He was doing everything right and then just stopped. I'm 23, higher than average on looks (sorry just giving the whole picture so I can get accurate feedback), driven, independent, and fun.

Anyway, I was a little stand offish at first with this guy but we took it slow and as I got to know him I began liking him. He asked me to a wedding, took me to movies, would text me randomly during the day but not everyday. He'd email every other day or so and check in with me on weekends even if we couldn't meet up. This went on for 1 in a half to 2 months.

Then the emails stopped. And the texts stopped. It's been 4 or 5 weeks since I've seen him. Our last communication was through text and it was me texting him asking what he was up to and him responding saying he wanted to see me. Haven't heard from him in two weeks. What do you think? I think he just wants to hook up now and nothing serious... but why not a relationship?

Some men,not all, woo a girl just for one thing.

When it looks like he might have to put more effort in to get what he wants,well that's just too much like hard work,and so he moves on.

For me,I think you did the right thing,getting to know him,going out on a few dates,that's how you get to know someone,to see if you want to get to know them better.

Forget this one,he did you a favour and didn't waste your time.

But if he liked me, wouldn't he put the work into it?

Yes. It if liked you for you..

If he just fancied his chances,and your not giving in,he's going to move on.

Unless some disaster had fallen on his guy,IF he wanted to get to know you better,he would be on the phone.. but he is not.

I guess the only way to say it is... he was not that into you.

But that does not mean someone else won't be... as you said yourself,you're a good looking woman,smart,fun,intelligent.. see this for what it is... and move on.



I would just like to clarify, I think he was just looking for one thing,when you didn't give it to him,he moved on.

The simple answer is that he's was interested at first, but he's not interested anymore. It's another way of letting you down easy, instead of telling you directly.

I did have sex with him. After about 1 and a half months of dating and conversating. Very good sex... do men not want relationships for other reasons than the girl not being the right on? Maybe he's too busy? Hiding an alcohol addiction even?


Maybe he's wanting me to make the initiative more? I was always letting him taking the lead and I still am... and now that he's stopped chasing me, I don'tknow if I should move on or chase him... eww girls shouldn't chase boys!

I did have sex with him. after about 1 and a half months of dating and conversating. very good sex... do men not want relationships for other reasons than the girl not being the right on? maybe hes too busy? hiding an alcohol addiction even?

Don't make excuses for him.

He got what he wanted and now he has moved on.

If a guy is into a woman he makes time, how long does it take to send a text,or pick up the phone,he can't spare you a 60 second explanation?

He's not interested any more... just move on,plenty of fish in the sea.

And I shouldn't call him? I should just move on you think?

Why would a man not want to make effort to be with a great woman?

Don't call him, what are you going to say?

Move on!

It was only 6 weeks,or so, he has not contacted you,but I bet sometime when he's feeling lonely he will,maybe not,but don't become a booty call.

Get on with your life,forget this one.

You're right on, woman! He tried making me a booty call by texting me saying I wish you were next to me like three Friday nights in a row but I never went over there... okay, it's not me, it's him.

My roommate says I should ignore his text and wait for him to contact me again until I respond. He hasn't talked to me in two weeks. We were getting serious and then poof! Gone. How should I handle the communication? Make him wonder, like he made me wonder?


What to do when he finally reaches out.

first... what makes you a great woman? Don't take it as a diss... but for example I am the kind of guy, who goes to hell and back... and back again because I forgot my wallet by satans desk(she wanted me to slap him)... lol, for the girl of my dreams... I'm that guy who would hang off a 4 story balcony with one hand to ask out the girl who was conflicted, and was too shy to let me know she liked me... or that guy who would drive 12 hours to see his GF for 5 min and then drive back home...

the reason I say this is... what's makes you a great woman... then I can tell you why this man isn't interested =).

oh! And tell me what's wrong XD. That helps too.

Why would a man not want to make effort to be with a great woman?

Maybe this guy doesn't think that this woman is for him.

Maybe he doesn't even know that this woman is so great.

Or maybe he doesn't think that she's great at all.

Maybe his "efforts" are to not be with this woman who THINKS that she's so great.

Who knows?

Maybe this "great" woman should ask this "lost" guy what's up?

I'd ask him where he's been and did he have a good time. Be really cool and act as if you genuinely thought he was away somewhere.

