Well my ex and I were together for about a year and then we broke up. Stayed no contact for about 6 months at that time. I finally wanted to have contact with her and so we did. We talked a lot and even went out on a few dates. Yes there were feelings there and at that time things felt right to me to proceed into a relationship with her. When we made it official, things were going great for about a month and half, but in the last couple weeks things just went downhill. Such things as constant fighting and her ultimatums on what I should be doing. Her whole attitude towards me went downhill, almost as if I was just another person and no one that really mattered much. Also this was all in the span of three months

The love and everything just disappeared from how things were at first. A lot of her actions didn't match what she was saying to me. The affection, care, love, and whole demeanor of hers was completely gone meanwhile mine was still there for her and I kept giving it.

Well today was the day it happened the end of our relationship and it sucks. This is how it went down, she basically said she wanted a break from us to think things through and give her some space and I told her we see each other twice a week maybe, and don't talk as much as we used to so I don't understand how you want space from that. She insisted on taking a break for this month or something to that extent and then coming back when she wanted. I told her I will treat your break as a break up and I will move on with my life, well she didn't like that so out of nowhere she's wants to stay together blah blah.

I honestly didn't think it was right for me to be with someone who can just treat my heart and emotions like a toy. So I told her it wasn't right that she did this and we couldn't any longer be together. It sucked, telling her these words because I love this girl so much. She was my first love, first sexual experience as well, and so many other experiences. I'm 20 only and this is how my first love was supposed to end up, kind of sucks.

I just told her goodbye and that was it. It sucks, Even though I was treated like this and basically yo-yoed around, I still hurt and kind of feel like I'm a horrible person here for ending it.


Should I be feeling all of these emotions?

You did the right thing plain and simple. No one's heart should be played with ever.

Your feelings are normal and will go away in time.allow yourself to feel hurt then you ll heal.

After everything that she has done to me in the past an even now. I admit it's not as if I was a saint of a boyfriend by I treated her really well, yet I still feel sad for her and majorly dissapointed that it had to end this way. Even though I was treated ty I still feel bad for her. I don't even know if this normal

should I be feeling all of these emotions?

Yes, these emotions are very typical. Roll with them and try to keep moving forward.

I respect what you did in responding to her, "needing a break...". Healthy relationships don't need breaks. Healthy relationships work through conflict and problems, together.

When someone needs a break, i.e. days, weeks, months, from the relationship consider it a break-up and walk away. They may not come back but you can be damn sure they'll respect you for it.

So I saw her today driving past me in the opposite direction, at the moment it didn't really phase me much but as I came home it kind of just stuck in my mind, her anyway. Thoughts and everything we did, previous memories came back.

A question came to my mind, why do people ask for breaks rather than just break up? Could it be just a cop out to what they will have courage do to you later on while your left there sidelined.

Or it's the easy way to go and spread your legs to someone you had a thing for but don't want to feel bad or consider it cheating?

Ughh frustrations are creeping in on this...

or it's the easy way to go and spread your legs to someone you had a thing for but don't want to feel bad or consider it cheating?

That's exactly what my ex girlfriend did.

Well I don't know if that's the case here but lately I can't rule anything out.. just really disappointed in this whole sh*tty situation.

I can tell you, it's probably the case. She wanted you to wait for her while she goes and sows her oats, then when she comes back you, by right, have no reason to ask about her actions during the break. You did the right thing, it sucks but in time you will realize it's for the best

Wow honestly if that's the case that's so messed up, I just don't understand how people can even do things like that. If you want to shag it up with someone else why be with your significant other you know. It's highly illogical to me.

I can say things didn't feel right to me that you would need a break from a relationship when you're having problems. To me it's always been try to work it out together or just end it and continue your life... you're right it sucks plain and simple

This is life my friend. Hang in... keep ducking and swinging.

Update more like a vent

It's been a week now and well the week has been extremely busy with school papers exams and things of that sort. Just when I'm feeling good about things, one of our mutual friends mentions to me that my ex txted him asking for some guys number wanting to get with him and that she is going out partying. Ugh frustrations are creeping in and I'm doiing one of my papers for a class to add to the frustrations.

