N I try thinking if I'm too jealous or if it was me but I never checked her phone... I let her have her privacy on the internet sites and all and never asked for passwords... I let her be her at her job and never interferred with anything. I mean the occasional feeling a bit insecure with her going to like a pajama party with girl and guy friends I didn't know who do crazy things but I figured that's got to be understandable... im not crazy or something... I know what's good and not good. So I don't get it.

I will agree its you who doesn't get it yet, as going over, and over old ground gets you nothing but confusion. She didn't do it your way, nor wanted too, so what is there to get? You probably only lasted this long because you accepted what she did, and in her mind, condoned it. That has continued long after the break up, and until you make up your mind, to put false hope and confusion behind you and do for yourself, whatever it takes to move forward, you still will not get it. Forget her actions of the past, and get your own for the future, as anything less will only keep you from getting it.

If your board at work, that's something you can do something about, besides trying to figure out what she is doing, and thinking.

Ok I guess I will try to stop talking and thinking about it... and 3 years isn't so long anyway, right? How do I know what to do differently with the next girlfriend? I stopped checking her phone and I let her have her privacy and I stopped calling girls and I worked on all I had to... so what next? It still didn't work. This time SHE was going out behind my back... go figure. What should I work on? I can have more trust I am sure. How do I work on that?

Emo
Everything you say you were doing is perfectly normal , you should trust your partner , they should be allowed to go out without you etc etc.

What do you need to get?? Get that she obviously crossed the boundaries at times and you condoned it by not sticking up for yourself and dumped her , you've said yourself that you would've never dumped her and she knew that and played on it. Get it??

Now , stop trying to get it and forget about this girl and worrying about something that's now totally out of your control , otherwise we'll all be here in another 50 pages and you'll still be asking the same questions.

I'm more than happy to be in here in 50 pages but lets be talking about how well you've progressed and how much you've learnt.

Emo, this is last time I will say this (I will start copying and pasting it if I have to):

Let yourself heal and unpack the baggage from this last relationship.

You will someday, when you are ready, find a woman (not a girl) that you want to be with in a healthy relationship. Hopefully, she will share the same basic ideas that you do.

You will know to sit down and discuss with her what you both want in a relationship. You will set the boundaries together and work together to build something stronger than you have ever had before.

What should I work on?

Work on having a happy life without a female. You get to attached and it makes you blind to reality. You seem to have convinced yourself that she is more important than anything else, so you eat crap to keep someone who doesn't see you the same way.

The best way not to eat crap, dump it when you see it.

Thank you friend and cat... its that sometimes I say its all my fault and even though I fixed all those other things I maybe could have done more... like not get upset when I get scared or not have fun when she wasn't that way she wouldn't get sad... I don't know... I was trying everything. I should have just let her done everything else and let her go out without telling me and lie to me... it would have been better than this.

Darnit! I apologized and even went to her job to say it. I put effort when I am wrong unlike her. All I know for sure is that I gave it my best best shot! It still wasn't enough for her and I am sure she will regret it someday! I am very nice and certain situations can be a bit difficult for me to handle but if she didn't like it we could have had dinner or something to talk about it. She didn't have to hurt me 3 times with the same things and then blame it on me after we agreed on something

If you don't stop analysing her actions and thoughts it's going to be very difficult to move forward.

I get it now!!!!! You like the taste of CRAP!!!!!

Well on a better note... here are things I have done to help myself...

I went to church today.
I go to the gym almost everyday and working out like a beast. My arms have never been so big... lol
My abs are getting better...
I try not to think about the situation.
I watch TV or go to the movies.
I text friends.
I listen to music. But mostly the gym makes me happiest n trying to reach my goal... afterall a nice body is a great goal in life I think.

For some reason, right now I don't feel too good. I doubt I will find someone I can be cool with and comfortable with again... Im sorry T-Man u got mad before for me being foolish. I am not feeling this way on purpose. I'd rather not be going through this.

I miss having a girlfriend... I miss her. What do I do? I'm not used to this. It happened too soon n I feel I should have just let her do what she did behind my back so that I could still be with her. Please help me! I've still kept no contact.

Emopunk, it is absolutely normal to think about your ex and all the wishing of being together. May I ask you what would a man be like if he wants to behave like someone's pet? You have to learn how to say NO every time your brain reminds you of your ex.

It is something that can be overcome. "I miss having a girlfriend" Human always miss things that made them happy in life. Stay strong, post all the crap here when you can't fight your own thoughts. Any of form of breaking NC, begging, pretend to be strong in front of her etc. WILL lower your dignity and self-respect. TRUST ME, TRUST US!

Emo, when you hang out with your friend on Tuesday are you planning on regaling her with stories of your past relationship? Think that might be a downer?

Face forward. Enjoy the company of a friend who happens to be female. Think of fun things to do. Think of other topics of conversation that you are both interested in.

Allow yourself to feel good.

I may have fun with this girl but it won't be the same... it won't be her... I will just be sad again. Is thinking of the bad stuff a good idea. Some days I do very good but I guess cause of work I get more down. Its hard because even if I think of the bad, obviously it wasn't bad enough for me to break us up... Why would she do that? Its been about a month today? Does anyone think I am doing okay so far? Or should I be over it by now?

Emo, quite frankly, every time I think you get your face headed in the forward position instead of staring at what's behind you, you panic. Every time you show a glimmer of letting her go, you grab on to the tendrils of those memories and yank them right back into your conscious mind. Why? Who benefits from holding on? Not her. She doesn't know or care. You? Nope, it is only making you hurt more.

How long do you plan to permit the wound from this past relationship to fester? Do you want to let it heal? Do you think if you allow yourself to emotionally bleed out that she will somehow find out and mourn your loss?

Why do you have to think of her at all? Why can't you think about just having a good time with a friend who just wants to have fun?

Of course it won't be the same. Glory in the fact that it isn't the same. Rejoice in the knowledge that relationships come in many different flavors. Spit out the one that Tal aptly called "crap". Rinse your mouth out and try one that has a better flavor. You might find you like it.

You are right in so many ways Cat... I really wanted to vent but I'd feel bad after such a great post... I guess I will vent and try to make this my last one and then speak of your points.
Relationships come and go and there is never any certainty! Its scary and risky! There are lots of memories I can remember. Playing sports and little things like she likes the crunchy french fries and so much more little and big memories. I would pick her up from work and sometimes I would be late and I feel bad for that and I feel bad for so many other things but that just says I loved her! I always tried to better mysel f for her. I fixed all my previous problems. I think the only thing left to work on could have been to not be needy. But it was hard because I just started working weird hours in the city but I always made time for her no matter how tired. Yet she would say she is too tired after work and from an hour calling me daily, she would only give me about 5 minutes now because she is supervisor and she said I had to understand. I said OK I understand. I wondered if we barely had sex and she was always tired for me then imagine with a baby and marriage. But that wasn't the point. I wasn't feeling loved anymore and her job was more important. When I asked her if she missed me she said she is so busy at work that she doesn't have time to miss me... that hurt me. I wouldn't even say that. I felt so ignored and uncared for for a while. We were getting distant but she didn't care. Then I worked late that Thursday and she was upset because I wasn't answering my phone but I did text I will call her soon. Finally I called her and she was pissed but I said at least you know I'm at work and not doing anything wrong but she didn't care. Then she goes to the church thing where she says her ex isn't there... then the next day we have a great day hugging and holding her close and relaxing and that same night she does it again and goes out behind my back and I catch her and then we are both upset and then she ignores me for 5 hours late at night even knowing I'm worried...

That's a major deal breaker for me! 3rd time she lied big time! I'm a sucker because I could keep letting it go but would I be happy? Maybe not. I feel bad I did it back but I did. Maybe it happened for a reason. I'm starting to get sick of thinking about the same crap all the time and maybe that's good. I feel a bit confused. I see girls and since I'm not used to them I see them as very pretty and with potential so I know I'm not totally suffering at least. Maybe we just weren't meant to be but that makes me sad because we should be... u know? Oh well. I know I tried my best... she didn't.

I need to be stronger and let go Cat fully. I kept no contact because I know that last time I tried everything but it still didn't work. If she doesn't want me then that's just it. She just didn't love me enough and didn't think to fix a very good thing and friends became more important when we def. could have worked through that. I always had surprises and all for her... I remember I made plans for six flags with her and she got in the car knowing I wasn't feeling so good about us spending little time together and she tells me that she chose to work instead of six flags. But I had a surprise for her with a candle and candy and flower and soda and a card and then she felt bad and she said OK let's go to six flags... but its not like she had such a desire... I was feeling all this prior. I knew something was wrong and then things got worse. I think she met someone else.

Anyway even though I hurt, I know this is better than begging and getting more hurt and not feeling any dignity. Now this way I know in the long run it will be a lot better for me. I know I tried my best and I think that shows more than anything how much I cared. Yeah I missed her and sometimes a bit needy but I loved her a lot and I can't blame myself for that. So no contact has been easy but the emotions not so much. Thank you Cat for your great post! I don't do this just so she will mourn... I never talk or anything with her... she is gone! I accept it. Some days can be harder especially when I'm bored.
Yeah I should just think of the friend instead... its just a bit hard because I used to sleep over her house and her parents wouldn't mind... we would sleep next to each other and I enjoyed that and feeling her body while she fell asleep and now I can't do any of that again!

Well I feel a lot better now... mornings are the hardest part. Anybody here?

Has anybody read what I wrote?

Well I had a date on Tuesday (yesterday) but she changed it to Monday but I said I couldn't and we agreed for Wednesday. Thing is I text her today and she said she was in the city... She also said she saw paranormal activity at the movie theatre.

It just hit me that she was in the city on the day we were suppose to go out... N maybe she saw that movie with another guy. It kind of bothered me but then I thought maybe she went with a girlfriend or maybe it was a guy and she just wanted to be with him today because he couldn't another day. It kind of sucks but we are nothing now. But I think its just that I feel pushed aside for someone else... Why do I feel bothered? Should I?

Also, my brother goes out with my ex's sister for like 3 years now.

If love is going to work then it just does. So what if I missed her more than usual. She could have said at least 2wice a day "hey baby I know u miss me n that makes me soo happy. I miss u too and I can't wait to see u soon" or something to show she cared... it wasn't so bad though, I just missed her. The bad thing is that she went behind my back... n then cursed me out and then ignored me and all after she said she would be honest twice before. Remember I never cheated nor did a thing wrong to this girl that dealt with not trusting. I always took her out with me yet she felt she had to go alone and not tell me when she would dump me if I did that... NOT FAIR! I am feeling good!

Emo
Do you want to get better?

If the answer is yes then STOP analyzing everything , its in the past so move on and stop worrying about the what's and whys and ifs.

If your just going to keep going over old ground you may as well go back and start reading this thread from page 1.

We all said we'd be here for you to vent and talk about your progress and I for one am happy to , but not to go over the same old stuff over and over again.

