A little history- My Ex and I have gone out for about a year and we work at the same place. When we first meet, she had a BF at the time but it was a really rocky relationship. She asked me if she should break up with him and I said yes (only because I had a thing for her) So she did. Then we start dating each other... Within 2 months or so, I noticed she was changing and acting different and kind of distance towards me. Finally, one day I asked her, if she was seeing another guy and she said yes. I was hurt, So I decided to let her go( no contact, the only contact was seeing her at work but I still wouldn't look her way or talk to her) Then about 3 months later, She comes up to me and says, "you know, you can say hi to me." I was frozen and Didn't know what to think. Then we had lunch together and talked things over and I asked her why she did what she did. And so on, Anyway, we start dating again (she hasn't broke up with the guy yet) then about a month later the guy breaks up with her cause she was spending time with me. Then we finally make it official, and we become B/F and G/F. She had a son who she intoduced me to and I feel in love with her and her soon and her family. About 3 months into our relationship, I took her and her son, to Maui, just to get away. Great time! Then comes my birthday and again I noticed her acting different but I didn't say anthing. Then on New Years eve, I noticed she was on her phone a lot (I thought she was texting everyone happy new years) but turns out with was talking to another guy. It continued, she would come over to my house and we do our thing(watch movie and stuff) then right when she leaves my house, she's calling and texting this guy. She would do the same thing when I go to her house, She waits till I leave and then she calls this guy. I finally confront her about it and she asked me how I knew(I had my ways) but told me that he was just a friend. SO I believed her but I asked her not to talk to him pass 12:00am (midnight) and she agreed but couldn't keep up with her promise. Anyway, for christmas, she wanted a ring, and of course I got her a ring and earrings too. That's how much I loved her... I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life and I didn't want to lose her again. But for the next month, it was the same thing, She would talk to him late at night and I would confront her about it. Anyway, by the time of her birthday, I surprised her by showing p to her dad's house with flowers, a birthday card and cake so we could sing happy birthday... (maybe it's selfish of me but my relationship at that point was rocky, but she never said thank you or gave me a hug or a kiss when she saw me that day) So I had all I could take and I called it off that night.

Then comes the worst part, we're both hurt from everything and we talked about things. I tried to make it work but she had other plans. I noticed that she was talking to the guy more but kept telling me she wants nothing to do with him. So I said OK. I then, came up with a conclusion that if we decided to date other people, we should tell each other, that way we both won't be waiting and hoping for things to work out between us. So I kept my part of the deal and of course she didn't... She had to wait till I ffound out about her and the other guy. Hanging out out the zoo, making him meet her son and family after we only been broken up for about 3 weeks, going to a cubs vs. padres game (Im from San Diego and she's from Chicago and we live in Chicago) so that game meant a lot to me. She pretty much did, everything we done together and replaced her memories with him. (All at the same time, she kept telling me she's not over me and she still loves me and miss me but she needs time to fix herself)

After finding out everything and the truth from people at work, I was so devastated and heart broken cause I was in love with her.. I was so hurt that I had to return everything she bought me cause I knew it meant nothing and all it would have been if I kept them would be memories. I deleted pics, movies of us, everythng and anything that reminded me of her. I tried to ask for the ring back cause when I give her that ring, that meant that I really wanted to be with her but she never gave it back... that's the only thing I wanted back from her.

We could have tried to be friends, but she never told me the truth and to kill everything, she told me she had sex with the guy and that hurt so much cause I turned down every girl that I dated or wanted to go on a date with me cause I thought we would get back together. Since then, I''ve changed my number and gone back to the route of not talking to her or looking at her or being in the same room as her. However, I still think about her every day and it's been 6 months already! Why am I not over her or why do I think about her after everything she's done to me? I know I'm not the only one going through this but I never thought it would be this hard. AND what kills me the most is she's with someone already and I'm not. Im too broken inside and hurt to even try dating or jumpng into a relationship...

I tried everything, I bought me a brand new Xbox to play games, I went back to school, I work out at the gym at least 4 times a week, I read people's posting about relationship problems, I spent a lot of money so I could worry about not having money and being in debt and lastly Im moving out of my apartment and into a new one just to see if my feelings will go away. I just want one day where I don't think about her.