It's like I hit a brick wall as I heard this news.

Sorry I just rather say it on here than give into the urge of contacting her

Well your doing the right thing by saying it on here! And the right thing by not being with her!

It's tough. Just let it slide.

So yeah I finished up some papers for school. Basically decided I wanted to get out and mingle I guess. I called up one of my friends to come with me and we went out to this club bar. Just my luck I swear, my ex is there hugged up with some guy. Definitely an amazing thing to see.Ugh. I mean come on it's been a week. I can like see I really meant super little to her.

Is this gods way oF showing me how to deal with this and seeing this type of bs.

Btw I just looked at her and walked past her to the table where we knew some people. When I saw her hugged up with the guy I didn't think it was even worth saying hi.

Grr should have just stayed home...

You did the right thing so give yourself a pat on the back.She s shown her true colours and you re one day closer to getting over her.Also you should be going out and enjoying life never mind if you run the risk of bumping in to her.Remember she s an ex for a reason.

Geez guy, she was just being honest, and letting you go, so she could do her thing. That's what young people do. They also like to explore, and experience things. That's natural, and comes with growth.

I can understand your hurt now, but trust me, someday when your feelings change about your partner, you will understand better what she felt, breaking up with you. Take it in stride and move beyond the hurt. I think eventually you will.

I understand what you're saying talaniman an you're right it does hurt, it's not an easy thing to be seeing someone you love and whose said they love you just a week ago hugged up and with someoyher guy all over her. It isn't easy thing to witness at my age but hey that's life I guess, it's how I chose to deal with it that matters.

I think my hardest time during this whole break up might be my weekends because that's when my mind wonders the most and I don't know how to stop it from doing that. How do I go about keeping busy with weekends

Make plans. Sounds simple, but it will allow you to look forward to something, and keep you busy with things you enjoy.

I have to clean my mothers garage next weekend, care to join me???

Yeah my weeks are super busy with school and work. But weekends are not filled with anything, so I really don't even know what to do but I'll try to come up with something to keep me busy.

Honestly at this point I would if you lived close but your probably far away ha ha

Try something you ve never done before where you might meet some new people.:-)

Volunteer somewhere where you can do some good.

Before my current relationship the same thinged happened to me. I was confused and uncertain about certain things.. Know I'm more grounded but I have a slight what if now..

Yeah that's what happened to me. I think all those comments I have read about time taking it's course is true. I'm getting a better grasp on my emotions but I still feel like an emptiness is in my heart. About the only place where I feel good is when I'm at the gym working out and time is just passing by.

I need some opinions on this or advice at least because its starting to be a bothersome thing, Ihave read the sticky as well on such topic.. how do I manage having mutual friend/friends with my ex.

I have mutual friends with my ex, what I'm wondering is how do I go about maintaining a friendship with them because lately I would get news of things about my ex that I really don't ask for or want to know because they do tend to bring me down a bit..

I have asked our mutual friends not to discuss her for the time being as its not a subject that's great for me to hear about.. but yet they still do every once in a while something will be said while in certain conversation topics...

I don't know if its right or not to just shut these friends out for the time being for my own sake at the present moment..

I personally think you should tell them again that to please not discuss or bring up her name and leave her out of the conversation. If it keeps happening you should go out with other friends and meet new people, not saying to ditch your mutal friends with your ex but to just go out and meet new people and possibly more friends maybe even another girl when the time comes when you are ready again.


I had friends that would keep bringing up my ex's name a lot about anything that happened like if she was at a party or they saw her somewhere and I kept getting irritated from it and asked them to please not mention her anymore. After a while and as time passed by when they mentioned her name it didn't bother me anymore. Also because she had started f.. king up her life by drinking and smoking. It just takes time for you to realize everything and put it all behind you and move on with your life. Trust me its hard but its worth it in the end.