Cmon man :cool:

Is it normal to still be thinking a little about the ex and wondering what ifs? Even though I apologized a lot for paying her back it still makes me feel bad but then on the other hand I don't feel bad because she did it 3 times before and if she did it again and ignored me all night then maybe she didn't care about me so much as I imagined. This is the only thing I think about. But I feel I am doing great so far besides that. What do you think? I am doing things to stay busy but those thoughts come sometimes and I hate it. Is this normal for now?

Take your right hand and put it between your legs and remember that you have balls so get rid of the vagisil and tell her what's up. Get strong bud

Think Thrice before you act emopunk7. I was like u, my confused ex broke up with me, I begged her to come back but the fact that is she wants to try something NEW out there. When I told her that we will NOT have anything together in the future, she got desperate.

The truth is she doesn't want to let go yet doesn't want to be with me because she's chasing for another guy! I was stupid, I spent some time with her but all I realise is I was giving her the cake while she's having her dessert! F*ed up myself like a fool.

I suggest every time you need suggestions from us, read you OWN THREAD from the 1st POST and u'll get the answer!

Is it normal to still be thinking a little about the ex and wondering what ifs? Even though I apologized a lot for paying her back it still makes me feel bad but then on the other hand I don't feel bad because she did it 3 times before and if she did it again and ignored me all night then maybe she didn't care about me so much as I imagined. This is the only thing I think about. But I feel I am doing great so far besides that. What do you think? I am doing things to stay busy but those thoughts come sometimes and I hate it. Is this normal for now?

Yes, it is normal and common to think about 'what if's'. However, those thoughts don't help you heal.

You need to get out of the habit of holding on to them and treating them like precious gems. They aren't. They are viruses that are trying to infect your thought processes. If you give them permission to continue to grow, you will just keep yourself sick. The easiest way to get rid of the infection is toss out the thoughts that are causing it. Just tell yourself, no more. You are going to think about pleasant things instead of the same thing over and over again.

I am glad that you are doing well, otherwise.

Thank you Cat... Update!

I went on a date two days ago with a pretty girl and I had a great time. I took her to a restaurant and then to an arcade. We both had fun and she wants a second date and she said she likes me. We spoke on the phone the day before yesterday. She says she is looking for a serious relationship and we spoke about things she likes and doesn't like and she even agreed that if a partner goes out they should say with who and all and call or answer calls and not act suspicious. So at least I learned to bring all that up in the beginning. So far she seems really cool and we are on the same page. I am going out tonight with friends to PA in a party bus to a strip club so that should be fun to finally hang out with my friends and not have to answer to anyone for once. What do you think?

Don't rush into another serious relationship.

Have fun!

What do you mean don't just get into another relationship? I am having fun... What am I to do if she wants a relationship and she seems great so far... do I ignore her?

How about going slow with it, and while your being honest, she will have to know eventually that you JUST got out of a 4 year thing, so she can decide if she wants to be a rebound, or not.

That's not something you talk about on a second date though, but eventually when things have progressed.

Until then have fun, and don't get in to deep, to fast.

Can't young people just date without getting carried away by their emotions? No wonder I have so many posts, about the same freaking thing.

Sorry for the soap box!

What do you mean don't just get into another relationship? I am having fun...What am I to do if she wants a relationship and she seems great so far....do I ignore her?

Did you read what I wrote or what you wanted to see?

Be honest with her that you are healing from a bad relationship and it would be an extremely bad idea for you to RUSH into another serious relationship. You need time to make sure that the past is in the past. You don't want it haunting your next relationship. She deserves better than to be compared to someone else or to pay for someone else's mistakes.

No need to hurt this innocent girl out of selfishness. So be honest with yourself. This girl says she's looking for serious relationships, and I don't think that you are. Not with her at least.

To me, it isn't a good idea to be involved with a girl who wants more than dating right now. Especially since you're in the state you are.

Yeah I told her "I am not thinking about a serious relationship right now. We can keep dating and then take it from there." She agreed and just wants to make sure that I don't just want sex. I said no, that I just want to have a good time." She agreed so that is how things are right now. I can't get into a relationship at least until next month or the following, when I would be doing a lot better and thinking better, right?

I can't get into a relationship at least until next month or the following, when I would be doing a lot better and thinking better, right?

Only when you you stop letting your past relationship haunt your thoughts will you be ready for a new serious relationship.

That will take as long as it takes. Longer if you obsess over the past. Shorter if you allow yourself (mentally as well as emotionally) to heal.

I really loved my ex... im sorry to do this... Its that I keep blaming myself for things especially the last parts. Like I learned to avoid everything prior to that because it didn't break us up, but this did so I only care for this and once someone helps me put it together, that would be my closure instead of from her.

I keep telling myself that I over reacted which is why she was mad and ignored me all night and treated me badly and then the next day, me paying her back, made things worse...

But then there is the side of me that says who cares how I reacted because the bottom line was that she said she was going to sleep and she lied and went out instead and no matter what would have stood out late behind my back. Something we wouldn't do as I thought we were honest and would let each other know.

So I'm stuck... the days that I think of the latter I'm okay but when I think of the former, I'm miserable... Most days I'm in between and confused and I NEED it to stop... please no general answers... I need specific answers as to which I should focus on and why... thank you sooo much... Please don't think I'm hurting myself by thinking... I need your reasons so that I can see it... I need this to be done with so that I can move on... Your words CAN be my closure... thank you in advance! Hoping this will be the beginning of a new chapter!

Focus on thinking with your head, and not your heart. Your impulsive actions will be your downfall until you get control of yourself.

We all have feelings, Emo, and until you deal with them better and learn to communicate. You will keep making mistakes and beat yourself up about them.

That's counter productive, as you will always take a step forward, and two back.

Think son, before you do something stupid. Think before you act, and think some more before you go for any BS.

If you need a female so bad, you keep eating crap, you need to think of why.

I don't really know what you mean T-Man... Sounded like a subliminal message. I kind of got that I shouldn't be revengeful and I should try talking when I feel a certain why... right?

And what do you mean think before I go for any bs?

Plus. I think you ignored my questions to give me only the answer YOU wanted to give instead of LISTENING to what I wanted answers to help me whether you THINK so or not.

Emo
The problem is you keep asking the same question over and over again , there are only so many ways you can answer them.

Have you thought about going back to the beginning of this thread and reading it all again? You have received really good answers but for some reason you don't seem to be getting it.

Not trying to run you down just pointing out what's obvious to all of us.

Emo, I can't give you closure. No one here can. The only person who can give you closure is YOU. When you accept that fact of Life, you will be closer to healing yourself.

You want something specific. Try this: STOP the mental Ferris Wheel and get off the ride.

You are the one running the ride. You can stop it at any time. Choose to do so or keep getting answers like this.

Unbelievable... I beg just to get all of your opinion and all I get is to stop asking and get over it. Can I have everyone's opinions on my questions please because I believe that I can get closure from YOUR answers... If I think it's that easy then maybe it is... everyone needs closure and I believe in the help of this site sooo much that I believe it WILL give me closure... why can't you believe in it?

Emo
You got all our opinions and answers at the beginning of the thread , have you gone back and read them??

Sorry for being stubborn... I did re read everything. I see you all have been very helpful and believe it or not I have been doing great thanks to all of you. Sometimes, like 2 hours a day now, it can be kind of hard, but I feel it going so low that soon it will be done. So there is strength in me that I learned to find due to the last break up. What doesn't kill you, sure does make you stronger.

Maybe all this is happening for a bigger reason that I can't see right now. I feel my mind thinking a lot more free and enjoying lots of little things and laughing more.

Please, someone tell me if I'm right in this type of thinking... Here it goes...
Maybe some relationships aren't meant to last and just serve a purpose. Maybe as much as we both wanted it to work, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe there are certain people you can trust and others you can't and being that there is that dangerous feeling like "wow I can't really trust this person" which makes the relationship more challenging and fun in a strange way makes you FEEL like you are more in love because you can't really get this person, but its always like you want it because its not really "there".

I mean I'm not crazy and I don't think I have issues, but I mean I have a mind and I can sense when things are not right and that created my jealousy in that relationship... Im not blaming anyone. I am just sharing my views that perhaps are right. Maybe there will be a girl that it will be natural with and one that I can trust. I mean, the girl I am talking to now sometimes just stops texting me at night and I think nothing of it. I just say, maybe she fell asleep and I do something else. I just have no reason to not trust her. I don't decide to not trust someone because of my past, I give all a chance and I've been so cool with this girl so far and just enjoying the convos and enjoying my life. Do you think any of this is good thinking?

Any answers, please?

Well seeing as though 90% of that is what people have been telling you this whole thread, I believe it's a good way to think

Maybe all this is happening for a bigger reason that I can't see right now. I feel my mind thinking a lot more free and enjoying lots of little things and laughing more.

Please, someone tell me if I'm right in this type of thinking... Here it goes...
Maybe some relationships aren't meant to last and just serve a purpose. Maybe as much as we both wanted it to work, it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe there are certain people you can trust and others you can't and being that there is that dangerous feeling like "wow I can't really trust this person" which makes the relationship more challenging and fun in a strange way makes you FEEL like you are more in love because you can't really get this person, but its always like you want it because its not really "there".

Is this correct, Cat, T-Man, I Wish, Friend4U, JustWantFair?

Why did you ignore DerelictHerds? He just agreed with you that it seems like a good way to think.

He is quite right. That is about 90% of what we have been saying.

I find it interesting that you also 'copy and pasted' those thoughts instead of writing them out again.

Do you believe them?

On a side note... Everyone in the beginning made excuses for her... but she didn't go out because her friend was sick or called her last minute... because she told me she lied on purpose because she thought I would be mad. Therefore all that is erased. There are lots of things that I know she wouldn't like... That doesn't mean I should do it behind her back! And after that she ignores me for hours which is considered emotional abuse to me because that was wrong and this was the fourth time!

I'm really sorry for saying the same things in different ways... im just a bit down today knowing its over and I'm trying to find a way to say its for the best so I go over the situation... please help me.

No, I appreciate derelict's response. I just wanted responses from the other people I mentioned and that why I copy and pasted, just to make it shorter for your eyes. Thank you for your response as well, Cat. I love your responses and the way you write.

Ok... well I went on another date today with the same girl and she really likes me and we had sex... Now we will do it again on Thursday... This keeps me unbored but I'm still not over my ex. Is this OK? I told her we will just hang out for now and see what happens... is this okay?

Its far too fast for me. I wouldn't want anything romantic or sexual with someone who's missing his ex.

I feel so down right now even after a month of NC. I feel like I've ruined my chance with true love! This is miserable. I have been working out and I have gone on 2 dates. I could have done anything around her or in front of her. Help!!

Stay strong! Don't focus on the emotions, but focus on what you can learn from your mistake, and apply it in the future!

Something happened to me and I need to speak to someone... T-Man, Cat, I Wish, JustWantFair, Derelict, Friend4U, BSWC. Please relpy to this...

