Hi Guys I'm 20 years old , and I'm currently living in the UK

Ive been going out with this girl for 3 and a half months now , we met in lyon in france this summer... she's 28 and she's a dancer in the nearest major city.. I'm from dublin ireland.. but I have now moved in with the girl because I want to look for work over here too... her job didn't bother me when we met or for the first few weeks of our relationship , but now.. its really getting to me :(... I've met her co-workers and I've been in her job (but not while she's working) she claims that she "doesnt get as close" or "does it different than the other girls" etc... but I personaly think its bull... I'm absaloutly bonkers about this girl and I love her very much... when she's not working we are a team and we share everything... but her job really annoys me a lot of the time... the hole idea of it and its making my feelings for her really sour... she's just finished college and we are planning on going travelling.. it really started to bother me the other night when I was picking her up ( I do this regularly) I was sitting in my car and a group of guys who had just walked out made a sleazy comment about her... I keep getting the feeling she's hiding something because anytime I bring her job up she gets extremely defensive and drops the subject.. it has caused a few arguments between us were she dusnt listen to what I have to say which drives me insane... I just see it ripping us apart now :(

Thanks in advance

PS if I'm not being clear enough about my problem please just ask.. I'm really bad with words

Hello..
If you are both going travelling together it will give you both time a space away from her job,and most likely a chance to discuss your future together..

Was the dancing just to fund her education?
If she has plans to continue dancing and if bothers you,the best you can do is just tell her it upsets you when guys leer at her,without being defensive or getting angry state your case,and ask her what her plans are.

I agree. What is the reason she is at this job? Have you TALKED to her about this issue?

Yeah we have talked about it but all she says is "you have nothing to worry about"... that's all I get

Have you asked her to get a different job?

Better she says 'you have nothing to worry about' instead of 'stop wreaking my head about it'

For now your could just take her at her word,trust her judgement,and when the time is right discuss your future,and if she is willing her plans for the future.

If you don't love her enough to accept who she is, and what she does, you really don't love her enough. You may think you do but you don't. She has said don't worry, but you do. I understand, but you had better look to your own issues about her job, and her, and decide if you can truly handle it, or not.

It takes a VERY SECURE MAN to deal with a stripper. Are you secure with yourself? No butts, that's the question you must answer for yourself, and deal with.

Well... the future is so far we are going travelling... we have already began to start saving for it... I'm just finding it hard to trust her.. like she kept something from me before... she kept the fact that her "best friend" is actually her ex.. and I've read a text on her phone stating that "he still loves her".. and when I questioned her about that she did the same caused an argument and didn't want to know... driving me mad

If you don't love her enough to accept who she is, and what she does, you really don't love her enough. You may think you do but you don't. She has said don't worry, but you do. I understand, but you had better look to your own issues about her job, and her, and decide if you can truly handle it, or not.

It takes a VERY SECURE MAN to deal with a stripper. Are you secure with yourself?? No butts, thats the question you must answer for yourself, and deal with.

Yeah I am... its what attracted her to me... I really do try to deal with it man.. it just drives me mad half the time..

She's a lot stronger than me though... she has a lot more life experience and realationship experience.. but I think its because of the age gap

You got to trust her. If you really care about her, stop pestering her about her job. That's her choice. She already told you that you have nothing to worry about it. If you keep questioning her, it shows that you don't trust her and it will just cause more of a rift between you.

You already knew what her job was before you got into a relationship with her. So there's nothing new. You either accept the whole package or you don't. You can't take part of the package and want to change another part. That would mean that you don't really like her for her.

I don't pester her . Because if I do it causes arguments... its just a feeling inside me at this stage

If it's an internal battle, maybe try reading some self-help books. You can't control her actions, you can only control your own actions.

So instead of hoping that she might change, change your attitude towards her. Realize that she's independent. She's going to make her own choices. What you do is support whatever decision she makes. If you feel that you can't support her, then maybe she's not a good match for you.

You said that she has more life experience and you felt that the age difference was an issues..
If she is younger then you,do you think she will find a younger man more attractive and understanding,if she is older are you worried she will leave you for someone with more life experience...
Either way.. look at your own self esteem and confidence,is there something there that's causing the problem,not just her dancing.

