Hi everyone,

Im in desperate need for help. Im sorry this is long, but it's the only way you can understand what happened fully. I have a wonderful boyfriend and have been three years with him. But here's my story.

Three weeks ago, I started chatting with this unknown guy on msn, claiming we had met in the train and that I gave him my address. I didn't remember, but he told me things about me that showed that it could have been true. We then started into talking about everything and nothing. He sent me his picture (cute guy) and we continued talking for hours and days. I really started to like him, despite the fact that I had a boyfriend, and having not met him or hearing his voice. I had told him I had a boyfriend and he told me many things such as that he could bring so many new things to me, that we were meant to be together etc. I was a fool and really liked him. So I told my boyfriend I wanted to take a break, I needed to think about what I really wanted out of life, cause we were still young etc. He really didn't understand why I was acting like that but I didn't want to tell him there was another guy, until I was completely sure of what I wanted.

So during this distance time, I continued chatting with the other guy. One day, he asked me to strip for him (I had a webcam) I obviously refused but he insisted and insisted saying things like "come on, you know i like you, there's more to just seeing you naked, but i really want you right now, etc." so I finally gave in and stripped completely for him. After that, we continued into our normal conversations for other days, it made me like him more and we kept arranging to meet up.

D-Day finally came on a Saturday where we were supposed to meet at the train station. I went and at this one point someone taped on my shoulder and when I turned around, it wasn't the guy on the picture, but a man I knew very well, my boyfriend's uncle's friend. At this moment I felt like dying, I left him standing there like a fool and went straight to my boyfriend's house. I told him everything (leaving out some details to hurt him less).

He was so angry at me and at the guy, but loves me so much that he said I should stay the night. So I did, and we spent the rest of the weekend together, talking about what had happened etc.

Today he told me that he was ready to keep me, under the condition that I prove him that he can trust me again. I don't know how to show him, because I feel so ashamed of what I did, I told him I regret every second of it and that I want to stay with him.

But he asked me to give him a reason as to why I wanted to stay with him after doing that. I don't understand myself why I did this when I had such a great boyfriend already. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. But he'll only take me back if I give him a good reason as to why I acted like this and if I prove him that he can trust me again. With this guy it was nothing more than virtual stuff and I don't understand myself why I did it.

This is basically the summary of what happened. Please help me understand. Thank you in advance, I really need help.

You were fascinated by the attention from another, and got carried away, way away. Building trust again will take a long time, given you cheated, and would have continued along those lines if it had worked out according to the fantasy in your head, that this guy fed you.

Now he has taken you back, but you have to prove your love.

Sorry, I doubt seriously if your being forgiven at all. He wants you to jump through a lot of hoops, to get even with you for playing him, and treating him like dirt, when you thought you had something better.

Sorry again, but the fact you don't know how to proceed, and show love and loyalty shows him, you don't love him, and right now, I doubt he loves you any more.

I won't tell you how to fool this poor jerk into accepting you back, but I will tell you to leave the guys alone until you have re evaluated your own motives, and actions, and decided on the changes you need to make, so you can be a good, honest, loyal partner, instead of a lying cheating selfish heart breaker.

Right now your nowhere near that, and until you get it, you never will be. Its always a big red flag when a partner goes on a break, and then run back to them when the plan behind the break, falls thru.

When you change, you'll have the answer, and you won't fall for the bull crap, like you did.

He sent me his picture (cute guy) and we continued talking for hours and days.

That in the red, for some reason made me think your not really sorry that you cheated. Who really cares if he was cute or not. That remark just makes me think your not sorry.


I had told him I had a boyfriend and he told me many things such as that he could bring so many new things to me, that we were meant to be together etc.I was a fool and really liked him.

Indeed you were a fool. You didn't even remember meeting this guy! Not only that but what he said was really creepy.. almost stalker like.
The fact that he KNEW you had a boyfriend and he kept trying to dig at you really shows how much he respected you.




One day, he asked me to strip for him (I had a webcam) I obviously refused but he insisted and insisted saying things like "come on, you know i like you, there's more to just seeing you naked, but i really want you right now, etc." so I finally gave in and stripped completely for him. After that, we continued into our normal conversations for other days, it made me like him more and we kept arranging to meet up.

You have no common sense. Did he ever go on webcam for you? I think not. What you had a picture? Sorry but I could go on Google and get one too. Sad part is that you gave in.

Now your probably thinking "jeeze I know I did something wrong quit badgering me"-- but guess what I really don't think your sorry. I think that because it turned out to be your boyfriend's uncle's friend that you got scared because your boyfriend could have found out so easily.

I bet that if it was that cute boy in the photo you would still be stripping in front of that webcam.

By the way how old are you? And how old is this uncle's friend? If you're a minor and he is NOT that would be ILLEGAL.



Now to answer your question.

It's hard to earn trust back. You can't buy it. You can't bribe for it. It comes back in time.

You can start by giving your boyfriend the webcam or selling it to someone.

You can also start by spending less time on MSN and do OTHER productive things:
-Volunteering
-Getting a job...

If your doing other things it'll be hard for you to get in trouble.

Like I said trust takes time to earn, even a longer time if you destroyed it.

Good Luck

Sarah

I have one problem like this now.. I did some foolish things but I never told to him. I didn't really want to do them... I don't know why.. But he learned what I did and we were together again but he never trusted me... Now.. after 8 months after what bacame, he told me that he can't trust me.. I told him that I have changed but he can't believe me.. I Don't really know what happened to me and I did these things to him... I love him and he is the one for me.. But he wants a good reason... Or something that will make persuade him that I will not do these things to him... again.. :( What happened to you now? Did he trust you?
Mary