Entire story merged

It seems bizarre to write this but I have been going through emotional turmoil since March this year. My boyfriend dumped me on my birthday. I was devastated, in denial and tried to get him to reconsider. I was unable to get out of bed for 2 weeks - it was my first period of serious depression ever. I called him incessantly, cried a lot and believed we were meant to be together. I stopped contact for one week and finally began to accept that we were over.
That's when he started calling me. He wanted to "hear my voice" and meet up to talk. We met up and he admitted that he had made a mistake. He told me he wanted me to be his and be happy. We got back together. I was extatic. All of those horrible feelings of rejection HAD been false - I was right all along, my feelings and love for him were validated.
I was expecting us to re-connect. For him to do something, show me a gesture supporting his words and intentions to make me happy. Instead - he was critical and down right horrible to me. We fought a lot and he acted like he didn't even want to be with me at all. At one point I was sitting on his lap to give him a kiss and he yelled at me- pushed me away and said "all you want to do is lie all over me".
He dumped me again - over the phone in July.
I was even more devastated this time - more so at myself. For what I let him put me through, for going through the humilliation again. Since then I handled the break up really badly. I didn't want it to be over. I felt that because I had given him a chance - He should have given our relationship one.
I have made it known to him how strong my feelings were for him. I called him -a lot. I emailed him. I basically tried to act as if he had never ended it.
I let him humiliate me by trying to talk to him in public. It even got to the point when I was out one night - I desperately wanted to see him and called him up - to hear him taking another girl home to bed.
I wish I could take back the obsessive behaviour I displayed after the break up.
It is what haunts me now more than anything.
My problem is - I can't seem to shed this one last stubborn ray of hope about a happily ever after coming out of this situation. My head knows that is ridiculous - how long does it take the heart to catch up?

Ive been through a similar situation and I let a guy treat me that way but you know you deserve someone who will love you and show you love in return. How can you allow yourself to love someone who mistreats you? That's the way that you need to look at it. When you start to have that feeling "oh maybe one day we'll be together" stop and think about all the mean things he said to you and did and soon you'll start to understand and one day when he'll pull one of his little tricks on you trying to act like he cares and you'll look at him in his face and say " pssh. Im sorry but your not good enough for me." Yeah it will take some time but the sooner you learn to love yourself and the sooner you see that you deserve a lot better the faster you'll get over him.

I think the best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself and forget about him. Keeping yourself busy distracts you from thinking about the break-up, him and everything that happened between the two of you. Do things like spend more time on a hobby, go out with friends etc. Wallowing in your own depression and self loathing will only make you feel worse. Maybe at this point you are not yet ready to go out and do these things but give yourself time, these things always need time. Just keep in mind, when one of these days you feel really really down and crappy and remembering the past, tell yourself not grieve over a relationship that has been long over and especially over a guy who did not deserve the loyalty and love you gave him. Learn from your mistakes and use the things you learnt in the next relationship that your decide to undertake.

Keep your mind busy. Don't think of him, or if you think of him think of how he treated you and humilated you.
Don't give him the staisfaction of running after him.
SOD HIM.
Be free from a guy who won't show an ounce of respect for you. You are better than that, always bare that in mind.

You said yourself your head knows its ridiculous so I think its about time you start listening to your head and take actions. Be strong and firm and don't let it happen again.

He hurt you twice.
Don't let there be a third time.

Concentrate on your goodself and self-esteem.

Thank you guys. He is seeing a new girl now. When I found out I was crushed. I really regret that I let him in to see how hard I was taking it. I let him see howmuch he had hurt me. I read a quote that really made me think "Would you love the truck that just ran over you?". I have been struggling to understand myself and how I could love him - even ater all of the pain he caused me and disrnespect he showed me. But as you say Scheris - learn from your mistakes. And I will never afford him the opportunity to hurt me again.

I am terrified of seeing him again. Of bumping into him after how pathetic I have been. And of seeing her and what she is like. Does everyone feel insecure when their ex gets a new partner? I just have this horrible feeling that she is going to be better than me at everything... guess that's really dumb and irrational.
Is it wrong to use this as motivation to be better?

