Threads merged

I am currently in a relationship. He is actually my first love when I was 15. We were together until I turned 18. We reunited in 2007. We now have a baby and another on the way. (yes, I am getting better b.c after baby is born f.y.I) Well it's been rocky. But we holding on I suppose. Anyway, I recently found porno movies he has hidden and 3 magazines. I went through some of them to see what it is that he seems to enjoy watching the most. I do feel bad for snooping but I was just trying to find a cigarette because he hides them from me. I shouldn't smoke but sometimes I get these cravings and I really need like at least 2 puffs. I know it's wrong and I already feel bad for it. Anyway back to the porn thing...

I feel so disgusted. I can't explain it. First off I feel so fat compared to these women. Second, some of the things he watches, he has never done with me. I have not always been a pregnant, overweight woman. I was a size 7. So I'm feeling insulted and as if he does not desire me. I want to confront him because I've always believed that pornograpy is wrong. Also because my 3 daughters were abused sexually and used in child pornography. They are no longer with me. (C.P.S issue)I made a post about it in the family law section. So my question is... should I confront him? And also, am I over reacting feeling as jealous and rejected as I do?

It's quite normal for men to watch porn. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you, it's a natural thing. I think it's a personal matter for you because of your story but for most men it doesn't mean anything. It surely doesn't mean he loves you. I would suggest talking to him.

I plan on talking to him. Hopefully he won't be embarresed

Assuming this was not child porn, men look at porn, I don't know any man who has not some.

And to be honest I bet he can't perform like the men in the movies either..

And what is it they do that he does not do with you ? When you can if you want to ask him.

Sex is not something one sided, but things talked about and even planned at time

Yes, you are overreacting in taking this personally.

Lots of men have porn and use porn - it's a fantasy for most of them and it's not real. Most healthy men don't expect real women to behave like they do in the porn movies - it's like science fiction, you enjoy it, but you know it's not real.

I would suggest that you're actually sad and stressed over the loss of your other children and what happened to them.

Talk to your BF and let him know your feelings, he needs to understand the link between your revulsion at his 'porn stash' and what has happened to your children and to be sensitive about it.

And, stop smoking. It's bad for the unborn baby.

Yes, you are overreacting in taking this personally.

Lots of men have porn and use porn - it's a fantasy for most of them and it's not real. Most healthy men don't expect real women to behave like they do in the porn movies - it's like science fiction, you enjoy it, but you know it's not real.

I would suggest that you're actually sad and stressed over the loss of your other children and what happened to them.

Talk to your BF and let him know your feelings, he needs to understand the link between your revulsion at his 'porn stash' and what has happened to your children and to be sensitive about it.

And, stop smoking. It's bad for the unborn baby.


I thought men wanted their women to do the things in those movies. I'm thinking like "how the hell do they do that for so long without their legs getting cramps or something?". But if what you say is true then I can see why my b/f hates the thought of me with another woman. I had a bisexual friend who I was close to (not sexual) and he hated us together. And he likes watching it on movies. Hmmm...

I haven't smoked for almost a week. I didn't do it everyday. Just when I couldn't take it anymore. I use to hate to see women do it. It's my first time doing it in a pregnancy. I am such a hypocrite. (by admission)

He doesn't know in detail what happened to my children and I really don't know if I should tell him because he is already mad about it and the men that did it live in our side of town. I don't want him to go after them because he has already stated he wants to hurt them. He had actually met my girls and was fond of them and planned to be their father before everything happened w/ CPS. So I decided not to tell him everything. We see them at the store or gas station sometimes. He WOULD do something if he was mad enough and I don't want him hurt or in jail

They are called fantasies, they always sound better when played out in your head. There were a few people I knew that used to think having their girlfriend be with another guy for a night would be a good fantasy, but ask them to act on it, they would kill a guy just for looking at them the wrong way.

Sure, I'd LOVE to have a 3 some but I would never do it. Too many problems get started from it, and it never works out the way it does in the porn movies. In porn, it's just sex, us guys few it as just sex. When you are in a relationship, you view it as an emotional and physical connection with a person you have feelings for. It's a different part of the brain that is triggered when you have intercourse with your partner as compared to watching a porn movie.

Also, just to get things straight, smoking while pregnant, not the greatest idea in the world. You two may want to consider parenting classes.

i thought men wanted their women to do the things in those movies. I'm thinking like "how the hell do they do that for so long without their legs getting cramps or something?". But if what you say is true then i can see why my b/f hates the thought of me with another woman. I had a bisexual friend who i was close to (not sexual) and he hated us together. And he likes watching it on movies. Hmmm....

I haven't smoked for almost a week. I didn't do it everyday. Just when I couldn't take it anymore. I use to hate to see women do it. It's my first time doing it in a pregnacy. I am such a hypocrite. (by admission)

He doesn't know in detail what happened to my children and I really don't know if I should tell him because he is already mad about it and the men that did it live in our side of town. I don't want him to go after them because he has already stated he wants to hurt them. He had actually met my girls and was fond of them and planned to be their father before everything happened w/ CPS. So I decided not to tell him everything. We see them at the store or gas station sometimes. He WOULD do something if he was mad enough and I don't want him hurt or in jail

I think that you really need to be honest with him about your feelings, it's up to you whether you tell him the details of what happened.

Going after the guys that did this to your children will do more harm than good - but it's time you started being honest about how you feel. Start making some healthy, honest choices and give your new baby the best start in life with a good father and a good mother.

The porno is just a side issue - unless he has mountains of it or he looks at it every day, I wouldn't worry.

