Threads merged

Just come out of my first meaningful and four year relationship ( not my choice) and don't really have anyone I'm comfortable talking to. Wasn't the most social person before and I gave up making much of an effort during.

I'm not sure if this is going to be a question. Just need to get it out

We sort of broke up fir a month then got back together a couple of months ago. I wasn't feeling too great. We both started full time work and barely saw each other so wasn't feeling to great but the time apart made me want her back so much. Only now she wasn't sure (she was always the one who cared more at the start but now it was reversed which wasn't a problem till now). I tried to do more for her but went back to old habits. We used to study together at uni and now we were studying part
Time and working full time so not much time for anything else

I thought all was okay till one day she brings up how she wants to go to south America with her friends next holidays ( ages already going to nz with one of her friends the coming holidays) previously we'd talked about going to south America together and since we only have four weeks holiday a year I figure it means she wants to spend none of them with me and...

I confront her. So next she tells me age has more fun with her friends and she's changed
I leave pretty upset

Few desperate smss and I last a week till I see her on Facebook and so start chatting she thinks it's for the best even though I've spoken to mutual friends and she's had doubts but I guess that doesn't mean much. But I still press anyway being desperate
As I am. Asking if she sure which she now says yes to.

I know it's over although I hope it's not.

Now I can't concentrate on anything. I need to study but I really don't feel like it. Got to stop making excuses I guess

Went out sort of last night with some work mates who were trying to be nice. End up getting punched in the face walking down the street by some drunk. I may have been staring at his girl but... I was really in my own little world

Anyway so is it better to put my life on hold and try to focus on the exam or is now the time to start self improving

I'm planning
An everest base camp trek with a friend ( he has to convince his girlfriend I think)
Taking surfing lessons
Moving put of home

You re doing the right things by concentrating on your future.
Have you read the stickies at the top of the page?Lots of good advice there.
Keep seeing your friends and avoid all contact with the ex.
Sorry you got punched in the face by a yob-hope you re OK and not hurting from that as well.
Look after yourself.

Thanks. Heart is worse than the head. It much consolation. So clichéd

Yeah I've read the stickies. Wish I found the site a couple of weeks ago

I've been going for runs to sort of clear my head but just end up thinking of her.

Been trying to see friends but not as close to them anymore and everyone has move further distance wise also.

Going for runs is a good thing.
Gets your endorphins going and you ll sleep better.
Try to get to meet new people also helps,new friends new activities are all good.
Time s a great healer believe that.

I was in the same situation with my break up, not social, lost, confused, couldn't study... My advice to you, is take one day at a time. Day by day you'll get better, much better. If you train everyday, running, muscle building... then you will feel better, in your head and in your heart. Endorphin is a powerful substance and if the body is good, then the mind will follow. Eat well, drink well... go out without drinking too much, and you can even try to socialize more.

I made many friends since we broke up and I don't miss her at all and I don't feel any emptiness inside me. Join a group, do an activity... you'll see that life as single has lots of advantages.

Cheers. Thanks for the advice

Was looking for an instantfix but there is none.
Just time and the "program"

That's right don't force the "fixing" on yourself. Good luck.

I really want to break no contact arghh

But no good will come of telling her how much I love her right

It will only make you feel weaker, and her stronger and you will hate yourself for that. Look at it this way, she gave you pain. By not keeping contact with her, you're actually giving her some of that pain back. It's something I used, to get myself better.

Let her be and live your life now. All those feelings are feelings of shock, trust us, NC does work.

Thanks again. Stuck to my guns

I don't want to cause her pain. And I probably wouldn't be anyway. She suggested me not speakig seeing her so I'd get over her

I'm just wondering...
•She never wronged me during our time together. The worst she ever did was get jealous when I got a bit flirty
•the only thing wrong with her was that physicallly she wasn't insanely beautiful (which can hardly be held against her :p )
•and maybe some other minor things

The point of no contact is to help someone move on. What do I really have to look forward to? I had so much before. Admittedly I was leaning on her and nit growing as a person as much as I could have.

So all that there is to do is appreciate what I had and hope to be who I want to be and find someone just as good ?

