Hey everyone hope you can help me
I am really confused my parents have been arguing for two weeks and today they just said they can't do anything to save their relationship only if they divorce
I am not agreeing with this and I want to help :(

Hey everyone I'm 16
I have a delicated situation
Me and my parents are really closed to each other but today I was in real panick
My parents have been arguing for more than two weeks and is just not working out but today they want o separate from each other and I am totally disagreeing with this
What shell I do? I love them both and I won be able to live with only one :((

This is their decision, unfortunately, and not yours. You can, of course, recommend counselling for one or both of them. I would be very careful not to get in the middle or pick one parent over the other.

Has divorce been threatened before?

hey everyone im 16
I have a delicated situation
Me and my parents are really closed to each other but today I was in real panick
My parents have been arguing for more than two weeks and is just not working out but today they want o separate from each other and I am totaly disagreeing with this
What shell I do ?? I love them both and I won be able to live with only one :((



Asked and answered on your other thread - please don't keep posting the same question.

Threads merged

This is their decision, unfortunately, and not yours. You can, of course, recommend counselling for one or both of them. I would be very careful not to get in the middle or pick one parent over the other.

Has divorce been threatened before?

Yes but not so many times :( I feel like I'm going mad now because I'm really used with my parents and this situation its dificult for me

Divorce - or threats of divorce - are difficult for everyone. Is there an adult you trust that you can talk to? Perhaps a counsellor at school or church? A clergyman? A relative?

I notice from your other thread that you have a history of cutting yourself. I notice that you cut yourself again today. I am not blaming you in any way but is your behavior a result of their fighting or is their fighting a result of your behavior? These issues are very difficult for parents to handle. Are they blaming each other? I am also concerned if they are so involved in their own problems that they do not see your pain.

Situations like yours make many of us on the board very nervous - no one wants to say the wrong thing and cause you to harm yourself.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/why-cant-kill-myself-403028-3.html#post2024454

I know what your trying to say and you are right
I have cutted myself only twice and I know I hurts but its just at the time that my parents are arguing. This time I did it in front of them and they stopped me but now I do not know whas going to happen?
Well this days you can't really trust anyone and I don't bellive in a God because I lost faith and interest in religion. It don't help me at all

I don't believe in god, but I would class myself as a spiritual aetheist.

I like the idea, of being able to work on self understanding to promote well being in myself.

I didn't have a good childhood as my parents should have got a divorce but stayed together arguing with each other all the time.

So for me once I broke free, I searched for a better way of life.

I found as many questions as I did answers, still do, after several decades

BUt the answers I did find from all sorts of sources helped me to understand myself, and I gained a little klnowledge I started to understand the world around me a little better.

There is one phrase that I created that helped me to move on - I would like to share with you

We all know the "Grass is never greener on the other side", but few realise, " But the path can be smoother"


Let me know if you would like to know some sources that helped me

Phlanx

If you want to then maybe that would help me

When I was growing up I was really confused about what was right and wrong, knowing life was bad at home but being a kid, I didn't know anything else.

So I started to look for truths, which led me onto philosphers.

And in particular Buddha.

I do not follow the beliefs of him in any ritual way, ( I like my material objects too much:) but again, he allowed me to understand that other people can share your pain while still being strangers, as they have similar experiences which have impacted on their lives.

This led me onto looking at Roman and Greek Gods.

One in particular was Janus (pronouced Yan us) who represnted the two sides of the human mind.

This helped me to understand why I was feeling low when everyone around me was feeling happy.

I don't know if these quick references will help you, but it does sound like you are struggling to understand what is happening and how to cope with it.

Obviously just talking about it is a great start

What do you have in your life that makes you happy?

Well in general I have everything I want I love my family and friends but I hate it when my parents argue .
It`s all I want
Am I asking too much ?

Honestly - yes.

This may sound strange, but as much love in the world cannot stop people from arguing.

Your parents have some problems - do you know what they are?

Do they know what the problem is?

When you cut yourself in front of them, you were trying to demonstrate how much hurt you are showing you by arguing so you wanted to show it them back

Unfortunately this does not find out what the problem is in the first, merely compounds the issue.

Have you found out the cause of their disagreement?

Well I think they were arguing because they do not love each other anymore
But.. before this happened again and after they were like lovebirds
.. this time I think is more serious...
I just want them with me and it will be very hard for me to go over this :(

And also I did it in front of them because I want it to show them what will happen if they arguea lot
It s affecting them but me as well

It is and will always have an effect on you.

For my part, I looked for a wife who I could talk to - this was the one thing above all else that I wanted out of a relationship, due to a total lack of it from my parents.

I assume you do know your parents love you just as much as you love them?

Yes I am sure
It`s just that I am trying to help and have them next to me when I will need them in my life
Have you not found her yet ?

Haha, Yes I have, and on occasions we still argue

The argument is caused by a little stress, tiredness, and ultimatly a little frustrastion

We are all human and need to vent these out and it is usually someone we love that we do it to

Your parents will always be there for you, regardless of what happens.

I am afraid the control of whether they stay together or move apart is out of your hands.

You can certainly try to help them to understand their problems and return you will understand the problem better

Question, if your mother truned round and cut herself if front of you - what would you think?

I don`t maybe she`s mad ha ! But there could be a reason behind why she`s doing it for

How would you feel about it though?

Well first I will try and stop her and then I suppose I ll ask her why is she doing it
And I feel bad and maybe scared

So do you think your parents are also feeling bad and scared?

Maybe I don't know

You say they love you, so of course they will be feeling scared for you and for themselves.

It does sound like there is a lack of communication on all your parts.

Have you tried talking to your parents about the incident yet?

Before my mum was just about to live the house but I stopped her I talked to her later and she said they will talk tomorrow about the incident when every one is calmed

Breathing space can and usually is needed, but this space is then filled with paranoia and sense of lost

This feeling will probably stay with you for a while, even after talking to your mom tomorrow, the matter will not be completely sorted out

Hopefully, you will be able to gain a lille understanding, which in itself will help you

As I said before understanding brings peace

Tonight, try to think of ways where you can communicate with your parents

Avoid stating things at them like you are to blame or it is your fault

Instead try to convey how you feel, and asking them how they feel

This is just one way where you can have a calm conversation without it going through the roof in seconds

Does this make sense?

Breathing space can and usually is needed, but this space is then filled with paranoia and sense of lost

This feeling will probably stay with you for a while, even after talking to your mom tomorrow, the matter will not be completly sorted out

Hopefully, you will be able to gain a lille understanding, which in itself will help you

As I said before understanding brings peace

Tonight, try to think of ways where you can communicate with your parents

Avoid stating things at them like you are to blame or it is your fault

Instead try to convey how you feel, and asking them how they feel

This is just one way where you can have a calm conversation without it going through the roof in seconds

Does this make sense? yes it does and to be honest your very helpful thank you

You are more than welcome.

A monk taught me this once - when you go to sleep, try to visualize something nice, away from the problems you are having

For me, its building a car in my garage with all new tools, I fall asleep thinking about where the spanners will go, next to the screwdrivers or the socket sets, what car I would build etc

It helps to promote happy chemicals in your brain, so when you drift off to sleep, the brain is surrounded by good thoughts and a better nights sleep is easly achieved

Please, I ask, if you want to shock your parents, do what we used to do - die our hair blue and red, rip holes in our jeans and listen to really bad music at full volume :) Its a lot safer than the alternative

Don't forget, there are people around that are there just to listen to you

Thank you for the instructions and tips you have been the most helpful person at the time once again thank you