They are called fantasies, they always sound better when played out in your head. There were a few people I knew that used to think having their girlfriend be with another guy for a night would be a good fantasy, but ask them to act on it, they would kill a guy just for looking at them the wrong way.

Sure, I'd LOVE to have a 3 some but I would never do it. Too many problems get started from it, and it never works out the way it does in the porn movies. In porn, it's just sex, us guys few it as just sex. When you are in a relationship, you view it as an emotional and physical connection with a person you have feelings for. It's a different part of the brain that is triggered when you have intercourse with your partner as compared to watching a porn movie.

Also, just to get things straight, smoking while pregnant, not the greatest idea in the world. You two may want to consider parenting classes.

He does not let me smoke. He hides them. That's how I came across all this. Looking for them. I have taken parenting classes. The classes I took taught nothing about your pregnancy. Just what to do after the baby is born. I hear where your coming from so I'm just going to let you have that because I use to say things like that myself.

You shouldn't smoke, not to mention the effects it would have on your child, but on your own life as well. I suggested the parenting class because it sounds like things are getting rough with you and him and needs to be sorted out.

I would assume he hides the porn ( which I don't believe in hiding it) because he knew you would not like it.

And to be honest, sometimes it is the thrilll of the sneaking it, that excites some men.

Now if it becomes an addiction, then it is a problem. But most men could not do 1/2 of what is in the porn film either, and many are just that movies, they have cuts, re-shoots, and splice. So what you see as 30 minutes of sex could be 8 days of shooting that is put into one film.

A married couple "if they want" could watch a few together to see about trying some new things, knowing that of course all new things don't work and being able to laugh at yourself when it does not.

For a married couple, sex should be a fun activity

Most of these replies have made me feel better about the issue. I don't believe he has a habit because he is hardly ever alone when he is home. A few times a week I am away while he is home to run errands. He is often at work half of the day.

Threads merged

When he comes home his text inbox is empty. And so are his recent calls. Now he has a phone made for texting. It's why he bought it. Him and his buddies text often. But why is he deleting everything before he comes home. If I talk about it, he says I'm being paranoid. What do you think? Oh yes and he has his myspace private and deleted me from his friends a long time ago. It says he is single on his profile. He mentions the kids, but not me.

There are some red flags but the only one that knows is him,I have always said what does your gut instinct say?
Why are you checking his phone?
There's more hear than your telling us

If you don't trust him it will never work. Moreover if you suspect him cheating he most likely is!

Last year he cheated. I left him and it took a lot for me to come back. Everything had seemed okay but now I don't know what to think. I went through his phone because he has been sleeping with it under his pillow and he takes it with him when he showers. So I got suspicious. He always checks my phone so I have told him "let me see yours then..." but it's always deleted.

He loves his daughter very much, and we have a baby on the way. I told him I will leave him for good if he cheats again or hits me. He was so upset when I left last time that he got drunk and went on a hhigh speed chase with the police. He ended up totaling the truck and got close to death. He was drunk plus he resisted arrest so you can guess he did some time. I told him that he will lose us for good next time. So I hope being with another woman does not matter more to him than us.
I have not ever been unfaithful to him.

Mary79; Last year he cheated.


Now how did I know that?
Well you two are going to have to stop playing games

He hit you? THAT is something that is unacceptable. Bottom line.

As far as the snooping, on both sides, why would you want to live like that? Life is too short to be investigating one another. Children or not, don't be with someone who you don't trust. You either trust them, or you don't. If someone sleeps with their phone, and takes it to the shower, they have something to hide. That is not normal behavior. The ABUSE, the mysterious behavior, along with the police chase, resisting arrest,etc. makes for a bad influence on your kids. And a miserable life. You should make some serious decisions. I wish you the best.

Threads merged

I am pregnant right now. I have a one and a 1/2 year old with him also. I gained weight in my last pregnancy and didn't focus on losing it after. Only because I went through a hard time and being depressed the past year I didn't care much about my image. He recently expressed to me that he feels I have gained a lot of weight and he'd like me to look how I did when we met.

Now I do know how to lose weight and get in shape. I know how to do cardio workouts and how to watch what I eat.

His cheating hasn't helped. Made me feel ugly and got me more depressed than I already was. I use to dress nice and fix my hair, and put on a little make up and he never paid attention to me so I stopped and then I slowly gained more weight and just let myself go. I have told him that after I have this baby I plan to work out and get my shape back. Not really for him but more for myself. So I can like who I see and feel healthy.

I'd like to know from a mans point of view; why would someone cheat on someone he loves and doesn't want to lose. Why do they think they can have it both ways. Do they not consider how it may affect their g/f. Yes, the change in appearance isn't good. But instead of complain about it, maybe he should help her with what she is going through in her life instead of add to it. And he knows what he has. It's why he was drawn to her. My man knows that once this weight is gone and I'm back to my old self, what he has. He knows how men hit on me daily and how I can have someone better. Honestly, I have seen the woman on his myspace and the one he cheated with and I topped them all in looks. At the moment I am overweight but I''m not hideous. So I don't understand it because he is not in shape himself. He gained weight and I have had men more handsome than him. But I love him so I don't even desire to be with another man.

SO what is the big deal? Does an orgasm or a few of them really mean that much to a man. Ya I hear the who thing about how we are just human and sexual beings and we may slip at times. To me it's just B.S. Not true because guess what? I love sex. And I look at men that look hot. But do I want to have sex with them. Hell no. I have a man at home and just because he doesn't have a 6pack doesn't mean I will go out and have sex with one that does. And is it hard for me to tell a good looking man that I am in a relationship? No it isn't. So here I am waiting to have this baby. I have already began watching how much and what I eat. I wonder if my man will be one of those that doesn't realize what he has until it's gone. Is he going to see me and wish he would have loved me just a little more... And tell me how good I look, but I won't be his? That would be kind of sad for him.