I guess I can give my own situation to explain what to look forward to and it could apply to almost any break up. So when we broke up, I was heartbroken and lost. I didn't know what the future held for me. So I just took care of myself and postponed answering those questions.

4 months later, I felt I was completely free. Free to see anybody, to flirt with anybody, to be as close as I want to with anybody. I was much closer to my family and friends. I realized that the world is a big place and I don't need to stay in one place or get married so soon. I'm planning on moving to Sydney in 2 years and I already know I'll have an excellent job, with a nice weather.

I met some wonderful people and I have become much more sociable. I lost weight, I gain strength. Most importantly I gained perspective and a goal. Imagine being able to travel anywhere alone or with someone without having worrying about somebody else.

And then you start flirting and, you realize the initial rush is actually than what you had with your ex. You then feel she wasn't the only one and that there's plenty of fish in the sea. I guess that sums it up.

So what are you looking for? The best that you can become and the best that you can have, it makes a difference between a boring life and a great life.

Thanks once again. If I'm still in Sydney in two years I'll buy you a beer

I'm not feeling too bad now just down I guess

Any one have any tips on how to focus. I feel my work is suffering so distracted. And same with my study. She sat the same professional exam last session that I'm sitting now 30% pass rate.

Ok this is lame

Azif,I totally sympathise with you and feel your sadness.Its always very painful to let someone you love go.BUT,there's light at the end of the tunnel(even though right now you aren't in that stage to perceive it,which is just very normal after a hurtful episode).Trust me,just take it one day at a time and stick to one single mantra : You will make it through,you will heal and recover and use all the hurt and pain as lessons in transforming into the best person you can ever be.

Your situation has given you closure,you know what is what,which can't be said for many of our other friends venting here.Once you get closure,it becomes a tad easier,since you are at least saved from hoping and waiting.So,just keep repeating her final words of closure to yourself when you feel like giving in to break NC and tell yourself,that's why its over.

As Amicon said and like we will keep repeating,go through the stickies on NC and survival tips after a break-up at the beginning of the forum and follow them blindly.We are here to help.

All the best.

Thanks once again. If I'm still in Sydney in two years I'll buy you a beer

I'm not feeling too bad now just down I guess

any one have any tips on how to focus. I feel my work is suffering so distracted. And same with my study. She sat the same professional exam last session that I'm sitting now 30% pass rate.

Ok this is lame

Thanks for the beer man, I'd love it. Well, I know it's going to be pretty tough, but I would just go to the library and force myself to study. I'm in engineering so it's as hard as it gets. And something that helped me tremendously is going to the gym in the morning and working out like crasy, after that I would feel super great and I would be able to concentrate.
Hope this helps.

The others have given you some good advice, and a regular program of exercise, eating right, and getting enough sleep will get you through this break up, and get you to focus on what you need to.

Also friend's and activities you enjoy will help. Be patient with yourself, as it's a process that needs time to get better.

Thanks all. The reason I keep posting I guess is cause I'm lonely. I have read all the stickies and more posts. But It's nice to have people listen to you. Haven't really had time to meet néw people and get out much yet. Just trying to focus on study and work ( which isn't ideal but I've put a lot of effort into the course and it costs a fair bit to resit)

I haven't defriended her on Facebook yet. Bad I know but just can't bring myself to do it. I have a few hundred photos of her tagged with me also anyway

Seems like she is moving on. Hanging out with new guys I've never heard her mention before. Maybe she was toward the end of it guess it doesn't really matter anyway

I need to too. But can't at the moment. No rush. Still have heaps of stuff athers but I think il wait till when I have time to collect don't wantto waste the drive out there and see her. I think I'd probably do something pathetic

As for closure I don't really get how saying " I've changed" counts. A bit of a cop out. Would have been better to tell straight out she didn't love me.

I still love her but I'm letting go. She doenst feel the same. So be it.
Miss the companionship so much. Having someone to talk to about anything

Its tough feeling lonely. Do you speak to friends daily? As for the things that are still at hers just do as you say leave them for the time being. Id stay away from Facebook if I were you-it does help to delete everything. Sad as it is when it s over it s over and we have to pick ourselves up and get on with our lives. One day at the time at first and after a few weeks it starts getting better. Look after yourself.