Then you can gauge, by his answer, where he has been and if you want to text him again.

If you keep all your questions in the same thread,posters will have a better view of your question.

I don't think playing games is going to work, could you ask him straight up what going on,and why he is so hot and cold..

As I said before,an excuse of being busy,is not a good excuse, it does not take long to send a text.

Right, there's no excuse for suddenly stopping contact with me as in not even a, as you said, 60 sec "hey how have you been" and for this... I ignored his text last night. He has a lot of work to do to get me back now that he has "disappeared" so if he wants to make a plan now instead of just telling me he misses me, hopefully he will... I just hope by me ignoring him he doesn't think I'm not interested.

Thanks so much for your help!

Think you have a plan there, unless he is asking you out on a date and making plans to see you, he is only keeping you on the back burner as a back up plan.

Its easy to fall for the 'i miss you' and I'm so busy'... if he misses you so much he will get his act together and ask you out..

In the meantime,go about your life and keep dating,its supposed to be fun and you have no commitment to this guy..

Exactly. In last nights text he didn't ask a question or set up a date that would have required a response... so I feel it's fine to ignore it. Hoping he'll reach out again sooner than later in which case I will happily respond.

Thanks so so much.

Just wanted to add one more thing..

Have you ever noticed the guys you don't like and ignore always come back and look for a date even though you keep knocking them back, and the guys you like that you contact lose interest quickly...

Treat the guys you like the same way as the guys you don't like... as least in the beginning!

So glad you said that! Yes that is true... its hard to tell when you can move past the games and act like you actually like him though! I guess when that time comes, I'll just know and feel comfortable showing that I like him instead of pushing him away... oh the games of dating, it's like if you don't play, you lose.

If its any help,you learn that you don't have to play games and just being yourself is all you have to do..

It took me a long time and many heartaches to learn that.

Having a full life and just being happy on your own has many benefits, and you would be amazed at how many date offers I had when I was just content and happy on my own.

All true


Well I guess I should have re worded the question.

"Why would a guy all of a sudden stop putting forth effort, when he had been doing everything right in the beginning, and then just stopped making contact/putting forth effort."

He really liked me at first. Then stopped calling/texting/emailing every other day like he was. Stopped making plans, etc.

There could be so many answers to this question. He could have gotten scared, his ex could have called him up, he could have depression, he is having money problems, you see I could go on and on. If you really want to know you could just simply ask him what's up. He might tell you the truth. Or, you could just drop it and move on. Thinking about why is a bit of a waste of time. It doesn't get you anywhere.

The obvious answer to your question is he is doing something else more important than being with you. Probably with someone else.

So while your still interested his action say he is not.

Move beyond this, and stay out of the bed of new guys, you don't know very well, because again, its very obvious your interest is more than his, by a mile.

I took my time in getting to know him. We went on several dates, communicated often and really got to know each other before "getting in bed together." He played a disappearing act for a few weeks but I left him alone and let him figure out whatever was going on his head. Last night he texted me for the first time in two weeks and said he missed me and wants to hang out soon. I didn't respond.

Sounds like he only looks for you when it's convenient for him. Why be someone's booty call?

Just job on not giving him to him!

Yes, it does seem like he's only interestd when it works for him and that's not okay. I'm hoping by ignoring his text last night he will see that I am not always available to him and it may spark something in him to make him contact me more. Do you think my tactic will work?

He texted me saying he's out of town at a fam reunion but misses seeing me. We should hang out soon!

The text didn't really require a response... do you think my tactic will work?

It's not suppose to be a tactic. Leave him out of your life and find someone else who wants the same things as you.

I want him to want a relationship with me.. I know that sounds weird. I know he likes me but I want him to want a relationship, not just to be around when it works for him..

I want him to want a relationship with me..


Are you ego tripping, or do you think you can make him want you. He's having a great time, and your obsessing. Something is very wrong with your thinking.

Ok you're right about me obsessing... it's because I actually like this guy. Ego trip, not hardly. I know he likes me/wants me/ could possibly love me... now it's about getting him to call more and act like a boyfriend.. guess ill have to wait for the time to be right for him

Exactly, let him come to you in his own time, and fashion.

Ok but just one more thing from me over here obsessing okay!

