So I'm seeing a married man, we've been "together" for about a year and a half. He's told me he loves me, and I really believe I love him too. His wife already knows about us, but doesn't have proof. He's not looking to leave his wife because of the divorce and starting all over with a house and giving alimony. He's asked me on several occasions if it's getting to hard for me, to which I don't respond. He always says that he doesn't want to hurt me, but it hurts every time when he says he loves me. I need advice.:confused:

What's your instinct saying? I've had that said to me quite a few times. So far, Every time the guy said he didn't want to hurt me was because he was going to and that was the warning. It's not a good situation to be in at all.

You need to drop him and find another person. He is using you as a diversion to his family life. Also, you risk ruining a marriage. Drop it.

Well... ask yourself if you can live with the way it is.
Can you keep going in the relationship knowing that he is with her and doesn't do anything about wanting to be with you?
If he is going to stay with his wife, are you going to stay with him?

he's not looking to leave his wife because of the divorce and starting all over with a house and giving alimony.:

And you are happy with that?? :eek: :eek:

Can't you realise the facts..
He has a cake and he is eating it all.
He has 2 women... his wife and you his bit on the side! :cool:

Can you say "alienation of affection"? That is what his wife can say and it would not take much to proof it. Why do women fall for men they cannot have? It is some martyr complex? Or being a glutton for punishment? Do you think you do not deserve an unattached male who can give you his FULL attention in all areas?
Wake up, wake up, to the world outside this man.
And ask yourself this - if he really did leave his wife and you and he got together, would you be forever looking over your shoulder for the other woman also? I am a firm believer that once a man cheats, he will do it again (same for women, I have no sexist bias there).
You are in a very unhealthy relationship and you must know it and you must feel it. Walk away from this manipulative man. He is using you and using his wife. There is name for that but it is unprintable.

He may say (and may even believe) that he loves both you and his wife, but if he does, he's lying to himself and to both of you. He's a selfish user. Cut him loose and find someone who will give you his full attention and devotion. Anything less is counterfeit love.

Hmmmm... seems to be a lot of this going around right now?
I say this is not smart of you.
To me this is like waking up everyday, sticking your hand in a waffle iron, burning yourself, telling yourself it doesn't really hurt, and then doint it again the next day.
And its true because you are the one getting burned in this situaltion, ( well the guys wife is too). You are burning yourself and say it feels good and for whatever reason aer beleiveing it... you need to get up some nerve girl and realize you deserve so much better than this.

You're his booty call.
He doesn't love you. He'll never leave his wife for you.
Your actions make me sick!
Get out of this married man's life.

What about his poor wife and kids.

Actually you and him probably deserve one another. And when he is with you he can do the same thing again to you and you can feel the pain of having your life destroyed by a cheating partner.

And no, I haven't had this happen to me, but I can only imagine the pain it would cause to rip a family apart.

Please cut all contact with this man!

Find someone who isn't married and get out before you destroy the lives of a lot of innocent people!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/married-man-36461.html

Please go and read Jessie's post in this thread. You will get an idea on what it is like to be on the other side.

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh but it is impossible for me to sympathise with you.
You may be hurting but others will hurt a lot more than you if this continues.

so i'm seeing a married man, we've been "together" for about a year and a half. He's told me he loves me, and i really believe i love him too. his wife already knows about us, but doesn't have proof. he's not looking to leave his wife because of the divorce and starting all over with a house and giving alimony. he's asked me on several occassions if it's getting to hard for me, to which i don't respond. he always says that he doesn't want to hurt me, but it hurts everytime when he says he loves me. i need advice.:confused:
I am in the same boat myself. I think they all say the same thing, I am trying to get out of this relationship, You will only get hurt in the long run , you will never be able to trust him or anything that he says , its not worth it.

so i'm seeing a married man, we've been "together" for about a year and a half. He's told me he loves me, and i really believe i love him too. his wife already knows about us, but doesn't have proof. he's not looking to leave his wife because of the divorce and starting all over with a house and giving alimony. he's asked me on several occassions if it's getting to hard for me, to which i don't respond. he always says that he doesn't want to hurt me, but it hurts everytime when he says he loves me. i need advice.:confused:
Hi its me again I think you responded to my post Im the one involved with a married man who crys when I try to break it off. I don't know what it is , he can be so charming one minute and then he blows me off the next , He says that he doesn't live with his wife. He says he hates her, I don't know what to think , when Im with him I am so happy , but then and for a few days in a row he gives me his complete attention then days like today I haven't heard from him for most of the day. I always wonder if he is with his wife, I think I got myself into a pickle, I don't ever know what to do

1confused1, Karmalarma, leave the dead end relationships, with married men alone, and get a life you enjoy and you wouldn't have to worry what to do, or be confused, or be used and lied to, and hurt.

Its hard to consider offering any kind of answer to the ones who post about being involved with a married person only because that is SUCH a thoughtless and selfish thing to do to begin with that it's a fairly reasonable assumption that anything constructive I would have to offer about it probably isn't going to be well received anyway and so to that end it kind of answers itself, in my mind. This is not me on a high horse either. LOL Its just when I did something that stupid, I wasn't listening either and so I had to learn the hard way and fortunately, I did!