Yea, it's horrible as a feeling but in the end you appreciate what you did. My ex is also getting f***ed up with drinking and smoking, while I get better in shape and better mentally. I guess some people want the easy way out and others prefer working for their own good. You have done a very good thing here to stick up to your guts, I wished I did the same thing at the time, I wouldn't have been as hurt.

Well hearing that information about my ex definietly affcted me to the point that later on I couldn't sleep right once I woke up in the middle of the night. My mind just kept running back to what I had heard and thinking about it over and over. I kept getting more upset and upset. This morning on my way to classes I was rather angry which my guess is that it had to do with hearing about her.

About our mutual friends I think it would probably bEst to not be around them as much for the time being.

**I posted this once, but something happened and I don't think it went through. Here goes again:


Hi mdoli. It sounds like you are at a college or university. Most have events on the weekends that you could attend, to keep you busy. Whether it be a sporting event of some sort, a play, concert, art show, etc.

You seem to be doing a good job of filling your time with studies and the gym, and that's great.

Also, I know from experience how easy it is to just go to your classes and leave your classes, and not be social at all or give anyone a second glance. But, perhaps try talking with some classmates and making some new friends. Especially if you are going to try to distance yourself from the mutual friends you share with your ex. Mingling with a new group of friends will really help you get out of your rut, and you could potentially even meet a girl or two you may consider dating down the road.

And I realize this sounds quite played out, but time really does heal all wounds. Just do the best you can to get through this hard part, because soon enough it will all be a distant memory.

Update:

First just want to Thank you all very much for your advice and taking the time to look at my story here and life situation..

Today I'm somehow very proud of myself as I have kept NC for 14 days, in my mind I wanted to break the contact over, over, and over but haven't.

As for other things I think I'm really opening my eyes to what the relationship was and how everything played out in our relationship Time really has a funny way of creeping in these thoughts ha ha.

I also have a lunch get together with a girl, this week that I met on campus, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm just there for friendships nothing remotely to even dating or in that direction as of right now. School, work, and get the life I want to enjoy again are my top priorities, and boy may I say it feels good. :)

Well, here's a proof that NC does work and that we can get much better with time. Finally you are in the right mindset, continue the good work!

Updating this question of mine, but mostly just saying hi.

Things are going good with me and dealing with this situation I was placed under. School, work, and just trying to live life. I must say I ha e held up to nc and I'm at a much better state of mind because hearing this news couple weeks ago would have sucked. The ex girlfriend as I heard from a friend today has a new boyfriend. I must say it really didn't bother me much as I think it would have couple weeks ago.

I must say I didn't quite expect it so soon it hasn't been that long since the break up and I mean we had a history together. I must say it says a lot to how much I mattered to her in my mind anyway because I was replaced so to say within a couple of weeks.

All I can say is it is what it is. Sigh.

Thought I would ask or comment in here rather than ask a different question all together.

So my birthday is coming up on the 26th and well as of yesterday my ex stopped by my place out of the blue to drop off a gift which I'm guessing for my birthday but I wasn't home and my father was there at the time and he basically told her that I wasn't home and she left with the gift for me, but it isn't even here yet my birthday that is, and then later when I get home from night out with my friends I get a call from her around 3 or 4 in the morning. I didn't answer the phone as I was sleeping but my question is why would she do something like this now its been over a month now since the break up.

I have not tried to contact her at all in that time or anything kept my distance with mutual friends and kept busy, so why the heck is she doing this now, I was finally starting to come around to everything being OK with myself and just getting to the part of looking forward to things in my life and this happens to cause a stir with my emotions not a big one but its still there. Are these things supposed to happen. Ugh this sucks.

Any input would be appreciated, thanks

Why would you let this small gesture throw you off? You accept gracefully and keep on trucking.

She is just trying to string you along, she lost the playing groud basically and she doesn't feel empowered as she used to be.

You're doing fine, keep doing what you are doing and don't contact her whatsoever, you will yourself false hope and she will get what she wanted.

Stay strong.