So what did she go to college for? Maybe instead of talking negatively about the job she has, you could try being positive about a job in the field that she's been studying.

She was doing business in college , but she doesn't want a business job yet , another issue I have is she knows a lot of people trough her job... and I can't stand it :( like " my mate dropped into me in work today" and yes... they are all men... I can't stand the tought of her naked on top of other men :(

Shin, You knew what her job was when you met her, but now you're in love. That's got to be tough. But for now you're going to have to go with the flow. The most quick way to lose her is to keep going on about it . Ask her if she can see herself doing that next year. If not, what her exit strategy is. Until then, bite your tongue, but insist she stay monogamous, and you do the same.

There's a price to dating a stripper, and you've got to pay it.

What if you two get married, and live in that city? You'll be running into her former "audience" from time to time. Can you handle THAT?

Shin, You knew what her job was when you met her, but now you're in love. That's got to be tough. But for now you're going to have to go with the flow. The quickest way to lose her is to keep going on about it . Ask her if she can see herself doing that next year. If not, what her exit strategy is. Until then, bite your tongue, but insist she stay monogamous, and you do the same.

There's a price to dating a stripper, and you've got to pay it.

What if you two get married, and live in that city? You'll be running into her former "audience" from time to time. Can you handle THAT?

No way man... I can't handle it all now like...

It is no brainer. It will not work no matter what you do.
She loves to strip, which give her excitement under spotlight, boost her sexy body image, heated tension from gorup of guys, and of course good money. She will not easily change her job. A 20 years old sweet heart will not satisfy her sexually or financially not too long, no matter how hard you try. You are too young, and does not know the world very well. Thank god you had a good time with her, and move on for your future. You will break up anyway. It is a matter of time. Why do you try to call striper as girlfriend on earth? Her naked body is public toy for all guys. The guys do not simply look at her, but they imagine they do her. Have some ground rule for your dignity. It is impossible to love someone you can not respect. End of story.

Well we are trying to save to travel... obviously she will have to stop doing it when we go :(... this sucks... oh and you have no idea about my finances or my sexual potential...

well we are trying to save to travel ... obviously she will have to stop doing it when we go :( ...... this sucks ... oh and you have no idea about my finances or my sexual potential ...

My fiancés? Do you have multiple finace? I guess it is typo.
Do you really want to marry this girl, and make her as 'respectable' mother of your children? Do you really think she will settle down with you forever happily after?

I am pretty sure you have good quality, plenty of energy, youth, good looking, pure love, and dedication which she likes to keep you as boyfriend. However, the passion does not last too long, and intimacy and attachment has to follow up if you want to develop the real relationhsip. Why do you want to attach yourself to the public asset, and how will you be intimate with the girl every guys know her as naked body on earth? If it was easy, you would not come to this site.

Move on if you want real relationhsip. You fell for wrong girl.
If you like to have just good time and sex, you are with right person, do not complain her job, and do not expect further development.

FYI. Good girls are amazingly sexual in bed & have great body as well, but they only please 'one guy', and show off their body for only for the guy. Do you know that?

My fiances? Do you have multiple finace? I guess it is typo.
Do you really want to marry this girl, and make her as 'respectable' mother of your children? Do you really think she will settle down with you forever happily after?

I am pretty sure you have good quality, plenty of energy, youth, good looking, pure love, and dedication which she likes to keep you as bf. However, the passion does not last too long, and intimacy and attachment has to follow up if you want to develop the real relationhsip. Why do you want to attach yourself to the public asset, and how will you be intimate with the girl every guys know her as naked body on earth? If it was easy, you would not come to this site.

Move on if you want real relationhsip. You fell for wrong girl.
If you like to have just good time and sex, you are with right person, do not complain her job, and do not expect further development.

FYI. Good girls are amazingly sexual in bed & have great body as well, but they only please 'one guy', and show off their body for only for the guy. Do you know that?

It's FINANCES, like money, income. Not a woman he intends to marry. It's not a typo, it's a read-o.

My fiances? Do you have multiple finace? I guess it is typo.
Do you really want to marry this girl, and make her as 'respectable' mother of your children? Do you really think she will settle down with you forever happily after?

