact I am quiet a complex person, very hard to live with, and I have found that others have some very different flaws and some of which I cannot live with, so does that make us bad people if we end a relationship or on the other hand we receive a rejection from some other person because they cannot live with our flaws! Hmm I don't know.
I have hopefully taken on the advice in the quest to make myself a better person in the hope that one day there will be someone that will accept me just as I am.
Because for the first time in my life I am accepting of myself... flaws and all

I said that I only seem to come on here when times are bad.. this time life is good. Nothing much has changed but I am viewing things from a very different place within..
This may sound very big headed and its not meant to sound that way, but I now love myself! And for me that's where it has all started to make sense...

Not sure this will help anyone but it certainly helped me

I don't think we can judge all relationships by those we deal with on the relationship boards. Like a consumer hotline, we see mainly the complaints and fears. In reality, how many people come to a help site to praise their relationship?

'Soul mates' may or may not exist, however, I do believe that some relationships are 'meant to be'. At least, their beginnings were meant to be. It is up to the couple involved to do the work to keep the relationship strong and healthy. I tend to think of it as being given a beautiful garden. The garden needs to be tended to stay beautiful. If it isn't then the garden either dies or becomes a tangled mess. As it is tended, it does change to reflect the likes and dislikes of those tending it until it is a different garden than how it began. Some trees mature and change the plantings around them. Some plants are composted to make fertilizer for the next plants.

Even after twenty-four years with my mate, I still feel the same way about him that I did when we first got together. I still find myself glowing when I think of him or he walks in the room. I still 'melt' inside when I hear his voice or he takes my hand. Through the normal challenges that marriages have, I have tried to nurture and protect the love I feel for him and to allow myself to feel loved in return. I embrace the differences that are a constant challenge to balance because those differences are as much a part of 'us' as the similarities are.

Is it pointless to put so much effort into something that could be gone tomorrow? No.

Reading this board full of relationship problems, I have decided to 'look for the good days, not the happy endings'.

I agree relationships are POINTLESS. Nice post :-)

Itsmanor: Relationships may not be easy but they are not pointless! In fact, to be in a good relationship has numerous advantages, beyond happiness.

Relationships are only pointless if your with a pointless person lol...

Relationships= heaven if you find someone on the same page as you and wants pretty much the same thing in life as you do... one where two people are independent, yet share many things together, and this includes the good and the bad times.

Well I must say that after reading this I have a little doubt. I have faith in it but everything thing you said makes you really wonder what the point is. Everything ends up the same but sometimes they last longer than others.

I'm going to call your bluff on this one. If you truly believed what you said here, you wouldn't care. The only reason you're able to make these statements is because deep down part of you doesn't believe, or doesn't want to believe, that what you are saying is true. We can't be disappointed about something unless we have expectations for it. In the same vein as Gemini pointing out that relationships are mirrors, what you write here is a chance for you to learn something about yourself. What response are you looking for? What would you hear that would make you feel satisfied at this point? Answer it yourself, and you'll start to learn how you truly feel about it at this point in your life. And answering it yourself won't be easy, as it requires some real cutting through the mind games we play. And I say at this point in your life, because your belief is going to change. Many times.

I think analyzing anything in life can lead us to believe certain things are pointless. I also think a "point" to anything is relative to the specific goals of one person as compared to another. For a relationship, any relationship, it takes work and a natural creation to endure differences and the imperfections we all so frequently point out.

I have always felt there should never be a point to a relationship. There should be goals, aspirations, expectations, but not a flat out point. Things evolve and happen in a way where either two people are compatible, or they aren't. You either take the risk in letting yourself go completely into the arms of another, or run away fearing a pointless and inevitable end to something that could change your life forever.

I guess, in the end, if you asked me what the point of a relationship is, I would say, in my hypocritical fashion, there isn't a point except that it helps you learn about yourself and who you are. We all have an idea of ourselves, and we all offer something valuable to anyone willing to accept it. Arguably, the most valuable commodity we have in life is time, and the most valuable thing we can do with our time is share our love, our trust and our compassion with other people.