I go for walks with an old friend who I'd kept in contact with fairly regularly. But I seem to be doing all the chasing / organising if that's what you calll it (hes a guy).

And tried to get in touch with some other old friends but I've only seem them once and they haven't really tried to contact me again. Do I?

Facebook I know I should delete her. I guess I'm just waiting to see that she is really mivng on or something. Once she's with someone else I tell myself I know for sure that we can never be again. It's holding on I guess but I don't really want to delete her

I'm taking care of myself reasonably well. Exercising and eating just not sleeping right. It's three am. Damn. Hehe

Sleepless nights are hellish!
Have you tried any herbal sleeping remedies such as valeriana?

Facebook I know I should delete her. I guess I'm just waiting to see that she is really mivng on or something. Once she's with someone else I tell myself I know for sure that we can never be again.

You do not want to be around to find that out. Trust me, it will haunt you and maybe give you the urge to find someone else prematurely.

You are not applying NC by looking at her Facebook. Delete her completely. I know it's tough, but you will feel better after some time. Trust me it's going to be horrible. Actually it's good about the training, your body and brain is still in shock so it will take a bit of time. You're doing great man, the only thing left to get better is to delete her and block her on Facebook.

I guess I've been deluding myself, I've deleted her, so I no more looking at her wall...

Keep hoping we'll be friends or something but that isn't letting go I guess. She doesn't want to be with me so I've just got to accept it because I don't get a choice

Its freaking hard

I don't really want to be anymore (I won't kill myself, don't think I could and wouldn't want to hurt those who do care). But I don't see meaning in life which is really on me I guess (im not creating a meaning for myself which I should), I thought I could be happy just working getting maried living the suburban dream but that was obviously the wrong way to give meaning.

Wallowing in self pity

I found my meaning into life a while ago, but basically it's been changing constantly. Traveling opens up your eyes, you should plan a trip in the near future if possible, you can save up some cash.

Travelling is great, I used to travel with her though.

I think itd be good to do the everest base camp hike next year even by myself if I can't convince a friend. Sucks being in australia and being so far away from most places I want to go.

Cash isn't so much an issue, I'm time poor. But maybe I should just spend some hard earned cash on myself and fly away even for a week to south america

Really want to do the year off round the world trip, but not sure if I should buy a place or do that... be worried of getting my job back when I return

The only thing I suppose is that travelling to find yourself isn't :S
Its an internal thing I guess

Are you joking? Australia is a beautiful country! There is so many things to do and New Zeland isn't far away. Isn't there the biggest coral reef in the whole world? Don't worry take things slow and take care of yourself, the world is your possibility now.

Hehe. Doesn't everyone do that though feels more like you're getting away when you leave the country

And thanks

No problem man, by the way is it true there's more chicks than guys in Sydney :D?

I think that's probably true for most major cities isn't ny like that?
I haven't noticed any major imbalance

Our education system now favours women and more women than men are going to uni. So guess it will improve odds lol

But it isn't just about odds unfort

Dreamed she wanted to get back together this morning

Quite normal. It has been a long time and you are still in shock. You are trying to get better but it takes time, as all healing does.

I understand your pain, I passed through it. Day by day you will get better if you take care of your body. You shouldn't suffer too much if you are really doing something to heal.

Oh and yea, NY has a lot of women, there is 5% difference between genders. You live in Sydney for god sake :D, you know how lucky you are? Back here in Canada we're freezing our a$$es off lol.

I guess that makes it some kind of nightmare :( was so happy till I woke up

Not really doing much to heal, don't have any time, don't really have time to even exercise but am making the time

When my life frees up in a couple of weeks I'm going to start trying new things but until then

At least you can go skiing, snow here sucks...
Weather has been pretty crap lately but I definitely will learn to surf this summer when I get my act together

I think you re on the road to healing even though it may not feel that way yet.
Ive noticed you ve started to reply to other posts and share your knowledge with others which is a good thing to do.
Helping others is a way of helping ourselves.

I think you re on the road to healing even though it may not feel that way yet.
Everyone is on the road to healing, I haven't really moved at all maybe slightly mentally, I want to develop socially.