I am pretty sure you have good quality, plenty of energy, youth, good looking, pure love, and dedication which she likes to keep you as bf. However, the passion does not last too long, and intimacy and attachment has to follow up if you want to develop the real relationhsip. Why do you want to attach yourself to the public asset, and how will you be intimate with the girl every guys know her as naked body on earth? If it was easy, you would not come to this site.

Move on if you want real relationhsip. You fell for wrong girl.
If you like to have just good time and sex, you are with right person, do not complain her job, and do not expect further development.

FYI. Good girls are amazingly sexual in bed & have great body as well, but they only please 'one guy', and show off their body for only for the guy. Do you know that?


I completely agree with the last part... thats my problem...

Let’s talk about attachment again. When you start to see the girl, you probably felt you hit the jackpot. The sexist girl in an adult club chose you boyfriend, and you could have her every night by yourself (for free). You were excited, and you did not care what she was.

Now you developed feeling for her, emotionally attached to her, start to see her as ‘your girl’ not the sexy girl. The problem is though she cannot be your girl. You chose a wrong person. You were young & simple; you chose her by sex appealing looks not her values. Her job is dancing with almost naked body, and sexually arousing drunken men every night. She is a dancing sex toy, all men knows every part of her body and movement. You are having the girl at night, but it is not actually yours, every guy's sex toy. You already realized what treatment she is getting when she leave the club at night. Many guys try to have sex with her. How long do you think she will be faithful to you? You could pick her up every night before any drunken men hit on her, but hey, she is striper; no men will respect her as your girlfriend. How long can you live in the pain?

The biggest issue is she even refuses to talk about her job with you any more. As I told you, she will not easily change it. She settled down with the job already. You are not only guy fell for stripers in history. They all tried to change the girls, but failed. PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE EASILY. You cannot change her. You learned the lessons, and it is great experience for you.

Save moneyas you said, have a great travel together, and try to talk to her. However, you need to resolve your dilemma, and you need to move on from her if she does not change her job in a certain timeline. Make up your mind, do not hurt her feeling, be polite, but break off gradually, and move on . You are very young, and probably adrenalin driven. However, when you choose a girl, review her value as well. Life is not about having sex with great looking girls. Value is equally important as much as looks.

By the way, what are you doing for living?

There is an old saying ' if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen'.

You knew she was a stripper when you first met her. What you didn't know was the effect that it would have on you. Now you do. Clearly it's too hot for you in this 'kitchen'.

I know that it's you living this dilemma and that it's easy for me to say this, but the way I see it you have 2 choices -

You stay in the kitchen and deal with the heat.

You get out.

Staying means accepting what she does for a living with good grace and trusting that she will do the right thing by you. Leaving means understanding that you're not cut out to date a stripper because your mind will always bedevil and torment you.

It's up to you to make the choice.

Let’s talk about attachment again. When you start to see the girl, you probably felt you hit the jackpot. The sexist girl in an adult club chose you bf, and you could have her every night by yourself (for free). You were excited, and you did not care what she was.

Now you developed feeling for her, emotionally attached to her, start to see her as ‘your girl’ not the sexy girl. The problem is though she cannot be your girl. You chose a wrong person. You were young & simple; you chose her by sex appealing looks not her values. Her job is dancing with almost naked body, and sexually arousing drunken men every night. She is a dancing sex toy, all men knows every part of her body and movement. You are having the girl at night, but it is not actually yours, every guy's sex toy. You already realized what treatment she is getting when she leave the club at night. Many guys try to have sex with her. How long do you think she will be faithful to you? You could pick her up every night before any drunken men hit on her, but hey, she is striper; no men will respect her as your gf. How long can you live in the pain?

The biggest issue is she even refuses to talk about her job with you any more. As I told you, she will not easily change it. She settled down with the job already. You are not only guy fell for stripers in history. They all tried to change the girls, but failed. PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE EASILY. You cannot change her. You learned the lessons, and it is great experience for you.

Save moneyas you said, have a great travel together, and try to talk to her. However, you need to resolve your dilemma, and you need to move on from her if she does not change her job in a certain timeline. Make up your mind, do not hurt her feeling, be polite, but break off gradually, and move on . You are very young, and probably adrenalin driven. However, when you choose a girl, review her value as well. Life is not about having sex with great looking girls. Value is equally important as much as looks.