Are you OK Emo? The others are probably asleep it must be the middle of the night in the US now.

Emopunk7 I know how you feel and I feel really bad you have to go through this. I felt/still feel like what me and my ex had was TRUE love.. and I broke up with him two years ago because he started hanging out with a old friend who was a horrible influence on him. And basically my ex went a week without calling me or anything. That made me fill with pain, rage, I felt so abandoned & confused. Well eventually he came running back to me and would be drunk throwing rocks at my window crying saying he loved me and wants to marry me.. then I gave in and we would hook up and I'd feel all the love in the world again and would be so happy. Then we'd just stop talking... this has been happening over and over and over. For more than 2 1/2 years now. We can't get over each other and I've been having sex with random guys and trying to replace him but no one compares to this day. Now I try to play tough guy and act like I'm over my ex.. everyone thinks I am and I act like it towards him. But I keep giving in cause he pulls out the "i'm going to kill myself..i need you" and he even became a heroin junkie which I helped him get off. So basically I don't understand why he WON'T BE WITH ME FOR REAL. His excuse is he's so busy with work every night,He has a band that practices all the time and play shows on the weekend... and I know some of his friends.. most don't like me or want/have slept with me.

This is really frustrating... hopefully your pain doesn't last as long as mine. Which doesn't make any sense ='[ (sorry for the long story)

What has happen that has you so down?

Trust is the key to a relationship. Talk to her and find out the whole story.

Trust is the key to a relationship. Talk to her and find out the whole story.

Charles, did you read the entire thread?

Charles, did you read the entire thread?

nope XD I'm to lazy to read all of it =/

nope XD im to lazy to read all of it =/

Let's just say that this is beyond talking to her now. They are not together and we are helping emopunk get his life back on track.

Well I decided to not be on the rebound as it is adding more confusion and pain for some reason. I feel being alone is best right now. I am feeling a little down and I just had a dream about her. And I don't know why sometimes I blame myself for ruining it.

I decided to start reading and I wrote in my journal and I was thinking of going to a hospital with a superman costume I have and try making the sick feel better. Is this a good idea? Is it allowed?

Any help or encouragement is appreciated... I feel so down in the mornings and I think a lot... why?

Well I decided to not be on the rebound as it is adding more confusion and pain for some reason. I feel being alone is best right now. I am feeling a little down and I just had a dream about her. And I don't know why sometimes I blame myself for ruining it.

I decided to start reading and I wrote in my journal and I was thinking of going to a hospital with a superman costume I have and try making the sick feel better. Is this a good idea? Is it allowed?

Volunteering sounds like a good idea, but don't just show up in costume. They may not take it the right way. :)

Instead, find out what the requirements for volunteering are. The hospital probably has a link on its website. :)

Emo, I don't respond to questions in private messages. All questions and advice need to be kept on the board.

Yes, indeed! Volunteering in charity events of communities will help u feel better with yourself. Its nice, go for blood donation for example. Start when you're young and full of energy! Keep it up,5 months of break up I'm still like crap at nights. You're not alone but we shall stay strong!

The last few days for a few hours I have been feeling pretty down and sad. I don't know why but I keep blaming myself for what happened and I keep saying that if I didn't do it back, we would still be together. I keep feeling like I ruined it all and I can't move on because of this. I don't know what to do. Please help!!

Some people may not accept this but try to forgive yourself. It is for you to carry on with the lesson learnt in this moment of life, some people blame themselves for the rest of their lives and it leads to no where.

Don't worry it's just the part of u that has not healed talking to your mind...

Thanks bswc!

Cat, T-man... Everyone... I need some support!
The last few days for a few hours I have been feeling pretty down and sad. I don't know why but I keep blaming myself for what happened and I keep saying that if I didn't do it back, we would still be together. I keep feeling like I ruined it all and I can't move on because of this. I don't know what to do. Please help!!

How about going for some exercises to boost the endorphin level in your body? Work pretty well :)

Hey emo... I have been followign this thread. Our stories are pretty similar. Effort from the guy's end and poor response from the girl's end. Accept two things.
1. There is someone else in her life.
2. If it had to be "the one" relationship , it wouldn't have ended in this way , no matter what you tried to do.

Keep the faith.

I have never believed in an eye for an eye. All it does is cause problems. It is also very immature. If you don't like what she is doing then tell her. If she doesn't change then dump her. No matter what someone does to you try to be the bigger person and walk with dignity.


Well it is hard for me to trust. I should tell you that I paid her back yesterday. I acted very nice the same way she did n then I did exactly to the last detail everything she did to me. I sent the same exact messages back n went to a bar n all. now she is mad at me.

Well I know I shouldn't have done eye for an eye... I did apologize many times and I said I won't do it again. She lied by going out behind my back 4 times... I had a little issue of my girlfriend going to a bar or club alone but when she told me I didn't get mad and I said have fun... Then she decides to go out behind my back while I'm at work... Its so sneaky and if I didn't find out, I would have seen her the next day and thought everything was fine. The fact that could have happened and I would have looked like an idiot hurts me how she could lie as she did before. Plus I do remember before going out again she did say she wouldn't be able to control her temper yet but I said it will be okay. I tried hard not to get her upset.

I tried really hard dealing with my issues and yet while I tried so hard to make her happy and tell her have fun when she wanted to go out... yet there she was again hurting me and cursing me and ignoring me because I was upset she lied and going behind my back while I was trying... I don't get it. Why does this have to happen to me? Why does the pain seem to hurt more? The future scares me now. Why is life like this? Why couldn't I be forgiven when that was the worst I've done? I've forgiven her on sooo many occasions!

Patients grasshopper!:) just give her some time and I'm sure she will forgive you. Right now she is trying to turn the tables around on you to take the heat off herself.

Its been 1 month since we contacted... its over... again... I don't want her forgiveness now... im just hurting that things turned out this way.

Emo - you have to remember that none of us were brought into this world to be doormats - only YOU can afford yourself the dignity and respect that all people deserve - its up to you to choose how much you should have.

You are quite obviously hurting at the moment, you still will be this time next year if you do not start taking positive things in your life and making them a priority. You have made this person an 'all consuming' aspect of your life - guess what? - she's not in it anymore, and you have a massive void where she was because YOU allowed her to be.

In my humble opinion, there were jealousy issues on both sides of this relationship - I know from experience that this can be extremely destructive - but it's over. Done. Finished (Those are the words that are probably running through her mind right now) - You need to get them into yours, or you are going to end up very low (lower than you are already).

A mindful warning too; if you are moping around for months and months, you will project this to other people, AND possibly ruin the chance of anyone else approaching you. You'll miss out on other experiences -am glad you're using this site; experience has taught me that even the closest people to you get sick and tired of listening, not because you're a bad person, but because they get bored, it will affect other relationships around you.

I hope you find what you're looking for; - yourself

Try and keep smiling :0)

Is it possible to still have so much fun with a person you're in love with even though she isn't so in love with you?

Can you be so well loved and not know it? I am proud to say that I loved another with all that I have. Not once did I ever cheat nor wanted to. I had the love that wanted to make that person's dreams come true with whatever little money I had. Never been on a plane? Here you go! Never been on a vacation trip? Here you go! Some may say well that doesn't prove your love. Fine... Never laid a hand on her. I will not be arrogant and say we didn't argue because of course we did. We annoyed each other but by the end of every day I knew I was blessed and I knew I wouldn't want it any other way. I didn't understand everything about her... I didn't expect her to understand all of me. I found it romantic to sometimes have surprises waiting for her... perhaps a letter with a candle and a pepsi drink and a snickers bar. Maybe some flowers. Open doors. Go out at least once a week or do something different and fun. I mean I really put all my energy trying. Why is it that the person can be extremely jealous and untrusting no matter how much effort you put in for them not to think anything but yet they do things behind your back? If I wanted to go to a bar and have a few drinks with friends... I brang my girl along because I accepted the jealousy and I cared for her feelings as well. I wanted to go clubbing, then I'd bring my girl. No problem. I wanted to have a drink then I'd bring my cousin James along with my girl... no problem. I've made mistakes but I've made sure I don't do them again. Why is it that at 3 different occasions this person lies and usually says she is going to bed but yet she was out with friends or in Jersey? Why not be honest? Some may say maybe she was scared. I mean I knew she didn't like my cousin christina because of a letter we wrote each other which was more like thanks for being a great cousin but even when I knew she didn't like her and was jealous I was honest and said we are having a family sleep over and she will be there... I even invited her so she won't be hurt! I remember that same night she said "I Love You" and she said she will go to bed and I found out she shut off her phone and went to jersey... I mean shut off phone before texting especially when I put my all to protect your feelings? That was the first time we broke up. Her ex apparently was a and well he wouldn't care when she cried. Well we got back together after I suffered so much and we tried making it work again. Great times and a lot of effort on my part so that she doesn't run away again. Well one day she gets a text and she deletes it and I say what was that? She says its nothing and she says I should leave her house and then she cries and says I deserve better? Hmmm... still wondering what that text could have been. I sympathized with her crying and said baby don't cry everything will be okay but I still left her house as asked. On a side note, I was thrown out of her house at least 50 times a year while I didn't throw her out even once. Anyway, 3 different times she says I'm going to sleep and I found out she was doing something else. Mind you, she told me a few months ago she was going to a club with friends and siblings so being that I know I have an issue with a girlfriend going to a club or bar without me, I say you know what? You go have a good time. I finally made the biggest effort to show that I care a lot and not fight! So I don't want to hear anyone say I was way too jealous or didn't love or she had to be scared. She lied because she wanted to. She decided to. 3 different times and each time I spoke to her to be honest next time. She always agreed but never kept her word. Then the last time she said she was going to bed but when I called and she answered by mistake and I heard a clubbing scene. She calls back 15 minutes later (now its all quiet) and she was out with a friend and God knows who else or meeting who else. I was upset of course being this is the 3rd time and now she is mad that I'm mad... go figure. Instead of telling her friend to take her home because I was mad and caught her at least to save us, she hangs up and calls me 5 hours later leaving me worried at work. I never felt so much pain and betrayal. When she calls back we start fine then get a bit roudy and she curses me out and we argue and she says let's take a break for a while or break up.? Really? Instead of trying to fix it, just give up 3 years knowing my love is true? After me not choosing she says you, I've been doing this! The next day I only got a text saying I love you and I'm sorry. Not a call or someone at my door really apologizing just a text. On her lunch break I had to beg for 10 minutes because the other half hour went to her lunch with her supervisor which apparently was more important. When I tried reasoning with her about the day before she didn't want to hear it and got so frustrated and she didn't want to communicate so I immediately stopped and said "okay we won't speak. I will stop now and I will make everything okay for us again". She then calmed down as if she really believed I was the one who was suppose to make it better... Guessing she was used to that and me being used as a doormat. I couldn't break up with her and my one regret was that night I dd exactly what she did to me hoping that maybe without talking (since she didn't want to) she can understand how I feel or just break up with me since obviously she didn't care anymore. I felt bad and apologized but I couldn't dump her so this is my only regret. Nonetheless, I did try my best throughout the relationship and I never want to hear anyone ever say I never loved that girl because God knows I did sooo much. And as much as it hurts it makes me feel good that this is not my fault and it helps to know that I always did my very best. I feel this has to be posted as my own closure as I never really got one. It was a difficult month but I am glad to be alive and hve experienced this and I will come out stronger. I really did love her but it is over now and I just wanted to give the true story instead of hiding it. I don't want anyone thinking I hurt anybody. I was hurt and manipulated so many times even I was confused half the times. I'm glad to not go through it again. I just wanted everyone to know my side. I am still not a bad person. I actually wish her the best and I hope she changes for the next person. Also, I always encouraged her to go to family events and not stay home or stay with me because if anything we can both go. But she still didn't and I heard she told her family it was because of me so go figure. Her family is amazing to say the least! I guess she just couldn't see how much I loved her. The end.

