So there's a girl that I work with and I hang out with her all the time. Pretty much everday during the week. She's unbelievable. She's great. We text back and forth at least 100 times a day and we can talk about anything to each other. She lets it slip that she likes me but she has a boyfriend(of a few years). I leave for a college hours away in a matter of months.

She likes me a lot. I'm crazy about her. We get really close. We haven't crossed a line but we have cuddled and we hang out pretty much everyday, not just for work. She's told me she's thought about kissing me but she knows she can't. She says she's happy with her boyfriend but she thinks she could be happy with me too. She thinks it can't happen because I'm leaving and if she dumped him for me when I left she thinks she'd be left to fix everything. I've offered to stay. I've offered her to go but she's scared that it won't work out and one will be left hurt beyond belief for giving things up. She thinks it may be better to not take the gamble with me when she is content now.

The problem is, I'm not content. I find it hard to leave now. I don't know if I can. I still hold her all the time and we play around like a couple would. People tell me that we are a kiss away from being a couple. We buy each other gifts and act like a couple besides the title and the next step.

I have no idea what to do.

Ahhhhh!Don't be so stupid!Go to college youl get over her,trust me!Youl regret it for the rest of your life if you don't go to college for a girl! And another thing you've cuddled with her?Crossed the line.Shes told you she's thought about kissing you?crossed the line.Who says she won't do this to you in the future?

I wasn't going to give up college. I was going to transfer to a closer college.

But you obvioulsy didn't want to do that because you would have done that in the first place.Look if she's as amasing as you say she is,you won't have to transfer or whatver shel make it work.Any woman will tell you that.

This is definitely right. Any female that is as great as you make her out to be, if she truly is into you, would try to make it work. And if she's acting like this with you when she's got a boyfriend, she's not a trustworthy person in my opinion. And even if she is trustworthy, she's unpredictable. Its better just to try to move on, you could end up being drastically hurt. But either way its completely your choice.

I agree that don't waste your time for a female let alone anybody. Go to college like you have planned and get a higher education. She has already crossed the line by letting you guys get close enough to have feelings for each other, especially when she has a boyfriend. Just try to stay close friends with her through out college and go from there. Good luck

"We haven't crossed a line but we have cuddled and we hang out pretty much everyday"

If I caught my wife cuddling with someone else that would be crossing the line and I'm sure she would feel the same way for me! :mad: As for the girl, once a cheat always a cheat in my opinion. If she cheats on this boyfriend why wouldn't she cheat when she gets tired of you?? :confused:

If I were you..
I would rather go to college,

You can meet another girl..

But it is hard to get education as you get older.. (think about you future! )

As you describe her and your interactions with her, the picture becomes clear that you are playmates, potential lovers, and unsure participants in the game of cheating on her boyfriend. Not that you have any obligation to this guy; but that you are pushing the edge in a way the you wouldn't want to have happen to you.

You say "She says that she's happy with her boyfriend but she thinks she could be happy with me too." That doesn't say much about her... or you. I know that you like her, but you would be wise to question her maturity and integrity. This is youthful infatuation. You are not in love. You have a few months to find this out, but don't compromise yourself in the process.

If you have something real with her, it will last while you are in college. Go where you planned to go. If your relationship continues, communicate with her, but focus on school.

Tao

I wasn't going to give up college. I was going to transfer to a closer college.

Are you crazy! You don't change your life for someone, who has someone, and ain't changing things for you. Even if she did, it's a red flag for a female to jump from one guy to another.

Stop playing at being a couple, because your not, and she doesn't want to be. If you can't handle yourself around the females, leave them alone, or else they will drive you crazy.

You have so much to look forward to going to college! You will meet so many people and have so many good times you cannot even imagine! After the first week you get there I think you will have already moved on. There are so many people out there and your going to be in the perfect environment to meet them. Give your original plan a chance... you will not be disappointed :)

You would regret not leaving for college and planing your life around someone that is taken because you fancy her.

She doesn't want you because if she did she would have left her boyfriend for you. She likes the attention your giving her and is using it against you--it's called toying around with you.

You might not think the two of have crossed the line but you did by having an emotional affair.

I hope her boyfriend finds out and leaves her and I hope you don't throw away your future for her--she's not worth it.

What you should do is leave her alone and let her decide if she wants to be happy with her boyfriend or if she wants to risk the relationship and be with you and be happy. She can't have both. That's like having your cake and eating it too it won't work out that way. What makes you so sure that she won't do the same to you if you did win her over? If she can have fun with you, how do you know she is not having fun with somebody else just like she is doing now to her current b/f. Good luck in this situation.

omgineedhelp; this is definitely right. Any female that is as great as you make her out to be, if she truly is into you, would try to make it work. And if she's acting like this with you when she's got a boyfriend, she's not a trustworthy person in my opinion. And even if she is trustworthy, she's unpredictable. Its better just to try to move on, you could end up being drasticaly hurt. But either way its completely your choise

True.

Threads merged, and edited


We drew closer. She said we were best friends. And we were. She told her boyfriend who she had really grown apart from. He was angry obviously and they broke up. She made the drive to drop me off at college and help me move in and stayed with me a few days. She visited me a few times and we really were close. We never took the leap to become boyfriend and girlfriend.

It was two months that I've been away and they broke up

Then recently, he reentered her life. She had been texting and calling twice as much since I'd been gone. The number significantly dropped after her parents invited him to camp with them one weekend. I had a feeling what was happening but I didn't know.

She told me we could be friends. Nothing more right now. She said that she told him the same.

I told her I didn't know if I could do it. She ignored me for a few days.

She called me finally and told me that I deserve better than her. We argued. She told me that she chose him. She said that she thought she was doing the right thing with me but she was only running away from their problems.