Do NOT regret anything. I read a quote once that made complete sense :-

"Regrets are events from the past that come to haunt you in the present, dont let them effect you, but just learn from them and never repeat that mistake".

Do NOT regret anything. I read a quote once that made complete sense :-

"Regrets are events from the past that come to haunt you in the present, dont let them effect you, but just learn from them and never repeat that mistake".

That is so true.
What's done is done.
We don't get our time over so there's no point in thinking what if.

Precisely my point.
Forget it. You can't change nor control what happened in the past, but you are surely capable for controlling your present and future. That lies in your hands alone ;)

One HUGE question?? WHY ON EARTH DO YU WANT TO BE WITH THIS JERK EVER?? WHY??

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh!! He's horrible!!

He totally played wit hyour emotions over and over.

AND begging, needy, desperate - no one wants that.

Ever hear 'It's called a Break Because it's Broken' - you guys shouldn't be together - never.

I think you love the drama... even the pain.

Your lucky NOT to be with him.

Go find a new guy - concentrate on finding a good guy. Not a emotional abuser like this jerk.

Did I say how much of a jerk this guy is?

WC is absolutely right... being with a jerk or wanting a jerk makes you... a jerk! Its like a horse of a different color is still a horse, isn't it?
Think about that a little before you continue to complain. Get a bigger picture here. Learn the lesson. Find out why and how you were so able to play your part in this, otherwise you're really likely to do it all over again and get the same results. Lose every shred of thinking you have that's telling you "Its not MY fault!" That stands totally in your way now and needs to be dumped along with him.

End it, find your part, change it, get different results next time.

Great post Val.

Why do you want to walk that path knowing that he will treat you like the last booty call... oh did I jump to an conclusion... after all that is what he is hoping you to be the booty call.. if he is not able to find another... you are now the official booty... let him go... are you looking for another... just have fun for now... there are more drama out there so go get them girl... oh and remember leave the dog(perro) alone... it is his lost... bonita..

Thanks for being so honest. You guys are both right.
Wildcat 21 - I have heard of that book - do you recommend it?
This has forced me to have a good look at myself and the role I played in it. Every one is responsible - to an extent - to what they let happen to them.
I guess I was in some serious denial. And for some screwed up reason focusing on the good memories we had - rather than the horrible ones. I think it was too much for me to handle to actually accept that he was such a jerk and I let him be one - twice!
It really scared me that my character could change like that - become so weak for someone. And now my job is to re-build myself image - and stop blaming myself with not being good enough.

You made a mistake, good for you! (I mean it)
An opportunity to learn from it so that next time is better, you are better.

This is the journey of life. Don't compete with anyone but a better version of you.

You might want to look into what love is-- its not something that should make you weak, call for suffering or sacrifice or leave you blinded. That is for the fairytales and movies.

And you are very welcome -- always nice for us to have it so well received too.
Remind yourself that the reason any of us are good with advice here is (shhhhhh) we very likely made all these mistakes too!!

Today was a really hard day. I think writing all of this down opened some flood gates. I haven't cried over this in a while. A few weeks ago I was dealing with the pain by taking pain killers and anything else I could get my hands on.
He knows this - which makes me feel worse.
I'm worried Im obsessing over him - today I kept thinking of him having dinner with his family and his new girl - I imagined them all loving her and thinking she was so much better than me. I have been finding it difficult to sleep at night and I worry about bumping into the two of them constantly.
I'm sorry - I just needed to get this out. I know its all wrong. And your advice all really helped.
I am not in contact with him at all anymore. But he has a website and its like a temptation for me not to look at it.
I know he's my past but I really loved him and believed in us and turning that off seems to be so hard for me.

Its time for you to STOP thinking and imagining and concentrate on the realistic things in life such as your well being.

A few weeks ago I was dealing with the pain by taking pain killers and anything else i could get my hands on.
He knows this - which makes me feel worse.Oh I hope that has come to a screeching halt or you could be in for an even bigger world of hurt.