Yeah I will keep doing what I have been so far, I have been in this situation before with her and I messed up by falling for the bs, thus I'm here today. To be honest with you I'm afraid I will screw up and give into temption, or let my feelings out rule my minds thoughts and answer but I will be strong. I made a personal goal to keep nc for 90 days to see what comes of it and how much I personally grow n feel over the course of that time. It's such a long ways from now when I think about it but I hope the reward is great one.

I'll be honest since it everything is fresh within this situation I do sometimes want her back but I know there is a better alternative with another person or just being happy with myself.

You re on the right path-stay strong and listen to your head.

Stay strong, it's her loss and your gain.

So today was a bit of a challenge trying to keep my mind off her and memories and questions sunk in immensely. But amongst that I came up with two questions what's the real deal with letting go? Will time do that for me with my effort. How do I truly know when I'm letting go?

Second does accepting mean the same as letting go? How do I know what I'm doing is on the right track to all of this? I'm just tired from this, I really want to move forward but I feel like there's something hanging onto which is causing me to think this way in a downer mood.

Just some input would be appreciated thank you

You let go because she broke up with you. You can hope as much as possible but it's very rare that people go back together, and if they do it never really work out. Furthermore, it gives you false hope instead of taking time moving on and potentially finding someone better. You'll know you are truly letting go when you start enjoying life again and be happy on your own.

Accepting means more or less the same as letting go. If you accept the break up it's much more easier to let go and to move forward. As long as you're doing NC and taking care of yourself, you will get better day by day.

It's nothing magic, time heals all wound and if you follow the threads, go to the gym everyday, get out with friends, you'll get better. So apply NC, take care of yourself and try to keep busy.

I don't have hopes of getting back together, I really wouldn't want that after the things that happened between us and everything that has taken place. I got to know her true colors and the extent of her love for me, oh how minimal it really turned out. Sigh.

I was just curious as to the true concept of those words and their meanings. Honestly I see myself getting better with time but it's a long road to that. I have applied NC and been doing those things, in time I'm assuming I will see my progress more clearly.

Thanks paxe for your words.

I came up with two questions what's the real deal with letting go?
Accepting you can't control the feeling or actions of another, and knowing feelings can change. Even your own.

Will time do that for me with my effort. How do I truly know when I'm letting go?

In time yes you will heal, the more proactive you are the faster and better you heal, and you'll know when you have let go when your happy with yourself and just being you.

Second does accepting mean the same as letting go?
Paxe has rightly said that they are the same, because when you accept something and its beyond your control, its only logical to let it go and focus on something else, that you can control.


How do I know what I'm doing is on the right track to all of this?

You will be happy with what your doing. Even looking forward to it.

Ok so I found myself calm and collected today with my thoughts and emotions as well and then the following had to happen...

You know how I mentioned that my ex came through to give me a gift on weekend but I wasn't there, well today actually later on this evening she came by surprisingly and decided to drop the gift off. Well that led to us talking and mostly me saying and getting everything off my chest that I wanted to tell her.

I told her that I didn't want her gifts and that I didn't want her in my life at all anymore, to never come to my house again as I couldn't handle us being friends or anything ever again. I asked her about this new guy in her life and what she told me really distrubed me at that moment, she basically said that he was there when she wanted to have fun and all that stuff. I asked her if they were together as in dating and everything that goes with it, she said yes. This pissed me off so much because how can you say that you love me and me spreading your damn legs and being hugged up with this other guy in such a short amount of time. I also asked is she happy with her life now, her response was no she wasn't because I wasn't in it.

I mean come on why the heck shouldn't she be happy she got what she wanted. She got her break/break up whatever. She should be thrilled with her life now but she said she wasn't. OK? I'm dealing with this break up and everything, yes I have major ups and downs but why the heck would she tell me she isn't happy when she basically got rid of me to get with someone else and do her partying bid because that is sure how it feels to me.

I may have said too much on some things but for the most part I felt as though I said my peace to her.

Why the heck do they think that they can just come back when they feel like it?