P.S. Smoking is bad and she actually said that she likes being around me because I help her stop smoking yet when I tried just saying hey you smoked didn't u she would then get mad... She said she would stop and she tried hiding that too. If your going to do it just say so and be done with it for future experiences... Enough with the lies. Every time I got a text she had to know who it was... Yet I not once got a bad text... ever! She got one saying hey I have an itch want to scratch it from a guy.. Mind you she always made me look bad in front of her families eyes especially her sister. I actually really like her sister but guess what... her sister doesn't really like me, and guess why?
This is not including the fists and scratches and things she threw at me and not including the things she threw at my car and slamming doors constantly. Bottom line is I still loved her and I don't get why she left me. Good bye!!

Please, some comments!

I thought you were done... what more do you need to hear? Hell you're lucky you've had people answer this to the point there's 34 pages worth.

Yes you are right. You're a lovely guy from they way you treated her and manage things..

It's a brand new step in healing once you started accepting that you are not turning back. Keep it emopunk! The emotional rollercoaster I waiting for u..

I actually behaved like u. I was kind to everyone, until I learnt my lesson. God just want us to open our eyes when we do things. This is because when we are blinded by infatuation,love, or lust, we don't use our head..

It is pretty obvious your ex is someone so horrible to be with. Someone so confused, so manipulative, so jealous... and she allowed nobody to treat her the way she treated others. She even talked like she's disliked you so much in front of her family. It happened to me too.. that's BS man when u're just trying to be good.

Stay out of contact... the pain gets better.

When you do think about her, just remember she's made her decision there's nothing you can do to change it no matter how muich it sucks.

Hopefully there will be others who will appreciate your gestures etc. just be glad you didn't waste any more time / money on her.

Emopunk, you surely understand is very very clearly. Its you making progress that's helping both you and me to move on and stay strong, every time I see you lifting your head up and say you're going to conquer the pain and move on, we feel the same way.

If I'd live nearby your area, we'd probably hang out great. You know its very lonely when you got nobody there to understand u. We can go out to rock some of our feelings out and give each other all the comfort, For the heartbroken guys! Again for the heartbroken guys party!

Is it normal to feel worse after a month of a break up instead of better? All I do is think about her and I can't seem to think of her in a bad way anymore.

Also, I remember her saying these words before we got together when I asked her to be with me. She said, "I want to but I want to give my bf another chance because I want to make sure he isn't the one" She said this 3 times and then she dumped him.

Also, one day he called her but he didn't know he did and he was with a girl in his car driving and it was a long message on the answering machine of him and the girl talking. When my ex and I got to the house she listened to it and wanted to listen to it alone but I said why not listen with me. Then she did and I was like why do you want to hear that but she did anyway and after listening to it which was kind of hard to understand anything they were saying she was kind of sad and cried... what does that mean?

Also before vacation during any argument she would say for me to cancel our vacation or for me to go alone. Then sometimes she'd be happy but then she'll threaten again.

Are these all signs I should have stayed away?

Also another time she said that she wouldn't be able to control her temper if she got mad.

I don't think you can say what's normal-we re all different. Personally when Ive made my mind up that it wasn't working I concentrate on what was wrong in the relationship to help me move on and a month or so down the road I feel much better. Overanalysing doesn't help as one can get stuck in thinking about every single thing that happened. From your latest post it sounds as if you were your exes rebound? Maybe she wasn't really ready to commit to you.
Just stick with the thought that you did the best you could-its over but you will be fine in a while.

Emo, I think you need to find someone to talk to face to face. Whether that is a counselor or clergy is your choice.

You keep running around on the same treadmill asking the same questions and not listening to us. You need to allow yourself to heal and that isn't happening. You want answers that we can't give you. There aren't any simple answers. There is only taking what you have learned and moving forward.

However, every time, you seem to move forward, you end up right back at this point. I think we aren't real enough for you to fully grasp all of the advice you have been given and that it is too easy for you to repeat yourself here and get new people to join in on the self-pity trip.

I caution anyone who gets involved in this thread from here on out to read the entire thing before commenting.

I had good days after the break up but now why do I feel worse? Is this normal after a month?

Yep!!

Sometimes when we are young (an old also) when we are experiencing new, or difficult things we feel so alone, but in reality, many have these feelings, and have to deal with them. What is so personal to someone, is common among many, you just don't know it.

We all have good days and bad, whether your in a relationship or not, so its normal, especially after a great time, to feel down the next day. Its normal, because it happens to us all to some degree, or another.

Thank you. What should my next step be right now after a month?

Decide what you want to do for yourself, that makes you happy.

Venting!! :
On a game site, I couldn't talk to any girl about anything even about the game yet I caught her. Then she says that's because I can't be trusted but she can be trusted.

Throughout the relationship she always told me she could never trust me just be cause I had called exs in the past when we argued. Yet that was only the first 8 months. The next 8, I never did it again as I saw it was really hurting her even though it was only asking for advice. The whole 2 years this time around I never did it!! I could be trusted and I tried proving it everyday!

How can I not be trusted yet she is the one going out behind my back more than 3 times?

I forgive her for all she does yet she couldn't forgive me for a payback? (which is exactly what she did to me?? )

She cursed me out a lot.

We did have lots of great times and I miss her no matter what and I want to not miss her so I'm writing all the bad now.

I always encouraged her school work and she did good with me and poorly without me.

When she would get upset and I would say I'm sorry, she would yell and say "get the f away". Then later she would apologize after I kept being nice.

The day after our great vacation just because I was playing a game with family and I didn't run to her because she was sad, she cursed me out sooo bad and hurt me for no reason... mind you I did call to see if she is OK but she ignored and I text her to not be sad and as soon as the game is over I will run to her and stay all night too but I couldn't just leave now. So I don't get why she treated me like that...

She got mad at me in public one time of the many and called me an "ahole" and said I was the worse boyfriend ever and started hitting me!

I remember one time speaking aggresively to walk faster but that was only because there was a bum coming towards us and it was for her protection and I had to say it more than once. Usually I spoke to her perfectly nice. Even during arguments I knew she wanted to fight so I would tell her that and I said I will not continue for her entertainment.

You re saying the ex was unfair and probably rightly so. But it s in the past now and you need a plan for your future. Think about your life and what you d like to achieve-set new goals and go for them.

So, I woke up dreaming of her again!! I wouldn't dream of her before! I now started thinking of the years we were in H.S. and then got together in college and then now I keep thinking of all those days. I didn't really like her in H.S but we fell in love during college. We went to rock concerts together and played sports and weekend hotel getaways... I got her gifts many times and I always showed I loved her a lot! Then she goes behind my back again n I did the same thing and all I do IS BLAME MYSELF.

Stop blaming yourself-you both made mistakes but its in the past. Have a plan for first thing every morning-go for a run or do something that takes your mind off things.
I ll say it again-you re overanalysing details that you need to let go of.

Yeah I guess I am over analyzing everything... I can't seem to stop it! I feel too sad and like I will never experience anything like that again. We did sooo many things together. Should I keep writing down the bad and maybe that will help?

Yes, I had a list of things I didn't like about my ex. I also kept the letter she sent me telling me how much she loved me but had to do this for herself. I put it under my flap in my hockey glove, it was a reminder to myself that I need to continue to push on

Emopunk7;
Yeah I guess I am over analyzing everything... I can't seem to stop it!

We all do when we are looking for solutions

I feel too sad and like I will never experience anything like that again.
The fact is, yes you will, and many times in your life. Too bad you can't think that far ahead at this time but keep living, and you will.

We did sooo many things together
And you will do more later with others, in time.

Should I keep writing down the bad and maybe that will help?
It does help, but you have to do more, like replace old memories with new ones. That's what changes thoughts and feelings, new experiences, OVER TIME.

That's the key here, Over time, and that REQUIRES patience.

Thank you so much T-Man for bringing HOPE into my thread! I think that is what I need. Your hopeful response really opened up my mind a bit. I believe you when you say it will happen again many times. I sure HOPE so. I will try giving others advice now.

My mother told me that eventually, just like before, she was bound to give up. If she wasn't going to give up now, she would have given up at the next problem. And I think my mom is right because like 2 times before this, I had to beg for her to stay with me. So I guess it was bound to happen and we weren't meant to be. This is what I try thinking about now: There are many times she did bad things to me and really bad things like after she would get upset she would walk away from me while cursing me out loud in public and take a train home without me. That was grounds to leave her and she did that many times. So if I loved her enough to get through those times and just spoke to her about it, she could have done the same. So I guess I loved her more? In a way. I don't know why she decided to give up. Maybe she just wanted to be with friends instead and not worry about having a boyfriend.

So when I get out of work in 2 hours, I will go home and take a shower and then watch some TV and sleep. Then tomorrow I will wake up and shower and then work out and then watch a movie. Are these good steps?

Good thinking-having a plan s always helpful-liked your poem by the way.:-)

Thank you T-Man and Amicon...
By the way at 2:30 A.M. I received 2 blocked calls which I ignored... I called my cousin but he said it wasn't him. Nobody else calls me so late nor blocked... It had to be my ex... and it was 2 calls back to back and she does that... Now what? It's getting to me.

Oh no my ex used to start doing that months after we broke up.. stupid blocked calls then he finally admitted it was him and now he's a leeche in my life. If it was her... just ignore it. Nothing she has to say matters at this point. Please don't try and call her to see if it was her, lol (I know you want to!)

Oh no my ex used to start doing that months after we broke up..stupid blocked calls then he finally admitted it was him and now he's a leeche in my life. If it was her...just ignore it. Nothing she has to say matters at this point. Please don't try and call her to see if it was her, lol (i know you want to!)

Yeap, my ex contacted me soon after she got ditched knowing she was just a toy of the other guy when she confessed to him. What an A. Only took a few months to change feelings, and she can't even differentiate what's love what's like. Sick... Keep it up emo! Don't let that call get u some other days, Its crucial!