Ive noticed you ve started to reply to other posts and share your knowledge with others which is a good thing to do.
I need to follow my own advice but its hard to be objective

26 days nows, everything still reminds me of her even though I've packed away anything directly connected to her,

I keep thinking how perfect she was and how I should have done things differently and will I ever find someone as compatible/loving/etc which is pointless

I need to study but I haven't done anywhere as much as I should have, and I just don't feel motivated
I can tell myself that its all down to me as much as I want but I still just end up dwelling on the past

Sometimes we visit our past but try not to get stuck there.
This is where it helps to keep busy as I'm sure others have advised you.
Try doing the things that made you happy before you met your ex.
Try to see that eventually you will meet someone new but right here and now its time to work on building yourself up again.

Don't put her on a pedestal, there is many girls out there that can better than your ex. Take things easy, one day at a time, knowing you'll get better as the days go by.

It's sad that I never fully appreciated what I had till we spent time apart and when I was finally thinking that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her she decides she's had enough.

Hopefully at the least j will have learnt from it... If only I could rewind
I miss her so much and now there's nothing I can do

There is a lot you can do my friend. You just have to be willing to do it as this experience, painful as it is, is about growing and learning. As you get better with time, you will understand this and make better choices for yourself, especially about future relationships.

That's the whole point, being ready for that one, and strong enough to take a risk, and deal with the outcomes.

Life is about dealing with reality (outcomes, results of actions, and decisions), and making the right adjustments for yourself.

It all comes together in time. And gets better.

You should appreciate your own time either with or without someone. This is one way to build a complete life. You actually have a lot of advantages of being single and without any attachment.

Thanks guys

I meant there's nothing I can do to salvage the relationship :(

I want to call her or see her and apologise for the mistakes I made and thank her for what we had.

I keep thinking that if I didn't confront her about not wanting to spend her holidays with me maybe she would still be around and I could have built a more solid relationship

But then I think that is it worth it if she didn't have the guts to tell me how she was feeling and was just going to let go of the relationship

Seeing her and trying to talk about how you wish things could have been different is only going to hurt you.
We ve probably all regretted things we did or didn't do in our past relationships but its better to leave that unsaid.
Am I right in thinking you re four weeks into NC ?Try not to beat yourself up about what you could have done differently-you both did what you did and you ll get over this even if it takes a while longer.

3 weeks no contact I guess. Though I just called her but didn't speak, wasn't sure what to say, just wanted to hear the sound of her voice.

I know letting go is probably the right thing to do but I just cant. Mutual friends said she was having doubts about whether it was the right thing a week after but I haven't spoken to them since.

I still have stuff at her place, and have some of her things. So I will have to see her eventually. What do I do if I want her back? I know it'll hurt getting rejected again and it will delay any healing, but what do I have to lose?

Look, what is done is done and I speak from experience. Hell, most of us do. As hard as it is, it's over between her and you and the longer you take to accept it the more pain you are going to give yourself.

Look girls will say things especially right after the break up but it means s****. I've been there and a LOT of people have been there. Read the threads, you'll see.

In the end of the day, you need to take the pain and get over it. It's one of those obstacles that life trows at you, you either face it or you go into more pain. After that obstacle you'll learn something and you'll be stronger in life, facing much more hard obstacle.

Yep you were right, moment (or day) of weakness on my part.

Yep, what she and others says doesn't really matter only her actions

Yep, Thanks!

She hasn't tried to contact me since ( a month now ). If she changed her mind then I guess she would have by now. Guess I'm not worth it

Feeling so torn up

I still feel I don't want or care about anything but her

Don't worry too much. It takes time to heal, and yes it sucks, but it is for your own good. At least she is not giving you false hope. We always have this hope in us, but it fades away, and we get over it.

When should I get my stuff back should ileave it longer?

A mutual friend (more the exs than mine - but other friends are prob going who I haven't seen in a while) is having a housewarming, she's going to be there, should I go?


Still want her back but I realise that's not going to happen :(

Azif going to the party s not a good idea. You still want her back and the party situation will only add to your false hopes and will be detrimental to your healing.
As for your belongings,do you really need them back?
Take care and be good to yourself.

Mmm thanks, yeah I'm not sure if I really can be around her yet, and don't really feel like explaining the situation to others

I don't physically need them but want to get the suits back, so it can wait

What do you all do when you feel empty? I don't feel there's anything I want anymore.