By the way, what are you doing for living?

Your response is so definite, as if there was no instance where a stripper quits and settles down. It's not as if it's once a stripper, always a stripper, and that's the rule. ALL good girls aren't "sexy and give good love", The older I get, the more I realize that things , and people can, and do, change. How do you know that this is not one of those times? You don't. No one does. This guy is smitten with a girl who takes her clothes off for a living. We don't know how she thinks, or what she wants. Does she not have the right ,or should be given the respect and opportunity we all have? This may be "the one" for him, however , the odds are against him. I hope he makes a go of it. But the only way is to let it happen according to her schedule and plans. Strippers are strong willed by nature, and I'm sure she has an agenda. It's making your life around THAT is what's so hard. I wish you luck.

I disagree.
PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE.
The big mistake people make in relationship is they try to change their partners for some reason. There is old phrase. 'do not make your partner as A project.' It will make both miserable. As you mentioned, stripping is rooted to the strong human nature, sex, and it is addictive. What make you sure that she will walk away from it, and clean from stripping for the rest of life? How can she break off 100% suddenly?

PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE NOT STRONGLY MOTIVATED.
I do not know what agenda she had, how long she had the job, but she COULD take off her clothes at the first place, she actually STARTED to do it, and CONTINUOUSLY doing it until now. If she hated the job, she would left long time ago. Stripping is not the only job she could have, she seems smart girl, but she chose to keep it for living until now. It means it is acceptable for her. Why should she make it as NOT acceptable to make boyfriend happy? If she think it is acceptable, even though she change her job for a while to please boyfriend, possibly she will go back. Besides of boyfriend happy, she has no issue. How long she will put her effort?

PEOPLE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS WHEN THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO CHANGE Themselves.
I do not see any clear indication she wants to change it by herself. She even does not want to talk about it. Talking is first step, and the easiest one. People make plans easily, but execution and sticking with it is really hard. The first step, talking, is not even there. Even though she has clear plan & and determination, it will be difficult to break off from the life style. She does not have it at all. Tell me how can HE change her to do it?

I agree he has pure love for her. However, I cannot recommend this young man to live in the dilemma, develop more feelings, attached to the girl who will not giver him healthy future.

Winding200, We don't really know that much about this girl now do we? We really have no idea what her plans are.

And people change careers every day. Peanut farmers don't always have to farm peanuts. They can change jobs radically. Like maybe be the President of the United States. People change , that's life. Some people stay the same, some people change their life for the better.

Have you ever heard the expression :

"If you can't stand the heat ,get out of the kitchen"?

That is my advice to you.

Jmjoshep,
I agree people change jobs, but it requires determination and efforts. If it is about the job change from farming to fishing, it would not be a problem, but this is about stripping. This young man is confused and suffering every night while she is stripping. Should he stay with her, pretent everything is oK, and just hope she change her job for him one day in her timeline and plan? She even does not want him to talk about it. What are you suggsting? Are we trying to make him feel good or are we actually giving him a good advice even though it is painful initially?

He says "i just see it ripping us apart now" in his own word.

jmjoshep,
I agree people change jobs, but it requires determination and efforts. If it is about the job change from farming to fishing, it would not be a problem, but this is about stripping. This young man is confused and suffering every night while she is stripping. Should he stay with her, pretent everything is oK, and just hope she change her job for him one day in her timeline and plan? She even does not want him to talk about it. What are you suggsting? Are we trying to make him feel good or are we actually giving him a good advice even though it is painful initially?

He says "i just see it ripping us apart now" in his own word.

I gave my response... to him, it's on here.

I think she is in it to enjoy it, and so should he be. 3 months is to soon for a long range plan, and I doubt anything changes, until he recognizes the reality of his situation, which is already driving him crazy.

I see no longterm commitments without a lot of big changes, nor should he expect any. I sure wouldn't, but I wouldn't be living with a stripper, after just meeting her.

A great body, and a good personality, doesn't mean life partner by itself.

