We are both seniors in college.

I feel like he's not over his ex. I know you'll say "hes with you not her" but he didn't get to choose between us. Im pretty sure she broke up with him. He told his best guy friend a month before we started dating that he wasn't sure if he was over her. They started talking again right before he asked me out and he was def flirting with her. When she got dumped 2 months after we started dating she emailed him saying "Lets get married if we're single at 28. We can work out our long distance fighting issues" (Thats why they broke up I think) She asked him to hang out and he did. He said he couldn't say no and he was being nice and when I said "I dont like if when ur ex gets dumped and she runs to you like oh lets get back together" and he replied "she never asked me to get back together" He says he hasn't talked to her since this (4 months ago) but he has talked to her on Facebook a little. In fact, he responded to her on it the day after we fought about it. He said "I wont ignore her" He somehow has it set on his Facebook that when he posts on her wall it doesn't show up on his NewsFeed. But it does show up whenever he posts on anyone elses' wall. Ive asked him about it, and he genuinely didn't know it did that I think, but says it must be somewhere in his Settings. It still bothers me.

They dated in HS and then again for 5 months 2 years later. (this was a year ago) 2 months into the 2nd time he was saying he loved her. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, technically longer than that, add another 3 months while I was away abroad where I really was his girlfriend (we just didn't say that because we didn't want to label it while I was so far away) He hasn't told me he loves me.

He graduates in Dec and he hasn't really said much about what will happen, but he seems to think we'll still be together unless he's just saying that! But when he was with his ex, he wanted to move back home for her but couldn't. I don't think he has such strong feelings for me.

If I break up with him I will be very depressed for awhile because I really love him. I haven't told him that he doesn't know. But I feel like its one sided. He does treat me well and seems to enjoy spending time with me. He initiates a lot of things. Should I wait until the end of the semester (end of Nov) and if he hasn't said I love by then break up with him? There's no way Im doing distance at that point if he doesn't love me, its not worth it in my opinion.

I get the feeling you are trying to compare his previous relationship with your relationship a bit too much. That isn't really how these things work. I may be wrong, but you sound like a sweet girl that hasn't communicated her expectations to her boyfriend yet and maybe it is time you do that. A good solid talk between the two of you would clear a lot of this up, I think.

Ive asked him about it, and he genuinely didnt know it did that I think, but says it must be somewhere in his Settings. It still bothers me.

What's this hiding all about? Fancy guy posting stuffs on ex and hiding it?

Talk to your boyfriend, don't let the trust issue grow worse. If both of you can't make it then break it. We know how BAD it feels breaking up. That's where you grow, from experience. Get prepared either ways.

COMMUNICATE

I don't think he has such strong feelings for me.


Either talk, and define where this is going, and lay out the boundaries of good behavior, or end this drama, and be on your own.

You can't just float along doing nothing about anything, that's the easy way out.

Relationships require a commitment to work hard together, or what's the point, if your BOTH not willing to work?

One partner can't do it all.

Im really in love with him and think he could be The One.

However we are both seniors in college. He graduates in Dec while I graduate in May... and Im going off to grad schoool, so I don't let myself ponder on that and will just accept it as it goes.

But, he keeps making comments. Such as when I kept saying my pupils dilate easily, he said "well after college when we get our pictures taken and stuff, ill wear black contacts" and once when I said I liked this city where Im applying to go to grad school he said "well we could get a house there" then tonight when I said he'd make a good bartender he said "That may be true. I could do that wherever you get a job" A few of these times he's sad these things he has been kind of tipsy, but he said he's more honest drunk on our 2nd date...

Im also slightly confused, me and him have several couples of mutual friends who just got engaged and he keeps saying they're crazy and he's not ready to get married anytime soon.

It's not about what he wants. What do you want? He said that he won't ignore her. Can you accept this? Do you feel like you can trust him?

You need to establish what you want in this relationship first before you worry about his end. Once you figure out what you want, you let him know. If he can't provide what you want, then this relationship isn't going anywhere.

Unless you've met all 6 billion people in the world, I don't know how you can say he's the one. Especially when you have so many concerns about him.

Focus on strengthening your relationship before worrying about taking the next step, such as marriage or moving in together (if you plan to do either). In other words, just keep getting to know each other better and enjoying the time that you spend together and let things flow naturally. You can't force these things.

Me and my boyfriend (we're 21 and 22) were playing video games at his place. I was drinking, not him, but I had only had one drink. But, I was being silly and jokingly said " I looooooooove alcohol" My boyfriend then said "Is that all you love?" I couldn't think of anything else he would be implying, and thought if he meant if I loved other objects wouldn't ask such a question in that way. I said "Woah, way to put pressure on me. Ive never said that to a guy before" He didn't say "I didnt mean that" Just kind of smiled and went back to the video game.

