I'm brand-new to this forum.
I'm not sure how the people on here are or what to expect.
I'm just looking for an ear and possibly some good advise.

I'm 18 years old. I graduated last June.
I've developed a sort of misanthropist mind-set.
I can't trust anyone or anything.
I want to be able to trust people, but everywhere I look it seems that people shouldn't be trusted.
I don't trust people even when they don't give me a reason too.
The only reason I'm typing this is because it's annonymous.
Still seems pointless.

It seems this mainly appoints to the category of love, although it affects my other relationships as well.
I fell for a girl my freshman year and all throughout high school I couldn't muster up the courage to tell her.
I felt that it wouldn't work from the start.
I was the typical stoner since grade 9 and she was this overachieving perfectionist.
Eventually something did spark, but before she found out about my true feelings she was already committed.

Now I'm in a fresh relationship with this girl of 15.
I think my distrust in everyone is preventing me from putting myself out there.
I don't take risks. I don't like getting hurt.
I'm very conservative when it comes to social gatherings, most of the time.
I don't know what I'm asking for anymore.

Hi, GodeatGod!

What sort of things do you feel that you've made real and positive accomplishments in your life so far, please?

Thanks!

Hi, GodeatGod!

What sort of things do you feel that you've made real and positive accomplishments in your life so far, please?

Thanks!

Call me lethargic, but I can't think of anything.

Hey there, I kind of know what you are talking about. I had some trust issues myself. Still kind of do. But I have learned that when it comes to love,you just have to take a chance. You live and you learn. Its not that easy though bouncing back after your heart has been hurt, but just try to remember that everything happens for a reason. No matter how hard it is to see it at that time, SOMEWHERE down the road you will be able to look back and realize why it turned out that way. Hope you have a goodnight. Take care

Hi again, GodeatGod!

Well, you graduated from high school! That's a good and positive accomplishment in and of itself!

Did you have any types of classes that you were particularly good at, please?

Thanks!

@jamiepie: Thank you for the encouraging words. I don't believe in 'fate' or whatnot. It's a little hard for me to believe that everything happens for a reason.

@Clough: I suppose that's a good accomplishment. I was very apathetic with my schoolwork, but English always tickled my fancy. I enjoy literature of many kinds.

So, do you like to write?

So, do you like to write?

Yes. I do my own writings.

What kind of writings have you done, please?

What kind of writings have you done, please? Short stories and poetry mainly.

Would you mind sharing anything that you've written here?

Would you mind sharing anything that you've written here?
"Muted Tounge.
Concrete Lung.
Dancing with the Devil is tons of fun.
But latch onto my shoulders, and we'll dance on the sea.
Because something inside of you takes me"

this one has a little more sentimental value then the rest.

Hey, that was quite clever!

Why does it have more sentimental value, please?

Thanks!

I suppose because it was written with someone specific in mind.

Did you give a copy of it to that person?

No. I didn't.

Have you ever given a copy of what you've written about someone to the person for whom it was written?

No. I have not. I've shared some of my work with certain individuals, but nothing on a personal level.

Are you afraid that whoever you write a poem for might not like what you've written?

I'm afraid to disclose my feelings in a personal manner to anyone. I think that has a lot to do with why I write.

Okay, that sounds reasonable to me. At least you do have an outlet for your feelings.

Are you still living with your parents and do you plan on going to a college or a university, please?

Also, are you presently working some where to make money for yourself?

Thanks!

I'm currently living with my parents.
I don't have any money for college, so it looks like I'm going to have to take out loans which I would love to avoid.
The employment rate where I live isn't the greatest. I've been unemployed since I quit my last job.

So, you would like to go to college. Correct?

What do you think is the number one thing that keeps you from trusting people, please?

Thanks!

Yeah. I would like to go to college, most-likely for Meteorology.
I think I don't trust people because I don't want to get hurt.
I don't like to take risks. I've never gambeled. Not even with a personal bet between friends.

Getting hurt while taking a risk is very much like failing at something.

Would you agree with that?

I can agree with that to an extent.
Sometimes what you consider a failed outcome is out of your control.
It all hurts the same though.

And, if something hurts, metally and/or emotionally, for a little while, is that always a bad thing?

Yes. I believe that it is always a bad thing.

Thank you for your honesty about that!

Is my profile visible to you when you click on my name?

Your welcome.
I wouldn't see a reason to lie about that.
And yes, your profile is visible.

You mean that what I wrote about me is visible? It should be a number of paragraphs long. The entire profiles of people aren't visible in all of the "skins" that are available to use on this site.

No. What you wrote about you is not visible.

If you go to your Profile, I think that it's under Edit Options, then you should be able to change the "skin" that you use here.

There's a lot more options as far as what we can see here, if we use the Default Style.

The "skin" that you'll want, if you want to see more things, looks kind of reddish orange and is very colorful without a lot of white to it.

I changed the skin to your specifications. I can see your 'about me' now.

Good! Did you read what I wrote?

Yes, I did.

I'm sorry that it took me so long to return to here! Browser and connection problems!

What did you think about what I wrote, please?

Thanks!

No worries.
I think that your very experienced in a variety of different fields.
I was very envious when I read that you were a multi-instumentist, perticularly piano.

Do you play a musical instrument?

No. I do not.

Do you want to play a musical instrument, like maybe the piano?

