This is a difficult situation I'm in, and I am truly at a loss of how to handle it. I am 20 years old, living with my boyfriend (we're very happy :) so that's not the problem). The problem is my stepmother. My dad and her have been married for about 7 years or so, have two little children, a boy-5, a girl-3, and I have never lived with them. (We're across the nation from her)

My grandmother couldn't attend the wedding because she wasn't notified until after that fact. But she still made an effort by sending my dad wife a letter welcoming her to the family. She writes her back saying, "sorry I dont understand those big words". That is all the letter said.

In another attempt My grandmother bought herself, my brother and I plane tickets to see them. She pretty much ignores all of us. In the morning makes all of us breakfast, except my grandmother. We're all eating and my dad saids," sorry mom Ill get you something." a Wow for first impressions. She has continued to be unresponsive to my grandmother, never thanking her for gifts she sends, and when they come visit she never thanks her for fronting the $600 for the ticket, feeding them, and nicely preparing a room...

As far as my background with her goes, she accused me of trying to tear apart her family during one of my visits when I was about 14. (I assure you I had no such intentions, I misunderstood what someone said, and everyone was angry, but still forgave me in the same day.) Of course my dad took her side and said pretty hurtful things, trying to make me realize what I did!. nothing as far as I recall..

Second was just last year. I was going to start college, and to make a long story short she was the deciding factor in refusing me $4,000 dollars in grant money (from the government, NOT her pocket) for college! Because she thought someone would steal her identity or something. My dad saw no problem with anything, but he just stood by her and shrugged it off.

My dad in general is the type of man to treat his children like they know nothing, and try and put in over baring masculine words of wisdom. But when it comes to his women, he'll say (which he said to his mother too), This is my choice, and I will always stand by her.

Did I also mention she has gained 200lbs since they've been married, and she refuses to take up a job, when I my dad can barely hold a job let alone barely make the mortgage and pay for the food that goes in her fat ungrateful mouth!


Lastly, the problem that has made this all explode deals with the man my grandmother was married to 8 years ago. (divorced recently) He was accused of being a Child Molester, but never was proven guilty. My grandmother didn't tell them, because her son, my brother and I are literally the only family she has, and she knew his wife would refuse to see her. She deeply apologized for not telling upfront, but my dads wife said that she will never see their family again.

I can see why My dads wife would be upset, but seriously, She apologized, and frankly never had to tell the truth! Instead of making a compromise, my dads wife takes away half of what is most precious to her in life. My grandmother says she doesn't need this abusive behavior, and now will not talk to my father. Meanwhile, I am so pissed at my dads wife! I have not spoken to my dad about my true feelings yet, and I am seeking advice from everyone so that I may do so in an affective manner.

Thank you so much for reading all this, I look forward to reading your responses.

Hi girl, sorry you are having these problems, everywhere there are roadlblocks. It seems we can't get by these blended families and someone is always a problem one way or another. Your dad appears to be very much in love with his second wife (what happened to the first one, your mom)?

Is your grandmother your maternal or paternal grandmother, in other words, your Dad's mom or your first mother's? Does the problem lie with the fact that your grandmother is not your Dad's mother ? You will have to clarify that, it may make a difference.

I can't see any way around it but talking to your Dad, my dear, and even if you don't get it settled that way, at least you will have got it all out in the air. I would suggest your Grandmother and you sit down with your Dad (without his wife around) and get this all out in the open.

Then, talk to your stepmother separate.

I can't see any other way aroiund it.

Tick

Thank you for your response.
My grandmother is my dads mother. And we live very far apart, all of us.
My dad and mom were never married, and my mom is a whole mess on her own. He has had many similar girlfriends, which, for the record would beat me senseless. With belts, fists, you name it. She did not (the current wife), probably because I never lived with her. But he's had one wife besides her. Abusive towards me of course. My dad, took her side but only apologized until after their relationship was over. But that's all in the past...
Also, I know I have to put it out there. But I also know, My dad is very difficult, and I honestly just want him to see his wife for who she really is. To maybe see that she may be wrong, and he needs to protect himself as well as the respect of his family.

So, don't visit or talk to step mom or just be honest how you feel. You can't forst people to change

Love is blind is a very apt description. You dad may not see your side of the story and in that case, you will just have to move on and forget about how your stepmom deals with these situations. Chuck is right, you can't force people to change but at least you can keep your peace of mind by knowing that you got it all out in the open from your standpoint. It may make it all worthwhile for you.

Tick