For our children too. One day she will be a teenager and ask why did her mom leave or why did her dad cheat. And what do we say. The truth? "Daddy cheated because mommy got fat and he couldn't be patient and wait for her to lose it". What will she think of her hero then? Daddy didn't love mommy? Or do we lie to the one who we want to trust us the most. Are there men out there that care more for their families more than a piece of a** or a pair of double d's?

BTW I know women do the same thing. But in my case it's a man.

He hit you? THAT is something that is unacceptable. Bottom line.

As far as the snooping, on both sides, why would you want to live like that? Life is too short to be investigating one another. Children or not, don't be with someone who you don't trust. You either trust them, or you don't. If someone sleeps with their phone, and takes it to the shower, they have something to hide. That is not normal behavior. The ABUSE, the mysterious behavior, along with the police chase, resisting arrest,etc., makes for a bad influence on your kids. And a miserable life. You should make some serious decisions. I wish you the best.

What you say about the kids is so right. I am going to have a serious talk with him. i am going to tell him that He needs to stop taking the phone with him to the shower and also that he needs to keep his ringer on during the day. I am not going to be too demanding about it but I am going to let him know that everything he has, he is about to lose. I am also going to ask him if he wants to be with someone eles. I want him to know I wont keep his children from him if we break up.

What you say about the kids is so right. I am going to have a serious talk with him. i am going to tell him that He needs to stop taking the phone with him to the shower and also that he needs to keep his ringer on during the day. I am not going to be too demanding about it but I am going to let him know that everything he has, he is about to lose. I am also going to ask him if he wants to be with someone eles. I want him to know I wont keep his children from him if we break up.

I think that it is fair of you to let him see his children. I hope you understand that you can make a better life for them without someone like him in your way. Any guy that hits a woman is NOT man. Someone needs to whip his a$$, and see how HE likes it. I truly hope you get away from him. Maybe get a friend or family member to help you with it. May GOD keep and protect you.

Let's get one thing straight. He didn't cheat because of your weight. He cheated because he wanted to. That, and because he is not a real MAN. Guys like him make me sick. My wife gained weight after our first son seven years ago. She kept it on and gained more with our second son four years ago. She is just now getting to losing some of the weight. Not ONCE have I said a negative thing. She says" I know I'm fat..." I say "baby, I love you just the way you are". You know why? Because I love her, and I would never say anything to hurt her feelings. Never. Much less cheat on her and try to validate it by BLAMING her. In my opinion, he is a coward, a liar, and a @#$&*^. You should sit him down and make the proper arrangements for a divorce. Any man that would cheat on a pregnant woman, saying she drove him to it by being overweight , deserves to be taken to the cleaners by the best attorney you can find. Bottom line. Do not give him another chance to do this again. He has a myspace account with women on it? Ask him to pick one that will put him up for a while. You should do it while the kids are young.

And you tell your little girl the truth. That her mommie has self-respect and she was tired of being the other woman to a man who didn't respect or deserve to be with her. May GOD give you the courage to make a change in your life. Life is too short to not be loved, respected, and faithful to. You don't want a man like him influencing your children. Or making your life a living hell. Go find yourself a real man. One who will not just say his vows, but who will live by them. I wish you the best of luck.

You wanted a man's opinion, and you got it. Now what are you going to do?

Please consider WALKING AWAY.

This is a BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD situation. I see NO upside. Am I missing something good? Please tell me now if so.

I know you have his baby, but this is a mess. You need a lawyer and maybe even a restraining order if you walk away. He has a double life, a drinking problem, and no respect for the mother of his child.
And if you stay, you may be making it hard for the child to have a calm stable life you must provide by working hard.

I know you are scared and this is a TERRIBLE feeling...
But, the longer you stay, the worse you will feel if you have no respect.

Ugh, sorry. I know it hurts.

A

Let's get one thing straight. he didn't cheat because of your weight. he cheated because he wanted to. That, and because he is not a real MAN. Guys like him make me sick. My wife gained weight after our first son seven years ago. She kept it on and gained more with our second son four years ago. She is just now getting to losing some of the weight. Not ONCE have I said a negative thing. She says" I know I'm fat..." I say "baby, I love you just the way you are". You know why? because I love her, and I would never say anything to hurt her feelings. Never. Much less cheat on her and try to validate it by BLAMING her. In my opinion, he is a coward, a liar, and a @#$&*^. You should sit him down and make the proper arrangements for a divorce. Any man that would cheat on a pregnant woman, saying she drove him to it by being overweight , deserves to be taken to the cleaners by the best attorney you can find. Bottom line. Do not give him another chance to do this again. he has a myspace account with women on it? Ask him to pick one that will put him up for a while. You should do it while the kids are young.

And you tell your little girl the truth. That her mommie has self-respect and she was tired of being the other woman to a man who didn't repect or deserve to be with her. May GOD give you the courage to make a change in your life. Life is too short to not be loved, respected, and faithful to. You don't want a man like him influencing your children. Or making your life a living hell. Go find yourself a real man. One who will not just say his vows, but who will live by them. I wish you the best of luck.

You wanted a man's opinion, and you got it. Now what are you going to do?