I'm sorry - i just needed to get this out. I know its all wrong. And your advice all really helped.Most of that we can't help with -- its your lack of discipline which often is part of bigger problems-- the type that I think usually takes professional help. Have you considered that?

I am not in contact with him at all anymore. But he has a website and its like a temptation for me not to look at it.
I know hes my past but I really loved him and believed in us and turning that off seems to be soo hard for me.Don't try to stop looking at his site cold turkey. Instead, when you are tempted, go look at a site about breaking up, self esteem, grief or other more valuable ones. I don't think you stop loving him either, but you certainly need to grow the love you have for yourself so its equal to or greater than-- that part is clear enough. So quit doing the same thing over and over right now by beginning to do something different in its place right now.

Val, I think you hit the problem on the head, this lady loves this guy more than she loves herself and as I reread this thread to be sure I think he was trying his best to get her away from him and finally had to resort to being cruel as a last ditch effort to get away. Your original question was how long does it take the heart to catch up with the head? Sometimes it's a long time. Do you have girlfriends? How do they react to the boohooing you do after the ex? Just curious as I really think you could benefit from some professional help or counseling for your emotional and obsesion issues. Good Luck.

PLEASE stop taking drugs as well. It only makes things 10 times worse - this could be the big problem. Drug addiction makes people despressed, needy, delusional, not face reality, unhappy - pleawse stop.

AGAIN - why on earth would you ever want to be with this jerk? And he is jerk.

O do think if your still feeling this way you need major professinal counseling - for yourself and for the drugs.

You need to love yourself first!!

I was always so level headed before this. I am totally aware that I let myself down and spiral into something beneath who I am.
I still don't believe that I deserved to be fukt around by this guy - he did play with my emotions and I know I never would have done the same to him.
I have completely stopped the drugs - they were deluding my sense of reality and probably sparked the obsessing in the first place.
I guess I was just in a lot of pain and tried to ignore/avoid it.
Yes I have girlfriends - I don't like to burden them with my problems. I only recently broke down and confided in my mum about it all - drugs included. That helped - a lot. To cry and show someone all of the thoughts that had been flying through my head.
I haven't been sleeping at night and when I do - grinding my teeth severely which makes me wake up tired and with a migrane. I think I am just totally run down atm and this is contributing greatly to the negative outlook I have had.

Positive steps I will take now: I am going shopping tonight - I want to start presenting myself in a more successful light.
I will join a yoga class - to ease the stress and anxiety.
And I will start reading some books on codependency - as I have a feeling I may be prone to being with guys who aren't good for or to me. Anyone have any recommendations?

I really appreciate the honesty in this faceless forum. It has REALLY helped me take another perspective on things.

Heyy

I went through a very similar situation as you. In April my boyfriend dumped me after 2 years- if you go back and read old posts from months ago on this site- you will see mine- they are very similar to yours. My ex was also emotionally abusive. He treated me terribly- even after we broke up he continuied to treat me like dirt. I let him- and that still makes me sick. When I think of the pathetic things I did to try to get him back I cringe too. The thing is when you are emotionally abused- the pain lingers- read up on emotional abuse online- because some people do not understand it- but if you haven't been through emotional pain from someone you loved, then its hard to comprehend. Its like we are addicted to the pain our ex gave to us- unconsiously of course. Anyhow search for emotional abuse websites and educate yourself on it. Like u, I couldn't let go of the thought that my ex might come back for me. Sometimes I still have a thought of it- but I know he has moved on- he doesn't have a new girl- but he's done with me... I tried every way to get him back- even to the point of driving by his house just to see if he was home. Its been about 6 months and I am still struggling. I am depressed at times, I have a hard time sleeping and I cry a lot. Everything reminds me of him. I talk about him incesantly. I drive people crazy at times. But in the 6 months I have come a long way. The people on this site are very helpful. I got a lot of amazing advice from them. I have no contact as well... and I still- 6 months later- I check his websites and things to make sure he's single, read about his life in his blogs to see if he misses me or even mentions me. Its pathetic but I can't help it. But I'm trying. Try to do what val suggested- go to another site- or I find that restarting the computer works for me because I'm too lazy to wait for it to restart. Anyhow that book "its called a breakup because its broken" is amazing- it really helped me- I recommend it 100 percent. And like everyone has told you already- take time for u- take time to be single- do not rebound- and remmeber its OK to cry but make sure that you don't stay stuck in the grief. Its OK to feel sad, but try and get out of the house and hang out with friends- its hard but it works. Anyhow, I'm right here with u- its an everyday battle but it will get better with time- if you need to talk you can message me :)