More or less I'm actually a tad bit pissed and upset as to hearing everything and even seeing her,why she came by because I thought she would just leave it all alone.

Couple other things that kind of sticking to my mind now, is she cried a lot during when I talked to her and I did tell her that I really had no other choice than to not care about anything but my school and myself. Then there was this pause amongst us and she said well since you don't care about anything but yourself and your school, I'll leave and she took off. I think she thought that I would go after her but I didn't I just went back into my house. Felt as if there was no real reason to do such a thing anymore for her to run after her.

Nice! Now that's a real man who takes real actions! You did the right thing, move on and don't look back. You shouldn't even want contact with her after 6 month, especially since you're not healed yet.

So just a about half and hour ago as I was talking to my close friend, I get this phone call interruption from a phone number I haven't seen before but I answered and it was her,

Gist of the conversation

Me: hello whose this
Her: its...
Me: why are you calling me
Her: just wanted to say hi to you.
Me: OK? I have to go to bed got school bye.
Her: I wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out? ( OK wth is this bs)
Me: no I don't busy with school work. Cant

Me hanging up the phone

She calls couple more times probably like 4-5 times, but I didn't bother picking up since I knew it was her now.

Wth is this bs?

Wow did anything I said to her in the conversation at my house not register to her or what? I mean what nerve she has to pull something like this even after everything..


Just wow...

Don't worry about it, just keep ignoring her calls, texts, and continue to heal and live your life. Your on the right track =]

OK so it just happened that my ex came to my house again today which totally shocked me because I thought everything was settled last night when I told her everything I felt I needed to.

She came and I asked her what she was doing here as I thought everything was going to be left alone.

She comes and says she wants to talk to me because I wasn't picking up her calls. She asks why I don't like talking to her anymore, and implied that I hated her as well. I told her that she wanted the break up not me and that I'm just living my life to how I want it, which excludes her. I tell her that she made the decisions and I just went with what I thought was best for me at the time.

I also told her that I would never feel, care, or show the same interest in her as I had before because of the fact that she soon after we ended it got with another guy... After I said that I told her to leave and just went to my gym to workout..

When I think about it that's why I think she suggested the break/break up as well.

Damn I feel a tad bit used... ugh. The nerve of this girl to start doing this now, when I'm just feeling good about things again..

Any input would be appreciated...

And what's even worse is that I even feel bad for saying how I felt towards her after this whole thing.. I still don't want to hurt her, after everything that has happened and her hurting me and this whole messed up situation.

I really dislike this now.

You should be proud of what you did, stand up for yourself. You couldn't have done anything better. She is acting that way, because she is desperate she isn't in control of you anymore. When YOU were desperate it was great for her, but when you start applying NC and mean it, then the roles are reversed and there is no turning back for them, they start appreciating the full extent of their own decisions, and that hurts them (been there).

If she continues to call or come to your house, make it clear you will file an injunction, that will calm her. Continue what you are doing, you are really doing great and don't get down, be proud of what you've done!

You have everyright to tell her what you think and to tell her to leave you alone. Take comfort that it is their time to suffer... but I caution against that.

I am proud in the fact that I had enough strength to actually say what I have been holding in and wanting to say for so long. I have really been with so many ups and down with my ex and meanwhile she has had most of the power in our relationship and even throughout this break up. But honestly in isn't even about that to me, to me its just about being happy with myself and the fact that one day if god willing I am able to be fully happy with myself or able to share my happiness with someone else who won't treat me in the way I have with my ex and enjoy what I have to offer.

I'm actually not enjoying her discomfort as maybe I should be, I'm just not that type of person to wish ill on anyone. I leave that to fate and god, for whatever they deserve is on them because of their choices in life.

Thank you paxe for your words they really help me out

I'm actually not enjoying her discomfort as maybe I should be, I'm just not that type of person to wish ill on anyone. I leave that to fate and god, for whatever they deserve is on them because of their choices in life.