I've been with my husband for 13 years, and married for 8 of them.

Prior to him, I went through the dating cycle that YOU have posted about, Mudweiser.

It's not RELATIONSHIPS that are the problem. It's the way you look at them. And--it's the expectations you have of your partner. If you are expecting someone to change, to have specific traits--or even if you just get to the point of the annoying stuff bothering you more than the endearing stuff can make up for--that's a matter of attitude.

I started dating my husband with NO expectations other than that--just dates. We'd go for coffee, alone or with friends. Or shopping, or to a movie, or whatever. It was 6 months before our first kiss. He still melts me with a look, and even though it drives me crazy that he NEVER puts the peanut butter away, I adore the way he rubs my back at night so that I can relax into sleep.

I think I've been interrupted 12 times while trying to write this, so my apologies if it's not as coherent as I want it to be. I guess my main point, though, is that if you keep going through the SAME cycle in relationships--well, the only common thing in all of those relationships is YOU. So... you might look at changing yourself a little bit, which could make the NEXT relationship work.

So like the next guy that tells you that your beautiful, asks to get to know you, gives you that special look, brushes that piece of hair from your face, opens a door for you, takes your hand while walking, (Oh, Im out of breath) comes along... You say "sorry, I just dont see the point."
I think its human nature to want a companion in life. Its the gamble most people think is worth the risk.

I don't know what this is going to sound like but I'll just say it how I want to.

Truthfully, I'm not an ugly girl. Everyday some guy says something, I have some guy friends that would love to give it a shot with me, and these guys I know would "treat me right".

The point is, I just don't care for a relationship, no matter what anyone says or what they say to me.

I like being alone!

Sarah

I don't know what this is going to sound like but I'll just say it how I want to.

Truthfully, I'm not an ugly girl. Everyday some guy says something, I have some guy friends that would love to give it a shot with me, and these guys I know would "treat me right".

The point is, I just don't care for a relationship, no matter what anyone says or what they say to me.

I like being alone!

Sarah

Maybe you just haven't found the right guy... :cool:

I don't think that relationships aren't pointless because they give us our greatest lessons about ourselves - if we're prepared to see them. It's just that sometimes it takes a while to learn the lesson, whatever it may be!

Oh I agree. I learned that I can be pretty mean with my words once upset. Relationships do help us learn about ourselves and others.


Relationships are mirrors - that person that takes your breath away, who cheats on you or whom you later despise is an aspect of yourself. Let's face it, none of us are perfect, and we see out imperfect selves reflected back to us in the people we choose to partner with.
How does that work? How is the person you chose to love at the time a mirror of yourself. I look back at my relationship and they are nothing like me. I have to disagree with this.



Some of us partner easily and for life, others of us have various partners and find the whole thing precarious and difficult. We stumble around looking for that perfect mate when he or she doesn't exist.

I agree.


I think that's the point. And I'm just thinking this through quickly as I type, that none of us are perfect. If we can accept that then we're more able to accept others and love them for what they are, perfectly imperfect.

Oh I have never thought that I was perfect or God's gift to earth. No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws, heck I do. I'm not expecting some Prince Charming, I'm not expecting anyone at all. I'm actually in the north tower watching TiVo.

I respect your opinion Gem. Thanks for the response.

Sarah

I haven't had a one-on-one intimate relationship with someone for a very long time, Sarah. It's something that's not all that important to me. Perhaps it not all that important for you either? Those kinds of relationships do take a tremendous amount of effort, work and maintenance! If I were to be in that kind of relationship, then it would take away from other things that I also feel are very important for me to do in order to realize my full potential as well as helping people in various ways. Those are a couple of reasons that the Roman Catholic Church doesn't allow priests to marry. If a priest had an immediate family because of marrying someone, part of the rationale for not doing that would be because having that sort of immediate family could potentially take away from the duties that the priest would need to have toward the parish that he would be serving.

Very interesting point Clough!

I really enjoyed that part.


Close, intimate relationships, aren't the norm for everyone though. And, you know what? That's okay!

Thanks Clough!