I disagree.
PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE.
The big mistake people make in relationship is they try to change their partners for some reason. There is old phrase. 'do not make your partner as A project.' It will make both miserable. As you mentioned, stripping is rooted to the strong human nature, sex, and it is addictive. What make you sure that she will walk away from it, and clean from stripping for the rest of life? How can she break off 100% suddenly?

PEOPLE DO NOT CHANGE ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE NOT STRONGLY MOTIVATED.
I do not know what agenda she had, how long she had the job, but she COULD take off her clothes at the first place, she actually STARTED to do it, and CONTINUOUSLY doing it until now. If she hated the job, she would left long time ago. Stripping is not the only job she could have, she seems smart girl, but she chose to keep it for living until now. It means it is acceptable for her. Why should she make it as NOT acceptable to make bf happy? If she think it is acceptable, even though she change her job for a while to please bf, possibly she will go back. Besides of bf happy, she has no issue. How long she will put her effort?

PEOPLE CANNOT CHANGE OTHERS WHEN THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO CHANGE THEM SELVES.
I do not see any clear indication she wants to change it by herself. She even does not want to talk about it. Talking is first step, and the easiest one. People make plans easily, but execution and sticking with it is really hard. The first step, talking, is not even there. Even though she has clear plan & and determination, it will be difficult to break off from the life style. She does not have it at all. Tell me how can HE change her to do it?

I agree he has pure love for her. However, I cannot recommend this young man to live in the dilemma, develop more feelings, attached to the girl who will not giver him healthy future.

Someone may have already addressed this, but I have to as well.

How dare you? People don't change? Well dear, you're wrong.

When I was younger, naïve, stupid, and didn't give a damn, I did a lot of things I regret now. I slept with everything that moved and had a penis, I did nude modeling, I even had one very stupid night where I did strip in a strip club, but decided it wasn't for me.

Well, now I'm happily married, have two beautiful children and yes, I've changed, big time.

Telling someone that he doesn't have a chance at a "healthy future" with a stripper, that's not only naïve, but also very wrong.

Until you've walked in someone else's shoes, don't be so quick to judge. :(

jmjoseph agrees: Thanks for helping with this one. Now, let's talk about those photos... I would be glad to hold them for safekeeping..

Get in line. ;)

Get in line. ;)

Are they THAT good? I'll need a peek before I camp out in line...

You, know she can love you and still do her job, I wouldn't worry too much, you know your girl, there are strippers that would do it with anyone, but then there are girls like yours that are only there for show and money, and they are committed. I think you have a committed one. Look deep it your heart, and if you do really love her, and she loves you, you both will grow into one someday. Don't be to critical of her right now. You have only dated a few months, I'm 52 yr old, and few months flies by, but for you it's and eternity when I love. I can't guarantee everything is going to be OK, but let your and her love take its course. You'll know if if its right or not eventually. In the mean time enjoy each other, hey that is the most important thing you can do. Good Luck, I know how it is to be in love too, even at 52 you have to listen , talk, and be patient, and it works, again good luck to you, Cheers!

you, know she can love you and still do her job, i wouldn't worry too much, you know your girl, there are strippers that would do it with anyone, but then there are girls like yours that are only there for show and money, and they are committed. I think you have a committed one. Look deep it your heart, and if you do really love her, and she loves you, you both will grow into one someday. Don't be to critical of her right now. you have only dated a few months, I'm 52 yr old, and few months flies by, but for you it's and eternity when i love. I can't guarantee everything is going to be ok, but let your and her love take its course. You'll know if if its right or not eventually. In the mean time enjoy each other, hey that is the most important thing you can do. Good Luck, i know how it is to be in love too, even at 52 you have to listen , talk, and be patient, and it works, again good luck to you, Cheers!

Thanks a lot man... I came on here to see if there was a positive answer and that's one of the only ones... I love this girl very much.. and I know I do...

Thanks alot man ... i came on here to see if there was a positive answer and thats one of the only ones ... i love this girl very much .. and i know i do ...

There are more positive answers, however there are even more telling you to run. What are your plans?

There are more positive answers, however there are even more telling you to run. What are your plans?

I'm undecided as of yet... I need to have a serious think about what I want to do..

Have fun, but don't get so carried away by your feelings, is what I would do.

Have fun, but don't get so carried away by your feelings, is what I would do.

Yeah I'm trying to hold back on them you know...