Hi, I am married with kids. I recently found out that my best friend has fallen in love with me, or so he says and I believed him. The things is, he is also married, although his marriage has been on the rocks for quite sometime. He said, his feelings for me just developed since we have gotten to know each other better. I believed him when he said he loved me since I knew for a fact that his wife told him she loved him and he never reacted, which prompted the wife to share her dismay to a common friend.

I have also expressed my feelings towards him as I want to be honest, and now we are in this sort of "relationship" although both of us still want to stay married to our respective partners and hold on to our commitments.

I do know that the right thing to do is to end this "relationship" since we are both bound to be hurt and in the process hurt others (spouses and kids).

But I really find it difficult. I am not the type of woman who plays around, and after my husband, he is the only man whom I have fallen for. We have been intimate, though not to the point of making love. But I know eventually it will end up there and frankly I am quite afraid I'd never have to strength to resist.

I am really confused... torn between doing the right thing and holding on to a love that really makes me happy

You've already been unfaithful... it should end now. You put yourself in a position for this to happen which was wrong to begin with. You started with an emotional affair with your friend, and now you want to make it physical... it's just wrong! You WILL destroy your family, as well as his.

Love is more than a feeling... it is an action. Everything you give to this friend, give to your husband instead. If you give it to your husband, you will rekindle the feellings for him that you are starting to feel for your friend. You will find the happiness with him again if you give to the marriage.

No one has to tell you it is wrong... you already know. You should cut it off now with this 'friend' and change the dynamic of your friendship with him or end the friendship. You made a commitment to your husband, not this friend.

You should either

1. End it with your best friend and make a commitment to your husband and kids again. It will be tough, temptation and that new exploration with your best friend must feel great, but it is temporary.

2. End it with your husband if you don't love him. Being in a loveless marriage is a betrayal to both partner so it is better to end thing. However, if you go on this route, don't have hope that your best friend will end the relationship with his wife. There are kids involve.

My advice, take option #1. It is better for both of you and the kids and in the long run you will look back and say, I made a right choice.

In addition to the choices by xadmin, I would like to suggest that you make your decision as soon as you can, because dragging this out will only cause more pain and suffering. Furthermore, it's unfair to your respective spouses.

That's what you call lust - has nothing to do with love.

You should either

1. End it with your best friend and make a committment to your husband and kids again. It will be tough, temptation and that new exploration with your best friend must feel great, but it is temporary.

2. End it with your husband if you don't love him. Being in a loveless marriage is a betrayal to both partner so it is better to end thing. However, if you go on this route, don't have hope that your best friend will end the relationship with his wife. There are kids involve.

My advice, take option #1. It is better for both of you and the kids and in the long run you will look back and say, I made a right choice.



Thanks for all your posts. I've already decided to end it.

You won't feel it right away, but a few years down the road, and you'll see that you made the right decision. Be sure to give your husband the type of attention that you were giving to your friend, and you'll be much happier than you would have been had you gone down the other path. Good luck, and stay strong!

Its one or the other! You can't play them both its wrong on your partner and abit selfish! But then again I know you can't help how you feel.
You shouldn't stay with your husband for the sake of the commitments you may have that's the wrong reason you want to be with him because you love him and nobody else can compare.
You need to make a decision and stick to it.. him or you husband?
Because you could end up hurting a lot of people for what?
And if it doesn't work out with this other man. Then you have jepordised everything for nothing and will end up on your own saying your shudda/cudda/wudda's. I'm not saying this will definitely happen but there's always the possibility.
And secrets always come out in the end.. ask yourself is this really what I want? Or just the excitement of exploring something knew. If its not what you want don't be afraid od hurting the other man because he has to understand what at stake! Then just nip it in the bud now before its to late!

Ending it, and letting him get his own life together is the right choice to make.

Otherwise his problems will ruin your own happiness with your family.