Me and him have been together 3 1/2 months. We were kind of together for 3 months previous to these 3 1/2 months. Before we were "official" I was away studying abroad and we didn't want to put a label on it with me being so far away. We got attached while I was gone (went on 3 dates prior to me leaving the country) which I know is weird and people make fun of us for it.

I am not ready to say it yet and would like to wait a few more months. Even though I feel Im overly attached to him, Im not sure its really love I feel, so I want to make sure I really mean it. Sometimes I think I love him, but other times I think Im overly attached to him because he gives me relief from my depressive tendencies. I got raped 1 year and a half ago by a stranger. I don't have an actual depression problem anymore, though I do have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I still sometimes go into depressive mode for a day or so when I get triggered. I also tend to get more upset to regular everyday events because the whole rape thing ruined my nervous system, but I wouldn't consider it depression. Anyway, he's been supportive about it for the most part, but being distraught and then going into dependent/clingy mode (in my mind I guess, this mode doesn't always translate into behavior) has confused my feelings a bit. Im sorry if this paragraph made no sense, but I guess anyone whose worked with abuse/traumatic incident people might understand what Im saying.

Was I right in thinking he was implying if I loved him? If he was implying this, does this mean he loves me? Or is there any chance he was just gauging my feelings? Im not there yet and Im freaking out a little.

I am also a little confused, since me and him had a bit of a fight a week prior to this incident. The fight was over him becoming busy with school and going for days at a time without talking to me. It wasn't awful-he still made time to spend with me, but this was on the weekends and during the weekdays I heard little from him. This lasted for 2 weeks, and I am always very busy with school but usually manage my time so I can spend time with him and my friends, so it made me mad because of that not because Im clingy. I was worried he was losing interest in me. The opening line of our argument was "this relationship is one sided, and your feelings for me arent strong" He may not even remember me saying this, since the argument started late at night, but when we talked about it later he asked "it bothers you that you dont hear from me during the week as much" I guess it doesn't matter since he has returned to normal. Anyway, I guess Im saying because of the reason that fight started, I highly doubt he loves me.

Going by your post,I think perhaps he was guaging your feelings for him...

And you were right not to say I love you if your not sure..

From an objective point of view, I think,perhaps he does have feelings for you.

Take your time.

If the conversation comes up again,you could say,if you were comfortable to say something along the lines of,I do have feelings for you,but I'm not quite at the love stage yet.

You have had a terrible experience,and your going to need plenty of therapy and tlc to recover,and a partner who is patient..

Just keep getting to know each other better. You've only been together for a few months. There's no reason to rush this relationship, especially based on the facts that you've told us.

Just enjoy the time that you spend together and let things flow naturally.

I agree with red, he probably wanted to know how you felt abou thim. I have the feelling that he cares a lot about you, but definitely don't take things too fast. Be sure how you feel, and if you're not sure, be honest. Good luck. :)

My ex boyfriend and I were together for 10 months. He broke up with me yesterday. We are both on spring break right now. We are both seniors in the same college and graduate in a few months. Im applying for grad schools and will probably end up at schools an hour or so away from him/his hometown where he will be returning to (I picked these schools long before I met him, just worked that way) He was planning on doing the long distance relationship with me and such. A few days ago he was telling me he missed me and couldn't wait to go back to school to see me, and that he knew we'd be OK in the future because I make him so happy.

My mother had a heart attack yesterday morning. I didn't go to the hospital at all during the day and then went very late at night and stayed until this morning. I have slept a few hours maybe. My uncle and aunt and father went during the day yesterday, and part of the day I babysat my aunt and uncles kids. I think you can imagine I was worried sick, because she had a massive heartattack and all I was going on was phone calls from my father all day. It was annoying, but Im glad I wasn't actually at the hospital then.

I annoyed my boyfriend too much yesterday, didn't tell him what was wrong at first because I thought my mother might be fine and didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but just texted him a lot. (he likes to text) I just needed a distraction, something to do. He talked to me about normal things at first, and things were fine and he said hed see this one movie that got good reviews with me. Then got irritated and said I can't be available 24/7, and I knew I should have stopped, but I didn't and started to argue with him about something else. (He has gotten irritated with me before about texting him too much) He eventually said (through a text message) "its over" and when I started protesting he kept responding "we arent compatible" "i dont want to be with you, sorry" "i dont want to be your boyfriend" I called him and said to break up with me on the phone and he didn't call back.