I'll work for 40 more years, maybe ill find someone maybe I won't, retire and die. Why bother?

If I feel sad or lonely I try to do things that cheer me up,phone a friend listen to music watch a good film -just generally pampering myself.
Life goes on and it s mostly good.
I hope you feel better tomorrow.

Be active, don't let yourself go down. This is why activities and volunteering are important. Find your dream, your own way... life is beautiful if you work into it.

Thanks folks good points. I have to get my act together and start doing things but it s easier said than done


There's 2 parties tonight, I don't get invited often but I don't know whether I should go :S

One where I actually know people she will be at...
And the other I only know probably one or two people

It'll take 2 hours to get to them, do I go?

Go to the party! Have fun! Go the one where you know you won't meet her and that will also be perfect to meet new people.

I would go and try to have a good time. You might make new friends-always a good thing.

Another question

Have a booking for the best restaurant in Australia (had been waitlisted for ages) next weekend

Do we go as friends? Assuming I ask her and she says yes :S

My parents were going to be paying for it as a graduation present. Her parents got me something so mine feel obliged to either pay for this or get her something :S

Here's my advice, go with a real friend (girl, boy or animal) but not with her. You are suppose to apply NC all the way, there is no turning point. Find a date and invite her to that place.

Called... she booked a haircut.

So I guess that saved a few awkward hours. Im not sure what I feel anymore for her, I want her back but then its probably part loneliness and I guess even if we did get back together it wouldn't last. It seems like nothing lasts anymore so nothing matters.

Looks like I'm cancelling

Not sure if the place is really a first date sort of place lol... things could only go downhill from there

You were right. Now I'm lying in bed awake...

See it as a temporary setback.
Start the NC again and stay on that path. Good luck.

It's bound to be up and down azif. As someone (Talaniman?) said to me, don't think that just because you had a bad day, there won't be good ones as well.

Work on yourself and apply NC ASAP. It's only a setback but try to work on yourself and make yourself feel good. Go the gym to get that frustration out.

I have the urge to tell her I still love her and miss her.

Tried to go out with a friend last night but just couldn't be stuffed. So left early.
I'm not sure whether it feels like my ex and I are still together or something but I don't feel like meeting someone new.

Can't go running anymore for a month or so. Gave myself shinsplints.

Should I just stop worrying about everyrthing and throw myself into work until I'm ready. Nothing seems to matter anymore

Be patient! Everything takes time. It's normal that you miss her and that you do want to break NC, but DON'T BREAK IT!

Do the things that are fun to you and don't go and try to date somebody else. Take care of yourself first and foremost and do a lot of sport. Day by day, things will get better and life will come back to normal. Trust me.

Another question

Have a booking for the best restaurant in Australia (had been waitlisted for ages) next weekend

Do we go as friends? assuming i ask her and she says yes :S

My parents were going to be paying for it as a graduation present. her parents got me something so mine feel obliged to either pay for this or get her something :S

This is probably going to sound harsh but:

You should have gotten your s### together, smartened yourself up and start acting like a man and gone to that restaurant. You've obviously been looking forward to it so why the hell should you have been made to feel like crap and avoid going? You haven't just let yourself down, you've let other people down who have also been looking forward to it, your folks even? Are you going to spend the rest of your natural life avoiding certain places through fear of meeting your ex? If you allow yourself to start developing that type of mentality then pretty soon you will be too scarred to even set foot out of your own front door. I've been in that situation and believe me, you DO NOT want to start down that road because it ain't nice. You allow yourself to be scarred of the outside world and before you know it, you also have feelings of hate and anger and loathing towards your ex which can end up being more destructive than the initial feelings from the break-up. You're a man. Project your strength and show no fear, no matter how hard it is to face.

Sooner or later you may find yourself in the situation where you meet your ex again. Are you going to run away? A part of the healing process is also about confronting your fears, because that's what you have right now - fear. Fear of seeing your ex. Do not put your life on hold because of someone else's actions or possible reactions. The priority right now is getting YOU ship shape. If other people cannot handle you being in a certain place then that's THEIR problem not yours. Do not allow your life to be dictated by the reaction of others.