Kandy, I suggest the classic, Codependency No More by Melody Beattie and if that doesn't grab you... Women Who Love Too Much or if that doesn't... Healing the Child Within. It all depends on where you are in yourself awareness as to what will engage you. I can answer any questions that may come up about relationships, boundaries and balance.

I applaud your positive steps, but don't be tackling too much too, okay? Easy does it, especially with you right now. You don't ask the man with the broken legs to run the 100 yd dash, well we don't ask the woman with the broken heart to remake herself over completely in a week either.

My ex broke up with me 4 months ago. He now has a new girlfriend. I feel like I have made great strides. I rarely cry anymore, I haven't called him in weeks, I make an effort to go out and have fun on my own and am working towards setting goals for myself and my future.
A guy friend of mine emailed me yesterday to tell me he met the ex' new girl. He said she was lame, boring and had a superiority complex. He said she totally didn't fit in with his friends the way I had.
I know he was saying this to make me feel better - but it made me crash into smethng worse.
I don't know why but it still gets to me, maybe because I still have conflicted strong emotions for him. I know he no longer cares for me at all. I was in a car crash a few weeks ago, I msg'd him to tell him how scary it was - he didn't even reply.
Everyone says I shouldn't care - just be happy that its not me stuck with him anymore. I wish I could feel this.
Is there something wrong with me for still feeling conflicted after 4 months?
I also feel responsible for us not getting back together because I lost it totally when he dumped me - I begged, pleaded, cried etc. And now I read that all that does is push someone away.
Is it my fault?

You probably did push him away. You sound like you were doing pretty well as far as moving on is concerned. From now on, when someone mentions your ex, even if it's just "to make you feel better", respond with something like "If you don't mind, I'd rather not talk about that. Let's change the subject please." Get back to doing the things you were doing. Accept that it's over. It's a closed chapter in your life. Keep having fun on your own and working towards your goals.

Yeah keep heading in the direction you were going.

Continue not to contact him. And his mate shouldn't be saying those things to her. Don't respond to them, or as cianci said just politely say that you aren't interested anymore as you've moved on from him and don't really care.

It is over and it is time you realised that. Don't text him to tell him things like you did. Yes you were in a car crash and it was scary. But why tell him. He isn't part of your life anymore. You were only doing this to try and get a reaction out of him and you didn't. And it hurt you.

So learn your lesson. He has moved on, and whether she is good or not, it doesn't really matter.

Your main priority should be yourself right now!

It is over and it is time you realised that. Dont text him to tell him things like you did. Yes you were in a car crash and it was scary. But why tell him. He isnt part of your life anymore. You were only doing this to try and get a reaction out of him and you didnt. and it hurt you.

You are right. It freaked me out and the first person I thought of was him. A part of me hoped that he still cared about me, and he doesn't.
He doesn't miss me or think about me at all. He is happier without me in his life.
I just want to feel all of those things now as well. I want to be happy without him in my life, I don't want to miss him or think of him anymore.

It's bizarre how hard it is to destroy dreams you had about a life with someone you loved. Even when they hurt you, leave you, or betray you and your relationship. It's the dreams of the future that are always the last to die and the hardest to let go of.
I just want to believe the words "we just werent meant to be together" when I say them now.