Well fortunately we are not married.
He has never told me he loves me just the way I am. I have a lot to think about. My babies. Myself. God I can't remember being loved for who I am. I don't think I will want another man after this. I'm just so tired and getting through this thing I've been going through. Put together it's just too much I don't even want to face my day. Haven't left the house in days. Thanks

First off, let us not generalize. Men cheat on women, and women cheat on men. My ex cheated on me, dumped me, lied to me, used me, gave me false hope... the list is long. I feel the pain, I really do and there is no excuse for cheating.
I still have to learn to forgive but at a certain time I would have accepted her back and forgave her. It is very hard to forgive such a deed but we have to, In order to advance and to feel great within ourselves.

Not all men are like that believe me and women can do the same things to men. There is no right or wrong decision here, but you should think thoroughly and rationally about your decision. Good luck.

Well fortunately we are not married.
He has never told me he loves me just the way I am. I have alot to think about. My babies. Myself. God I can't remember being loved for who I am. I don't think I will want another man after this. I'm just so tired and getting through this thing I've been going through. Put together it's just too much I don't even want to face my day. Haven't left the house in days. Thanks

Well, I guess I'm guilty of assumption. I thought you two were married. I'm sorry. My answer doesn't change one bit though. Maybe editing a little, but the meat of it still stands. You said you "fixed your hair, put on a little make-up", and he still didn't notice you.Loving guys don't act this way. What's the hard part of making a decision?

If you let him get away with this, he will have a "get laid with no consequences license".

He should be there for you through thick and thin (no pun intended) and be a part of raising his children.

It seems to me that you don't think you can find another man. Or even want to try. You mentioned your daughter, and what you would tell her. You need to be strong for her, but most importantly, for yourself.

Right now, he has crucified yourself esteem. Have you always thought so little of yourself as to allow this behavior? I doubt it. Pick yourself up and carry on. Good luck to you.

Well I read it but the pink in the post made my eyes bleed
Mary I don't really see the need for the new posting your other one was dealing with the same topic basically
It gets confusing when you post multiple times on the same subject

Let's
My wife gained weight after our first son seven years ago. She kept it on and gained more with our second son four years ago. She is just now getting to losing some of the weight. Not ONCE have I said a negative thing.

?

I'm just throwing this out there but to me no one is going to put up with all that she has put up with and be totally innocent themselves
MARY has given a one sided view to this story and your advise great as it sounds in reality does not fit this situation,you have NEVER said harmful things to your wife and I assume SHE has never said harmful things to you.well I think mary and EXCONVICT don't have that level of a relationship and I would suspect they fight like cats and dogs and are BOTH guilty of wrongdoing.
That's how I see it.

well i read it but the pink in the post made my eyes bleed
Mary i dont really see the need for the new posting your other one was dealing with the same topic basically
it gets confusing when you post multiple times on the same subject

I edited the pink to the original font... black. It was too harsh on the eyes.

I am pregnant right now. I have a one and a 1/2 year old with him also. I gained weight in my last pregnacy and didn't focus on losing it after. Only because I went through a hard time and being depressed the past year I didn't care much about my image. He recently expressed to me that he feels I have gained alot of weight and he'd like me to look how I did when we met.

Now I do know how to lose weight and get in shape. I know how to do cardio workouts and how to watch what I eat.

His cheating hasn't helped. Made me feel ugly and got me more depressed than I already was. I use to dress nice and fix my hair, and put on a little make up and he never paid attention to me so I stopped and then I slowly gained more weight and just let myself go. I have told him that after i have this baby I plan to work out and get my shape back. Not really for him but more for myself. So I can like who I see and feel healthy.

I'd like to know from a mans point of view; why would someone cheat on someone he loves and doesn't want to lose. Why do they think thay can have it both ways. Do they not consider how it may affect their g/f. Yes, the change in appearance isn't good. But instead of complain about it, maybe he should help her with what she is going through in her life instead of add to it. And he knows what he has. It's why he was drawn to her. My man knows that once this weight is gone and I'm back to my old self, what he has. He knows how men hit on me daily and how I can have someone better. Honestly, I have seen the woman on his myspace and the one he cheated with and I topped them all in looks. At the moment I am overweight but I''m not hideous. So I don't understand it because he is not in shape himself. He gained weight and I have had men more handsome than him. But I love him so I dont even desire to be with another man.

SO what is the big deal? Does an orgasm or a few of them really mean that much to a man. Ya I hear the who thing about how we are just human and sexual beings and we may slip at times. To me it's just B.S. Not true because guess what? I love sex. And I look at men that look hot. But do I want to have sex with them. Hell no. I have a man at home and just because he doesn't have a 6pack doesn't mean I will go out and have sex with one that does. And is it hard for me to tell a good looking man that i am in a relationship? No it isn't. So here I am waiting to have this baby. I have already began watching how much and what I eat. I wonder if my man will be one of those that doesn't realize what he has until it's gone. Is he gonna see me and wish he would have loved me just a little more... And tell me how good I look, but I wont be his? That would be kind of sad for him.

For our children too. One day she will be a teenager and ask why did her mom leave or why did her dad cheat. And what do we say. The truth? "Daddy cheated because mommy got fat and he couldn't be patient and wait for her to lose it". What will she think of her hero then? Daddy didn't love mommy? Or do we lie to the one who we want to trust us the most. Are there men out there that care more for their families more than a piece of a** or a pair of double d's?

BTW I know women do the same thing. but in my case it's a man.

This is what you get when you have children before marriage. A boyfriend unwilling to take responsibility and unwilling to commit to you.

After reading all your threads, its very clear that you have to many issues with this fellow, and no way to resolve them.

I strongly advise you to stop allowing his bad behavior, and if you can't do that through a willingness to work together, through honest communications, to resolve your issues together, somebody has to go.

