Hi I have had a girlfriend for around 6 months now, at one point in our realthonship we were so strong and had near no problems to me everything was near perfect. Now it seems like she's stopped caring about the realthonship and in general has started to become a bad girlfriend , it kind of started after I went to work up at a camp for a week , that week I left I was surprised because she didn't try to contact me at all when before we had a realthonship were we near always in contact, when I texted her she would either not respond or respond in 1 word answers one day I tried calling her and she wasn't even paying attention and wasn't listening I hung up mad to see if she would even noitice and didn't. When I came back it feel like there had been a huge distance even though 1 week isn't much we didn't talk and when did were always fighting. We then got into a bigger fight about having to choose between her best friend( apparently even though he doesn't consider her his best friend (who is a guy whom they used to have a realthonship) and they just made up after their fight which lasted 4 months the week I was gone) and me. The reasons I need her to choose are long... Anyway the choice caused her back into the way she was before we meet into being an acholhic and would cut herself I didn't want this to become that so I said she didn't have to choose. Because of the group that hangs around her " best friend" she has started to get wasted near every other day . She seems to not care any more about us because she can just go get drunk with them and will sleep over at others guys houses now, she now text calls or messages next to never and when we do hang out she doesn't even pay attetion to me, I feel like her friends are way more important as she will choose them over me to hang out and will never ask to see me because she would rather be with . I don't feel the same thing I had with her , I even stopped saying I love you to see if she would notice which she didn't . The problem is I still remember when the realthonship was perfect only less than a month ago and don't want to do anything to rash because I would do anything to bring it back to the way it was. But I don't know if that's possible or worth the hurt.

Really sorry about the length if you just scanned quickly leave any comment or advice you have thanks;

Hi, I understand how you feel! I would not break up with her (I did in my case and regret that) however, I would not pursue her either, give her space and try to relax yourself. Then let her make her move. If you pursue her too much you'll make it very easy for her to just keep being the bad girlfriend. I hope this helps.

I d like to ask you two questions; how old are you and how did she feel about your going away to work?her selfharm and alcohol abuse point to serious problems that should be treated professionally.

The good times seem to be over, and its time to go.

Hard to maintain anything with a partner, who would rather be doing something else with others.


We then got into a bigger fight about having to choose between her best friend( apparently even though he doesn't consider her his best friend (who is a guy whom they used to have a relationship) and they just made up after their fight which lasted 4 months the week I was gone) and me.

Talaniman Rule- Never get involved with any one who has unresolved issues with an ex, NEVER!!!

Read below in my signature very carefully.

Were both in our late teens and she said she didn't want me to but I told her it was only a week and we would be fine , and the problem is when I'm happy I gain strong conviction in I should break up with and I should be fine later that day I get down and never want to break up with her thank you for your post which have been quite helpful , I also want to make up my mind quick as to not drag any thing on... also if I did choose to stay how could I recover our old realthonship?

You need to end it, the good times are over. She is contacting her ex, that's reason enough for you to walk away.

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For over the last 3 weeks my girlfriend has been giving me sparatic mixed signals. We used to have a great realthonship and we are now 6 months in. about a month ago we had 3 small fights turn into one really big fight, we recovered from that though I felt very compromsied on my end of the fight. But it feels like there's still problems even though there really isn't any. In the last 3 weeks she seemed to start being more concerned with her friends then by ditching me for them or not wanting to see me so that she can be with them(which before was not the case). She will ignore me , or when she does respond does so without intresset, she has also started to be drinking a lot more lately and when we do see each other she will be more intressted in if someone dropped her a message on Facebook or what's on TV , overall it seems like she doesn't care anymore and our realthonship is going backwards which the logically thing to do is to break up with her right? Every time I build up the courage and prepare myself to do so she hits me off guard by saying how much she wants to see me , or saying how much she loves me ? "Which im in with love her but not the way i wanted to" then when we hang out and everything seems great and she's happy even though she's not paying attention to me. Today I was convinced that I didn't want this and wanted a healthier realthonship so I texted her saying its important I see you to day even if its for a bit, and then she responded with a I reallly want to see you too, I miss you , do you want to come up to my parents chalet with such and such next weekend , with lots or hearts and smiles , and I'm like how they hell I'm I supposed break up with her today?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks;

Have you communicated with her the way you feel?

Here's how the situation looks to me:

She likes you. However, she still likes her "best friend" ex. (an ex should never be the best friend, that's a warning sign right there) When they broke up, she went to you for comfort.
That guy is a jerk. When you were away for a week, he saw his opportunity. He approached her, won her back, and now she is obsessed over him, and could care less about you. If everything you say is true, he is a bad influence on her, but she has a lust for him, and doesn't realize how bad he is.

Yep, agree with almost everyone, end it with her. Unless she wakes up and realizes she is ruining her life, it will only get worse for both of you. You should break up, and live life without having to worry about her.
If she grows a brain and realizes how bad alcohol is for her (and she's too young to drink) and everything else, then consider taking her back, but be careful about it.

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Hi, I've been in a realthonship with a girl for over 9 months, for the last month or so I haven't been really happy with the realthonship she's gotten really clingy I feel like because of this I'm neglecting my friends(which I defeintly am and am starting to get really worried/pissed off about) every time I say something she gets sad/mad and we get into a fight, we always fight like everyday(most the time not even about this), she seems to be sucking energy out of me instead of really giving me a boost , I've become a bit of a jerk to her too , and overall I want us to break up

The things is I have two problems first I love her and I know I would miss her a lot and would just hurt myself a lot by ending things, second she's in a really bad spot in her life and has a lot of problems , her grandma just died , she doesn't have many friends/any real friends or good ones and she really isn't going anywhere ,and overall seems depressive unless I can cheer her up . I still care about her a lot and I really just want to be her good friend because I know she needs someone and help her with all of this without being stuck in a realthonship with her, were on break right now and she's being calling/ texting all these things like please don't leave me , ill do anything to make this work, we've had problems before we can do it, its probably because of this...

I care about her too much , and want to help her because I don't think she can help herslef, but a realthonship isn't the right for me right now espically this one. But I'm afraid that if we break up it'll be just another thing to bring her even farther down into depression and I know that this would be the worst time for her to get her heart broken , I'm also afraid she won't want to see my again at all which I really couldn't handle because we've become eachothers bestfriends/ and gf/bf

She's to important part of my life to lose but I don't want to in this realthonship anymore

Any comments or ideas would be greatly appericated thank you very much

Hello S,

The first thing you need to do, is to decide, do you or don't you want to stay with this girl?

I kept reading in your post, "I do, but I don't". That's the first thing you should decide on first before anyone can really guide you in the right direction.

Is it that you are staying with her out of guilt?

Lets say her Grandmother was still here, how would you handle this situation then?

I am just trying to get a better understanding of this situation first. Not saying that your post wasn't informative, just need a little more inforamtion, that's all.

Thanks.

Overall it seems like she doesn't care anymore and our relationship is going backward which the logically thing to do is to break up with her right?

She has gone from not caring...


I haven't been really happy with the relationship she's gotten really clingy I feel like because of this I'm neglecting my friends(which I defiantly am and am starting to get really worried/pissed off about) every time I say something she gets sad/mad

To clingy?

Dude, this has been over for a while, so I don't know what your holding on to.

End this once and for all.