I think now after reading this forum - I am lucky that this has happened to me.
I will get through this dark chapter in my life and will be a better, stronger person.
I really believe that if I can just get through this and be happy - I will have even more to offer myself and others.
Some people go through life only realising half of the potential they have in their person. I think surviving hardship and heartbreak are what separates those who are whole from those who have only half-lived.

Hi,

Well let m e say I feel for you. I'm going through a breakup with my fiancé 2 months ago.. No contact is gut wrenching but is really important.. I guess it is understandable that at first you begged and cried, after all, you were Heartbroken... This is not a game, you cannot always control feelings but limit others exposure to them.. I initially texted and called for the first week but then friends were telling me not to as it would push her away.. The best thing is no contact and to work on yourself and let him know you can survive without him, because the truth is, you can!

You never know, he may come back if you cease contact but it is best not to think like that but also remember that he left you, you were the one that was dumped for someone else! If you took him back, you would be second best, and that's not what you want to be.. You could do better and you will!!

In Time!!

Take Care!!



Is it my fault?


It's not your fault, sometimes things happen for a reason.. Look at it as a journey to the perfect partner who loves you as much as you love him..

I read the post again and it does seem like he has moved on therefore unlikely that he will return, so best to remain out of contact and work on you, and don't feel regretful for the begging and texting at first... You were hurt, we all do things we regret but you could use this as a positive by learning from it... At least he knew you loved him so much and if it ever happens to him, which is likely (what goes around comes around) he will then understand what you went through!!

That's the way I am thinking regarding my situation with my ex!

It's bizzare how hard it is to destroy dreams you had about a life with someone you loved. Even when they hurt you, leave you, or betray you and your relationship. It's the dreams of the future that are always the last to die and the hardest to let go of.
I just want to believe the words "we just werent meant to be together" when I say them now.

It is the end of the dreams that hurt, letting go of an expectation. But you must build other dreams, just not with him. Love and respect yourself, don't contact him, be kind to you. If this man came back tomorrow would you trust him? I think the answer would be 'no'. When you look at it this way, why waste time even thinking it?

There is nothing wrong with you at all. You are still moruning the death of a relationship and it still hurts. That is so natural and to be expected. It will go on for a while and you will have feelings for you ex... forever. The difference will be you will have the strength to deal with it much better, so hey, you had a bad stretch and you will get through it and be stronger for it. Keep building a life with out him. IT WILL GET BETTER.

Scary that these feelings will last forever for our lost love, but tal must be right as I have heard this many times, that you will always love your ex, may not hurt in the same way though... I think time is a great healer.. Only 2 months for me so still quite fresh. You can't really put a timescale on it because every person has a different emotional make up and different circumstances in the breakup, but I am giving myself at least 6 months but maybe longer..

I don't think that only time will heal.. You need to focus on finding yourself again, live life as if he does not exist, occupy your mind and enjoy being single...

This is the best advice I have been given, but I understand it is easier said than done but I hope it will get better for you..

I wrote this - it kind of sums up how I feel

Black + white areas

No hands have touched this skin
Hours and moons have passed
I refused the right to begin
To live and for love that will last
And the hours go by..
Restlessly contorting the body writhes
Lips part to release sweet sigh
Though hollowed emptiness comprises
Much of me at this moment
In time, space and memory
Oxygen deprived - I need a vent
Twist thoughts to be happily
Ever after - a life content
Now everything is dulled
And your mostly gone
Connections annulled
This emotion is wrong
Out of place out of time
But your face refuses to die
Stays etched in my mind
Overwrites logic deemed high
Crammed in with harsh reality
Your loving some other
Why do I care? No sense to me
So why do I bother
These demons tempt me
Tearing me inside and up
Now this glass is half empty
Once overflowing was the cup
I did love you once
More than you will know
Seeped into my conscience
Never ever again though.