I always wanted to play the piano.
I gained a high respect for the piano and keyboards after hearing them played out of their original genre.

So, what's keeping you from starting to play a keyboard or piano, please? Do you have a piano or keyboard?

I had my first "real" piano lesson when I was in college. Had organ lessons for a few years when I was in grade school and early junior high school.

I'm also going to side-step the music thing in just a bit, because I'm sure that we're very similar in a number of ways as far as early relationship and self-expression issues.

I also had a "trust" issue when I was your age and before...

Thanks!

I do not have a keyboard or piano.
I wouldn't know where to go for that kind of teaching.
I don't have a lot of money to pay for leasons.
Maybe college will open some sort of door for me to be able to do something along those lines.

Okay, hopefully something will open up for you in college. There's also other places that a person might be able to practice the piano, like at a church, library, community center, the home of a neighbor, etc.

When you read my profile, would you say that I've been successful in my life?

It seems your proud of all your accomplishments, so I suppose I can say your successful.

I trust you with telling you my first name. It's Craig.

Would you please tell me your first name?

Thanks!

Pleased to meet you Craig.
I'm Justin.

I'm please to meet you too, Justin!

I had a lengthy response just about completed when my brower decided that there had been an "Illegal Operation" and closed on me without me being able to save my work.

Am reconstructing it, now...

Thanks!

I can relate.
That happens to me every so-often.

My lengthy response is coming shortly. I'm trusting you with my revealing some personal information about myself...

I'm looking forward to it.

Like you, I had been a stoner starting in about the 9th grade. I had liked and been interested in many girls - never had the guts to ask one of them out. I didn't want to take the risk and get hurt - fear of failure and rejection. Just simply scared to death about it... Finally did ask one out though, my senior year of high school after I turned 18. Even then, I was drunk when I asked her out. It was legal to drink in the State of Iowa at that time, at the age of 18, believe it or not.

Like you hide in your writing, I hid in my music. Music was my safe haven. I could count on being successful at it.

Absolutely hated high school and didn't do my homework - except the music stuff, that is. Barely graduated. Out of all the colleges to which I applied, only one would accept me. I got my act together there and graduated with a 3.00 GPA.

Sure, I've been successful in my life. But, what's not revealed in my profile are the times when I've been fired from jobs or not been offered a contract to return; my bitter divorce; the times when I've tried things and totally failed at them; the times that I've hurt so badly, emotionally and mentally, that I just cried and cried and have basically felt like I was "frozen" and been unable to move; the people who've blown the trust that I had in them; the times that I've actually considered suicide as an option...

If a person really wants to make it, then they have to take risks. They're going to get hurt. They're also going to be more likely to have successes if they take the risks and learn to trust others. It's all a part of life...

Wow...
You kind of blew my mind with that spiel.
Thank you for opening up to me like that, Craig.
I think that the only solution there is, is to force myself to take risks.
I need to force myself to go out and put myself on the line, even if it means failure.
I don't think this is going to be easy, but hopefully it will be worth it in the long run.
Despite all you've said, are you happy with your life now?
If you don't mind me asking that is.

I'm going to sleep.
It's 4 in the morning where I live.
I look forward to your response when I wake up.

I'm going through another rough time in my life right now, Justin. It's mainly due to the economy. I give private lessons and do all sorts of other types of things for self-employment. At this time last year, I was doing pretty good. Now, it's really hard to get business because people just aren't willing to pay like they used to.

As far as my life right now and being happy with it? I'm doing the best that I can. I'm happy overall, but more than a little scared because I own a home and am having trouble making payments on it. If I lived in a much large metropolitan area, I would be able to make a living as a professional musician playing what I like to play. But, what I really like to play, a person can't make a living doing that around here.

You've already read about my barbershop chorus. Directing that is my highlight of the week! Doesn't pay much, though... The other "benefits" are outstanding!

I will also be the organ soloist at the upcoming chamber music concert for the Quad City Wind Ensemble. No pay for that... But, it's something that I can put on a resume.

Do you have problems speaking in front of large or even small groups of people, please?

Thanks!

I responded. It's about time that I get to bed too!

Okay, I can see that you're no longer online here, Justin.

I'll look forward to communicating with you later. I hope that you have a good sleep and pleasant dreams! :)

I hope your slumber was good as well.:]
And yeah, the ecomony seems to be the base of everyone's problems nowadays.
And yes, I do have a problem speaking in front of people.

Hi again, Justin!

I used to have a great problem speaking in front of people. It took me a number of years to get over that.

If you would like, I can share with you ways that you might be able to get over your challenge with being able to do that.

Thanks!

Hello Craig.
Sorry it took so long to respond. Computer troubles.
What would you suggest I do that might help me with speaking?

Hi, Justin!

I'll be around here at probably about 1:00 A.M. your time. If that doesn't work for you, then maybe we could discuss this at another time?

Speaking in front of the public is definitely related to dealing with the trust of yourself and others.

Thanks!

My sleep schedule is already very messed up.
That's fine.
Since you have a personal interest in the performing arts, I'm sure you have a great deal to say about speaking in public.

I'm here right now, GodeatGod.

Thanks!

Hi again, Justin!

I'll be around here most nights, not all that late, for about the next week, if you would like to continue things about what we're discussing.

Thanks!

Hey I totally know what you're going through. I can't trust anyone at all and it seems like I never will. I'm too scared of getting hurt. You're not alone.