Right now you have absolutely zero confidence. You start acting like a man and you'll get your confidence back and eventually you'll start to feel like a million bucks.

Trust me, it'll work.

I think I still love her. I just want to tell her. I'm not sure if deep down I feel it's over maybe my mind is just trickingitself like she's on a vacation and shell be back.
It's three months now should I find a counsellor
Nothing is forever. Everything is meaningless
Or at best insignificant

I know it's not a hard and fast rule but some people believe it takes a month for each year together to get over someone. Just a speculation.
Are you eating right and sleeping OK?
As for seeing a therapist,maybe you should?
I do feel that you need to realise that it's over and that you deserve to heal.

Are you healing actively? Did you start new activities, go to the gym everyday, be more social, meet new people, volunteer?

I'm eating OK. Exercising a reasonable amount. Not sleeping right though. I'll give it another month before I get more help. Past my exam in the end. So I guess I can survive on my own. Thank god.

Need to get out more and achieve a few things that I wanted. But it's hard to get motivated. If I hang out with friends it's normally one of two of my old friends.

Saw the ex tonight while we were celebrating passes. Couldn't leave it at just how are you etc etc
Spoke to her alone. She asjed what I wanted. Said wanted her back but realized that wasn't going to happen. Which of course she just said yes too

Lifes okay but just not the same without her. Any advice on how to be happy? Books?

Well done for passing your exam. And talking to the ex didn't floor you,that's good too. Maybe you should see your doctor sooner rather than later if you're still not sleeping right?
Check out Amazon for books,there are loads.
Take care.

Actually it's really great that you are taking care of yourself and passing exams. It takes time to get better, but you do get better. Read articles on Google they help a lot (write break up in google).

Was expecting to see her today at a do. Guess it's better that I didn't. Heard a song on the radio on the way home and just broke down. Want to call and tell her I love and miss her even though it's futile.

Calling her is not a great idea,as I think you know.
What else is going on in your life?
Have you made new friends?
It is OK to still miss someone,but I hope you are moving on with your life.

Work all week an now I got to study all weekend. Don't really have much time for anything. Which I guess can be good. Hanging out with old friends a bit more.
Don't think I want to move forward. Plan is now to just work. Qualify. Work. Die

I seem to remember you mentioned therapy a while ago.
Have you done anything about that?

No. I don't think there's much point anymore. I know what I should do or at least think I do. It just feels like it's better to be alone and never rely on anybody for anything more than you need. Just got to be content with my lot.

We're just trillions of atoms that have devloped self consciousness. There's no point. We live for maybe 100 years or less and then dissintegrate.

Sorry for the self pity. Hate being a hypocrite. It's nice people listen. But I don't want to wnt people to listen and yet I can't help but want it

I would still advice you to go see a therapist.
You need to get some respective on your situation.

Hi azif - I may not be able to help like the others but I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel and I know how hard this can be. I am going through a break up myself so I can completely relate.

I understand that everything seems grim at the moment and you just want to be alone but maybe talking to someone who is completely unbiased (such as a therapist) might help you with some strategies to pull yourself out of this slump and re-focus your energies.

It really helps me to talk for an hour to someone where I don't have to worry about what I am saying. I also feel like I have exhausted talking about my ex with my friends and family - so having my therapist is a good outlet! Plus I pay him to listen to me - so he has to! Haha

As a student, there may be free counselling at your uni - you should check into it!

It will get better – I promise! (I have to keep reminding myself that too! – but from experience - it really does)

I'm not sure if is call it a slump. Some things in my life are going well (but I'm self destructing a little). I guess it's an emotional slump though I feel I've been in one half my life. It was just more bearable when I thought there was someone with me.

It doesn't feel like I'm the only one going through this. I read the rest of this forum too and get perspective. What it does feel like is this is how life is. Nothing is permanent. All you have is yourself. So might as well get used to it.

But then again it can't hurt I guess speaking to someone face to face. See when I find some time. Might even score some prozac out of it. Jokes.

Well hehe,but seriously I think it would do you good.
Stiff upper lip and going it alone isn't the only option. :-)

Threads merged

Would you, should you?
And if so how? Anonymously? Or just a small note?

I would not.

Is there a reason you are considering this? (ie, do you have children together?)