My ex broke up with me 4 months ago. He now has a new girlfriend. I feel like I have made great strides. I rarely cry anymore, I haven't called him in weeks, I make an effort to go out and have fun on my own and am working towards setting goals for myself and my future.
A guy friend of mine emailed me yesterday to tell me he met the ex' new girl. He said she was lame, boring and had a superiority complex. He said she totally didnt fit in with his friends the way I had.
I know he was saying this to make me feel better - but it made me crash into smethng worse.
I don't know why but it still gets to me, maybe because i still have conflicted strong emotions for him. I know he no longer cares for me at all. I was in a car crash a few weeks ago, i msg'd him to tell him how scary it was - he didnt even reply.
Everyone says i shouldn't care - just be happy that its not me stuck with him anymore. I wish i could feel this.
Is there something wrong with me for still feeling conflicted after 4 months?
I also feel responsible for us not getting back together because i lost it totally when he dumped me - i begged, pleaded, cried etc. And now I read that all that does is push someone away.
Is it my fault?
I know how you feel, my ex used to work with me, and people in my work assume that when I don't go to some of the parties, that it is because he might have been invited there. It puts me in an awkward position as someone in my work was going to hire him for a job too, but I said I didn't want to see him if he came to my office, or speak to him. The thing is we didn't end on bad term or anything but if people mention your ex you don't want to look paranoid by saying I don't want to talk about it, but on the other hand, you would prefer if people didn't always talk to you about that.

I like what you wrote to sum up how you feel, it seems to help writing things down. What we are going through feels like a death, except the person isn't dead, they are getting on with life and I think this confuses us further.

You don't say why you broke up in the first place, sometimes it takes going back to the scene of the crime to figure out what happened. Many times, in retrospect, we find that things are not and were not always what they seemed. Maybe you might find that you were a little clingy or too needy of him and his time. Maybe he was not as close to you as you would have liked and your emotions pushed him farther away. I'm not asking you to dwell on the past, just be honest and real and it may give you answers. Those answers are often times keys to our freedom and allows us to move forward.

Feelings and emotions are normal, you're normal, what makes a difference is what you do with those feelings. They are energy, use them to push yourself in the right direction.

Lissen there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.. You loved him and its OK to still care for him even though some time has gone by.. I was in a similar situation.. but I learned that since I couldn't change the fact that he was gone to just deal wit it.. and to cope with the fact that he no longer wants me... it really hurt me and it still does... I just try not to think about him as often.. I don't lissen to songs that can remind me of him or like my friends talking about him.. and only time can help you in this... try dating and just getting him out of your head..

Carry on what your doing kandy, but now, you need 2 try and find a new partner... someone hoo you can rely on and will stikwitu forever.

Some of you may remember me from previous posts. Its been over 6 months since my boyfriend dumped me. (First time on my birthday - then begged to get me back - then did it again - his reason - we just don't get along) I recently found out that his new girlfriend is a girl he took me on a double date with before we broke up. She was with one of his friends at the time. This has made me realise how scummy he is. Firstly he didn't admit he was attracted to this particular girl, secondly - she was with his own friend!
It still hurts to think about but this new knowledge has really shed some light on the sort of person I was with.
Now anytime I feel I miss him - I just think about this - it helps a little.
Other than that I look better than I ever have. I am still being wary of guys but I think this time on my own has made me into a better woman.
I hope some of you benefit from my story - just know - sometimes these things really do happen for a reason. I am now ten time the woman I was previously.
'Be patient and tough. One day this pain will be useful to you'. Ovid.

It's amazing how different people can turn out, from what you thought they were like. It is quite scary actually.

<<I am now ten time the woman I was previously.
'Be patient and tough.>>

GOOD FOR YOU!!
Totally agree! I am getting to 10 times the woman I was previously also!
This heartbreaking stuff really toughens you up!

On a lighter note ! If I were ten times the woman I was the op would have cost me a fortune... lol.

Well done for realising this, sometimes evan when the truth about someone is staring us in the face, we do not accept it because we do not wish to see it !

Glad you have not done this, you have saved yourself an awful lot of hurt.

<<On a lighter note ! If I were ten times the woman I was the op would have cost me a fortune... >>

Ha ha good one! And don't worry onlineguy there are a few nice girls still around ;-))

<<sometimes evan when the truth about someone is staring us in the face, we do not accept it because we do not wish to see it !
>>

Exactly!

