lilmisswifey
Oct 6, 2009, 02:01 PM
My husband and I have been together for nearly 9 years and are very much in love with each other. In fact I think we'd been in the running for a couple of the year award. We have fun together, laugh together, have date nights every week, we communicate well, we work hard and we both adore being parents... but we have a dark little secret.
As all new relationships our sex life was fantastic. But soon after we met, I found out I was pregnant. He suddenly had no interest in me sexually. He likened the idea of having sex with a pregnant woman to having sex with a woman while she holds onto her baby. I did understand that. So he filled the void with an over abundance of porn. Although it upset me and it felt like he was cheating on me, I let it slide in the hope all with come right after the baby was born... but it didn't.
He wasn't even able to think about sleeping with me until 3mths after the baby was born and even then it was very unsexual and as quick as possible. His porn watching carried on year after year and having sex with me was like a job to him. To this day he has still never seen me naked, insisting that I remain fully clothed but with a skirt for easy access.
We have been to family counselors, hypnotherapists and psychologists but he was never able to kick the porn. Until recently. I left him for 3 months and it was the wake up call he needed. He has now been porn free for 7 months. Although his desire for me hasn't changed.
I have spent $1000s on kinky outfits to role play the porn scenes, but he has no interest in seeing me in them. One night I appeared in my french maid outfit and he laughed and told me I was CUTE and carried on watching TV. Not the response I was after. I have tried watching porn with him, but he says it's a personal thing and on the odd occasion when he has let me, he has just ignored me and watched the movie. I know he isn't looking at anything dodgy because I have spy software on our computer. He just looks at skinny, blonde teens with perky boobs.
I thought if the porn was out of our life, he'd stop comparing me to those picture perfect girls, but not so.
The other week a few home truths came out about why he doesn't find me sexually appealing.
- he is afraid that if he sees me naked it will put him off having sex with me all together.
- Although I am not fat, Im not toned either and he says he finds fat repulsive.
- He doesn't like my saggy ex breast feeding boobs
- he doesn't like the size and color of my nipples
- he hates that my shoulders are broader than his
Etc etc etc
All very superficial stuff. I love and there fore find all his flaws attractive. I have tried to get him to focus on my physical positives and over look the negatives, but he told me that after trying to do that for many years, he can't look past them.
He knows how shallow he's being and feels horrible about it. He does love me and feels so guilty that he's hurting me this way. He just doesn't know how to over come this block. In the mean time, myself esteem around him has taken a real blow and I don't feel like much of a woman anymore.
Please help. We want this to work. We need some practical advice on how he can overcome his mind block and is there anything I can do to help?
As all new relationships our sex life was fantastic. But soon after we met, I found out I was pregnant. He suddenly had no interest in me sexually. He likened the idea of having sex with a pregnant woman to having sex with a woman while she holds onto her baby. I did understand that. So he filled the void with an over abundance of porn. Although it upset me and it felt like he was cheating on me, I let it slide in the hope all with come right after the baby was born... but it didn't.
He wasn't even able to think about sleeping with me until 3mths after the baby was born and even then it was very unsexual and as quick as possible. His porn watching carried on year after year and having sex with me was like a job to him. To this day he has still never seen me naked, insisting that I remain fully clothed but with a skirt for easy access.
We have been to family counselors, hypnotherapists and psychologists but he was never able to kick the porn. Until recently. I left him for 3 months and it was the wake up call he needed. He has now been porn free for 7 months. Although his desire for me hasn't changed.
I have spent $1000s on kinky outfits to role play the porn scenes, but he has no interest in seeing me in them. One night I appeared in my french maid outfit and he laughed and told me I was CUTE and carried on watching TV. Not the response I was after. I have tried watching porn with him, but he says it's a personal thing and on the odd occasion when he has let me, he has just ignored me and watched the movie. I know he isn't looking at anything dodgy because I have spy software on our computer. He just looks at skinny, blonde teens with perky boobs.
I thought if the porn was out of our life, he'd stop comparing me to those picture perfect girls, but not so.
The other week a few home truths came out about why he doesn't find me sexually appealing.
- he is afraid that if he sees me naked it will put him off having sex with me all together.
- Although I am not fat, Im not toned either and he says he finds fat repulsive.
- He doesn't like my saggy ex breast feeding boobs
- he doesn't like the size and color of my nipples
- he hates that my shoulders are broader than his
Etc etc etc
All very superficial stuff. I love and there fore find all his flaws attractive. I have tried to get him to focus on my physical positives and over look the negatives, but he told me that after trying to do that for many years, he can't look past them.
He knows how shallow he's being and feels horrible about it. He does love me and feels so guilty that he's hurting me this way. He just doesn't know how to over come this block. In the mean time, myself esteem around him has taken a real blow and I don't feel like much of a woman anymore.
Please help. We want this to work. We need some practical advice on how he can overcome his mind block and is there anything I can do to help?