My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months. This is a tad complicated. We met in third stage rehab, it basically a shared house where you can start getting on with your life again arter full time rehab with still some support. We lived together for three months but only really started hanging out together as friends in the last couple of weeks of my stay there. I then left and got a place of my own near by and she and I still hung out together a lot. I then told her that I liked her and I found out that she liked me too, we hen started seeing each other briefly. We did not have sex, I don't think she wanted to right away and I was a virgin and was just waiting for the right time. Anyway the people who run the treatment center found out about us and banned her from seeing me because you are not allowed relationships whilst you are there. I then told her I would wait for her and arranged we would go on a date when she got out. I thought about her all the time, I really liked this girl, and so I have found out she thought about me all the time too and really wanted to be with me. We would meet in town about once a week, just bumping into each other, no kissing or anything because we could not be in a relationship at all, but we used to go into town for no reason hoping to see each other. It all got a bit messy then, I kept obsessing about weather she was going off me or not, only being able to see her once a week by chance, her head also took her off on one about me, she gradually became convinced that I wouldn't wait for her and that I would meet someone else, she asked to come back to mine one time when we met in town, because she wanted to have sex with me and start something there and then, but I said no, can't really remember why, I was crazy about her at the time, I think I got confused about what she was saying so we had mixed messages. After that she thought I didn't really like her and was sort of stringing her along and was defenatley going to wait for her (I have only fould all this out since we have been together). We met a few more times after that and then I stopped turnong up into town and sent her a text explaining, she never got the text. I basically couldn't do it anymore, just meeting up as friends if we happened to see each other, with expectations of being together in the near future, my head was just going mad with it all, so I decided to distance myself so I could get on with my life a bit more and just ask her out on a date once she got out.

About a week later I got a call from her quite late on a Monday, I was over the moon and she wanted to see me, we had sex that night and our relationship started from there, but I have just found out that, that night all she wanted was sex and nothing more, she didn't even want too kiss me! she says she only wanted this because she had convinced her self that I was just an arsehole like all the other men she's been with in her life, and everything else I explaned earlier and she also thought it wasn't ever going to happen beetween us, especially after I stopped turning up, so all she wanted that night was meaningless sex and go back to treatment, this has made me very angry for some reason, only just finding it out now, I always just thought she came over that night because she wanted to be with me and also to have sex, I wanted that too. In a way I feel that her intentions were to use me for sex that night and I was only a virgin. That night was the start of our relationship though, and she then left treatment to be with me (I was OK with this because she had been in treatment for a year prior to that and was a year and a half clean and sober) and it has gone great since then, we have been together for three months and love each other very much. Should I even be bothered about his?? I can't seem to let go of it!! The fact that all she wanted was sex and then not to be with me, although she did say that the moment she saw me that night, her intentions of meaningless sex went out the window and she wanted to be with me again. I seem to have a resentment against her about this, I want to let it go because I do love her and we have a good relationship... what is your view on this?? Advice would be much appreciated, sorry it is so long!

Wow, that's quite the story. First of all, she did use you for sex. I read your entire post and that was blatantly obvious. If you want a healthy relationship it should go like this-
1.friendship 2.relationship 3.marriage 4.sex. At least, this is how I've observed and seen it go, and that's how I've seen it actually last. And marriages can last when sex comes before that, I'm not saying that this is the only way to go, but sex first? The reason why friendship is first, is because if you don't have a good friendship, what are you going to base the mushy relationship feelings on? The foundation of... sex? If you want it to last, you begin with friendship. You don't want sex to be the only thing holding your relationship together. Hopefully you are looking for a potential spouse- because let's face it, it's either marriage or break-up- there's no other options. It's kind of sad to me that this girl is using you for something that you could've given to your wife- not saying she's not going to be your wife or you don't have a good relationship, but she's using you dude, it's so obvious. I mean, don't keep giving yourself away to this girl little by little- what are you going to have left to give to your wife? I hope this wasn't all harsh, I'm not tryin' to be that kind of person.

So where you not wanting sex, you are only used if you did not want it.

And you are "used" if they do it, and move on, if they stay in a relatoinship it is not being used.

I would say looking at it all wrong

I would say that you are being used if someone is using you for something- like sex- and that's all they want. Whether or not you like it- that's still all they want you for. That's my definition of "being used." So when you read my post, I guess that's my definition.

Hey man. You love her than let it go. You're not being used. You wanted it and she wanted it so that's all that happen. You had sex and nothing more.

The reason that you are encouraged not to date during the first year of rehabilitation is because it is very easy to replace one addiction with another including relationships.

You have issues and she has issues, you need to be working on yourself right now and obsessing over whether she used you is not going to benefit a full recovery.