Yup everyone realizes what they've lost in the end and they'll pay the price ;)

Thank you itsamor and bswc! I found out that it was my cousin miguel. I guess that's both good and bad... Good because I can continue my path but I was kind of hoping it was so that it can give me more confidence like yeah now I'm moving on... So it kind of hurt it wasn't her.
I worked out today and I feel like doing nothing. I think about how pretty she was in my eyes and how cute we were and the jokes we made. How she would say babe we have to go and I would rush to leave with her. Days at the beach and massaging her... How could I ever forget? The romantic memories and things we did for each other. How could it be gone? I'm trying here... I feel like I found someone good and I ruined my only chance with love. Someone I could be comfortable with.

Missing the times that were good is normal but you ll find love again trust me on that one.
Once you re truly healed from this breakup you ll see that you ve learned a lot about yourself and found new strengths. And that life's pretty good.

Trust should be one of the most important things in a relationship. If you can't trust her, move on to someone else who you can trust.


Are you willing to leave her?

There must be something else going on between you two.

Has she done other things?

If she told you she wanted to go out to a club with friends, what would be your response?

People involved in relationships NEED to go ouy with their friends, away from their partners.

Girls and guys alike, need to go out and have a good time alone. We all need to feel attractive to other people. As long as it's just innocent fun.

Did she feel like she had to be dishonest to you?

Are you a jealous person?
I like this answer...

I wish you so much luck and hope to see more & more progress. You have the chance I never got to have and now I'm in the same place as you trying to move on even though my relationship ended two years ago. Go figure

Why 2 years itsamor?

Well that's because I loved the guy but decided to break up with him... months later as I said he started calling me with blocked numbers and then he finally showed up at my house drunk throwing rocks at my house for my attention and crying to me saying he needs me and misses me and loved me. & even that he wanted to marry me etc.. (several times) So of course I was confused and missed him too so we hung out and ended up kissing and everything and it's been on and off ever since then. I always try to get away but he always pops up and says profound things that make my brain turn to mush... & the fact that no guy in my entire life has made me feel the way my ex does makes it a lot harder to move on (knowing I have expierenced true love for someone and great chemistry)noone compares but the pain & confusion isn't worth it =/

Basically longgggggg story

Oh I see... But why didn't you want to stay with him?

Well he started hanging out with an old friend who was older and a bad influence on him.. making him be someone who I knew he wasn't. This guy took my boyfriend out in the city and I didn't hear from him for TWO WEEKS! NOT COOL! It was unusual and this guy put silly things into his head telling him he was whipped & stuff. Soo once he finally came back I was so upset that I didn't know where he was, if he was OK, if he found someone else... that I just said screw this it's over.

I gotcha... well u can PM me anytime.

I hope to have a wonderful day tomorrow! Same for everyone else. Night itsamor.

What would you do if...
Your girlfriend goes with you and your cousin and her boyfriend to a bar to chill with your friends. Then when you leave with your girlfriend and cousin and her boyfriend, your girlfriend decides to leave your cousin and boyfriend behind. She keeps walking fast and you are telling her to please slow down so that they can catch up because they are so far behind. Then your cousin yells hey wait for us but your girlfriend still says no they can walk faster. Then she turns and says you are the worst boyfriend ever and she runs away for no reason. Then you follow so that she don't think you don't care and then she comes running back and throws punches at you and calls you an "a hole" in front of everyone. Then she runs away again to a train station and you go to her and say sorry for her getting upset and she yells "get the f... away from me" and continues saying hurtful things in front of your cousin. What would you do after?

Can someone answer?

Get another girlfriend.

Doesn't sound like she enjoyed herself that much!

Forget about this GF or any GF for that matter until you've learnt to be happy being alone. Either that or invest in some boxing gloves.

You seem to me to have an obsession about having to have a girlfriend , believe me it's a lot healthier to be happy alone than in a dysfunctional relationship.

Thank you for your response. I have to stop asking these questions. My friends invited me out and for the first time I did go. I had fun. Its not a relationship but it was a good time. Can't remember the last time I went to a bar alone with friends. They invited me and I said yes. I got a pretty girls number and I just tried enjoying the moment and I'm home now and still pretty excited but its still not my ex. Maybe soon I can get over this. I have sooo much appreciation for everyone trying to help me. I know some can be okay and not understand the pain which feels like a death bed but thank you for those who can relate. This is pretty bad. Soon I hope to understand all this. I don't want to use the word love losely... but I have a certain love for the people helping me here. You guys keep me trying day by day. And as obnoxious as I sound, I am keeping no contact. Someday I will be proud of my hard efforts! Thank you! Thank you T-Man especially for not giving up on me!! Thank you friend4U... I think your advice is always great... And she did say she was miserable a lot... so you are both right... But that just makes me think I wasn't good enough... I really tried my best. Soon my happiness will come... I don't plan on being single... My dream is to have a good job and have a great happy family with a woman I love... I am 24 and right now semi-drunk but I hope I will be okay in this world. Lots of love till tomorrow!

You seem to yype better when your drunk, LOL. Hey don't rush life Emo, it comes to you any way.

"Its a cinch if you take it by the inch.

Its hard when you take it by the yard"

Emo, I really hope that someday you find the woman who can work with you to build a wonderful life.

For today, just enjoy living. Enjoy rebuilding friendships that you have let slip away.

Yes-enjoy life-and hopefully no hangover.:-).

Glad to see that u've made progress again emopunk! I just realise amhd doesn't keep u on track if u don't post some answers after the poster made a reply. I'm feeling good too!

I had to hold myself from crying today about two times... I just wonder why is it that people cheat and still forgive each other yet I couldn't be forgiven for doing what she did. Does it mean she didn't love me as much as I loved her? I even asked for forgiveness and said sorry after. So I'm confused.

Emo you re doing it to yourself again-asking yourself endless questions that most likely will not ever find answers.
Don't be so hard on yourself-you re coming up to the two months mark soon-try to look forward and not allow yourself to revisit the past.

Yeah, I guess I want answers to questions that can never be answered.

Emo, this may sound strange, but you need to go FULL No Contact. You seem to be using questioning yourself and past events as a way to hold on to her much like other people do MySpace and Facebook. On the surface, it doesn't look like contact because you aren't calling or texting her. However, your mind seems to be using making lists and questioning as a subconscious way to hold on to her memory and indirectly her.

Stop beating yourself up. Stop the questions.

When you find yourself thinking about her or who did what and when, give yourself a mental kick in the seat and change the subject to more enjoyable thoughts.

I like to think of it like a TV channel being changed... If you start to think about her, or the past, change the channel.
You can't think of two things at once.
A thought, a memory, has little to do with reality... its not 'now'. You can poke your finger right through one.

Wow Cat... No Contact is hard enough and now you think I should be able to control my thoughts. That will be VERY difficult. Especially since I'm a very loving person so it's hard to let go what I once gave my all to. I'm a romantic all the way. I believe in fighting till the end for what you want. This time it is sooo hard for me because I am going against my heart. I am not doing the "romantic" thing and I am also feeling like it's my fault for doing what she did back to her instead of dumping her or just ignoring it altogether. I'm dealing with that part the most. I know nobody is God to tell me that I made the right choice, or if it was bound to happen anyway in the near future, or if I would have ignored it, she would have continued anyway and to more extremes. I tell myself I could have spoken to her for the fourth time but then what? Tell her again the twentieth time as well? Two times was enough I think. But since we broke up, I feel like I should have gone to the twentieth time. I have trouble with my rationalization. Not knowing if I did the right thing or if breaking up was bound to happen, kills me. I am a great thinker. I should use my mind for better things. I am great at nearly all sports especially basketball, football, baseball and swimming. I love to design rooms. I love writing poetry. If anybody is interested just send me a PM... I can do it off the top of my head within minutes or professionally with great thought. I also play drums for my band. I guess I have a lot of things I can do instead of thinking about girls all the time. I guess I am trying to make my mind not torture me anymore because it keeps telling me this is all my fault. I am trying to make excuses but deep down I keep blaming myself for ruining it.

When we breakup it's not one person's fault-it does take two to tango-work on forgiving yourself -you re being very hard on YOU-and I think you deserve better. We' re all trying to help you here,please help yourself as well-and we can to some extent stop our thoughts from going
Down memory lane by switching our focus to something else.
Your poems are good-maybe you could write one about hope?

Take a challenge from me. Ok, here it goes... You can, for five days, only post about the things you listed above. Ie; music, sports, design, poetry writing. Tell me if this is a deal. I know what your going through. Im not disrespecting you at all... Just want you to take the challenge. What you think?

You are on Rockie! I'm always up for a challenge! Starting now till Thursday!

I will be happy to read all your great advice! Thanks for taking my challenge... Im with you all the way.
Rockie:)

Walking and walking through the darkest tunnel
Not a ray of sun can pinch its way through
An earthquake occurs when things couldn't get worse
Suddenly the tunnel cracks, the sun shines on you!

Paddling in the ocean, left abandoned and alone
Nothing to count on, you just may die of thirst
A rainstorm occurs when things couldn't get worse
Suddenly you can drink, someone put you first!

So when things look terrible and you seem lost
Wondering if you can ever make it or even cope
When life tears you down and you feel much pain
Remember in any situation, there is always HOPE!

Emo, I know it isn't easy.

I look forward to seeing how this challenge goes. Good luck. :)

Wow Cat...No Contact is hard enough and now you think I should be able to control my thoughts. That will be VERY difficult. Especially since I'm a very loving person so it's hard to let go what I once gave my all to. I'm a romantic all the way. I believe in fighting till the end for what you want. This time it is sooo hard for me because I am going against my heart. I am not doing the "romantic" thing and I am also feeling like it's my fault for doing what she did back to her instead of dumping her or just ignoring it altogether. I'm dealing with that part the most. I know nobody is God to tell me that I made the right choice, or if it was bound to happen anyway in the near future, or if I would have ignored it, she would have continued anyway and to more extremes. I tell myself I could have spoken to her for the fourth time but then what? Tell her again the twentieth time as well? Two times was enough I think. But since we broke up, I feel like I should have gone to the twentieth time. I have trouble with my rationalization. Not knowing if I did the right thing or if breaking up was bound to happen, kills me. I am a great thinker. I should use my mind for better things. I am great at nearly all sports especially basketball, football, baseball and swimming. I love to design rooms. I love writing poetry. If anybody is interested just send me a PM...I can do it off the top of my head within minutes or professionally with great thought. I also play drums for my band. I guess I have a lot of things I can do instead of thinking about girls all the time. I guess I am trying to make my mind not torture me anymore because it keeps telling me this is all my fault. I am trying to make excuses but deep down I keep blaming myself for ruining it.