Sorry, but you will have to make a decision as to the course of action that works best for you. My vote is to talk first, and dump him, if there are no healthy changes in this relationship.

No communications = no relationship. That means putting it all on the table, and expressing your displeasure.

I didnt mean to put words in your mouth or take up for him,what i meant was i would like to see IF there could be more done to salvage a relationship where KIDS are involved when we have only heard one side.it does not sopund like hes refusing counseling,refusing to change
the part that doesnt fit is you are comparing your relationship and how you treat your wife to this relationship

She wanted a man's point of view, and I used my relationship as an example of how loving couples act and react. My marriage is far from perfect, but we work through our problems and don't go out and find solace in the arms of others, blaming the other for driving us to it. If this guy( I will NOT call him a man)loved her, his mate, and mother of his children, he would not say ugly things to her, or cheat on her.

She is in pain, and yes, we don't know his side of the story(as usual), he is admittedly cheating on her. Obviously with total disregard for her being pregnant once again. Even though this relationship is full of problems, and I'm sure she, like most of us, has her own bag of rocks to carry, HE is breaking the rules by sleeping with other women.
This is not a marriage. Counseling would be my suggestion if it was. But my opinion is this: do not get further involved with someone like him. It will most likely get worse before it gets better.

Have to spread my rep. I agree with you.thats a loving relationship.

Confront him and tell him no pron in your house. Is he cheating. No. Is porn wrong. (adult porn) No. Are you aware that the top selling pron behind gay male is pregnant female.. You heard me right sister. Many a people think pregnant women are the hottest things ever. So remember. It is just pictures take a breath, men are visual. YOu have tons of hormones. And that will effect you dramaticaly. So Tell him porn is a no no because of... That is a valid statement. Tell him because you don't have your kids because of porn and abuse you can't deal with it around your other kids.

Confront him and tell him no pron in your house. Is he cheating. No. Is porn wrong. (adult porn) No. Are you aware that the top selling pron behind gay male is pregnant female.. You heard me right sister. Many a people think pregnant women are the hottest things ever. So remember. It is just pictures take a breath, men are visual. YOu have tons of hormones. And that will effect you dramaticaly. So Tell him porn is a no no because of ..... That is a valid statement. Tell him because you don't have your kids becuase of porn and abuse you can't deal with it around your other kids.

The OP is NOT your sister. How do I know? Because "brothers" don't talk to their sisters that way. And will you post your sources of the porn sales? Where exactly did you get that number? I think I know, the same place you got the hormone remark. People come here for help, not false statements. Porn is not "just pictures", they have kiddie porn. Is that just pictures too? Are you a doctor? You seem to know how pregnant women feel and think. How do you know this guy isn't cheating? Are you him?

This is what you get when you have children before marriage. A boyfriend unwilling to take responsibility and unwilling to commit to you.

Whoa now. Maybe a few years back I would have argued with your cold and blunt statement. But being where I am and hearing the things my mother has advised and told me I do totally agree with you. Would've been nice being raised right but oh well that's another story. A pastor once told me that if you are not married then the man is not obligated to a damn thing like being faithful or providing, etc. ( I guess the things a husband is committed to doing )

I am confused, where is your other three children, they are gone. YOU don't have them! And your having more kids, and not married. He should be the least of your worries, is your kids from the past that would bother me more, as a mom.

Right now, he has crucified your self esteem. Have you always thought so little of yourself as to allow this behavior? I doubt it. Pick yourself up and carry on. Good luck to you.

Honestly I can say I have grown to love him and the baby, but I have forgotten how to love myself. This is something I will work on because I know I need it to teach my babies to love themselves. (I need to love myself again)

I am sorry, but I have no sympathy on this one. That is a total of 5 kids. You lost the first three to child pornography, and you are on number 2 with this man now. I would clean up my act and worry about getting my kids back, insteaD OF concentrating on a man and yourself.

im just throwing this out there but to me no one is going to put up with all that she has put up with and be totally innocent themselves
MARY has given a one sided view to this story and your advise great as it sounds in reality does not fit this situation,you have NEVER said harmful things to your wife and I assume SHE has never said harmful things to you.well i think mary and EXCONVICT dont have that level of a relationship and i would suspect they fight like cats and dogs and are BOTH guilty of wrongdoing.
thats how i see it.

I can say I am guilty of calling him a drunk when we argue and all kinds of names when he does not come home. And I am guilty of not cooking for him when he has called me names. But at the moment things are not bad as they were. We don't really fight. And spend more time together and have talked about it. (the phone thing and the porn)

No I am not innocent.

I am sorry, but I have no sympathy on this one. That is a total of 5 kids. You lost the first three to child pornography, and you are on number 2 with this man now. I would clean up my act and worry about getting my kids back, insteaD OF concentrating on a man and yourself.

Well if you want to get on my three kids which I would rather not write about, plus they are not involved in this.

No I did not lose them to child pornography, I actually relinquished my rights before the state terminated them. Under the advisement of a state provided attorney who didn't give a dam. Which now I regret ever taking his advice.
And there was pornography but it is listed down as them being sexually abused by their grand father. And I didn't do a damn thing to deserve losing them but fall apart. And what? Trust my father? Ya that was a big one, who on earth trusts their children to their parents? (sarcasm)

I can't get my kids back. And yes I'm on number two. So Screw C.P.S for all the crap they did to us. We went to them for help and they tore us apart because I was too sad. And I couldn't care less about sympathy. It wouldn't bring them back or do a thing for me

I really don't like how they merged my threads together... blah

Sorry, but you don't just lose your kids, unless you did something wrong.