Well said! But this world has a very weird way of working things out and if you believe in it, it is called Karma. What goes around comes around and if you know that you were the best man you could be to this girl tent in return someday you will meet that girl that returns you the favor and makes you truly happy. I am in the same problem a break, back together, and then a break up. No one's heart should be played like this, but I know I was a great boyfriend and treated my ex extremely well while she took me for granted and treated me like dirt sometimes. One day your girl as well as mine will realize what they're missing out on because they're in a crappy relationship, etc. but by then we'll be long gone with someone else that doesn't take us for granted and loves us for who we are!

IF YOU MEAN WELL AND DO GOOD THINGS, GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU! And vice versa as well for all of you breakees!

Hey mdoli- you should be proud of yourself! That took a lot of strength knowing that deep down you still love her and miss her. You did the right thing. She obviously is very confused and now she knows she can't control you anymore. Godd for you man. I don't know if I could have been that strong if my ex-fiance came to my house.

I am proud in the fact that i had enough strength to actually say what I have been holding in and wanting to say for so long. I have really been with so many ups and down with my ex and meanwhile she has had most of the power in our relationship and even throughout this break up. but honestly in isn't even about that to me, to me its just about being happy with myself and the fact that one day if god willing I am able to be fully happy with myself or able to share my happiness with someone else who won't treat me in the way i have with my ex and enjoy what i have to offer.

I'm actually not enjoying her discomfort as maybe i should be, I'm just not that type of person to wish ill on anyone. I leave that to fate and god, for whatever they deserve is on them bc of their choices in life.

thank you paxe for your words they really help me out

Damn proud of you son!

First of all thank you for your kind words. I found myself thinking today as to why she would be so persistent this way even though after everything was said. I know we can't go back, I will not allow this anymore in my life. The behavior that I endured because I was for lack of better words blinded by love, I just simply can't allow it anymore. So I thought I would ask this question on here for those that can relate of just simply give some input on this.

Why do ex's return after the other person has slowly but surely begun their moving on and healing process?

My thoughts were the realization of them messing up, well something to that extent.

Do they not know that it's not making things easier for the other person or themselves.

Or is rationalizing this or even giving it a thought just a plain waste of time and to just keep it pushing forward.

I like to think of it this way. Things got too tough for them, or they had "grass is greener" scenario in their head, so they want to leave. They venture on and find out that things are too great, usually by this time the other person has gotten back to normal and the ex is then re attracted to them because they are who they first fell for. It's strange and weird but I've experienced it with my ex. When we broke up I had completely become so far away from who I had always been, I got comfortable and became bored, she ended it, 5 months later she wanted to give it another go. In that time I found this site, started working out, playing hockey and going out with friends. I also met a different girl and things were going great, things for her not so much, so she wanted back to "comfortable"

Or is rationalizing this or even giving it a thought just a plain waste of time and to just keep it pushing foward.

I vote for waste of time. Even if you asked I seriously doubt you would get a straight answer. Push forward.

So why do they come back when your moving on? Another good question. I think it's the psychological Scarcity Principal. Where as you want what's in demand, can't have, or is limited. Just my opinion.

I hope others on here read your story and figure out that it's best to let go. Letting go completely and taking a breath of fresh air to really understand what the issues were and whether it's really worth it. From there you can make decisions about the future... with or without them.

Or is rationalizing this or even giving it a thought just a plain waste of time and to just keep it pushing forward.

That's your answer, because as you move forward and have gotten yourself unblinded by love and hurt, you'll have your answers, and can relate to them much better with a clear head.

Thank you, Honestly I really appreciate hearing from people in third party based opinions because I myself still do have emotion in this that is still there obviously but in time that emotion I know will be replace with full clear logic.

It's so funny and this may be a tad bit sappy. But that old song I will survive by Gloria Gaynor how much the words somehow hit home with the way I felt and do feel now. Kind funny and make me laugh a bit..

I'm listening to Beverhills Cop tune, it could help you out also.