A few hours later, I got a call from my father saying my mother wasn't looking too good and the doctors weren't sure she was going to make it. He was crying and Ive never heard my father cry in my 22 years of life before. I don't know why, about an hour later I kept calling my boyfriend, I sent him texts saying what I heard from my mother. I knew he was mad but I didn't know how much, I thought hed care. He just said "its over" several times. I then, out of stupidity, called his house number (never done that before) and his mother answered. She sounded surprised and happy to hear it was me and asked how I was, then yelled to him that it was me on the phone. He threw a fit. It sounded like he was screaming, I couldn't even distinguish what he was saying, but he was def throwing a fit and it scared me. I knew he was angry but not that explosive. I couldn't bear to hear what his mother would say, so after 10 seconds of hearing this fit I hung up. He then texted me (of course) saying "You pissed me off, now I have to deal with my mother, its over you dont deserve a breakup on the phone" I pleaded with him and he basically said "no Im not your boyfriend, you embarassed me in front of my family and you have been a nightmare annoying me to death go away" After an hour of texting back and forth arguing (I wasn't being mean, I was telling him I didn't want to break up and how much he meant to me) I asked him if he'd call me in a week after he cooled down and I calmed down, and he said "yes, til next week bye for now" I don't know if he did this to get me to go away or what.

I should mention we had a big blowup similar to this 5 months ago. It was exactly the same, except instead we had been fighting about his ex who was literally harassing me (thats not an issue at all anymore, she's out of our lives now) He wasn't explosive, but I was at his house and he was quite angry and crying a bit, and he was saying the same things "we are over" "cant be with you" over and over. At the end, he also agreed to call me in a week. We were back together in 4 days (I called him and he asked me to come over) and it surprised me how quickly he changed his mind. When I asked him "why" after we got back together, he said "Those were extreme circumstances" (His ex was extreme, she was spamming my inbox and phone with messages for weeks, and I was worried she might come after one of us)

Is history going to repeat? I think these circumstances were more extreme and I always catch him when he's angry, which I know is my fault. I provoke him I guess. After what I heard on the phone to his mother I think he may have anger issues. I know it sounds pathetic, but I want him to come back. He makes me so happy, our relationship is perfect (in my eyes) without these blowups, and he has told me I make him happy too. If I lose him too, I am going to be very depressed for the last 2 1/2 months of the semester, knowing I can walk to his house in 5 minutes. Is he going to call me and will everything be all right then? (If he will call in a week to be like, "Oh yeah seriously dont want to be with you!" I don't think I could take that) I know the best I can do is wait a week, and hopefully he will call, but I feel this fight was slightly worse and Im worried sick.

BTW, my mother seems to be doing OK. She's not out of the woods though she is still alive, she has a lot of heart damage and will probably have a difficult recovery.

I did text him this morning once I got back from the hospital. I just pretty much said "she made it through the night, which makes me optimistic " I did that so he will see Ive calmed down and also because I feel the need to update him I guess

He also deactivated his Facebook account 5 months ago (when you do that, your relationship link is broken) because of that I deleted my relationship status and just didn't include it though I had a boyfriend.
He reactivated his Facebook last night and deleted his relationship status as well. He didn't put "single" Is that a good sign? When him and his ex broke up, he put single. And when we first went on a date it said single. Or am I reading too much into this

Kimberly, I think you have enough to worry about with your mom, and should make that a priority and leave the boyfriend alone for a few days so you both can get cool, and collected, and then see what happens.

Facebook is no substiute for face to face, honest communications, so read nothing in to it!

For now don't panic, and get carried away, and be there for your mom.

From what you posted, I don't trust him.

I have a feeling that if he DOES take you back, the chances of this happening again are higher, and they will continue to get higher every time you take him back. This means that he could very well just take advantage of his blow-ups and use them against you, knowing that you'll take him back anyway. Realize that this is going to be the beginning of an ongoing pattern if you do not nix it now.

Your mother is in the hospital in serious condition, it is NOT the time to be worrying about a guy who can't take a stupid fight, ESPECIALLY when you're worrying about your mother in the hospital.

It is NOT acceptable for him to talk to you like that, and you're allowing it by continuing to talk to him. He sees it as a reason to stay angry. SO, I'll have to say, when he starts being a jerk, don't talk to him. See what happens, chances are he could say you don't pay enough attention, or that you don't care, and he doesn't want to be with you. Either way, decide what you want, if it's the pattern, keep him.

Kimberly sorry to hear your mother is in hospital. This is where you should focus your time right now, family is certainly more important than any young relationship.

Again on this Facebook thing. Using Facebook creates so many complications in young peoples relationships. Do I put my status as this, do I put it as that.

In future maybe pick somebody who is a little more mature and has some sense when it comes to using those social network sites.

People communicate by websites, phone and even text about important issues. If I was every broken up with over a text message I was ask for a face to face confirmation. If the person wasn't able to provide that, I'd accept they obviously never respected me enough to offer that. In your case, I'd never speak to that guy again.

Why do you think he flipped when you phoned his house? He now has to explain to his mother why he dumped a perfectly nice girlfriend via a text message. If his mother didn't think her son was an A hole before that conversation, she certainly will after it.