Sarah

I'm going to call your bluff on this one. If you truly believed what you said here, you wouldn't care.

What is this supposed to mean? If I truly believed I wouldn't care? Care for what? Opinions? I love hearing other people's prespectives. Some people have such a different view on things it opens my eyes.



The only reason you're able to make these statements is because deep down part of you doesn't believe, or doesn't want to believe, that what you are saying is true.

??



We can't be disappointed about something unless we have expectations for it. In the same vein as Gemini pointing out that relationships are mirrors, what you write here is a chance for you to learn something about yourself. What response are you looking for? What would you hear that would make you feel satisfied at this point? Answer it yourself, and you'll start to learn how you truly feel about it at this point in your life. And answering it yourself won't be easy, as it requires some real cutting through the mind games we play. And I say at this point in your life, because your belief is going to change. Many times.

I have examined myself. I don't have expectations. I'm fine with myself. I don't want to bother being sucked into another hole.

Others have said, relationships are mostly about companionship and sharing a life with them. Well I don't need to wake up next to someone every morning to feel whole. I have many life partners... my friends. They are always there for me, I'm always there for them. Despite our flaws we love each other.


Sarah`

Muddy I can sympathize with you a lot on this. While I don't consider relationships in general pointless, I am also not one to rush into one for mere pleasure or sake of companionship. Some people, like yours truly, are just more solitary and don't seek out companionship on a constant basis. I am happy with who I am and if an opportunity presents itself that benefits me (relationship wise), I will take if, but it isn't something I fret about whatsoever.

Muddy I can sympathize with you a lot on this. While I don't consider relationships in general pointless, I am also not one to rush into one for mere pleasure or sake of companionship. Some people, like yours truly, are just more solitary and don't seek out companionship on a constant basis. I am happy with who I am and if an opportunity presents itself that benefits me (relationship wise), I will take if, but it isn't something I fret about whatsoever.

:) I enjoyed both of your responses.

Thanks KC.


Sarah

I would also like to point out that sometimes we tend to get a bit too psychological on here and analyze things to the point of exhaustion. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make you right or wrong, good or bad, doomed or set up for success. I think one of the absolute hardest things in life to do is to be genuinely satisfied with who you are... to love yourself. Anyone can depend on another for love and affection, but to have enough of that within yourself is something special, so kudos to you.

As Clough stated, there is nothing wrong with people like you and I. You are a good mother, a pretty gal and you have your ideals and attitudes which make you Muddy. Keep it!

Carry on... :cool:

I would also like to point out that sometimes we tend to get a bit too psychological on here and analyze things to the point of exhaustion.

Ohh sweet baby Jesus yes.


Just because you feel a certain way doesn't make you right or wrong, good or bad, doomed or set up for success. I think one of the absolute hardest things in life to do is to be genuinely satisfied with who you are... to love yourself. Anyone can depend on another for love and affection, but to have enough of that within yourself is something special, so kudos to you.

As Clough stated, there is nothing wrong with people like you and I. You are a good mother, a pretty gal and you have your ideals and attitudes which make you Muddy. Keep it!

Carry on... :cool:

I agree.

Glad to know there are people who feel about the same as I do.

I will carry on :)

Thanks for the compliments KC.

Sarah

Muddy, you are a beautiful young woman with a beautiful young daughter. Your needs and desires today aren't going to be the same tomorrow. As long as you are content and happy with where you are, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or society and the media portray.

Enjoy living your life.

If you'd like me to elaborate on any of the ideas I stated, I will, but it sounds like maybe what I said doesn't speak to you? If so, then discard it if you like. I'll say that I don't think you quite understand what Gemini meant when she spoke of relationships as mirrors. They are reflections, and that doesn't mean they are identical or the same, it means they cast back at us things we cast out (and like mirrors, usually in reverse). The point of this idea is that it's a tool to enable us to learn from our relationships rather than simply experience and repeat them mindlessly. But again, if that doesn't seem relevant to you, then maybe that's not your cup of tea.