Hey emopunk, you fight to the last and u're romantic all the way but wrong focus this time. Uh uh, it's the "someone" in the future yet to come that, will be your target and also her target. Right now its time for all the music, sports, academic, job, self improvement that comes in handy in the future. Someone out there might be doing the same and we you get together, both of you will benefit from what u've done. I'm not giving you false hopes or telling you your next girlfriend is going to go perfect, right?

I am still a bit down... last night I was going through my phone and saw pics of her but felt okay and then went to bed after deleting them. Kind of shocked me because I thought they were all gone. I did think about it today though... Well I don't want to ask any questions because I am in challenge mode. Plus there will be no answers anyway. I don't know what else to write then... hmm...
I really want to paint my room. I thought I had the paint but I didn't. I have to buy it now. I started feeling guilty again today because I was thinking like what if someone told me they will pick me up and then when I call them they are hangin out and paying me back for what I did... Well then I answer myself and say well I guess I expect this since I did it to her and treated her so badly. I am upset but in a few days we will have to talk about how to deal with this and I will let her know why I went out behind her and that it won't happen again... After putting it like that, it makes me wonder how come she couldn't think like that. I would think like that... Nope, all she did was give up. And I think I just miss being next to her and holding her and I always felt horny around her. I'd do anything and nothing about her grossed me out. I'd pick her nose and vice versa as how close we were. I'd do it all. This is hard and I guess I failed the challenge. Or maybe not since I'm not asking a question but merely using this as a journal?

All the questions that floats in your mind are complicated questions. There's too many deciding factors when coming to a relationship, communication skills, how much you can love, your way of solving problems, and endless going list. If u knew you didn't did your best, write it down anywhere or just in your brain that you are going to be better in the future. She gave up because she GAVEUP! You're hurt because you LOVED her! That's the answer to where your path is leading you in the future, a better man.

From a third party point of view, u're getting stronger and stronger inside. There's nothing wrong to feel weak, it just wake up our mind abit. Not much people gets a wake up call from being great, that's human nature for a major group of people. It's a plan of God

Well I was thinking that through the weekend, I would see other threads/posts/answers, having to do with some of your intrests... i.e. sports, music, design. I watched... I waited... and then this!!
Oh well, you tried... I guess.

Thank you bswc... My ex ex Erica wrote me back today and we text back to each other about work. Then I wrote have a great day this morning. Then at 7PM she wrote back asking how was work. I said I'm still at work but how was her day and she said it was good. Is she interested again?

I am feeling a bit better about the break up. Hopefully another month and a half I will be good to go!!

I am feeling a bit better about the break up. Hopefully another month and a half I will be good to go!!!

There's no set time limit Emo , everyone handles adversity differently. BUT you can make it go quicker by not wondering about the if's , whys and what ifs ;)

Your doing OK Buddy:cool:

I thought you were everything I would ever need.
So I took a leap not knowing we could bleed.
You must be clumsy because you tripped and we broke.
Heartless and cruel, leaving me here to choke.

I'd rather be anywhere with anyone right now
Never understanding why you did this nor how.
Leaving myself wide open for you to enter or destroy
You took me for granted and played me like a toy.

One thing is for certain, we are through
I will never be yours and this is forever true
I know your evil ways, so far away I will stay.
I will live life to the fullest and enjoy everyday!

I really think you have a gift.

Holding hearts towards the stars with arms spread apart.
Lightning blues and thunder bliss, celebrates a fresh start.
The air so swift and ever gentle on thy skin
This feeling lets me know there is happiness within.

Comets fire blazing in speed from one side to the other
Picture perfect scenarios, hug thy sister and thy brother.
With time winding down, can we ever move too fast?
Life is but a theory, and everyday, drifting past.

Tranquil and peace, white tigers and water creeks
All the wonders in the world, includes all that human seeks.
Let life not overwhelm thee, just look to the skies above
Fireworks and glory, let every creation celebrate love!

This one evoked visual thoughts.

What color/colors are you going to paint the room?

Great analysis... Thats exactly what I was going for... Visual Thoughts.
I am thinking of painting it light lime gray and install gallery lights on the ceiling. I'm excited... Im going to go to home depot tomorrow.

You're gifted, I have little imaginations in my mind too, but its in blur images, not clear image like artists. People find it hard to get in me to understand me. If I'd have money I'd build a cottage with grass on the roof, or a house next to the beach, enjoying the private moment.

Oh yes, I think that room will have a calming effect. Modern color I think.

Yes, exactly... a modern color with calming effects... I love tranquility. I'm going to get those rocks with water falling down as well... When it is all done I will share photos... I can see it in my head now... Will cost me about $300 with paint lights and new shades. Possibly glass doors for my closet as well. I can't wait to get started tomorrow.

I'm sure you have great imagination... Just take your time and explore within your mind... Like think of colorful fish eating hot dogs under water with you on a table and you pass the fish a fork and he says thank you in french and you can understand what the fish said. The sky is the limit with imagination.

Pics would be cool...
Think you were responding to bswc in the latter part, but couldn't help seeing the fish with a handle-bar mustach... "merci beaucoup" lol

Emo, that's real nice! I do imagine things that made my ex wonder.. I imagine flying like a bird in the blue blackish night sky with thick white clouds, I can imagine myself as a girl during romantic session( I know its not exactly the same but it succeeded anyway) I was a dreamer, now I'm more to the BLANK type where I look like I'm thinking but I'm not :)

I LOVE tranquility and I'm more to laid-back type, more to feelings and that's where I *tripped so hard I broke my soul and body. We have something in common. Its nice talking to you. I've not talk too much people since I went to college. Not everyone is nice to talk to for me.

I am feeling pretty good right now... I had a girl over and had "a good time" In a way I feel like I wish I didn't have to do this but it really did help. I felt comfortable and I made her breakfast. I put candles in my room... I had romantic music... I felt like I replaced my ex and I am realizing there really wasn't anything "Sooo" special about my ex because this girl did all the things and let me do all the things I like sexually. So I'm glad that there is a new memory for that and I don't really like this girl for a relationship and I did tell her as well so we are cool. So this just shows me that there is someone else that will connect with me. Right now I just want to keep working out which I will tonight. I really liked my room and the environment so now I'm skeptical about changing it. I think I can still make it romantic.

Modern-Romantic sounds like a style that fits you. :)

Go emo go, now u're running!

Is it possible to have a relationship with only one person trusting?

is it possible to have a relationship with only one person trusting?

You could have one but it wouldn't last.

You both are so young and it sounds like you both are not ready for a real relationship. Jealousy, love, and revenge does not go together.

I honesty don't think it would work with only one person trusting. See the one not being trusted would feel watched, questioned, accused. And the one that couldn't trust would feel insecure and have their suspicions. See it's a lose lose situation. It would crumble. Trust is the foundation of the relationship.

Its only going to work when both parties WORK. Works= WORK together. Can u be with a person u can't trust? Neither do someone who can't trust can live happily forever.

Yeah, my ex always said she can't and would never trust me n I did all I could to fix that and I never did anything nor cheated. Which is why I was so bothered she would go out over 3 times behind my back. It wasn't fair but I still miss her and I should have just let it go again and I'd be with her now.

emopunk7, if you don't understand what others are saying, then it's time you need to get some real counseling done. If you can't afford one, than go to the neighborhood church. Your girlfriend lied to you so many times, but you can't forgive her, but you still want to continue on with relationship after you took revenge on her, so she's angry and needs to cool down. The point is you don't want to forgive her actions and you can't trust her. You can't have a relationship with someone when you can't trust that person. In addition, it sounds like she doesn't want to have any relationship with you because you can't forgive. It sounds more like this is an control issue more than anything else. You call her numerous times, its not because you truly trust or love her because you didn't trust her to begin with. And when you did catch her in the lie it gave you more reason to control her somehow. Why have a relationship with someone you can't trust? If this is just how you are than you need some serious counseling.

Sounds serious for u 2nd time, its never bad to get a counseling, this site has given him a lot of counseling :) A whole lot of the world will need counseling but won't happen. Forgive yourself emopunk, we we're wrong. I was wrong,I lied to exs and I still can't stand up for it. I cheated emotionally, but I controlled myself in the end and just have to pay for the price and learn to be BETTER!

In all honesty, this is how I feel. I feel like she should have gotten a bit of her own medicine for doing the same thing over 3 times even after agreeing not to. Of course I felt and still feel bad because I have so much love but I also felt very hurt. I didn't want to break up and talking felt useless since we already agreed many times before and I forgave her every time and I felt that was my only option. Of course I apologized and explained but it didn't matter. She wouldn't forgive me. Yet I forgave her every time. So many thoughts come to my mind. Did she do it because she had something to hide? Was she afraid to tell me? I don't know what to think. All I know is that I never did anything wrong and I always let her slide and the one time I did do something wrong was only what she did to me. Maybe she had been wanting to leave me and this just helped her decision. So maybe better now than later I guess.

Well, I can tell you this... If you two would have kept this up, you would both feel hate for each other, nothing but hate. You wouldn't of wanted that would you?

If you forgave her and she's still unwilling to come back to you because you have lost trust in her and she's the one who can't forgive, then you need to move on to someone else. If you let things slide too many times and never really confronted her until now, then you let this relationship out of control. It's no use beating yourself up and stressing yourself. It's time to move on.

Thank you bswc, rookie100 and 2ndtime for your replies... I am just sad and trying to move on. I have been feeling better. Just learning how to cope with this not working out again. I keep beating myself up for not trying even harder this time for things to work out even though I really feel I did.. Something inside says how hard did I try if its over again. I just want to cry but tears don't fall. Its strange.

It takes two to make it and two to break it.
Can't make tears? Part of you is sick to death of being beat on by the other. Paint Your Room!

What do you mean part is tired of being beat on... what part rookie?

I think what rookie100 is trying to say is that your heart's broken too many times, that's why the tears don't come out.

Something is telling you to move past this. You've even started to entertain others. You need to stop beating on yourself and part of you is realizing it. Tears are starting to dry...

Wow... that could be right... I barely cried in the last 2 months... maybe twice... maybe this was meant to happen after all. I hold no hate towards her but I feel like if I don't keep her in memory then I am giving up on her. And the love I have makes it hard to give up... But as long as I know that its not out of hate but just to know that it is time, maybe its time for me to give up. That's hard because I never give up. I really tried so hard. I get so upset why she betrayed me and did that... and although I get upset for not having enough patience, she shouldn't have betrayed me over 3 times. And I shouldn't feel at fault because had she not done that we would still be fine. Maybe its time for me to give up altogether.

You are coming along just fine...

What made you change your mind on painting the room?

Good luck emopunk7! You just started a healing process.

It's up and down emopunk. And maybe it would help not to think of it as giving up? Maybe you could think of it as changing your goals? Your goal now could be to build a new life without her. I don't know, just my 2 cents. Hope you feel better :)

I'm feeling a little down... too many memories.

When I'm like that, I usually listen to sad music, cry to get it out, and then try to distract myself; listen to music, watch a movie, talk to a friend (about something unrelated), whatever that helps take your mind off it.