No contact is so great for this.

It still hurts to think about but this new knowledge has really shed some light on the sort of person I was with.

We are sometimes blinded and in denial of what really stares us in the face..

Love is blind> Sometimes.

I think you are right when you say that things happen for a reason, I hear many people say this who have gone through similar things as me and yourself and many, many others here and they quite often say the same thing. I am inclined to agree with them.


I am now ten time the woman I was previously.

Good for you Kandy83 and it shows that sometimes, these things happen for a reason and actually improve us as a person.

Isn't is amazing how we see through rose colored glasses ;) I'm glad this experience has made you a wiser person!

Over the past several months, I wish I knew then, what I know now, so to speak.:rolleyes:

Goodluck!

Just because your single is no reason not to have fun. Do you need a relationship to go on a date? I sure hope not.

Love is blind> Sometimes.
.
And Deaf And Stupid!!

Its good that you have seen what a scumbag this guy! Aren't you now glad you got away from this jerk before you invested more in him.

There are plenty more guys out there. Just date and have some fun. Nothing serious for a while. Time to think about you for a while and do what you want to do!

Thank you guys.

Yes some time on my own to figure out who I am is actually what I really needed. It feels amazing to realise that I am strong enough to be myself - by myself.
Sure dating is a possibility - but to be honest I have raised my standards considerably and no one around at the moment really makes the grade.

I just wanted everyone here to see that I was in such a bad way when I posted on here last year and now I am so much better. There is hope - I am proof.

Well done! You took some time out to grow and now you're all the better for it. I'm happy for you.

<<Yes some time on my own to figure out who I am is actually what I really needed. It feels amazing to realise that I am strong enough to be myself - by myself.
Sure dating is a possibility - but to be honest I have raised my standards considerably and no one around at the moment really makes the grade.
>>
Its actually amazing how time really does heal... I feel so much better now also!!
And time alone is amazing !

my ex broke up with me 4 months ago. He now has a new girlfriend. I feel like i have made great strides. I rarely cry anymore, i haven't called him in weeks, i make an effort to go out and have fun on my own and am working towards setting goals for myself and my future.
A guy friend of mine emailed me yesterday to tell me he met the ex' new girl. He said she was lame, boring and had a superiority complex. He said she totally didnt fit in with his friends the way i had.
I know he was saying this to make me feel better - but it made me crash into smethng worse.
I don't know why but it still gets to me, maybe because i still have conflicted strong emotions for him. I know he no longer cares for me at all. I was in a car crash a few weeks ago, i msg'd him to tell him how scary it was - he didnt even reply.
Everyone says i shouldn't care - just be happy that its not me stuck with him anymore. I wish i could feel this.
Is there something wrong with me for still feeling conflicted after 4 months?
I also feel responsible for us not getting back together because i lost it totally when he dumped me - i begged, pleaded, cried etc. And now i read that all that does is push someone away.
Is it my fault?
Girl no its not your fault what you fell to relize is that you was in love and he left you alone you didn't leave him. But he will relize what he had good but he want have as much fun now with the other girl he's with like he did with you so don't even worry about it because if it was meant to be he'll come back and want you but you got to be strong and let him know he can just pick you up when he want to. Let him know if he really want you prove it to you and but don't give in to quick I went through the same thing but my ex cheated and pushed me off over 3 times and it's the last time so no its not your fault believe me he gone come back

Ask a woman who is going through a long labor " when this will end?". It will end. You just need to go through it.

Here are some practical suggestions that worked for me.

Go on a vacation for at least 1 month. It has to be somewhere far away. It could be visiting some relatives in Switzerland whom you have not met for a long time. You could take your best friend with you if he/she is willing. Better go with "she" because of some obvious reason, a male will never understand your pain ( though I am a male ) . Make sure your transit/travel time is long and exhausting enough to give your whole existence a shake up.

Do it. It works like a magic. Better than magic!

Hopefully her heart has mended now,this was four and a half years ago.