OK, I feel like a crazy women here, but I mostly keep to myself and don't have anyone to really ask an opinion of. I wanted to post something and see if it got any response. I would really appreciate any. I am a mid thirties woman who hasn't dated much in the last few years, mostly because of fear due to terrible heartbreak in the past. My relationships have always ended with me being overly clingy and I hate that about myself, but I find it hard not to be that way. I used to be in tip top shape and over the past years I have let myself go a bit, almost as if it was a defensive coping, to assure no one would want me and that way I could not get hurt. Recently I meant a great guy while volunteering. He has not been in a relationship or even dated for about three years due to trust issues and his mother abandonment issues (from what I can only guess from what he has told me.) Things were really great for the first month or so and then slowly he started backing off in the last couple of months, the calls became less, no none and then texts to almost none.
I felt like we really connected on a heartfelt level and he really opened up to me for a while. He said he liked me and he would sleep over many times during the three months and never tried to have sex, he would loooove to just lay in each other's arms. He said he was glad we were taking things slowly.
A few weeks ago we went to a play, then back to my place and we were probably on the verge of finally having sex and I did the dreaded, "what do you want from me?" questioning. He said he just wanted to have unconnected sex with woman and didn't want to be close to anyone. He wanted to be emotionally unavailable. I heard him, but it just didn't seem like he meant it though. He could not even make eye contact and I think I'm pretty smart. So I asked him nicely to leave. We texted the next few days realizing that maybe that was too cut and dry, since then we've seen each other about once every two weeks for very casual lunches and coffee. The last lunch date was fun and light, although I was really quite disappointed he had not called in two weeks I tried my best to hide it. He walked me back to my place with his arm around me for a minute and asked me for a hug, have not heard from him in a week and a half again. I imagine that I will hear from him again in a few days. When we are together it feels perfect and so comfortable. Do you think he just needs time and space or he's just a rotten guy? I figured he had every chance to try sleeping with me before and didn't so he's not after that.
So in the meantime I'm trying to leave him alone, although I really miss him, but I don't want to appear desperate or clingy. So I'm wondering if and when he does call should I just act as if all is well and I'm happy or tell him how I really feel which is sad and wishing he would give me more. I think he might just need time and space, but maybe I'm fooling myself. What do you think please?
Thanks so much in advance!

It sounds like he wants friends and nothing more or to go at a very slow pace.
If he were a player he would have quit bothering with you completely when you said you didn't want 'unconnected' sex.
If you want a real relationship and he doesn't then it may be best to not bother with him to keep from getting hurt. He already made it clear that he does not want a committed intimate relationship but basically sleep around with whoever.

Like Nohelp4u said, if you want a serious relationship, then find someone else looking for the same thing. But if you're planning on taking it slow to, then...

I highly doubt he's a player. Cause if he was, he would already have made a move on you after all those times that he slept over.

He seems genuinely nice to you. It's possible that he only wants a friendship, but he does seem to want some physical aspects. So there might be some attraction, but he's afraid of a deeper commitment. I suggest that you continue to take it slow and see where it leads. You don't need to over-analyze all the little details. Just enjoy the time that you spend together. You seem to be afraid of commitment too, so you should be taking it just as slow.

Spend the time getting to know each other better. Why don't you guys talk on the phone sometimes? I would also suggest that you avoid the "where do we stand" questions and just talk to get to know each other's personality better. Just let things happen naturally. Don't force anything.