Just wanted to update real quick

So tomorrow is my birthday which is on a Monday, but I must say in light of everything happening recently I carried on and went out and had myself a damn good time this weekend for myself and it felt good. :)

To bad tomorrow I would love to have the day off from classes and to just go to some places and spoil myself.

I must say thanks to the many of you that I just vented too and asked for advice because it truly helped me.

Much appreciated, and cheers. :)

Hehe, I love when people get better! I'm really happy for you man, keep it up!

Have a good birthday guy, why not?

Great-Happy Birthday!

Hey everyone that's read my question and just helped me out. First of all thank you, secondly I just wanted to give an update to how everything is and ask a question that maybe I can get som advice on.

Everything has been good as concrning the ex girlfriend. On occasion she does text asking how things are and things of that sort. I either ignore or reply with minimal conversation. So I guess it's safe to say I could really careless about the no contact at this point because I'm rather far removed from this whole thing, funny how I had a hard time thinking I could ever be this way.

My question which I need some advice on is this new girl that I have started casually dating, going to dinners, movies, bars, etc. She is a classmate of mine that I met, she is also older than me and being with someone more mature is so it's really nice. We started talking twith each othermore and more this last month beyond friendship. We have even kissed and made out couple times. I'm really starting to like her and she has told me that's she feels the same. I just basically need some advice on how to progress this in the right way as I don't want to mess it up.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Are you completely over your breakup? Casual dating and meeting new people is a good thing but if you've not healed from your previous relationship you run the risk of getting yourself involved in a rebound which isn't fair on the other person.

I believe I am over my last relationship, I don't hold any I'll feelings towards my ex nor do I wish to be with her in any kind of way. I am really attracted to this girl and would like to continue seeing her in the way things have been goingbut I don't want to rush into anything, nor would I consider it a rebound if things were to progress well n we did get into a relationship.

I just really like this girl for her, her character, personality, an just bunch of other cute things that appeal to me that I notice when we are together.

Amicon is right, there is no rush in getting serious right now. One should learn to be single first. Make sure you are completely over your ex and you're just not using this new girl as a rebound. If possible go slow with her.

The thing is in my mind I wouldn't consider her a rebound but you're right about taking things slow.

How do I not make it not be or seem like a rebound when to me in my mind it doesn't feel that.

By taking it slow when getting to know each other better. Tone down on the flirtiness and focus on casual conversations.

Don't be friends with her just because you want to jump into a new relationship.

Keep things casual, i.e. neutral settings for hanging out. Not romantic places that could signify you want something more, e.g. a romantic dinner.

Keep getting to know other people. Don't just focus in on this one girl.

Your having fun, that's good! Just don't fall in so deep you can't see reality. If you were to look around in a realistic manner, I am quite sure you would see and understand that you could click with any number of females on this level, and have just as much fun. When your honest with yourself, and can be honest with others, you don't have to be an item, or need a title to define the relationship.

Its fun now because your strangers getting to know each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

so thought I would update here as I have a question with it as well,

I have taken your advice regarding this new girl that's come in my life and stuck to the friendship thing and just having fun knowing each other on that level its nice and I enjoy it quite well actually.

this question has to do with my ex and ex's in general.

This is what I saw with my own eyes actually, I was on my friends laptop today and he had his Facebook up, he and my ex are friends on their. Well I felt a bit nosey and decided to just look at her Facebook page and on their this is what I happen to find out. She is in a relationship with this guy that I know from another town. The guy isn't the most nicest or so to say attractive looking guy. But that is besides the point, I know who he is and he is by far not the greatest person in how he treats people and well just all around a tool!.

When she spoke to my friend couple days ago she had told him that he was this great guy and done with school and all this stuff that made him seem so great. My friend had told me this and I really at that time wasn't concerned with it at all, so I decided to check who this guy was and found out..

She had blatantly lied to my friend about who this guy was. And pretty much a good bit about him.