The are two statements I'd point out as relevant. First, your suggestion that you don't need to wake up next to someone to feel whole. It's great that you feel this way, but I'd offer that a healthy relationship is not about having to have someone else to make you feel whole. The other is when you say you don't want to bother being sucked into another hole. This suggests to me that this is how you envision a relationship. That's worth examining on your end.

Try this:

"What's the point of a relationship is you're not willing to face the emotional risk."

We can't predict the future. Who knows if the relationship is going to work out in the end. What matters is that you're willing to give each other a shot to find out. Relationships end when you give up that hope.

That'll be 25 dollars for the reading.


He actually only needs 25 cents to make up for the quarter his son swallowed. :eek:

Hey muddy, I was trying to think how I might respond to the comment that you made, when you said:


How does that work? How is the person you chose to love at the time a mirror of yourself. I look back at my relationship and they are nothing like me. I have to disagree with this

Everything we do in our lives reflects ourselves - our values, our likes, dislikes, our emotions, our bad and good bits.

As an analogy, think of a house - we fill it with things that we like and that please us, bits of our past, mementos, practical things, things we love and perhaps things we want to be. Most people would say that a house is a mirror of our personality and that the way it is decorated and the things we put in it reflects who we are.

So, why would a relationship be any different? We choose people to relate to that reflect ourselves – our likes, dislikes, bits of our past (father/mother/sibling issues), things we want to be, etc.

How could a relationship not mirror back to us who we are? Bad and good bits. We’re the ones doing the choosing……

Some great posts on this thread but I'm kind of surprised that no one has mentioned the Sex aspect yet :cool:

My answers have been given from a stand I hold now. I didn't always put stock in relationships. I had a very different view, one maybe closer to the one you hold. In time, my additude changed. And with that my feelings. I fell asleep last night thinking of the time I was your age. I too, was a young, single, attractive, single mother... I quite frankly, had no time for anymore of the 'bull***t drama' that I had already encountered. I think in time I healed, or just plain forgot, the sting a bad relationship can cause. Of course I made better choices, and forgave myself for the bad ones. This is what I fell asleep thinking about...
This was right after I wrote 'better to of lost in love than to have never loved at all'... When my mindset was as yours, I would have rolled my eyes at such a comment.

(turning 40 on the 21st... shhhh)

Some great posts on this thread but I'm kinda surprised that no one has mentioned the Sex aspect yet :cool:

Oh Dneirf you and I know just as well that you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex.


As for you Rockie thanks for that post. I like it when people can relate themselves with the OP. Thanks!

Sarah

Oh Dneirf you and I know just as well that you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex.


Sarah

Ha Ha of course... BUT how many people do you know who would get into a Relationship if they knew there wasn't going to be any?? :cool:

Ha Ha of course........................BUT how many people do you know who would get into a Relationship if they knew there wasn't going to be any ??? :cool:

I don't know Friend, just read some of the posts in the sexuality forum! There are lots of people having not much sex!

I dunno Friend, just read some of the posts in the sexuality forum! There are lots of people having not much sex!

Very true Gem , I was just making a point that would I suppose relate to the majority of people I know at the very beginning of a Relationship. Of course there will always be exceptions.

Ha Ha of course........................BUT how many people do you know who would get into a Relationship if they knew there wasn't going to be any ??? :cool:

Hi, friend4u178!

I know quite a few, and that includes me!

Thanks!

I don't feel like reading all the other posts, sorry everyone.

So, here's my take on this.


Stage I: In love.
"Oh I can't wait to see him/her"
"She/he is so amazing, I think he/she is the one"
"I can't breath without you baby"

Stage one is the getting to know someone stage, the learning to like someone stage, the "my God he/she is really great and I want to be with them all the time" stage. Everyone starts here, because every relationship has to start somewhere.


Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

This is when you've known each other a while and the "Oh my God he/she is so wonderful" phase is starting to wear off. You start to see each other as human beings, not just some perfect God/Godess with the great smile and neat hair.


Stage III: feeling uneasy about relationships, doubts, arguements start.
"Why he/she always late and full of excuses"
"He/she is a little controlling, do I want this?"

