... when I ask him if he is mad?

We're in a long distance relationship, and he can be temperamental sometimes.
Let me sum up what just happened as an example.

He's supposed to be stopping smoking, and he was playing with a lighter, and I half jokingly asked what it was, because I don't like to be too demanding, you know?
And he knew he was caught, so he started holding up other objects, also jokingly, and I called him a liar, in a playful tone.

Well, we just got out of a 3 day fight because of that, because again, he's sensitive sometimes... and LDR's have some insecurity in the trust realm, but we're okay.
It just kind of slipped out.

Anyway, he gave a weird sort of response, and then quieted down. And I was like, uh oh. So I asked if he was mad because I didn't intend to do that at all.

At that point, he was like, "No, when you ASK I get mad.."
Me: ".. I just want to make sure."
Him: "well don't ask anymore"
Me: "but how am I supposed to know when you ignore me?"

Cause he has a habit of not talking. But its hard to tell because we're on the computer and he does other things sometimes. Because at that point he got really annoyed and went off on me because 'he was listening to music'

How am I supposed to know that??

Ughhh. Any advice from long-time wives for dealing with touchy men?
We didn't get to resolve it cause he had to go to the store, but I'm dropping it when he gets back because I don't want to start another fight. It's not that big of a deal.
I just don't like seeing him upset, but I can't ever get him to tell me how he feels.
And I just feel helpless/ clueless myself.

Just for future reference

Thank you everyone who responds/reads <3

You know, I really miss the days when all there was, was a telephone

Texting and chat rooms etc are all well and fine, but the personal touch that is delivered through hearing someone's voice or seeing facial expressions is something the internet can't deliver... yet!

Have you heard of skype - free phone calls over the internet.

I don't know if it covers overseas, but surely webcam broadcast could do

The point is, without seeing or hearing the other person, how do you know what is conveyed

Writing thoughts down sounds different to hearing the thoughts

My thoughts anyway :)

[QUOTE=phlanx;2024768]
Have you heard of skype - free phone calls over the internet.
QUOTE]

Sorry, I forgot to mention it was actually over skype.
We use skype for cam and ventrilo to talk , because it has better quality for voices.

The reason I ask is because I can actually see his face looking frowny.
But his emotions are hard to tell when he's staring at a computer screen doing other things too.
Like I said, he was listening to music, so I don't know.

Thank you though :)

He is supposed to stop smoking? By who's choice? I hope you're not trying to MAKE him stop, because the relationship will not last. He will stop only when, and if, he wants to. We think that we can change people for our own agenda, but it's really not healthy. It's almost as unhealthy as the smoking itself.

Especially in a long distance relationship. All he is going to do is smoke and lie about it, right?

Why did he get mad? He got caught, and he probably felt like he was being pushed. Guys are somewhat relectant to share their feelings.

If you love this guy, try to let him see how unhealthy smoking really is, and then maybe he will want to quit.

It's more like, he knows I don't like it, so he doesn't do it in front of me.

He said he'll quit when we move in next summer.
His choice. But he isn't even a real addicted smoker. He only does it at work with his boss every now and then to suck up, from what I know :P

Hhaha, we live in age of the MTV generation - and the internet is just compounding that problem.

I can barely have just one thing open on it, just because I can ( and yes I am a man)

My wife tells me I am strange because I can talk about my feelings quite openly

This is because I grew up in a family that couldn't and I hated it

So when Im down because something is knawing at me but I don't know what, or when I am sick and tired of my wife telling me I can't have another biscuit (cookie) and I can express it without anger or frustration.

Please note - I am normal and this doesn't always happen - sometimes I just need to frown :)

Have you tried expressing the wish you have for him opening up, of course, but I bet it was direct.

This never works!! We Are Men :)

It must be frustrating for both of you, not being able to be together, this is what relationships are all about

The ability to feel someone's presence, that comforting, sometimes nurturing feeling we get when we are close to the ones we love.

So maybe the frown is just his way of expressing frustration, without him having to say it, because if he did he knows it would come out all wrong and that is not what he wants to convey

As regards the smoking bit - best of luck, go easy though

Quick adon following comments

The boss thing - lie

The I will quit when we... - lie

If you want to quit, you will try eveyrthing to quit - might not besuccessful, but still, trying

He doesn't try - he isn't quitting because he likes to smoke.

On this issue, again best of luck

Thanks phlanx.
I thought men always complained about women being indirect :P
I suppose I could word things differently.

As for smoking. I trust him completely. I visited him this summer, and smoked when we went to his bosses party, only when they were offered to him.

He had a new pack still in the wrapper in his drawer that he bought for his vacation week, the week I was there, but he only had one in the morning when I was sleeping.

So that shows me he doesn't really do it often.

And even if he did, he's so adamant about getting me there as soon as possible, he's holding it as kind of a reward I think, haha.
He knows I hate all drugs/ smoking/ destructive habits, I made it clear it was important to me early on, and he respects that.

Trust me, men are just as good as being indirect as women are - where do you think we learnt from :)

I think I'm more direct than he is.
Haha, I see how it can be irritating with other women :P

Smoking is nothing to "flirt" with. I smoked for 15 years, and quit 6 years ago. It was not easy.

Some more information may help, have you ever had a real non long distance relationship, is this something that is temporary.

Where do you see this LDR going

Has the "fighting" gotten worst lately

We've been dating 10 months

And out of the blue today he said 'that's nice' instead of replying.
And I asked why
And he said basically "I just don't want to anymore, it should be a given."



Any guys have an opinion on this?
I don't say it overly too much.
But I mean... its kind of awkward if 'thats nice' is the reply.
He says he'll say it "sometimes"
But..
I don't know...

Should I continue saying it? Or what does it mean?