I'm a 20 years old and she's 19 she has a 10 month old boy and I have no children. Let me start with a little back ground. Me and this girl knew each other for about seven years but in that time I moved up north for three years and we barely talked. I came back after a year in the navy and talked to her this was around Christmas. She had a 3 month old boy and a boyfriend. Well I got her number and said I would be in contact. A few months later I called her up and we got to talking and she told me her boyfriend cheated on her and dumped her. Well we talk for a month and a half or so every night almost. I went back home for leave(vacation) we talked and I asked her out she said she didn't know then later that day she said yes. Well I went back to my duty station. We had a long distance relationship we did good at first then she called/text less and we argued a lot. I flew her out to were I was for a week and we had a great time. Her x boyfriend called he was being nice and stuff and she started crying cause I guess he was never nice to her. (this is the boyfriend she has a kid with).well she goes back home and on a Thursday and the next days her 19 b-day. On her b-day she ended up being around her ex-boyfriend and driving a few places with him. Well he ended up kissing her but that was it she told me that night I was pissed but I really like this girl. Well we still argue a lot and one day I asked her for her password to her Verizon account she gets pissed and almost broke up with me. Well like a month later we get in another argue meant and she almost brakes up with me again. Now during these arguments I always said(I won't to be with. U I love u. its your choice but I won't to be with u. well then the other day we get in a argument cause she stayed a friends house ( guy friend) and I got mad that she wouldn't call me once she was laying down so we argued. Well the next day we argued more and I asked her if she wonted to be with me she said she didn't know. She said she loved me but the long distance was too much but she would wait for me and wonted me to wait for her. I asked what waited entailed she said she really didn't know. I said no ether I'm with u now or probably never we when back and forth for a while then she said she really didn't have a choice and I asked what that meant then she said were together.

So should I stay with her or not?

Mmm, I vote no. it sounds like all you do is argue. That's not good for any relationship. Her having a kid involved just makes it that much worse. Kids notice when their parents are upset, if she's always fighting with you the kid will be affected by it. And why would you need the password for her account anyway?

It does not sound like she is willing to commit to a long distance relationship and I see problems because of that reason.

The fact that the baby's father is in and out of the picture is a red flag as well.

Before you get too emotionally involved,I would reconsider because she only sounds interested in you on her terms and when it is convenient for her.

I asked for her password so I could see who she called. I know it wasn't right but she mostly hangs around guys and she hangs around guys she has a lot of past sexual history with. The father is a douche and I don't think she wonts to go back to him. I trust her but it's the fact that she usually irateted ad she doesn't always answer my questions. Like the other day my sis picked her up by the park. My sis just happen to be driving by. And she had some pink high heels in the stroller bottom. I asked her why and she said they been in there a week then I asked her why they were in there like whyed you put them in there a week ago she said there wasn't enough room at her moms house. Her mom does have a small house but to small for your shoes? So I dropped it I also asked if she wore them at all she said no so I don't know.

OK, so let me ask you this. If you trust her, why do you need to see who she's calling? Why do you need to question everything? This all sounds like a very negative situation that you would both be better out of.

I have trust issue's I told her that and with the stuff that happened with her X . I just wonted to confirm that I could trust her. I know it was wrong. I really do like this girl I've been thinking of her since 9 th grade.

Trust issues + LDR + lack of communications = A real relationship disaster.

No you don't know how to talk and listen, you ask to many dumb questions because of your trust issues, and neither of you can talk and listen to resolve anything so, you may as well leave, because the arguments will break you up any way.

I'm already emotionally attached. But your right I do ask a lot of stupid questions. I'm done with that though, I realized if somebody's going to cheat, you can't stop it, and you will find out sooner, or later, just don't be blind to the signs. I won't to work it out. I just don't know. I'm so confused.

I find it best to start with yourself, and your own issues, before you make changes to the things around you, as you have to be healthy, and happy with yourself, to make decisions that make you happy period.

I would say I'm happy with myself. I'm just kind of sick of the single life. I've been around partys and all this other stuff my whole life but I'm also young and I know that young relationships especially in the military don't work out.

What do u think the norm would be for a girl to call u that says she wonts to be together and that she wonts to move to were I'm at (a longway from her friends and family) and live with me?

I would say I'm happy with myself. I'm just kind of sick of the single life. I've been around partys and all this other stuff my whole life but I'm also young and I know that young relationships especially in the military don't work out.

This is a huge red flag for me.

I can promise you that getting into a relationship just to be in a relationship is a horrible mistake.