I never went through this stage. Personally, I think this is a deal breaker right here. If you have this many doubts then there's either something going on, or there's something wrong with you. If you cannot trust someone, if they're controlling, then leave. Trust and the way you're treated are major in a relationship.


Stage IV: arguements continue. dissatifaction in relationship
"You could really pick up the phone and call me when your late"
"Why are you always asking me questions when I come home? Don't you trust me"

This stage is also common. As human beings we're all different, have different ideas, opinions, backgrounds and plans for the future. When two people get together in a relationship it's often hard to balance both personalities. Arguments happen, it's solving them, compromising that makes a relationship strong. As for the phone call. If I had a dime every time my husband didn't call and I sat at home worrying, I'd be rich. He just forgets, even though I scream at him when he gets home. Trust is earned. Questions are natural. Maybe you're reading too much into the questions.


Stage V: either giving it another shot or the break up.

Hubby and I have never been at this stage either. We've always worked together to stay together, so there is no breaking up or giving it another shot, we're still on the first bullet. ;)


What the heck is the point.

No one can answer that but you. If you don't see a point then that's probably why your relationships aren't working. Those of us that do see a point work every day to keep our relationships alive, healthy, happy and productive.

I love sharing my life with someone that is not only my husband, father of my children, but also my best friend, lover, life partner in every way. He's the person whose shoulder I cry on when I'm sad. He's the person I complain to when I'm mad. He's been there for all the good and bad times of our lives together, and some of them have been pretty bad, and we stuck together.

Soul mate? I don't know if I believe in that either, but he's the person that I love and the person I choose to be with. It is a choice. I could look for something else. I could probably finding someone just as good, maybe better. I don't, because I'm happy with my life, I made a commitment to my husband and I don't plan on breaking it, either does he.

We're lifers and we like it that way. :)


Maybe I'm being a Bitter Britney or Negative Nancy... but does anyone else see it this way?

I'm sure that others see it this way. Other people that have had one failed relationship after another.

Negative? Yes, a bit. I'd say you're more jaded, also expecting the worst, so you're not surprised when it happens and probably, in a way, make it happen, because you don't expect to be happy with someone else.

You're still young, so give it some time.

Like I said, only you know what you want. If you want love badly enough, you'll find it. :)

He actually only needs 25 cents to make up for the quarter his son swallowed. :eek:

HEY!! What about the two x-rays (so far) , and the doctor visits? This quarter is going to cost someone(he's double covered) $25,000. At LEAST.

And his mother and I, nervous breakdowns.

The whole point I think is to share your life with someone who you love and who loves you.

Its not just about sex and wonderful communication,sometimes its just about having a person you love to share a movie and popcorn with.Someone who makes you a cup of tea or wipes your tears.Someone you can tell anything to and they don't bat an eye of judgment.

It's the small comforts that keep you going after the years start piling up.

The gripes I had about my BF 12 years ago,I still have them today but now I just shake my head and know his little quirks are not deal breakers and I don't really let it get into my head.

You're a smart,funny beautiful woman and someone is going to take you by storm yet.Don't give up on love hon,its what curls your toes and puts a bounce in your step :)

EDIT: You Utube is funny! LMAO at the crazy sisters cartoon !

Originally posted by artlady:

Very true, Alone and lonely are not synonymous.

Hey, artlady!

I think that you've really caught my "drift" here! What you've stated is so very, very true!

In the recent years of my life, I've come to realize that I'm very rarely, if ever, "lonely". That being, because I'm just not the kind of person who needs to have someone around, all the time. But, due to some things that have happened in my life, there are many times that I feel "alone".

I'm very social and love to get up and lead people in various activities! When it comes to my private time with myself though, I much prefer to be alone...

Some people think that there is something wrong with themselves if they aren't in some kind of "intimate" relationship with someone else. It's a void that they seem to need to "fill".

I'm not the kind of person to judge others. What a person needs and wants is a matter of personal choice (and, sometimes not) based upon how they've been brought up and the way that they've been "made".