A ex is a ex, not a current girl friend, so no reason for anything

Send them to YOU.She doesn't want them,come on guy, do for you for achange and put YOU #1,you will feel better.

Azif,I don't think you know better than to send your ex flowers.
How are you feeling now?

@mods
It was a general question - did it really need to get merged?


Azif,I don't think you know better than to send your ex flowers.
Do you mean - "know better than to send"

I'm fair to middling. But then again maybe I always was. Thanks for asking :P


Send them to YOU.She doesn't want them,come on guy, do for you for achange and put YOU #1,you will feel better.
I put myself first often enough

Is it really that bad sending flowers? I still like her or maybe lover her? Or just miss her?

What would you achieve by sending them?
Are you still hoping she'll come back?
And what if you were to send flowers and get a zero reaction,how would that make you feel?

Not sure to all of the above

I wouldn't be expecting that just the flowers would get her back

Maybe its part guilt from not gettering her flowers as much as I could have/should have

I guess I don't really have a clue what I want emotionally right now, and don't have the time to work it out
So I'm just concentrating on physical/financial aspects

I think we all may regret things we did,or didn't do-but the past is the past.
Living in the here and now always seems like a good option to me.
And,excuse the cliché.a breakup is a learning experience.

A pity it isn't an enjoyable experience too

No,mostly it sucks!
But once we have got past it I think we find that we have learned a lot-about ourselves and also about what we don't want and need in our lives.

Good call guys. Don't think she has feelings for me at all. Would have been sending them for the wrong reasons.

Thought I was Feeling over her but now I'm not so sure. Had been getting pretty close to a friend and now think I've got a bit too close.
Not sure if I'm ready to go through it all over again. Makes me miss having that connection with someone else though and so now I'm just as confused

I think that whenever we have doubts,its time to step back and rethink the situation.

And if you aren't sure you are over the ex,you probably aren't quite there yet.

Its been a year now.

I still miss her, but realise that what I miss is long gone and can never be brought back

I've stayed healthy, organised some holidays (skiing in japan next year, and maybe ill get to nepal later this year). I'm halfway to completing a qualification I need in my industy.

I still need to work on a lot but I'm in no rush. One day at a time

And that's a good attitude to have as there really is no rush for anything. Glad to see things are better for you.

I've caught myself looking at friends albums for photos of her. It always get me kind of nostalgic and sad. She was so great most of the time and I ruined things by not putting as much in as she was, and not appreciating what I had.

Dwelling on the past is no good for you now, so stop it!!

I miss her, just needed to put it out there...

I miss the idea of thinking something was forever. Silly

It kind of just feels like I'm treading water, keeping my head above, not going anywhere.

Possibly moving jobs, which will have pros and cons. Have passed a few exams. Failed the last one and resitting in a week. Half way to achieving my qualification.

Seeing someone new. Let myself just go with it when I'm with her though it feels like I'm being unfaithful to my ex. I think the new girlfriend wants more than I can give

While its not unusual going through some difficult times can bring a longing for better times we have had, you still have to plod through those situations and emerge on the other side because those feelings will fade as situations and obstacles to happiness are overcome.

Its easy to look back, but keep moving forward. Why are you in another relationship going with the flow? Is this an emotional crutch to make you feel better about yourself? Or maybe you are not having fun, because things have become complicated?

Please explain since a lot of time has passed since you last posted. How long has this latest relationship been going on?

Its been around a year... we were friends and it just kind of happened. Both got out of long term relationships and I guess we're more comfortable in them...

Its only complicated because I'm making it so. She's a really nice person and I care about her

We don't argue. She doesn't get jealous like my ex used to, I probably treat her a bit better. I haven't taken her for granted as much as I may have done with my ex

Maybe we're more suited personality wise or something

I haven't said the three words yet and neither has she but she tried to.
I want to be able to say them but I don't know if its true, I care about her and maybe it's the same thing
Maybe saying them means letting go of the ex and moving on

I don't believe in rushing things, or feeling sad about what was lost, but I also don't believe in taking people for granted, and have learned to appreciate them for who they are, in words, thoughts, and actions. But no need to force things. Things will happen there own way, in there own time, so enjoy today, because that's all you got.