I took a shower and I feel a little better. I'm going to register for college now.

To hell with these feelings! My ex lied to me about sleeping and ignored me while I was working and worried. That's not being insecure... If anybodies significant other said they were going to sleep and you found out they were partying, YOU would be pissed especially after talking about not doing that several times! I shouldn't feel pity. She hurt me all those hours and many times... She just didn't care about me as much as I cared about her. So to hell with these feelings, right?

Hey man hang in there, I'm going through a breakup now too
We got to realize these girls just don't care so screw it, just got to grind through the days somehow
p.s. nice job for applying for college

I took a shower and I feel a little better. I'm going to register for college now.

What are you thinking about majoring in?

I just declared my major in Accounting.

Jesus your going to make a lot of money lol

I just declared my major in Accounting.

I am almost surprised that you didn't go for design of some type. However, I think accounting will a good choice. :)

I always wanted to be an architect but the school is like $40,000 year... too much money times 4. Not many jobs that pay much either and not many jobs period. I love numbers so accounting is my back up.

To hell with these feelings! My ex lied to me about sleeping and ignored me while I was working and worried. That's not being insecure... If anybodies significant other said they were going to sleep and you found out they were partying, YOU would be pissed especially after talking about not doing that several times! I shouldn't feel pity. She hurt me all those hours and many times... She just didn't care about me as much as I cared about her. So to hell with these feelings, right?
Is this how I should be thinking? And is it correct?

Well, it's hard to rid yourself of feelings, but don't run yourself down. God knows I've had moments were I've done just that though, but don't dwell on it for too long. "Into the woods and out of the woods and home before dark!"

Good luck with the accountant thing, you'll have no problem finding a well paid job, and if you also like it, well then good on you :)

Thank you something hire... anybody else?

Both of you are pretty childish, that's what it sounds like to me. 4 years is a long time, give it a rest if she's been with you being jelous and everything else, for that long, why question her. You both sound as if you are way too much alike. And oh by the way since when did hurting the person you love become acceptable for payback?

I'm going insane!! I feel so hurt like I ruined everything. Did I ruin everything?
Hell with these feelings! My ex lied to me about sleeping and ignored me while I was working and worried. That's not being insecure... If anybodies significant other said they were going to sleep and you found out they were partying, YOU would be pissed especially after talking about not doing that several times! I shouldn't feel pity. She hurt me all those hours and many times... She just didn't care about me as much as I cared about her. So to hell with these feelings, right?

Keep in mind that I was hurt that she lied and I spoke to her about it at 12AM and she didn't want to hear it... then she curses me out and hangs up. Then ignored me till 5AM and just did what she wanted. Isn't that wrong? Then she calls me at 5 and I try talking calm as pissed as I was and she curses me out again and says "f you, I been doing this!" and then she hung up and ignored me again. Like I don't deserve that treatment just for going to work and doing nothing wrong. And the next day she didn't even give me time but she gave me about 5 minutes of her break and told me she is stressed out and doesn't want to hear it so then that's when I couldn't take it... I tried. Isn't she in the wrong? Plus I apologized for what I did back unlike her little I'm sorry I love you text. I sent multiple texts and went to her job to show I'm really sorry. Why is everyone blaming me. I was very hurt.

Nonetheless I miss her... What do I do? Was she just looking for a way to end it anyway? Was this her easy way of getting out?

You're on the treadmill again, emo.

Instead of running in place and exhausting yourself while getting nowhere, tell us about how the redecorating is going.

How's your band doing?

Cat, I need a response to what I wrote. I am seriously thinking of contacting her... I miss her... What am I doing wrong and I keep blaming myself which is why I need a response to what I wrote... please.

Emo, you know the answer to contacting her-DON'T.

You are running yourself ragged trying to place blame when you need to put that energy into things that make you feel better. Thinking about her and what happened isn't helping you.

Only you can forgive yourself. Only you can let her and the past go.

Here's the thing... She was jealous of my cousin... so we were having a sleep over and I told her that she will be there... I was honest and I even invited my ex but she didn't want to go and fought with for no reson... I was confused but said OK. Then as I went to the family sleep over, she decided to go out with her sister even though she said she would be sleeping and she turned off her phone. I called her because I figured she would be worried about me but when I called her phone was off. Then later on she called me and said she was out with her sister but I said why couldn't she just text me that? Then she got a crazy attitude and fought with me so I cursed and hung up and the next day she broke up with me. 6 months later, we get back together, mind you she had a boyfriend while we were broken up and he was from her church where she went that night... hmmm go figure. Anyway we got back together with some of my begging and 3 times she did the same thing. Going out sneaky with no text and each time saying she won't lie again... I always let those go because she was apologetic... This last time she wasn't. She said she doesn't have to let me know anything and that it doesn't matter if she lied to me and she cursed me out. She even said to pick a break or break up and if I don't pick she will. Mind you all I did was work that night and being sooo good as usual while she lies again! Then she ignores me for hours and then calls me and says "f you, I been doing this!". Altogether with her not wanting to talk about it the next day and her being the way she was prior made me react in payback mode. I would have let it slide again had she treated me good and said "babe I'm sorry for lying...ill go home soon and ill call you and I won't do this again. I thought you would get mad but I will tell you next time because I want to build trust." Or something to that affect that showed she cared for my feelings especially since till that point I was so good.

Do you understand what I am saying? It's like she wanted to break up before.

Emo-I wish you would stop beating yourself up-concentrate on moving forward-you re doing much better than you were a couple of weeks ago.
You write poetry you re an artist and you ve just made a good career choice-see that you have all these things going for you.

I'm sooo mad!! This guy comes to my job and says he works next door and says he is locked out and needs $20... so I give it to him and its been about 4 hours and he never came back! He said he would be back in 3 hours! I feel like a jerk!!

No he s the jerk.
Some people are just morons-but most are nice decent folks.

Its all right, its just small matter :)

I can see why your girlfriend took advantage of you. You are too trusting and too kind to give a stranger $20 for a story he made up.

Just thought about the time we were upset at each other and she decides to make a good day out of it and she wasn't sad at all. She was going to design a guys hair at her house and it sucked because she usually had me around for that but all of a sudden she does it alone and leaves out the fact that she was going to do a guys hair. I don't know why that is bothering me right now... Maybe the fact that I let it slide to be a good guy again.

I feel a little better now... I just miss the company at this point. Its like you get so used to seeing one face and you love it and you can't imagine anything else ever being the same. I'm just scared I won't have that again. It won't be the same nor the same feelings. I don't know what to do.

Every relationship brings new feelings. Yes, they are different, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are better or worse than the old ones. It just means they are unique to that relationship.

Oh OK.

Darn!! Manny Pacqiou or whatever beat up Miguel Cotto! My ex is phillipina and I am puerto rican. She is probably celebrating and I'm miserable now! She probably uses this to not ever think of me as if this boxing fight proves I'm not worthy!! Darn! I hate this!

Same for me emopunk, I'm missing it.. But I got to stay strong, I broke nc, although it was only 5 secs, it sure did gave me a lesson :)

What did you do BSWC? You should have came here instead!

It's a long story, I grew up in a quite family, we're good but we never really communicate, we never really talk heart to heart. So here I am a very mysterious person in real life, I can't name a person who understands and know me, not even my 2exs for 5 yrs. I've decided that I have to change, I have to express myself better and release the things I hid in my heart.

I started with my first ex, I told her I cheated on her ( less than a week) and she said she nvr want to talk to me. Then I want to go on with my 2nd ex, telling her my feelings inside during the relationship, she doesn't tell her family anything good about me, and my emotions and things I kept from her. I tried to take off my mask, its bringing me no where in life.

I called her, but the background is abit noisy so I asked her to call later. That's all, she didn't of course. Now I'm not feeling like telling her about it, but this way I couldn't lift the mask off me. Do u think its necessary? I hid my disappointment, my anger, my joy, a lot.. just a lot... I need to improve in expressing and communication. Therapy?

Post your problem and see what responses you get. Don't blame yourself too much. Relax.

I still keep thinking about my ex. I want it to stop. If I can't be with her then I want to stop thinking of her. Its not like she is thinking of me because if so she would have called or something by now. Every time I wake up my heart beats fast and I think of her at different points of the relationship and it makes me want her back... I miss how sexy she dressed and just loved evrything about her! Please help! Someone help me remember the bad because I can't seem to do it anymore!

Emo

Make a list of all the bad things about her (and be honest with yourself) then whenever your thinking about her bring out the list and read it.

Its hard to make this list as I have only thought of the good all day. Well here it goes...

1. She smokes more often towards the end of the relationship.
2. She curses me out during arguments.
3. Embarrases me in public with yelling and punches when upset.
4. Almost never trusted me.
5. Always brought up the past during new arguments and wouldn't stick to the problem.
6. Scratched my face during an argument and throws things at my car and slams my door as hard as possible.
7. Almost always threw me out of her house for dumb reasons.
8. Was very jealous.
9. Hung up on me when upset even after we agreed we wouldn't do that.
10. Would never say sorry first no matter what.

Its hard to make this list as I have only thought of the good all day. Well here it goes...

1. She smokes more often towards the end of the relationship.
2. She curses me out during arguments.
3. Embarrases me in public with yelling and punches when upset.
4. Almost never trusted me.
5. Always brought up the past during new arguments and wouldn't stick to the problem.
6. Scratched my face during an argument and throws things at my car and slams my door as hard as possible.
7. Almost always threw me out of her house for dumb reasons.
8. Was very jealous.
9. Hung up on me when upset even after we agreed we wouldn't do that.
10. Would never say sorry first no matter what.

emopunk7, I think it's time you go out with someone new. Maybe this will help you to forget your ex faster.

That's a good list, if you'd have this list before you met a girl the first place the list will end is in the trash bin!

I'm going through the same emotions you are emo. Just work on that list, and start writing a journal if you haven't already, that really helps.

Good News:
I was taking the train at night and I saw this pretty girl walk by so I was like hmmm. Then I see she is not sure of where to catch the train but she doesn't ask me so I realize I'm on the wrong side. So I go to the other and later she realizes that she has to go to the other side as well. Now we are both waiting for the same train and I start talking to her and she starts laughing and I keep making her laugh... Then I ask where she is going and she said towards the ferry and I said me too. Then she asked me if I was going get on the ferry and I said yes. So she said good and that she will tag along... We talk the whole way and laugh the whole way and I actually enjoyed her company a lot which is strange and we have cool things in common. We both like to workout and play sports and in school and our favorite movies are the same and we love restaurants. I found her to be very interesting. Well I asked for her number and she gave it to me and I said maybe we can get drinks sometime and she said she would love that and then we hugged and kissed on the cheek and went our way.
I woke up pretty okay today and I am not getting my hopes high and I know to take things slow. I haven't even text her yet but I will tomorrow. We will see how that goes... The thing is that I have 2 girls I'm talking to but I'm not interested in them. I actually enjoyed this one and would love to go on a date with her. Any thoughts?

