LilBarista23
Oct 4, 2009, 04:19 PM
This could be a long one because I have a lot to say. I met my boyfriend in April of 2007. We both were looking for a relationship and had a hard time so we signed up on eharmony. I was a skeptic at first but went on a few dates. On the third date I met him and we seemed to hit it off right away. He had just moved down from NJ and didn't know anyone and had been in FL for a few weeks just living and being by himself and working. He came down here for a job opportunity. I at the time was in college and wanting my freedom. In a short handed version, during this time of me meeting my ex, I got kicked out of my moms 2 weeks later and had to move in with some friends. Meanwhile, he wanted to spend 24/7 with me. Now I was on the fence of getting in to a relationship but I let it happen. I never truly opened up to anyone or loved someone so I was scared.
We spent from May of 07 to Nov of 07 together almost everyday. I loved his affection and his love for me. During this time I also had no car because right after leaving my moms I got into a car crash. So Dec of 07 rolls along and the lease is up on the apartment so me, my ex and a friend of mine decided to get a 2 bedroom apartment. From Dec 07 to Dec 08 we went through a lot with each other. He helped me get a loan for my car, and he helped me get a loan for my school. He helped me lose weight and got me going to the gym. He did a lot for me. He was a very sensitive guy and told me how much he loved me and how I was his girl and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Now I believed everything he said because he didn't only tell me this, he told his friends how much he loved me and his coworkers. He even told his family who I have met because we went to NJ 2 times to visit them. And in May of 09 we were at my friends wedding and a guy at the table told me that he told him he was finding a way to save money for a ring for me and how he was saying that I was the his one and only. Now where we lived is 25 exits south of were his job is so he was tired of driving back and forth everyday. So when the lease was up for that apartment we moved down the street from his job in Dec 08. So I became the one who had to go to school, go to work, and drive from there and back everyday. This time, things were different. We moved in with a friend of his who came down for a job offer as well and they both worked together. We all had lots of fun going down town together and what not. Over the summer around June, we had another one of his buddies move in and got a job where he works. So there is 3 guys and 1 girl in one 2 bedroom apartment... back to the beginning of the relationship, I told him at one point that I though we moved a little fast and I had felt like maybe he was using me because he had no friends which he said was not true... anyway... over the summer of 09 we all went out or just the guys went out. Now I trusted him so I never thought he would cheat on me. But one night at 4 in the morning over the summer, he drunk text me and told me he kissed another girl that night out of the blue on the dance floor. He told me that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and that maybe we should take some time apart. Maybe that should have been awake up call. But the next day I saw him he was hysterically crying and felt bad and said he was sorry and I forgave him. So the past few months have been great. I love coming home to him every night and we cuddle in bed and I have two cats, one which he bought for me as a present. He loves them so much too. We had our own little family it felt like. Now that I look back at it, he started to go to the gym a lot more over the summer and gained a lot of muscle. He was feeling better about his looks. But I had stopped going because it is hard to balance work/school and gym plus driving all that way 2 times a day. He was already done with school so he just had to worry about his job. Sometimes when he was in his boxers or something I would whistle and say how good he looks and then say how he should work more on his calfs because he has chicken legs (I didn't say that to him). He would then say something like, "well at least I go to the gym". And then sometimes he would say how my love handles were sticking out or such and such, things girls don't want to hear. I am kind of making him sound bad, but you have to see that these are things I am now seeing because I can look back at situations. Now during our whole relationship he has always loved me and been very caring but things he never did was take me out with just me, he liked to go in groups, and he never would buy me flowers or candy unless I asked for it on valentines day. I felt like I was always the one who had to start anything physical too. He would just make a noise or a motion that he wanted to get it on, but I would tell him that he needs to do a little bit more to get my mojo going, lol. So on September 5 of 09 he broke up with me by letter. I came home and found it one my pillow and instintaneously broke down and felt my heart break into a million pieces. In the letter it said that he needs his space. He thinks it would be better if we focused on ourselves and that I could do so much better than him and that I deserve much better. Blah blah blah, I can't even remember the rest of the letter. I ended up losing it 2 days after. Which was probably a good thing. So now it is October 4, almost a month apart and within that time I spent my days at friends houses and my moms. I decided to move in with my mom again. We didn't speak much unless it was about what my plan were to move out. So on Oct 2 I had to drive up there and I finally took my cats. He was there and knew I was taking them that day. Before I came he text me, " you should bring cat carriers it will be easier." Then I saw him when I picked up the cats and he said, "I almost cried when I got home because I was sad that I didn't get to say good bye to the cats" Then when I left he gave me a hug goodbye. He then text me later on and said, "Did you make it ok with the cats?".. didn't answer him.. " Did everything go ok?".. didn't answer him.. last text message, " I hope one day you will be able to talk to me." My relpy, "I am just giving you your space". And I haven't talked to him since. Now this upcoming Saturday, Oct 10 I have to get my furniture and then I will have no ties to him. We were friends on myspace because that is all he had and he ended up going through all my comments from when we first met and deleted them and then deleted his myspace too! I was so mad at him. He doesn't have the right to take away my memories? Ok so after my bible of a story I just have so many unanswered questions. I know what we had shared was real. But I think now he is just backing off because he wants to "see what out there" and not feel guilty having me at home. I just feel betrayed. He was my best friend and lead me and everyone to believe that we would be together for a long time. I don't know if he is just going through a phase. But I don't know what to expect? What does it mean when a guy needs his space? Why did he even bother with me to begin with? Does giving someone space every work in a relationship? Does the ex ever want the person back? I am having no contact with him, I am just more drived to get in shape so the day we see each other again he will regret ever leaving me. I am all over the place. A part of me wants him so bad! And then there is another part that makes me view him like he is dead to me. Like he was just a dream. I am sitting on the floor of my old room at my moms with nothing but boxes. I feel like I am regressing and I just want all this pain and confussion to go away. I need help.