I did wait for him to come to me and he did LAST NIGHT. He reached out to me via text saying he missed me and we should hang out soon. I did not respond, as advised by my two best girlfriends, and now I'm questioning if I should have ignored his text. Do you think it's okay that I did? After this answer.. im done obsessing

He went from texting, emailing, and calling just the right amount... taking me on great dates, asking how I am, etc. Once I finally slept with him he stopped making effort! Now he just texts me on Friday/Saturday nights to see if we can meet up. After his most recent text on a Friday night I ignored it and sent him a message the next day asking him to please call me in advance so we can get together.. this Wednesday morning he sent me a Hey how you been? Message.. which is better than a Friday night I suppose, I responded and asked how hed been said it's been a while since I've seen/talked to you and NO RESPONSE. What do you think? He was so great in the beginning and then nothing. We're super compatible and I really like him.

Sounds like after he got the old probverbally roll in the hay, after wining and dining and showing that he really really cared for you, he just moved on.

Tick

And him still messaging me (on Wednesday this time instead of a Friday night) means he's just still trying to keep me around for another roll around probably right?

and him still messaging me (on wednesday this time instead of a friday night) means hes just still tryin to keep me around for another roll around probably right?

Yes, you are probably right. I would just not bother with this guy, dream. He is a player.

Tick

He got what he wanted from you and now he's probably not that interested anymore, except to keep you around for sex. Leave it lie, and don't keep going out with this guy- he's a jerk. Next time around when you date again- don't jump into sex because the guy is charming, you could end up in this situation again, and with a reputation that you're an easy sleazy girl, if you know what I mean.

I agree with all the others. This jerk is using you for sex. Stop communicating with him and stop seeing him in the future because, if you want a serious relationship from this guy, it sounds like he is not interested in it.

Is this the same guy from your other thread?

Yesss it is red

Oh my...

Think about all the time your wasting on this guy... think about all the great guys who are out there,and you can't even see past this guy... he is not treating you right... but you have this idea that you and he are meant for great things... but he is not buying it.

You deserve to be treated better,do you not think so?

Of all the good qualities you see in him,the one thing that is missing is he does not feel the same way for you,if he did you would not need to ask.

I have started dating other guys but he is def still on my mind and it doesn't help that he's still reaching out to me...

I've never made the mistake of going over to his place late night or even responding when he acts inappropriate.

He's immature is what it comes down to

He's not reaching out to you,he's keeping the shag in the bag!.

If its chemistry or lust that's bringing you back or keeping him on your mind,the only way to get over him and get him off your mind is no contact.. at all.. no Facebook,emails,text,nothing!

If he wanted you as his girlfriend,it would be a done deal by now,but he's not giving up his single status.

He most likely does like you,he would not keep coming back if he didn't,but the bottom line is,your good enough for the occasional shag and night out,but not girlfriend material for him..

If HE thought you were all that,he would want you for himself...

You are better.. you deserve a better guy.. kick him to the curb.

Thanks for the feedback I really appreciate it! I don't think it's that he doesn't want ME for a relationship I just think he doesn't want a relationship... I think if he did want one it would be with me. He's very immature and yes I prob should cut off contact with him ughhhh

Really,you seem to have a good understanding of what's going on with him,its just that he's so damn attractive! Yes ? No?

Pull away completely from him,no contact,get on with your life,date and be happy... if /when he matures maybe he will call,if your both single,maybe then things will work out... but for now,for you,move on and don't look back.

I just wanted to add,if you are happy with the way things are,and have no expectations of a relationship with him,maybe it suits you both for now...

But if its wreaking your head,move on.

Edit: I just back tracked on about 8 posts!

To the op...

At the end of the day its up too you,and your decision.

That's the best thing I've heard red!! And no he's NOT particularly that attractive... hes open minded, cute and intelligent and that's rare to find in a conservative southern state like where I'm from... I actually like him for who he is and not superficial reasons - if I liked him solely based on looks I would have been over him a long time, been there

Opened minded,cute and intelligent IS attractive!

As I said,you're an adult,and its your decision...

But protect your own heart and head first.

Yeah I think for the first time I'm just going to be straight forward and say soemthing like look I thought something different at first but now its just not working please stop contacting me... what do you think of that red?

I think its good...

At least he will know why your not replying and know where he and you stand.

Don't make it a long conversation,your informing him,not asking him.

dream11207, that's the attitude. I think you'll be fine on your own now.