YES YOU SHOULD
Don't rush into it though
At least now you got your mind off your ex lol

Emo, I am glad you are having fun. Just take it easy and be yourself. Enjoy getting to know someone new who sounds like a nice person. :)

Thank you Cat and Cardinal... I feel so good right now. Not because of the girl but because I just finished reading Sdjosh's story... It was such an inspiration. I really believe his entire story should be a sticky. I really believe this will be easier now that I read that. I have new strength now. 7 years with many great memories (which sounded really good wink wink) and he was able to move on and found someone else. There is this song by Damien Rice called The Blowers Daughter. The ending goes like this...
I can't take my eyes off you, I can't take my mind off you...
Til I find sombody new!

There is always someone else no matter what. Believe it!

I am so happy because although I have been coming here and talking nonsense too much I realized what has been going on the last 2 months. I have been working out every day and always determined no matter how tired or sad I am. I have read 2 books already! I have been still practicing with my band and not giving up on them as down as I feel. I have written some new poetry. I am getting more confident day by day and reflecting on my past mistakes and I know to let my partner have their own space as well with their friends and to trust until cheated on and if so move on but just not letting affect the relationship if it hasn't happened. I am taking accounting in college to better my life. I will love with all I have again when the time comes. Most importantly I have found strength in myself compared to my first break up. From the moment she said "whatever, enjoy your life" I have not called or text or anything. I deleted all pictures and all memories cold turkey. I deleted her on network sites and made a decision to go the difficult road for greater results at the end just like the gym. I am determined to live a great happy healthy and good life. This may be hard but I can already see the light. I guess hard efforts do pay off and I am sure there will be great rewards for all this hard work in the future!! Thank you everyone!!

You sound happy Emo-that's great!
Take care.

It's great to see that you're doing better emo, gives me hope as well. Good luck with the date :)

I am happy for you.

Your starting to sound more like EP instead of emopunk. :D

Take care of yourself. :)

Hey all! I have a date with the girl I met on the train the other day! Wish me luck! I'm so happy for the first time... I feel better to go on a date and I actually like this girl.

Good for you Emo , hope you have a great time. Just a little hint , don't mention anything about your previous GF or relationship ;)

Thank you for that advice and hint... Great reminder friend... I will let you know what happens when I return tonight.

OmG!! Greatest date ever and I guess this confirms me being over my ex! I really enjoyed my time. She looked 100 times better than last time. We watched a movie got a drink and then I went to show her a spot but we weren't allowed there and the cops came... gave us both a summons but we were laughing the whole time and we enjoyed every moment. We cuddled during the movie and kissed quite a bit... but that's it. I really like everything about this girl thus far but I get doubts... like does this make her seem easy? Will I get a disease? What if she's not as good as she seems and is hiding something? Too many thoughts... but nonetheless exactly what I needed! A great time!! She is sooo much fun and she is very smart! Beautiful girl with blue eyes. I feel so lucky. Don't know how to feel right now. I'm older but somehow I feel she is more experienced. I guess all this is better than being sad over some stupid ex who doesn't want me!!

Don't start overanalyzing Emo, it's one date-take it one step at the time and get to know each other if that's what you both want.

Slow down just a bit. :D

Take it one meeting/date at a time and continue having fun getting to know each other.

Is it possible that after thinking and feeling like you are over your ex for the same bad feeling to come back again? I felt a little down earlier and a few thoughts and now I'm scared I can go back to that.

is it possible that after thinking and feeling like you are over your ex for the same bad feeling to come back again? I felt a little down earlier and a few thoughts and now I'm scared I can go back to that.

You're still not over it. Keep giving yourself more time. You need to be more patient than that.

However, even if you think you're over the break up, there is still a chance that you might have these feelings again down the road. It's a normal occurrence. As they happen more often and as you overcome them more often, you will realize that it's easier and easier to overcome these types of feelings.

Nice to see you having fun there :)

So I have been thinking of the good times and wondering why did we have to break up. I was very good to her. We got back together with me promising I would be the best boyfriend and I would keep us happy. I did it everyday. I stood true and didn't cheat and I always did cute things for her. If we ever argued I would quickly apologize and I tried very very hard and I was happy with her. I let her slide many times going out behind my back and all I said was to please let me know next time. Plus she did it again even after we had a great day together and after she says she loves me and misses me already. Then she rushes me off the phone because she is tired and off she went. I still feel disrespected. Not to mention all the horrible public displays and I still stood good. The one time I pull a little stunt of doing what she did back after I had enough... I get dumped. I couldn't even get a little bit of mercy... its what pisses me off the most... I let so much slide and she dumps me so fast even after I apologize and go to her job and send emails apologizing.
Still I think of holding her and seeing her pretty face and I wonder would things ever be that good again with someone else? Will I be able to find and love someone else again? I miss the companionship.

The answer is YES, you would. She took you for granted, you we're being so nice that you had no power and she didn't appreciate you and show NO respect to you. Now you've get back your dignity and power, it's the best for both of you!

Stop daydreaming, and clean your room!!

I feel terrible... I saw the girl I went on a date with in my way home from work. When I got home I text her if she got home okay and she never text back. I don't think she is interested anymore. To be honest I'm really not interested either and it bothers me. I didn't see her so pretty today and I noticed a few things I didn't like. Mostly superficial but the fact that she didn't text back seals the deal. Also the other girl I was talking to is gone. I ended things because she started talking to my friend and I didn't want any drama. I only really have you guys to talk to. I just feel totally alone and hurt. Its not so much of thinking of my ex... its just feeling that now I have no girls... And this makes me think of my ex more. I hate it that she broke up with me when we were so good together. Sex was perfect and we laughed and did and went anywhere at anytime. She'd take days off so we can do things. We took great pictures and were both creative and went to rock shows together and she was always there for me... Now what?

Life is not all action, and adventure my friend, and when things slowdown, you take a break, AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, AND DON'T FORGET UNDER THE BED.

Now isn't that better than tripping over the thoughts of an idle mind? Sure it is.

You had something to distract yourself from your situation, now you don't. Might as well do something to distract yourself anew, like Talaniman suggest. It's awful to suddenly be alone though, you're right about that.

Hey T-Man... how do you know my room is a mess? I have to finish painting it tomorrow and then clean it and I will show you pictures.
Hey if the new girl doesn't want to text me then oh well it really is her loss because I'm a great guy. Sure I may be down right now... but ill be back!

You're lingering for intimacy, everybody does, just be patience! I guess you rushed abit... Hey I'd like to see the pic of your new room!

Dude, are you a complete idiot? Do not not see the signs of someone who is not worthy of your emotions? This girl is good for only one thing - sex. I'm assuming she is hot.

There is only one thing to do. Continue "dating" her and get the benefits from the "relationship". And meet other nicer girls on the side.

Don't waste your time with trash like this. Grow some gonads dude.

Please read the full thread before you respond to a question. Usually, there have been updates to the story that make advice given based on the original post outdated and moot. 'She' is no longer in the picture.

Telling someone to use another person for sexual gratification and meet other 'nicer' people on the side is extremely poor advice. That is unfair and damaging to all concerned. Especially, the innocent people pulled into such an ill-advised arrangement.

Ok so it has been 2 months and a week and I don't feel nearly as bad as the first month. I am doing better. I still go to the gym and still working on the six pack. And I finished painting my room and will post pictures tonight.
I still dreamt about her all night but in a bad way. I called her and someone else picked up in the dream... She was at a store and it was confusing. I guess it has to do with her being out while I thought she was sleeping. So I guess its better than a good dream of her. Then another dream of her picking up but she didn't want to talk because her brother was sad so I said put him on the phone. I spoke to him to cheer and it will be okay.Then I hear her friends saying oh please hurry and I guess that came from her friends not liking me. I'm just confused how we could have so much fun together and even though I stopped doing what I did wrong for the last 7 months of the first relationship and all of 2 years for this one then why couldn't she stop doing what I didn't like which was going out like 4 times and lying after she would say she was going to sleep. And delete text messages so that I don't see. Yet I always showed her anybody who text me and who called. I was true to the relationship! How could we be so happy and then have all this affect us? Is that normal?

Yo emopunk! Real talk man I'm experiencing what you're going through right now too
All I got to say is just trying to stop thinking about her even though its hard sometimes cause of the dreams(I get that crap too), in the end they probably just don't care and it REALLY IS A WASTE OF TIME... most of the thoughts I have of her ends in anger because I always come to the conclusion that she's stupid
Just let these girls think they're right haha and do your thing man
I'm working out a lot too and you I talked to a few girls only to realize some of them have issues as well and it never really worked out, just got to try to meet new people
I'm just going to keep working out until I'm like built and probably get a tattoo of my dad on my chest, that's something very meaningful I look forward to
And try to make some money! That'll definitely help

On an emotional level you want to believe it was roses and champagne with happiness and love. Mentally, you know that it wasn't. Accept that things weren't as great as your heart wants you to think they were.

Yeah, when I think of the last 2 months of the relationship, it was me always wanting to be with her. I'd ask her during work hey do you even miss me? And she said I am too busy at work to miss you so I haven't had time to miss you. I was feeling neglected for a while. I hated being that way but its like she made me feel that way. Then boom off she went that night and I just couldn't take it. Why was I wanting to be around her more and missed her more than she missed me?

EXTREME HARSHNESS ALERT

Emo,

Almost 3 months since you first posted and 500 responses later, you still sound like the first day you posted.

How are you going to make any progress if you keep thinking about the past and going in circles?

Not all questions need to be answered anymore. You broke up. She's no longer part of your life. Clear your mind of all these uncertainties revolving this 1 girl.

Take it from me, once you meet a new girl, all that happened in the past will be left in the past and you will have a clean slate with the new person.

But if you're going to carry your past around with you everywhere you go, any new person you meet won't benefit from a clean slate and that's unfair to you and to the other person.

He is just trying to get out of cleaning his room, LOL.

Emo-don't forget to clean UNDER the bed as well!
Seriously though, let those last hickups go-ok?

Why doesn't anybody give me a real answer from what I wrote? I finished painting and I will clean it now. Its hard without having my ex around... im trying to get used to it? How can she just give up though?

Like maybe she did something I really hated and I'd be very upset for perhaps a week. Then I'd speak to her and tell her not to do that again but she just up and left even after I apologized... its not like I ever did that before!
.

It's been two and a half months? You've been doing really well lately but on occasion you allow yourself to get stuck in this pattern of why and what ifs. It doesn't matter anymore,it's in the past. Don't dwell on it.

Why doesn't anybody give me a real answer from what I wrote?
.

Emo
We've given you all the answers already , the problem is you keep coming back and asking the same questions over and over. Go back and read this thread from the beginning.

Bottom line is your dwelling on the past and you won't get past it until you drop it and stop questioning the why's , what's and if's.

We can only give you advice but it's you who needs to action it.