Good luck Confused. And Karmalarma.

so i'm seeing a married man, we've been "together" for about a year and a half. He's told me he loves me, and i really believe i love him too. his wife already knows about us, but doesn't have proof. he's not looking to leave his wife because of the divorce and starting all over with a house and giving alimony. he's asked me on several occassions if it's getting to hard for me, to which i don't respond. he always says that he doesn't want to hurt me, but it hurts everytime when he says he loves me. i need advice.:confused:
The question is how would you feel if your husband was having an affair? Not to mention don't you want something more from this relationship. Cause if you do you are not going to get it. Think about you want from a relationship, what you want from this man. If you are not getting it you need to think about how you can get what you want. Maybe you can find it from another man, in a healthier relationship.

so i'm seeing a married man, we've been "together" for about a year and a half. He's told me he loves me, and i really believe i love him too. his wife already knows about us, but doesn't have proof. he's not looking to leave his wife because of the divorce and starting all over with a house and giving alimony. he's asked me on several occassions if it's getting to hard for me, to which i don't respond. he always says that he doesn't want to hurt me, but it hurts everytime when he says he loves me. i need advice.:confused:
Drop him, That's the only advice I can give. He is married chances are he is never going to leave his wife, because if he was planning on doing that he would have done it for along time ago.
Sorry:(

Im tired of all these dam women saying they with married men. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YALL????!!!!!????I can't believe that after you knew he was married you stayed. That says very little about your personality. Obviously you have NO self esteem if you know that he is and you STILL are with him. The anger when you found out should have been enough energy to leave him. You are just stupid 4 staying with him. Why would he leave his wife if he got her cooking and taking care of his home and getting free sex from you when ever he want to on the side? Please girl. You are just going to get yo heart broken. I hope when you marry the same thing happens to you. But I hope you find out. Maybe then it would give you and idea of how his wife would feel if she had proof. I HOPE SHE WHOOPS YO AZZ!

Look at it this way. This man has been carrying on an affair with you for over a year. He is still married and going home to his wife after having sex with you. He is probably having sex with her too, she is his wife after all. She probably makes the bed, does the laundry, gets their children ready for school, does the shopping and cooks great meals for him. Not a bad deal. At the same time he is sneaking around having sex with you, probably reliving the romance that he once shared with his wife. But the romance he had with her is gone because he is focusing all of his energies on lying and sneaking around behind her back. So he has it pretty darn sweet, why would he want to give up either of you?

Why don't you channel your energies into something else. Like finding a man who will love and respect you? You deserve something better than and endless cycle of empty promises and false hope that he will some day leave his wife. You deserve to know that you are worthy of being with someone who respects you more than a convenient "lay".

Dump Him!

You are hurting yourself by not finding YOUR OWN MAN!! You hurt, he hurts, and she hurts. What makes you think this is OK?

I am having this same problem. I have been involved with this married man for over a year. I knew he was married from the start. I had a boyfriend who wasn't making me happy so I started to cheat on him and since then we've broken up. It started as just sex and feelings have gotten involved... I didn't expect it to go this far. Yes, he says he is not happy with his wife but I don't expect for him to leave her. He says he tries to make the marriage work but she isn't. He gives me whatever I ask for. He has put me and my kids in a new home. The drawbacks are I'm always so lonely. I find myself wanting to spend more time with him. We used to have more time together but I think the wife suspects he's cheating so she wants to go everywhere with him even if he says he's coming right back. It's very stressful and it hurts. At times I want to leave him and move on. I have no problem finding someone else. I'm approached by men all the time. But I'm so stupid in love I turn down everyone. When I mention seeing someone else to him, he gets upset and it's not fair because he has a wife. I know what I'm doing is wrong but yet I continue to do this.

Rewindtime,

Thanks for the reply, in all honesty, I had forgotten about this forum and forgot about this question I asked YEARS ago.

With that being said, I say get out of the relationship. The loneliness you feel will only get worse. He really does not care about you or his wife, he only cares about himself. Although at the time, I would have said he loves me, I love him, he loves his wife, but he's just stuck in the relationship. Now looking back, I say he is selfish because why would a person hurt a person he says he cares about? He hurt me and his wife because she eventually did find out and had proof of the relationship.

Although I don't have a boyfriend right now, I do have someone that cares about me and vice versa. I get to talk to him when I want and not worry about certain times of the day when we can speak. I'm dating and so much happier. I don't have to spend nights being lonely because I want to be with him.

I'll tell you it was HARD getting over it and I think about him from time to time. I even tried just being friends, he didn't want that and I eventually discovered he was not the person I thought he was. I had never experienced heartbreak like that before. I thought he was my soulmate, but now I know he's not because I would NEVER cheat on a person I was married to. I would leave the relationship if I truly loved someone else; and I wouldn't keep the one I claimed to love just waiting for me. I understand he got you a house, those are just things he got because he wanted to and I think a little bit of insurance that you'll stay. I'm sure he does have feelings for you, just as I'm sure my guy had feelings for me, but he is not the type of person I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I want a person that can make up his mind about what he wants and not hurt me.

I got a LOT of angry replies and Private Messages, but no one really knew what I was going through or how I felt.
My advice again is to break it off and NEVER speak to him again. It will be hard, but in the end will be worth it for your own sanity. I'm so upset I wasted so many YEARS, over 4 or them, "with" him. I know you are going to do what you want because I know I did, but in time I'm sure you'll come to your senses. I'm glad I did.

Some of us on here are so quick to judge, just remember you may be wearing that same hat one day, it takes two to tangle. I am not blaming one person over the other because we never now people reasons for doing the things they not supposed to do, but I do know we all have done wrong; we all have been in bad situations, I would just say get out and work on loving self. There are married men and women who play games with people by tell the other party they are not married or involved. I knew a man whose wife was over seas fighting the war, he showed no signs of being married, until 5 months later I was at his home and his wife showed up. I was beginning to have feelings for this man; he was the "perfect gentlemen," until then. We don't know how it all begun. I know a lot of people are not so honest and have serious issues and tend to soak others into there web of lies.