My question is how can someone be so false to lie enough to someone I know and build up a person who she is dating to be so great when in fact they really aren't..

my only thought on this is that she wants to make me feel bad in some way.. or something to that extent..

another thing is that just a week ago when she would text me randomly she would tell me she loved me and then I found this out, I won't front here but this to me is so manipulative and such a insult to those words and especially myself..

how the heck can people be so cruel and turn out to be this way.

just some feedback would be appreciated.

I got a text a couple of months after my breakup: I love you, I'm missing you.
I called her back not to do that again. End of story.
You can do the same thing or just block her number. There might be tons of reasons she is doing this, but you should think of yourself right now.

She is feeling withdrawal symptoms and doesn't have control over you, i.e. you are taking the power back by applying NC.

1) That's exactly why you take your time to get to know someone, before the love induced fog sets in.

2) Most times we only think we know someone, but we don't.

3) People lie to get what they want, or make you think they are better than what you are.

4) People have their own motives, and agenda, they may not tell you about, but you find out later, usually after its to late.

Take your pick as to which reason fits, as they can all be true.

Should I feeling betrayal, anger, hurt, maniuplayed, played and screwed with because that's what I have been feeling by all of this and most definitely isn't the fact that she is with this guy but how she used me and how much lied to I have been that just came full circle for me to find out.

I have probably contemplated at least 20 times on calling her and giving her a piece of mind l but I know that's a huge mistake. I don't know maybe feel better doing that. And I have the biggest urge to just break this nc that I have kept for two weeks now especially because of this.

It's definitely a shock that I didn't think would stay in my mind for long but somehow is...

If that's the way it makes you feel,acknowledge your feelings and than try to move on from them.
Write everything down,then destroy the piece of paper,but don't break NC over it,that would be a step backwards.
Remember,she only holds as much power over you as you allow her to.

Amicons suggestion is a wise course of action for your healing.

Confronting her out of anger, and frustration does you no good, and your "feel better" will only be temporary. It changes nothing, as you still will be left to deal with your feelings on your own.

Exercise or physical activity are better emotional outlets for your intense feelings, and moving on to better things is your best revenge.

I would stay off her Facebook, and not take it personally whatever she was doing, or saying to others, because in reality, its no longer your business, nor concern.

Tal and amicon are right. Training is really important to get over her. As hard as it is, it's her life and she makes her own mistakes now and you need to build your life so that you won't think about her no more.

Of course from time to time, I still think what stupid mistakes must be making now ( I don't think her liver is functioning right now with all the alcohol she's taking ), but it's her life and I have nothing to do with it. As far as it concerns me she could die and I wouldn't care.

I just want to say I really appreicate your input on this thank you amicon, tal, and paxe as well for the comments. It keeps me grounded and level headed.

paxe I keep telling myself that I actively need to work on getting her out of my head and occupying my time wisely.. I have set up some goals already, but in the end I'm mostly getting that time is a huge factor in this..

You mean you don't have too much time? I feel for you buddy. I'm studying full time as an electrical engineer... it's hell. I do nothing else than studying.

What you need to do is to train and exercise at least 1 intense hour everyday. It will help you focus on work or studying. Start eating well also. If you take care of your body and set physical goals, the healing will be much faster, trust me.

Keep posting how you are improving also.

I just want to say I really appreicate your input on this thank you amicon, tal, and paxe as well for the comments. it keeps me grounded and level headed.

paxe i keep telling myself that i actively need to work on getting her out of my head and occupying my time wisely.. i have set up some goals already, but in the end im mostly getting that time is a huge factor in this..
Your right, its all about time... so it requires a lot of patience also.

Yeah patience is soemthing I really want to work on as well as a person, working out, studying, and eating well is what I will continue to do..

You know its funny looking back on this entire thread of mine how fast time went by and I have made some good improvement but still not as much as I would have liked because I had contact here and there.. really nc is the best thing to stick with..

At this moment I do feel a bit of an idiot for basically allowing myself to get treated this way in being manipulated and falling for some of the things that were said to me and letting this happen..

We all make mistakes and learn from it. The idea is not to make them again. Keep improving :D !