I can say I am guilty of calling him a drunk when we argue and all kinds of names when he does not come home. And I am guilty of not cooking for him when he has called me names. But at the moment things are not bad as they were. We don't really fight. And spend more time together and have talked about it. (the phone thing and the porn)

No I am not innocent.

This is exactly why I feel there is hope for this relationship
Listen people if you want to tell her leave him fine than get ready for all the other post that may come up
My ex left town dumped me and the kids
Why is my 12 yr old so out of control
I'm so lonely I want too die etc etc
We have ALL seen them and read them
Everything changes when there are children involved
You can judge and say well this lifestyle isn't healthy for the kids either but
From what I've read it isn't that bad
AND LIKE I SAID
I want to hear what this guy is thinking TODAY
Wheres his head at NOW
Before I tell a mom to up and leave the father of her children

Its OK I'm the under dog here I can live with that

I'm focusing on the "spend time" and "talked about it"

As I said, this is a BAD situation for you and these kids.

As long as we are all being honest, I think you have made some bad decisions and now perhaps have made another.

How can you save this? Not easy.

Focus on a career (you may have to go back to school) and your child. In a few years maybe think about relationships, or maybe it'll happen sooner. I would establish your OWN LIFE, and if this guy is the right guy he can join in it one day - or another man can - but not right now.

Take a breath and plan for the future. Fun time and drinking time are pretty much over for a few years - I just can see no other way to dig out.
Hang in there.

Ps - Smoking while pregnant is probably not a good idea.

This is not in reply to jj
Its real common to say
He's only going to get worse
And I go along with that in some cases
All I can say is I don't feel it here
Maybe its personal for me,I see a couple who's gone through a lot him going to prison,having kids ,domestic violence his issues and still I want to say try to work it out..
Just me I suspect

this is not in reply to jj
its real common to say
hes only going to get worse
and i go along with that in some cases
all i can say is i dont feel it here
maybe its personal for me,i see a couple whos gone through alot him going to prison,having kids ,domestic violence his issues and still i want to say try to work it out..
just me i suspect

Fair enough, but I think you stand alone. Anyone who raises his hand to a woman...

I haven't direspected you. That's twice today you've shot down my answers. Why should I tell a woman who's being cheated on , by a guy who BEATS her, to work it out. I'm not on the assault at all. If you reread your post it seems as if you're saying that no one but you can get this. Read it.

It's not about you and I. Peace.


He doesn't hit me anymore. And he knows better not to go there again. He has cheated in the past and it's been a few weeks now and he has been coming home. I don't mean to defend him, after all I did come here to write about him. I'm beginning to think that maybe I can't get past him cheating and now that he is trying to do right, I feel like there is no way he will be faithful to me. I'm not sure why, maybe it's a trust issue or maybe unforgiveness. We talked about the cell phone last night and he says he can't trust me to leave his phone alone. He doesn't like me snooping and going through it. He supposedly goes through mine because my behavior makes him think I have something going on as well. So today he left his phone out when he showered and I didn't look in it. Even though I was tempted. We both agreed that there is a chance we may have to break up if we can't trust each other. Which is bogus because I never cheated on him. But I guess somehow my behavior makes him suspicious. He was sorry for the whole weight gain thing. Says he is disapointed I have become the way I am. Not caring for myself or my appearance. He knows why I have been so depressed but feels I need to focus on the kids I have now.

Sorry, but you don't just lose your kids, unless you did something wrong.

I did do something wrong. I became "emotionally unstable" when I found out my own father and 3 of his friends have been raping my 3 girls for years and I was too blind to see it. (he took care of them while I worked and went to school) Oh and Smacked my 3 year old on her hand when she would not stop pulling her sisters hair after I told her no. When CPS found out they came and removed my kids after they had given them back. Because I was not allowed to spank, even though it is legal. So that's what I did wrong.

Don't come at me like you KNOW a dam thing about my case because guess what...
CPS is full of caseworkers who don't give a dam about the facts and go by "what they think" when they need to go by what's best for the child. And CPS is screwed up and run differently in each state. My kids are in a state where CPS told their new mother that all the crap she went through with the system here in TX was B.S. My middle child was separated from her sisters and this woman is trying to tell this btch caseworker to let her come back to her home so she won't be alone. The worker tells her no. She doesn't like her so she won't let my daughter go with her. When this was reported the worker denies it. So my 8 yr old is being moved from place to place in a system that is so desperate for foster parents that somehow people with felonies and history or violence are allowed to become one. All because one btch a** worker feels like it. A child in a foster home was killed not to long ago. So CPS is currupt in my book

. He knows why I have been so depressed but feels I need to focus on the kids I have now.

Shouldn't that be
The kids WE have now?

this is exactly why i feel there is hope for this relationship
listen people if you want to tell her leave him fine than get ready for all the other post that may come up
my ex left town dumped me and the kids
why is my 12 yr old soo out of control
im so lonely i want too die ect ect
we have ALL seen them and read them
everything changes when there are children involved
you can judge and say well this lifestyle isnt healthy for the kids either but
from what ive read it isnt that bad
AND LIKE I SAID
i want to hear what this guy is thinking TODAY
wheres his head at NOW
before i tell a mom to up and leave the father of her children

its ok im the under dog here i can live with that

im focusing on the "spend time" and "talked about it"

Well all I can tell you is what he said. He is mad because I'm busy lying around and crying for my kids everyday, when he feels I should get up and move on because they are not coming back, and I have oour baby to raise now. I do take care of my daughter but he wants me to go places with her and take her swimming, etc. I have not worked for 2 months because I don't get up to look for a job and he says we both need to pitch in. I agree with him on that part. I just didn't realize that I have gotten this bad. I'm actually going to therapy Tuesday to get help for depression

Are you aware that the top selling pron behind gay male is pregnant female.. You heard me right sister.