I think I accepted everything, her and the new guy but it hurts me inside still.. What do I have to do to really get over her for good?? I just want to live my life and be happy but I can't... Im trying so hard. I just ain't happy. How do I get over this?

I think something good is in store for you. You have stuck to NC, and that's a good move on your part. It takes time to get over things especially when you put your all into a relationship. You might, in time, feel lucky to be available to someone who won't cheat and lie to you.

Am I right in thinking that you still see her at work even though you re not talking to her? That's one of the reasons you re still feeling stuck. You re also being made aware of her new relationship and get to hear gossip. This girl s a player she has no idea what she wants and it will hurt her child when man after man appear on the scene. I realise you ve been hurt and I'm sorry but you re better off without her.

Not only do you see her all to often at work, I think your angry with yourself that you fell for such a lying cheater, and knew she was one from the very beginning. You wanted her to change, and she didn't.

Eventually you will forgive yourself, and get on a road to being healthy without being so drastic. Just go back to what you did before you met her, and her son, and be happy she is no longer a big part of your life. Be patient with yourself as you only need good memories you make now, to replace the old ones.

Am I right in thinking that you still see her at work even though you re not talking to her? Thats one of the reasons you re still feeling stuck. You re also being made aware of her new relationship and get to hear gossip. This girl s a player she has no idea what she wants and it will hurt her child when man after man appear on the scene. I realise you ve been hurt and I m sorry but you re better off without her.



Yes, I do see her at work almost everyday and oddly enough, Her boyfriend, herself and I have the same days off, which really suck cause I constantly think of what their doing on our days off. But I see hope and chance that I can change my shift at work but It feels like Im running away instead of facing my fears...

You have to face your fears eather way. This shift change is just going to help you cope. I think it's a good idea. Good luck to you.

Threads merged

Well, I broke my NC rule... I had too, my heart was screaming at me to call her and stop letting my ego ruin everything between us... So anyway, if your wondering, I haven't spoken with my ex in 2 months (we've been brroken up for about 6 months), who is currently seeing someone... However, when we spoke, I told her how I felt and that I just can't live my life with anger towards her because of what she done to me (this is the reason I decided to talk to her again to try to forgive her) and in the process, I told her that I miss her and for some old reason I told her I wanted her back(in which I do)... She told me she miss being with me and everything we did... all at the same time kind of crying and choking up on her words... why does she cry when she talks about us??

I told her that, I don't like the fact she's seeing this guy and I honestly don't think he's right for her... I believe she knowns that cause that's why they aren't officially a couple... I think they've been dating for about 5 months now... What should I think of this?

I changed a lot since we been apart, I know what I lost and I want her back... I'm trying to show her that I changed but last night, I caught myself being the old me.. how do I prevent this from happening? Cause I do want to show her that I've changed and that I'm going to do whatever it takes to get her back...

Any advice or help?

Until you stop being the old me as you said, it isn't going to change. You have to work on yourself. It sounds to me, like she has moved on with someone else. Someone always gets hurt, and we put so much into a relationship. I think the more you pursue this, the more she will tend to back off. She is involved with someone else, its her decision. I just would honestly back off, and see what happens. You did try, its up to her.

Until you stop being the old me as you said, it isn't going to change. You have to work on yourself. It sounds to me, like she has moved on with someone else. Someone always gets hurt, and we put so much into a relationship. I think the more you pursue this, the more she will tend to back off. She is involved with someone else, its her decision. I just would honestly back off, and see what happens. You did try, its up to her.

If she moved on... then way would she say she misses being with me? And that she still has a lot of feelings for me? She said she thinks of me and almost everything reminds her of me... Are these just words and false hope? And is this guy a rebound or does she really like this guy?

Guilt doesn't = love for you

Looks like she's moved on

She may be emotional, and honestly miss you, but its you who holds out hope. (the false kind)

Your not alone in that, as I think we all do when we continue talking to an ex. Hard to move on and heal from a break up that way though. Until you stop all the contact with her, and get your life back, it will be nothing but misery, and pain, and false hope.

So its really up to you to get your stuff together, and leave her alone.