She said she loves me but not the way she loves him. She said if she loved me the right way why couldn't she quit thinking about him. Why did she get chills when she saw him.

She said she loved the way I treated her, the way I made her feel safe, and the way I considered her feelings.

She said since they went camping two weeks ago, they've been talking and working on it.

She said this is what her heart tells her and she's sorry.

All her friends told me I was better for her and to her. They said he was a jerk. They told me the situation she'd stick with what she knew and I shouldn't press it. I pressed it. Now I'm hurt. I know what I did was wrong. I know what she did was wrong. We should have found a different way. But I'm hurt now.

I have no idea what to do.
I'm moving back home for unrelated reasons but I don't know if I should try to hang out with her and win her or what.

Win her? Win her?? Are you nuts? She has played both of you and has no idea what she wants. What makes you think if she "chose" you that she would be faithful? She has shown her true colors, and you have shown yours. Here is an idea: have some dignity and get yourself out of this NO WIN situation buddy.

NEVER be a back up plan to anyone. NEVER! You are a solid guy with a good heart that screwed up, we all do, but that doesn't mean you have to lower yourself to this level. She can't live without a man there for her 24/7... that is a problem that will plague her for a long time, regardless if you are her boyfriend or not.

You should respect her decision even though you re hurting.it doesn't matter what other people think-she makes her own choices.you re aware that what the two of you were doing was nt right-and you should move on with your own life.the pain will fade in time.

She is like my best friend just more too... I hate to not have her in my life but I don't know what's right and what's not. It's not fair that I've been played. I bent over backwards for her. Bought her gifts. We shared a lot and could pretty well read each other's minds. I guess I'm scared to lose that.


Thank you for the advice. Really. My mind is just unraveling.

Time to take good care of yourself now.make new friends and do things that make you feel happy.

You have no pity from me. I have been on the side of the boyfriend and I despise guys like you who are taking advantages of girls in a couple. You should have had enough morals, ethics and brain NOT to get involved with her for starters. I hope you have learned your lessons and never do it again. The only thing you can do is leave her alone and take care of your own self.

Until you've been in the situation and it seems like things will change,you don't know. I understand that I shouldn't have done it. It was more her decision than mine. She broke up with him after. She chose to hang out with me and be with me. It was her choice. We'd been lovey dovey for 3 or 4 months before we even kissed. I know it was wrong. Its something I'll live with for my whole life. It's something she'll live with too. I was wrong but when you're there, you know what you want and I wanted to be with her. I love that girl with all I have. It's just the way I went because I thought it opened a door... and it did... for a while.

Well there is nothing too much to do, except learn and take it as a break up. You know there is plenty of girls out there and it's pretty easy to get one. And no she isn't special and you haven't found the right one yet that's all. You need to stop all contacts and heal already. Easier said then done, yeah but I've been there and it's feasible. She wants to be alone, let her be. Beside she cheated on her boyfriend, why wouldn't she cheat on you?

She's tried to call me 5 times today. I just am not picking up.

That's the best thing .No contact.

How old are you guys?

Early 20's

Andrew, if she has a boyfriend.. she should call him! You shouldn't be in the picture.. it doesn't feel right!

How is college? Don't let all this come in the way of your college and studies. . focus on it.. time will heal everything.

She's called about 10 times the past two days

Is that called as in you didn't pick up and speak to her?

Is that called as in you didnt pick up and speak to her?

Correct

Its so hard to break that kind of intense attachment, we all know how hard it is. Keep ignoring all her efforts to contact you, so you can get out of her charms, just so you see how wrong it was for her to cheat and throw you away like that. Intense feelings are not love, (not healthy love, anyway) cheating isn't love, and other peoples opinions are not relevant either.

What is relevant, is you seeing the reality of this fling, and judge her actions as the real facts, not the feelings you have.

You were seduced, and used for her own needs, and she cares for neither of you, just herself, and has led you down a wrong miserable path.

That's the facts, so keep her out of your life so she can't hurt you again, and you can heal from what she has done to you.

This isn't love, it manipulation, and being selfish, and dishonest.

Don't be a part of it, at all. Don't ever let someone treat you this way again, never.

Wow, what a game player this chick is. She obviously doesn't know her boundaries. I would be careful with this one. And if you are moving away, what's the point of even pursuing anything? Especially considering she has a boyfriend... I would leave it alone. She needs to break-up with her boyfriend first before any relationship can progress.

Here's the update... she left me for him, I moved home, she tried to be best friends again... I still had major feelings and it was continually brought it up until she decided to push me away. Then it gradually deteriorated into her no longer talking to me at all and completely cutting me out of her life.

I miss our friendship we had before we ever crossed the line and I'd give a lot to have that back but I don't see her anymore anywhere.

I want to fix our friendship but I don't know how.

Leave things as they are,if your friendship gets back on track further down the line,so be it-for now live your own life and leave her to live hers.

Get new friends, and don't seek romance with them.

If you could fix the relationship, you sure as heel can't fix the friendship.

Once you blur the line between friends, and romance, the friendship suffers, as there is too much history, and emotions left to deal with.

I know you guys are right... I think I still need to confront her though

Confront her for what? Dumping you? For not being able to be friends the way you want it? For having another life, and love without you? To vent your anger and disappointments? To tell her how much you're hurting without her?

Tell me what you want to confront her with?

It's been a while since I've been here, but NC is the only thing you should apply right now. We know you're hurt (that's why we were here initially) and we all agreed that NC is the only thing that works in this situation. Let her be and take care of yourself because you really need it. Start working out, start going out, work harder, achieve new goals. The fun thing about life is that you can make it whatever you want it to be.