Sister, did I hear you right?

Right behind the gay porn is the pregnant female porn? Those are some amazing statistics and some that I did not no previously. I wonder where guys nailing girls porn ranks?

Mary.
I got confused when the threads merged
I was still going off the is he cheating on me? Thread I didn't know about the cps issue or the assault I understand it was in the past
I'm going to bow out gracefully
Good luck hun.

Mary, I say this with all respect intended and in no way to be taken as a jab at you, but your life seems completely out of control. Have you ever sought counceling for you, and you alone. This entire thread is just one dramatic thing after another. Have you ever just stopped and tried to find out why these situations keep happening or why you seem to almost be drawn into them?

I did do something wrong. I became "emotionally unstable" when I found out my own father and 3 of his friends have been raping my 3 girls for years and I was too blind to see it.

Did your father rape you? If not, was your dad always stable? I mean how does he go from a guy you trust your kids with to a guy that's raping them when you knew him for years


(he took care of them while I worked and went to school) Oh and Smacked my 3 year old on her hand when she would not stop pulling her sisters hair after I told her no. When CPS found out they came and removed my kids after they had given them back. because i was not allowed to spank, even though it is legal. So thats what I did wrong.

So you had your children taken once, and CPS gave you another chance and you didn't follow the guidelines they set up?


Don't come at me like you KNOW a dam thing about my case because guess what......

Don't come at anybody like you know a damn thing. You are here asking for help and that's cool. I'm not trying to chase you away but if people are giving it to you, then you need to hear it. I assure you nobody here wants you hurt or in pain or "emotionally unstable" as you put it. But when somebody says something you don't like you go into attack mode. It's you who doesn't know a damn thing or you wouldn't be here. I'm not saying you can't or won't, I'm just saying you don't. You can get better and improve and I wish for you to do so but that also means lowering you defenses a bit.


CPS is full of caseworkers who don't give a dam about the facts and go by "what they think" when they need to go by whats best for the child.

I don't disagree with this, but there are also children that never see a CPS worker. So the very fact yours are does not mean you wrong but it does mean there is an ongoing problem, and blaming CPS isn't solving anything for you.


And CPS is screwed up and run differently in each state. My kids are in a state where CPS told their new mother that all the crap she went through with the system here in TX was B.S. My middle child was seperated from her sisters and this woman is trying to tell this btch caseworker to let her come back to her home so she wont be alone. The worker tells her no. She doesn't like her so she wont let my daughter go with her. When this was reported the worker denies it. So my 8 yr old is being moved from place to place in a system that is so desperate for foster parents that somehow people with felonies and history or violence are allowed to become one.

Blantant lie.



All because one btch a** worker feels like it. A child in a foster home was killed not to long ago. So CPS is currupt in my book

Yes, children have been killed by foster parents. Genetic parents have also killed there children. Husbands have killed wives. Wives have killed husbands. Children have killed parents. Dogs have killed their owners.

There are always going to be extreme situations and bad things happen to good people. I'm sorry, but you knew your father and I find it hard to believe he somehow got it past you that he was the person you describe for years without you noticing. Then the state gives you a second chance and you apparently blew that. Now it's the "btch a** worker" fault? Not buying it.

You have a lot of issues here that a therapist needs to address with you. I think you want to have the best intentions and I think you have the ability to have them, but I think your approach hasn't worked so far, and you need a different approach. Blaming everyone else is a good start. Not being so defensive for no apparent reason is another. Putting good, positve people in your life is also a must. But there's a reason you don't, maybe you know the reason and could share it. Maybe you don't and a therapist can help you figure out why you self sabatooge.

I'm not trying to come at you, because I know you want help, but I just think you need to look at what you've done and ask yourself, "is this really helping or hurting me, and how can I make my actions help me instead of hurt me?"

The OP is NOT your sister. How do I know? Because "brothers" don't talk to their sisters that way.
Well I am a female so I know what it is like to be pregnant and have the media remind me I was fat and undesireable.

And will you post your sources of the porn sales?
Try google. Try some articles given to students to write papers on. Try educating yourself. But since you need to be spoon fed: Here is a web site that will give you that info and each side of the issue of porn being good or bad.
Error (http://find.galegroup.com.ezproxy.apollolibrary.com/ovrc/retrieve.do?subjectParam=Locale%252528en%25252C%25 252C%252529%25253AFQE%25253D%252528su%25252CNone%2 5252C15%252529porn%252Bstatistics%252524%257E%2529 1&contentSet=GSRC&sort=Relevance&tabID=T010&sgCurrentPosition=0&subjectAction=SEE_REFERENCE&prodId=OVRC&searchId=R6&currentPosition=25&userGroupName=apollo&resultListType=RESULT_LIST&sgHitCountType=None&qrySerId=Locale%28en%2C%2C%29%3AFQE%3D%28SU%2CNone %2C13%29%22Pornography%22%24&inPS=true&searchType=BasicSearchForm&displaySubject=&docId=EJ3010068243&docType=GSRC)
or
one-third to one-half of the $2.5 billion adult industry is gay sales and rentals. ...en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_pornography Leaving the rest of the 1.25 billion to be filled by all other types of porn. if simple math it done with those numbers that is.
Or try looking at the number Results 1 - 10 of about 813,000 for pregnant women porn. (0.18 seconds).... Many people out there think pregnant women are hot. That was the point.