You are both young, but that's not the issue. The issue is that you are both in different places in your life. She has to focus on being a mother and the baby's father will ALWAYS be in her life - right through the birth and marriage of her grandchildren.

You have a responsibility to your job, which involves traveling and its own kind of stress.

At the most, try being distant friends. In that time you may find the true love of your life, learn to love the life you have now, or form a more trusting/stable relationship with her.

Things are moving fast and there is no need for it. Sometimes its hard to see clearly when you're the one in a relationship - but from an outside view, this does not sound worth pursuing past friendship at the most.

I'm scared that you might be right. I just had a crush or something for this girl for so long and I don't won't to lose her now that I have her she's a great person and I never won't to hurt her but I don't won't to be hurt ether. I really won't to see were this relationship can go.

It is all too easy to read between the lines when the romance is long distance. Thinking about what could be going on, and what is really going on, has only limitations set by your imagination.

A feeling or assumption that she can't be trusted may or may not be factual. That you need to hear her or get a text when she puts her head on the pillow at night, is a likely irrational thought that you have acted upon.

She on the other hand, is damned if she does, and damned if she doesn't. If you don't believe anything she says, why not have some fun with guys, and why not just say to hell with the accusations and demands of knowing my every single move.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, can repair a relationship when there is more doubt than trust. Really- where do you go with someone when you don't trust them, you don't trust their actions, and you feel the need to know every single detail of their life in order to dispel your insecurities about trust.

There either is trust, or there isn't. You can't throw that major item into the wind and say, oh well, she may or may not prove me wrong. That does nothing to build a relationship.

Be committed, or get out. You only know what you think you know, and that is a very poor impression you have painted of someone you want to spend your life with. Let alone raise a child together.

Think seriously about what a loving relationship is. So far, you don't have it.

I do trust her. Earler I was just referring in general. I'm young and I make mistakes I did won't her to call me way too much and I smothered her and when I didn't get my way I got pissed off. I was wrong for that and now I'm just trying to fix what I messed up. But the fact that she wonted to kind of break-up but wait for each other I just don't understand that.


How much should we talk for a couple that wonts to move together? And she didn't call me back at all yesterday when I called her.

Think about what you are getting into here.

She has not made a commitment. If she were, she would give you a date and time when she's going to move herself and her baby to where you are. She is nowhere close to that.

You don't get straight answers from her. I don't hear either one of you saying that you love each other, and want a permanent happy home to raise that child in together.

She gets one phone call from her ex, and falls to pieces. She is not over him. It is impossible to have two serious relationships going at the same time.

This isn't a game. There is a child involved here, which complicates things. Are you ready to be a father, and have her ex in your life for the next 18 years? Do you see yourself having more children? Can you afford to support her and her child when she moves there?

You are in a difficult position. I understand that you care very much for her, and you are probably willing to take on the added responsibility of raising a child with her, and you sure get points from me for having that kind of character.

But in all honesty, I do not get the impression that there is enough there to build on.

Maybe step back a bit, let her get over her ex and establish a working relationship with him for the sake of his child. Let her contact you. If she decides in time that she still wishes to pursue a serious relationship with you, it is far better that she does it under her own steam, than feeling pressure to do so from you.

I really want to see were this relationship can go.

You can't go anywhere unless you both are committed to it. She is not, and you have your own commitment to fulfill. Its not going to work out that way, and you should back away and deal with YOUR commitment, and let her deal with her own.

Maybe in the future, things may change, but now doesn't seem like the time for half hearted efforts to hold on to something that frankly, is not there.

Her and her ex won't be able to have a good relationship for a while. He's a prick basically and doesn't won't to see her happy. We reallyn haven't been abl to plan nathing yet she was in school and now she's doing an internship.


I'm committed and I believe she is she stayed with me even thoe its hard because she has to deal with a baby on her own plus school plus not having a vehicle, no-money and medical problems for her and the baby. The dead beat dad doesn't give her any money for child support. To be honest in the past I was pretty (needy) and I felt she didn't make enough time for me. I was stressing her out which was the last thing she needed but threw all that were still together. She knows I love her and for her to stay with me yet not have me there to help says a lot to me.

She broke up with me but she says she wonts to get back together sometime. She says it too much to deal with being in a long distance relationship with all the other stuff she has to deal with. She first asked me to wait for her and I asked her what that meant she didn't really know, but no dating but I asked if that meant no sexual stuff to with other people and she basically said no.


Should I let her back in my life or is she just trying to play me cause I'm a nice guy?

Go about your business, and leave her alone. Have you no dignity, or self respect??