We spent from May of 07 to Nov of 07 together almost everyday. I loved his affection and his love for me. During this time I also had no car because right after leaving my moms I got into a car crash. So Dec of 07 rolls along and the lease is up on the apartment so me, my ex and a friend of mine decided to get a 2 bedroom apartment. From Dec 07 to Dec 08 we went through a lot with each other. He helped me get a loan for my car, and he helped me get a loan for my school. He helped me lose weight and got me going to the gym. He did a lot for me. He was a very sensitive guy and told me how much he loved me and how I was his girl and how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Now I believed everything he said because he didn't only tell me this, he told his friends how much he loved me and his coworkers. He even told his family who I have met because we went to NJ 2 times to visit them. And in May of 09 we were at my friends wedding and a guy at the table told me that he told him he was finding a way to save money for a ring for me and how he was saying that I was the his one and only. Now where we lived is 25 exits south of were his job is so he was tired of driving back and forth everyday. So when the lease was up for that apartment we moved down the street from his job in Dec 08. So I became the one who had to go to school, go to work, and drive from there and back everyday. This time, things were different. We moved in with a friend of his who came down for a job offer as well and they both worked together. We all had lots of fun going down town together and what not. Over the summer around June, we had another one of his buddies move in and got a job where he works. So there is 3 guys and 1 girl in one 2 bedroom apartment... back to the beginning of the relationship, I told him at one point that I though we moved a little fast and I had felt like maybe he was using me because he had no friends which he said was not true... anyway... over the summer of 09 we all went out or just the guys went out. Now I trusted him so I never thought he would cheat on me. But one night at 4 in the morning over the summer, he drunk text me and told me he kissed another girl that night out of the blue on the dance floor. He told me that he wasn't attracted to me anymore and that maybe we should take some time apart. Maybe that should have been awake up call. But the next day I saw him he was hysterically crying and felt bad and said he was sorry and I forgave him. So the past few months have been great. I love coming home to him every night and we cuddle in bed and I have two cats, one which he bought for me as a present. He loves them so much too. We had our own little family it felt like. Now that I look back at it, he started to go to the gym a lot more over the summer and gained a lot of muscle. He was feeling better about his looks. But I had stopped going because it is hard to balance work/school and gym plus driving all that way 2 times a day. He was already done with school so he just had to worry about his job. Sometimes when he was in his boxers or something I would whistle and say how good he looks and then say how he should work more on his calfs because he has chicken legs (I didn't say that to him). He would then say something like, "well at least I go to the gym". And then sometimes he would say how my love handles were sticking out or such and such, things girls don't want to hear. I am kind of making him sound bad, but you have to see that these are things I am now seeing because I can look back at situations. Now during our whole relationship he has always loved me and been very caring but things he never did was take me out with just me, he liked to go in groups, and he never would buy me flowers or candy unless I asked for it on valentines day. I felt like I was always the one who had to start anything physical too. He would just make a noise or a motion that he wanted to get it on, but I would tell him that he needs to do a little bit more to get my mojo going, lol. So on September 5 of 09 he broke up with me by letter. I came home and found it one my pillow and instintaneously broke down and felt my heart break into a million pieces. In the letter it said that he needs his space. He thinks it would be better if we focused on ourselves and that I could do so much better than him and that I deserve much better. Blah blah blah, I can't even remember the rest of the letter. I ended up losing it 2 days after. Which was probably a good thing. So now it is October 4, almost a month apart and within that time I spent my days at friends houses and my moms. I decided to move in with my mom again. We didn't speak much unless it was about what my plan were to move out. So on Oct 2 I had to drive up there and I finally took my cats. He was there and knew I was taking them that day. Before I came he text me, " you should bring cat carriers it will be easier." Then I saw him when I picked up the cats and he said, "I almost cried when I got home because I was sad that I didn't get to say good bye to the cats" Then when I left he gave me a hug goodbye. He then text me later on and said, "Did you make it ok with the cats?".. didn't answer him.. " Did everything go ok?".. didn't answer him.. last text message, " I hope one day you will be able to talk to me." My relpy, "I am just giving you your space". And I haven't talked to him since. Now this upcoming Saturday, Oct 10 I have to get my furniture and then I will have no ties to him. We were friends on myspace because that is all he had and he ended up going through all my comments from when we first met and deleted them and then deleted his myspace too! I was so mad at him. He doesn't have the right to take away my memories? Ok so after my bible of a story I just have so many unanswered questions. I know what we had shared was real. But I think now he is just backing off because he wants to "see what out there" and not feel guilty having me at home. I just feel betrayed. He was my best friend and lead me and everyone to believe that we would be together for a long time. I don't know if he is just going through a phase. But I don't know what to expect? What does it mean when a guy needs his space? Why did he even bother with me to begin with? Does giving someone space every work in a relationship? Does the ex ever want the person back? I am having no contact with him, I am just more drived to get in shape so the day we see each other again he will regret ever leaving me. I am all over the place. A part of me wants him so bad! And then there is another part that makes me view him like he is dead to me. Like he was just a dream. I am sitting on the floor of my old room at my moms with nothing but boxes. I feel like I am regressing and I just want all this pain and confussion to go away. I need help.