I guess it all depends on what "trips a persons' trigger"! If they constantly feel the need to be with someone, then, to me, that is just the way that they are. If the way that they are is causing a problem for themselves or others, then, I feel and think that they have some problems that need to be addressed so that they can function with themselves and among others without there being the "problems" so that they can live their lives to the fullest that they can to be the happiest and most content person that they can be.

Thanks!

I'll have to check out your YouTube video when I have a faster connection, Sarah!

Thanks!

Hey, artlady!

I think that you've really caught my "drift" here! What you've stated is so very, very true!

In the recent years of my life, I've come to realize that I'm very rarely, if ever, "lonely". That being, because I'm just not the kind of person who needs to have someone around, all the time. But, due to some things that have happened in my life, there are many times that I feel "alone".

I'm very social and love to get up and lead people in various activities! When it comes to my private time with myself though, I much prefer to be alone...

Some people think that there is something wrong with themselves if they aren't in some kind of "intimate" relationship with someone else. It's a void that they seem to need to "fill".

I'm not the kind of person to judge others. What a person needs and wants is a matter of personal choice (and, sometimes not) based upon how they've been brought up and the way that they've been "made".

I guess it all depends on what "trips a persons' trigger"! If they constantly feel the need to be with someone, then, to me, that is just the way that they are. If the way that they are is causing a problem for themselves or others, then, I feel and think that they have some problems that need to be addressed so that they can function with themselves and among others without there being the "problems" so that they can live their lives to the fullest that they can to be the happiest and most content person that they can be.

Thanks!

I learned a very valuable lesson about personal growth when I learned I did not "need" someone to complete me.

I think if more people had that personal power they would not settle and would live healthier and fuller lives.

I applaud you for having learned to love yourself and be happy in your own skin.

It is a blessing that many people will never learn and they will just flit from one meaningless relationship to another searching for that illusive sense of completeness.

All they need do is look inside.

I agree that they are pointless. Asking myself lately why am I going to get married? It is indeed pointless. Ups n downs and this and that for what?

I agree that they are pointless. Asking myself lately why am i going to get married? It is indeed pointless. Ups n downs and this and that for what?

Hi, LJDK!

I'm just curious about if you've read any of the other posts on this thread, please?

Thanks!

My response was to that of the 1st post. There for not applicable to read any other posts regardless of changing opinion etc.

Alty & Artsy thanks for the wonderful responses :)

I really like hearing your opinions :)

Alty it made sense what you said:


I'm sure that others see it this way. Other people that have had one failed relationship after another.

Negative? Yes, a bit. I'd say you're more jaded, also expecting the worst, so you're not surprised when it happens and probably, in a way, make it happen, because you don't expect to be happy with someone else.

You're still young, so give it some time.

Like I said, only you know what you want. If you want love badly enough, you'll find it.

You took some time on writing that post and I really happy you did! Perhaps it is my age. I remember 5 years ago I hated children and I didn't want any... and now well I have a 2 year old whom I love so much.

Time does change things!


As for you Artykins I like the part where you said:

You're a smart,funny beautiful woman
Haha kidding.

No not really, I actually liked that part.

Okay, seriously, I like the part where you said you liked my youtube-- haha I'll stop.

When it comes to your posts they are almost always heartfelt [does that make sense?]- you answered my question but in a way that your agreeing with me but then not... [I know that didn't make sense].

Thanks to all of the responses everyone!

Sarah

Well, I like what gemini said, and sadly we are only hear for about 88 years or so, so if you hit it off with someone great!
Have some fun get some pleasure no big deal.
Enjoy what you can I think. People need to be honest and realize sex isn't everything and sometimes its not meant to be, other times it is. So its up to you weather you want to continue it or not.

I'm sorry your love life has been so miserable. I don't know what's happened to you in the past, but it's really had an impact on your attitude.

You may not think so, but one day there will be a Prince Charming come into your life. You are right - he probably won't be perfect and he'll probably make lots of mistakes, but he'll love you and be there for you through the good and the bad. Until you find him just chill! Give life a chance - it's really not that bad! :D

----------------------------------------------------------------

Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events. Robert A. Heinlein

Hey I forgot about this thread.

I was pretty angry when I made this thread.

