I met this guy 20 years ago (I was 10) and have loved him on some level ever since. I never told him, but I always assumed he knew. We have always flirted on and off and actually "hooked-up" about 10 years ago. It didn't last more than a month because he moved across the country. We have had huge gaps of time where we don't see/speak, etc. but we always end up running into each other eventually. There are a lot of reasons we were never able to try being together for very long, but there has always been some connection there. For the longest time I was waiting for him, and harbored many regrets about not ever being open with him about how I felt. I was so overly-cautious that I literally said nothing on many occasions when he was asking me how I felt. Some weird combination of pride and fear kept me from letting him in.

Anyway, here it is, 10 years after he moved, and I receive an email on Facebook from him. No friend request, just a 2 line email. I answered (same day, which was a mistake). He never wrote back. I don't understand the reasoning behind the email without the fried request (except that there he actually gre up with my brother and a lot of drama tends to ensue when this guy and I get too close), and I don't know why he bothered to write me at all if he was just going to ignore me again. I would love so much to be speaking to him again, even if not romantically. My initial reply to his email was a 2 paragraph update about my work and family and superficial crap. Maybe he was expecting some actual reaction to hearing from him after so much time. I feel like I played coy again when I should have really said something meaningful like "I've missed you".

Anyway the question is, can I email again, should it be a more intimate message? I have been praying for an opportunity to have a line of communication open to him for 10 years. Now that I finally have one, I do not want to blow it.

Final notes: 1) It has been 3 months since I wrote him last; 2) I can see he is on FB because I see his posts on some mutual friends sites.

Hi, quest_ioner!

Are you aware of what's been going on with him for the past ten years, please?

Thanks!

I do not know for sure, but I am pretty sure he got married, probably a kid or 2. I have tried very hard not to learn too much because it would just be torturing myself for nothing. My brother is still friends with him, so I heard that he visited 2 times this summer (for a few weeks at a time). I think he is still here now, actually. He hadn't visited since moving 10 years ago, until just this summer... so I don't know what is going on with him. I know he is visiting here alone (no wife/kids). I'm not looking to be a home-wrecker or anything like that. Would just like to have some form of contact with him.

Hi again, quest_ioner!

If you know that he's married, what would you hope to gain by making contact with him in any sort of way, please?

Thanks!

Just miss him, I guess. Friends isn't an option? I don't know why he emailed me at all, but I wouldn't think he did it lightly. We have a lot of history and I think we could definitely work out as friends at this point in our lives. I have missed just knowing him.

Friends could be an option... However, you seem to be awfully attached to him. That could be a really problem, if he is married.

Have you had other men with whom you've been involved over the past ten years, please?

Thanks!

Yes, a few short relationships and one 6 year relationship.

So, have you asked your brother what he thinks about what you're wanting to do, please?

Thanks!

Nooooooo. This is a sensitive subject. I would not open that can of peas unless I was certain this guy wanted to keep in communication with me. My brother didn't really appreciate our fraternizing in the past so I would not want to have to address it with him if this guy is in the wind.

You're 30 and you're still harboring unrequited love? Two lines after 10 years do not suggest romantic interest to me - especially since he hasn't replied. I think that you'd make a huge fool of yourself if you were to tell him you missed him.

My advice... sit down, take a very large dose of reality and get him out of your head!

May I also humbly suggest you get a life?

You mean fraternizing because the man is married?

Thanks!

No, he was not married when we dated. But it still caused drama because he was so close with my brother and my whole family, actually. We are all much older now, but I wouldn't want to open old sores if there is nothing to be gained.

You are probably right. Thx for the comments

Oh, I don't know, Gemini54...

Most of my past loves, I still love and I know that some of them still love me. But, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out.

I remember meeting one of the years after we had split up, she was married and quite content. She told me, that she never had the deep conversations with her present husband like the two of us had had together.

Some people are just natural "soul mates". People get married for any number of reasons, too.

There are still several loves from my past with whom I would like to share things. One is my ex-wife. She got remarried last summer. I still call her, now and then, to ask her about certain things that I know she would be helpful in advising me about. She and her new husband even gave me a couch to replace the one that I had that was falling apart.

People are just people. We only live once. Sharing things while we are alive can be part of how to really enjoy life.

Ironically, the church that I attend and where I'm an active member, is the church where both my ex-wife and new husband attend. It doesn't bother me at all. My ex and I are still friends. Maybe that's something unique, I don't know...

I just don't have a problem, from my standpoint anyway, with being friends with loves from the past...

Two lines in an email could mean any number of things. It could also mean that the sender had put a bunch of old email addresses into the Facebook thing not really thinking of who they were for.

No reply could be construed as indicating that there is the possibility of no interest.

Thanks!

By the way, I thought this was the other, longer thread. I had already reported, over an hour ago, this one as being a duplicate.

Thanks!

How did you respond to the initial email from him, please?

As I already mentioned on your other thread, there is the possibility that he just got a whole bunch of old email addresses and put them into the Facebook thing without really thinking who they were for.

Thanks!

I think the best thing for you to do at this point is just forget about him.

I'm not saying completely wipe your memory clean of him, but you need to come to terms with reality. If he loved you, he would have at least tried to make it possible to be with you.

And people grow up. People change. You're not the same girl anymore, so it would only make sense that he's not the same boy he was, either.

I would even suggest you block him on FB so you can't see his comments to others, because they clearly make you upset and inquisitive about why he's not answering your message.

Also, go out with friends. Meet new people. Having a relationship with your computer in hopes of having a relationship with a ghost is pointless.

The more you dwell on impossibilities, the less likely your chances of meeting someone that will truly adore you!

Good luck!

Reality check- He had 20 years to get something going and hasn't. Stop fantasizing about that kind of guy and deal with reality. Especially since you have had no contact with him for 10 years. This is something you should have let go of a long time ago.

Hi again, I have never posted to a forum or blog, so I didn't expect even a single answer... so I just wanted to thank everyone for their responses.

A main theme seems to be that I should forget him (which is probably quite true) and also that I am not dealing with reality. I want to mention that I have not been "harboring" anything for 20 years. He is a regret I have which I am sure EVRYONE can relate to. I just ended a mostly successful 6 year relationship last year, have a great job, great friends and family, and go out plenty. I do not live on the computer or have any illusions that he has some undying love for me or that we will ride off into the sunset. I just had hoped we could have some sort of a friendlike relationship as adults. I definitely understand the "reality" of the situation and my brain knows exactly that I should go back to forgetting him completely. My brain knows this, it's the rest of me that kind of got all turned around on this one. It's just the damn email, you know? Could have done without it.

@Clough, he asked about specific family members and I gave him brief, superficial status updates on me and my siblings. Things he must have known already since he actively talks to my brother.

@Torrid, the FB block thing is a great idea I hadn't thought of. I can live without seeinig his name pop up unexpectedly on my friends pages. Thanks =)