Where exactly did you get that number? I think I know, the same place you got the hormone remark.
Imagine that I have an opinion and I am a women. Watch out.

People come here for help, not false statements.
Your right people do come here for help. Not to be preached at by upity conservatives that can think out side of their box.
Porn is not "just pictures", they have kiddie porn.
Porn is just pictures. If we were in Europe a nude photo is not considered lewd. The americans have never adopted this because our country was founded by puritans who were to busy burning people on stakes and scalping the native people who lived here, than to think about what was right for others.
Kiddie porn is filthy pictures taken by horrible adults. It is done with purpose and sold to people who use those pictures to be used to their screwed up ways. Kids can not consent to what they do not understand. That's what kiddie porn is. You don't punish the child. You go after the makers and the users.
You seem to know how pregnant women feel and think.
Again. I have had a child. I know a whole lot better than you do about how it feels to be pregnant.
How do you know this guy isn't cheating? Are you him?
I know he's not cheating just because he is looking at porn. Just because he views nude imagines does not mean is he guilty of getting emotionally or in any way shape or form involved with another person. Last time I checked the definition for cheating is :



Cheating in a relationship has traditionally been viewed upon as an infidelity and disloyalty. At the core of this viewpoint of unfaithfulness is that a level of intimacy has been compromised and shared outside the relationship with a third person.

Theoretically cheating is anything inherently personal a mate shares with someone else who is not their partner.



So in his case where is the third person?For that matter where is the second. One man one hand one bottle of lube. Sounds like one man with self love doing what all men do. So he has some pictures to look at that does not mean he is being unfaithful. It means he's looking at pictures.

It didn't post Error (http://find.galegroup.com.ezproxy.apollolibrary.com) although you may have trouble accessing the site

i thought men wanted their women to do the things in those movies. I'm thinking like "how the hell do they do that for so long without their legs getting cramps or something?".



Well that is why it take like 4 hours to shoot like 20 minutes worth of video. Lots of moving and changing camera positions

1. Originally Posted by Ash123
Ps - Smoking while pregnant is probably not a good idea.



2.
again more advise that she is WAY past

3. I said what I did as politely as I could, because she said this:

"Anyway, I recently found porno movies he has hidden and 3 magazines. I went through some of them to see what it is that he seems to enjoy watching the most. I do feel bad for snooping but I was just trying to find a cigarette because he hides them from me."

That was not so long ago.

I assume we all know the consequences.

I know hes not cheating just because he is looking at porn. Just because he views nude imagines does not mean is he guilty of getting emotionally or in any way shape or form involved with another person. Last time I checked the definition for cheating is :



Cheating in a relationship has traditionally been viewed upon as an infidelity and disloyalty. At the core of this viewpoint of unfaithfulness is that a level of intimacy has been compromised and shared outside the relationship with a third person.

Theoretically cheating is anything inherently personal a mate shares with someone else who is not their partner.



So in his case where is the third person?For that matter where is the second. One man one hand one bottle of lube. Sounds like one man with self love doing what all men do. So he has some pictures to look at that does not mean he is being unfaithful. It means hes looking at pictures.

?? There's nothing wrong with a LITTLE porn. Am I the upity conservative.. And you KNOW he's not cheating? WOW... You're good. Cleo? Small medium at large.

Cheeseisme, There was part of this post that was deleted. You'd really have to read that part first to know the history of this drama to be able to see like we see. There's a LOT going on in this relationship that was in the original post.

Sorry, but it seems like you keep on going back and continue making the same mistakes. Once, twice, but five times, come on. You need to get your act together, and stop going down the same path. As a mom your kids need to come first. You've made some mistakes in the past, and usually a person learns from them. Stop blaming other people,and take responsilbility for your own actions. IT seems like you worry more about a man than anything else. Sorry but your priorities are all screwed up. Do something and get the help you need to get on the right track.

I believe I made a huge mistake in my threads including the situation with my children. My main focus here is my relationship. Two different threads merging brought two topics together as well.

It has taken me a long time for me to stop blaming myself for what happened to my kids. My dad never showed signs of being a sick pedofile, or his friends. Who by the way have families of their own. I knew them since I can remember. My dad was always there to help me with my kids so I can handle business and make a life for them. Now I know why. For someone to come in here and imply that I should have known is b.s to me. And hell yes I'm getting defensive over the whole thing. I wanted advice about my boyfriend and didn't ask for any about the situation with my kids. Not in this thread. But people just love to point out hurtful situations and rub it in peoples faces. Like I said MY MISTAKE, should've never been as open as I was. I'm done here.

I believe i made a huge mistake in my threads including the situation with my children. My main focus here is my relationship. Two different threads merging brought two topics together as well.

It has taken me a long time for me to stop blaming myself for what happened to my kids. My dad never showed signs of being a sick pedofile, or his friends. Who by the way have families of their own. I knew them since i can remember. My dad was always there to help me with my kids so I can handle business and make a life for them. Now i know why. For someone to come in here and imply that i should have known is b.s to me. And hell yes I'm getting defensive over the whole thing. I wanted advice about my boyfriend and didn't ask for any about the situation with my kids. Not in this thread. But people just love to point out hurtful situations and rub it in peoples faces. Like I said MY MISTAKE, should've never been as open as I was. I'm done here.

None of that dribble actually addressed the point of the posts since you were last here. The usual playbook for you. You are defensive and running. When are you going to change that? When are you going to drop the drama and focus on why the drama follows you? When will the excuses stop and the change begin?