I still think relationships are pretty lame but I'm not as mad as I was when I wrote this.

Thanks for your posts ;)

So the other night I was thinking, yeah thinking again , and I thought to myself, "Relationship really suck, what's the point? You get to know someone, then after the lovey dovey part is gone it'll end soon, maybe a week or 35 years from that point where that lovey dovey stage passes"

Here are my 5 Stages:

Stage I: In love.
"Oh I can't wait to see him/her"
"She/he is so amazing, I think he/she is the one"
"I can't breath without you baby"

Stage II: Starting to see eachother's flaws, still in love
"I don't really like it how he/she interrupts me"
"She/he is so inconsiderate, they always eat all of the ____"

Stage III: feeling uneasy about relationships, doubts, arguements start.
"Why he/she always late and full of excuses"
"He/she is a little controlling, do I want this?"

Stage IV: arguements continue. dissatifaction in relationship
"You could really pick up the phone and call me when your late"
"Why are you always asking me questions when I come home? Don't you trust me"

Stage V: either giving it another shot or the break up.

Usually if they give it another shot it's just one huge circle and it goes on and on and on.


What is funnier to me, if one relationship doesn't work out we move on to the next and it's just another huge circle.

What the heck is the point.

Maybe I'm being a Bitter Britney or Negative Nancy... but does anyone else see it this way?

What are your opinions?

Sarah


Maybe we are just complex animals and lust is a main feature
Everyone wants an attractive mate, and once you get it you start to think what else can I get. I get bored with people after about 6 months. I have never had a relationship past 6 months sadly. However maybe not, why marry someone you aren't in love with.
Life is trip and you get what you need here and there. Humans need love and compassion weather its for 20 years, 20 months, 20 weeks, 20 days, 20 hours or for 20 min.
Different people have different needs. If people here are feeling un-fulfilled I would have to ask you to really look deep and try to find what you want vs. need.
Sadly in today's world of I phones and flashy cars people are always looking to upgrade
And want the best deal (I guess I can't blame them, girls and boys alike) why stay with your ford focus if a mazda Rx-7 is willing to pull in your driveway? Which brings me back to what do you actually need and want. Lately I have found short term to be the best for me now. (20 days) or so then we are both not angry at each other but passion has been lit, burned and run out of fuel. You can re-fuel or mutually part ways stay friends and look for a new ride with your gas money cause after all you both know how each other handles and it didn't blow your mind long enough. I'm not saying go out and bang the next attractive person you see but I think if 2 people are lustful, go for it. It will feel good and maybe it will lead to something, maybe it will be the person who makes you feel the way you want. Probably not but hey you never know. Sadly you don't know how good someone is until they are gone or that part of the relationship is over. So that's the main problem is when to keep when to trade and then when to not bother and save money is another option. But after a few years of that you might get bored. So find somewhere relaxed low key with cheap drinks if that's your scene or outlook cause hey I'm with you why spend 20 bucks on drinks and not end up with 1 single decent conversation.
That discourages the best of us.


Which brings me to a question, does anyone want to help me open a small music venue in my crappy nyc suburban finacially strapped troubled city?
One with free local bands, and cheap beer since I don't want to be a millionaire tomorrow.

That's another problem everyone wants to be a millionaire tomorrow.
Doesn't happen. Nor should you want it to. Go play lotto if that's what you want.
I bet it takes about a million 1dollar tickets to win.

Everything in life is a gamble that either your willing to take, or your not. I think the key thing is to be happy with yourself, and what your doing, more so than who your doing it with. I think most break ups and not so good relationship experiences come from people who are no longer willing to work with their partners, because as long as the willingness is there mutually, you just keep working.

Plus you have to be patient with someone, as who gets it, when you want them too.

Relationships are pointless.
Any clear-minded logical person can see that.
They always end ugly! ALWAYS!
It's either death or divorce (break up).
I agree with your stages Sarah, but I think you are looking too much into it.
I'd rather be as Jmjoseph put it.
Call me pessimistic, if you want.
But if you sit back and think about it, you'll eventually find yourself questioning more things.
Well that's all I got to say.
Conor