Please help,

I don't think I have bonded properly with my 17 month old son. I do really love him, I think he is gorgeous and cute and really funny but I don't think he loves me back. He prefers his dad and his grand mother who are much more fun than I am. He wasn't a planned baby and all through my pregnancy I thought I had made a mistake and when he was born I was quite poorly with mastitus and anemia and I also had real trouble breast feeding which I gave up after a week, so for the first couple of weeks I let other people take over. Then I was diagnosed with post natal depression.
My idea of being a good mother was keeping a clean house and feeding him only the healthies homecooked food, I would get sooo stressed and I never really spent any proper time with him, just playing or cuddling because I always thought I should be doing something else.

Now he is 17 months old and a lovely little child, very confident and bright, he goes to nursery for one day and his grandmothers have him a day each a week whilst I am at work part time. I feel like I have failed, he would rather be with his grandmother or his dad over me and when he cries on a night I don't know how to comfort him in the same way. I just get so distracted when I am with him. I love kissing and cuddling him but I am just useless at playing.

I feel like it is too late now and that it would make no difference to him if I wasn't around, I am not depressed anymore, I just want to enjoy him the way his dad/grandmother do and I want him to love me back but I'm scared its too late.

Please help x

EVERY mother feels this way. If they say they don't feel this way, they're lying.
Fun daddy is the greatest guy in the world. Grandmas are meant for snuggling and cuddling. You are too stressed and busy trying to be everything to your little one.

Take a day just for the two of you. It's not going to be easy--you'll keep thinking about the piles of laundry and the multitude of other things that you could be doing. Eat out, take a nap together, play with the noisy toys. He'll still end up perking up the second that his daddy walks through the door, but you will know that you had the day together.

The only time my kids (2 boys) really show me any love is when they are sick and NEED me. It doesn't happen very often (thank goodness for healthy kids), but I know I am there for them when they need me... AND they still perk up when daddy comes through the door.

It's not too late. Try to see if you can afford to hire a house cleaner, someone to help you with the chores and stuff. You can work to gether with him or her to get the place cleaned, and have more time for your boy. You love him, just enjoy him, he won't be little forever so take advantage of it.
I'm sure you're a great mommy. Stress happens to everyone. Good luck.

I wish I could afford a cleaner... we have been hit quite badly by the recession and money is very tight. It just seems to be getting worse and I feel so useless. He has been poorly recently and he only cries for his daddy, he actually refuses to say mummy even though I know he can say it.
I feel like I have failed and I'm a terrible mother... I sometimes think they would be better off without me. I don't understand why I'm so rubbish at playing or being fun. His dad say he thinks it is just a phase but I don't think it is. I feel like I have messed up and I have lost him. I don't know what to do to rebuild things.

When my daughter was born my husband and I lived with my parents for reasons that where unfortunate. I had issues with breast feeding (latching) but I had a lot of milk and so pushed and pushed for 3 months before I finally gave up. My daughter became colic after 3 months... there was NOTHING you can do to help (you bathe her, change her bum, feed her, give her some medicine, rock her, sing to her... walk and pace the house for hours - even the car didn't work) and I was stressed to the max. The grandparents really stepped in and took her from me to give me a break (not that she calmed down for them either). They started watching her quite a bit and I gave up my control to them after a while. I know they where just trying to help but daddy NEVER got to spend time with her (hold her for more then 5 minutes) before one of the grandparents would take her from him. Later she was about 15 months (walking) she always wanted to be with the grandparents and not with us. We purchased a house and moved out before her second birthday. They love her like their own daughter and treated her that way (except they did not discipline her or set boundaries)... at the same time the undermined my rules and said some pretty horrible things to me. She also woke up and cried for the grandparents... talked about them out of the blue, said she wanted to go home (grandparents house) and didn't listen to me. Eventually my daughter started developing some serious behavioral problems (spoiled) and I made the visits shorter and much more infrequent. Things started getting much, much, much better... it came to the point where the grandparents where showing up unannounced to take her for the weekend and I still didn't allow her to go (saying we had plans to go elsewhere as a family). She is still attached to them (as she should be) but not to the extent where she does not want mommy or daddy now - she also turns into a hellion there :)... it turns out that they made their own mistakes and now problems! She does not listen to them at all and the second they are present she turns... hard for me to watch but hey... their house; their rules right!

See, my son on the other hand isn't attached to them at all and cries for me when I walk away (or turn my back) and he is cuddly (my daughter wasn't affectionate before but she is now... hugs and kisses, cuddling for movies and everything). It's amazing to see the difference in my two kids! Everyone say's you are so lucky with your son... he is so happy and quiet (except for the screeches and babbles that get pretty loud when he is excited... cute!)

You need to take an active role and spend time with your son... make it 1 - 2 hours a weekend with toys on the floor or a Disney movie with popcorn. Make up a day in the week for just the two of you. It makes a world of difference!

I do laundry, cook, clean and do everything but I also make time to spend time with them... and when hubby comes home after he eats, showers, watches some t.v. and unravels from his day... I go take a bath or go to my room to read a book. This way he also spends time with them too. Set yourself a schedule... I do everything in the morning to ensure that by 11:00 a.m. I have nothing else to do but spend time with them and watch some of my shows :). This is temporary and you haven't lost him... trust me you haven't!